


Blue gave it away

by Daichan795



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Cartoonz is the bestest of friends, Established Krii7y, Established ohmtoonz, Gen, H2OVanoss endgame, He'll kick his own ass, Jonathan ends up going to Pax, Jonathan hides his identity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Tags may be updated in the later future, The Author Regrets Nothing, confuse vanoss, confused feelings, eventual jealous vanoss, eventual protective vanoss, god he did it this time, he'll kick everyone's ass for delirious, mix of a chatroom au and normal story, only Cartoonz knows what Delirious looks like, real life delirious is a nervous wreck, someone help these boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-06-15 22:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 87,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15422721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daichan795/pseuds/Daichan795
Summary: PAX West comes rolling in and everyone is getting ready for it. Everyone except Delirious. He never once regretted his decision to keep his identity a secret, but when even Ohm was going to the event with his friends, he couldn’t help but feel a little lonely. However, all of that changed when Cartoonz forgets something very important in his car and Delirious is suddenly setting off on an adventure he didn’t want in the first place. Of course, the moment he gets there, things get even more complicated.A normal story with some elements of a chatroom fic





	1. Something Red

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing. This idea wouldn't leave me alone so I decided to actually do something about it and typed it out. And thus, this story is born. I'm kind of committed so this might be a long one folks! Not 100k long or anything drastic, I ain't that suicidal, but it will be longer than my previous stories. I'm going to be playing with a chatroom-like style so forgive me if the style is not in your taste haha.  
> I don't update as frequently as I should so bare with me please. As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! ^^  
> unbeta'ed so mistakes are my own.

_ New Chat room has been created by BasicallyImsexy. Default names have been set. Chat room has been titled: PAX HYPE BITCHES. Brian, Brock, Scotty, Smitty, Jon, Evan, Tyler, Craig, Lui, Nogla, Anthony, Ohm, Luke, and Delirious have been added.  _

**Brian:** what the fuck

**Brian:** why did you use our real names

**Tyler:** What the fuck is this 

**Marcel:** can’t y’all fucking read? It’s a new chat room for pax only, and it put our original names as default, if you actually checked your discord account it should still say your original name

**Marcel:** even though SOME OF YOU should really fucking change them

**Smitty:** FiGht Me Marcel, YEET is making a comeback and I need to make sure everyone knows.

**Scotty:** I like how Smitty assumed he was one of the people Marcel was talking about 

**Smitty:** YEET

**Craig:** Yeaaahhhh you tell them Smitty!

**Marcel:** you’re fucking one of them Mini! ‘Daddyseyelash’ is far worse than yeet

**Scotty:** ayyyee baby

**Craig:** HEY HEY

**Craig:** Are you saying I’m not daddy enough for you?

**Tyler:** Mini shut the fuck up you’re the least ‘daddy’ of all of us

**Anthony:** Idk man Craig’s been working out

**Anthony:** Also why am I here

**Craig:** THANK YOU ANTHONY

**Smitty:** yah Tyler, admit he’s daddy af

**Jon:** can’t admit when a guy is daddy af? What are you, gay?

**Smitty:** Pussy bitch

**Jon:** pussy BITCH

**Brian:** What the fuck just happened?

**Tyler:** I’m going to kick their asses when I see then, that’s what happened

**Marcel:** SHUT THE FUCK UP

**Marcel:** @Brock, I need your help

_ Brock has logged on _

**Brock:** Sigh

**Brock:** Yes Craig, you’re very ‘daddy af’ but Marcel is right, that username really needed to go

**Craig:** Awwww

**Brock:** And to answer your question Anthony, Marcel wanted to create a temporary group chat so we could coordinate everything for Pax West

**Brock:** That’s less than one week away

**Brock:** Oh, hey Brian :)

**Brian:** Hey :)

**Tyler:** Why does Brian only get a hi

**Anthony:** Thank you for the explanation

**Marcel:** ANYWAYS

**Marcel:** Where the fuck is everyone else

**Marcel:** @Evan @Ohm @Luke @Lui @Nogla @Delirious GET THE FUCK IN HERE YOU PIECES OF SHITS WE NEED TO PLAN AND GET HYPED

**Brock:** You’re in a swearing mood I see

**Marcel:** Sorry Brock, they just seriously stress me out sometimes 

**Scotty:** I got your back baby

**Marcel:** thanks babe

**Scotty:** :)

**Marcel:** :)

**Nogla:** my shiiipppss

**Nogla:** too bad ya straight 

**Marcel:** wtf Nogla

_ Evan has logged on _

**Evan:** what do you guys want, I was just about to record a video with Ohm and Nogla and my phone keeps blowing up

**Evan:** Oh

**Evan:** I catched up

**Evan:** uhh YEAH PAX HYPE

**Nogla:** YEAHHHHH

**Evan:** I was about to record for that reason haha

**Lui:** Speaking of recording, I have not posted any videos on my channel since forever

**Lui:** And I still get invited as an honoured guest haha

**Brian:** I’m not gonna lie, I’m actually bitter about that 

**Lui:** ;)

**Brian:** FUCK YOU

_ Ohm, Luke, and Delirious have logged on _

**Ohm:** yyyyeaah 

**Ohm:** hype train!

**Luke:** You don’t have to force yourself to be excited Ohm

**Ohm:** I’m not!

**Ohm:** But I am nervous since y’know...

**Luke:** Don’t worry, you know we got everything set up for the panel so only your voice will be heard

**Luke:** Nobody is going to see that pretty face of yours besides us ;)

**Ohm:** Thanks :) I can’t wait to meet everyone face to face finally

**Craig:** !!!!!!!!!

**Craig:** That’s right! It’s going to be the first time that all of us are going to be together!!! Ohm’s actually coming! That's definitely worth the hype!!! 

_ Smitty and Jon are typing… _

**Smitty:** YEET

**Jon:** yeet brothers 

**Craig:** I fucKING SWEAR YOU TWO

**Tyler:** well

**Tyler:** ALMOST all of us are going to be together

**Tyler:** It was almost perfect

**Luke:** I’m sorry

_‘Tyler’ has been put in TIMEOUT_ _for one minute_

**Luke:** Did you say something, Bitch?

**Marcel:** wait

**Marcel:** how the fuck did you do that, I'm the only moderator

**Luke:** I have my ways

_ Delirious is typing… _

_ Delirious is typing... _

**Delirious:** lmao wildcat is not wrong though. You didn't have do that Cartoonz XD

**Delirious:** sorry to disappoint you Mini but I’m not going this year either

**Delirious:** but proud of you ohm for deciding to go this time, I know how dificult that was to do

**Delirious:** *Difficult  :)

**Ohm:** Thanks :)

**Ohm:** That means a lot. 

**Mini:** Aww it's okay Delirious we understand 

**Brock:** That's right, just because Ohm is ready doesn't mean you are 

**Brock:** But have your phone with you at all times so we can fill you in on everything when we're at pax, okay?

**Delirious:** I will, thanks Moo :) 

_ Time out has ended for: Tyler _

**Brian:** Mama moo strikes again

**Brock:** I just want to make sure Delirious is included :)

**Luke:** Don't worry about Delirious, I will be updating him on everything so it will be like he’s actually there

**Tyler:** what the fuck 

**Tyler:** why was I put in timeout?! 

**Luke:** You're lucky that's all I did

**Luke:** BITCH

**Delirious:** XD

**Delirious:** leave him alone cartoonz

**Delirious:** welp I’m going to help cartoonz pack, make sure you hoes don’t have too much fun without me ;)

**Evan:** lol wouldn't dream of it

 

Jonathan watched as multiple replies of goodbyes filtered through the chat with a small smile, snorting out a laugh as Marcel and Brock tried to reign in the conversation after Nogla tried to start the hype again. He fiddled his phone between his fingers and leaned against his chair with a sigh, staring dazedly at the blank white ceiling. 

It’s that time of year again. The time where every gaming youtuber imaginable were getting ready for the grand trip to America for the gaming convention known as ‘PAX’. This year was especially special. Usually, only a quarter of the well known ‘Banana Bus Squad’ were able to attend together at the same time; either schedules or time zones getting in the way. But this time, EVERYONE was going. At least, in Jonathan’s group of friends. Even his friends from across the world managed to find time to come to the states and see everyone. 

Predictably, the fans were absolutely ecstatic when they found out (courtesy of Nogla who couldn’t keep his excitement in and boasted about it on twitter). And when they found out Ohm, the masked gamer himself, would be going as well, they went absolutely nuts. Tickets were gone on the first day they went on sale, within the first hour. Even the staff from PAX were surprised by the sheer number of people buying tickets, scrambling left and right to fix the website when it occasionally crashed from the multiple hits it received with each passing second. 

Needless to say, Jonathan’s friends were excited too. All of them in the same room, sharing one panel, and having three days to spend together without supervision? Oh, it was going to be insane for all the right reasons. 

Evan and Tyler planned everything out (with the supervision of Brock who had to veto them adding ‘getting fucking wasted at an abandoned parking lot’ from the list.). They managed to arrange their stay at the same hotel, and with the influence of Evan, on the same floor. Just the thought of the chaos waiting to happen after hearing the plan made Jonathan’s heart beat fast with excitement. 

Of course, that leads to the biggest problem. And that’s Jonathan himself. 

“I can hear yah thinking from here.” Luke grinned from the bed, prodding Jonathan’s side with his left foot. “I can actually see smoke coming from your ears.” 

“Shut up.” Jonathan laughed, swatting away the foot wiggling against his hip. “ I just...just -y’know…” He fumbled, waving his free hand unsurely in the air. 

Luckily, Luke understood what he was trying to say and sat up straight on the bed with a huff. His suitcase lied open next to him, filled up to the brim with folded clothes, accessories, and an assortment of colognes. “They understand, Delirious, they always do.” 

“I know.” 

“Then what are you worrying about, you usually become moody AFTER I leave.” Luke said teasingly, easily dodging the shirt Jonathan threw at him. He watched the man he saw as family rest his head on his arms, absentmindedly rolling the chair from side to side. 

“I don’t get moody.” Jonathan grumbled out. 

“Of course you don’t.” Luke snorted, eyes softening at the way his little brother drooped on the chair. He reached over and ruffled his hair, chuckling at the way the other half hearteningly tried to get away. “Did what Tyler said really bother you? Cuz I will kick his ass for you, I will gladly do it. I’ll even send you a video of me doing it.” 

“Don’t do that!” Jonathan giggled, giving up on escaping and allowed Luke to mess with his hair. He would be lying to himself that the warmth of Luke’s fingers threading through his hair didn’t feel good. He secretly liked it when he did that. 

“M’ not upset about that, what he said was true. It’s just…” he breathed through his nose, thankful that Luke stayed silent and allowed him to gather his thoughts. “Everyone is going to be there and-and-I’m not sure what to feel right now. I’m proud of Ohm, I really am! But I can’t help but feel...envious. He was able to be brave enough to actually decide that it was his time. He’s not showing his face to our subscribers, but still! He’s going to be there with everyone and join them on the panel and hang out at the hotel and to be able to do that much is awesome and crazy and I-I can’t even-” Jonathan cut himself off with a shaky breath, he rigidly sat up straight and repeatedly slapped his cheeks. 

He only stopped when Luke tugged warningly at his hair, smoothing his hand out on his head after Jonathan breathed again. “You don’t have to feel obligated to anything, Delirious.” Luke eventually said, voice smooth and strong. “You’re not ready to reveal yourself yet and the guys understand that. They also know to keep their damn mouths shut if you decide to not ever be ready.” 

Jonathan huffed out a laugh at that. “You really need to stop threatening them.” 

“They really need to stop being fucking stupid.” Luke bluntly said, making Jonathan burst into laughter. He joined in, finally taking his hand off Jonathan’s head in favour of closing his suitcase shut. 

“I know better than anyone that Ohm decision was not easy,” Jonathan started after his giggles subsided, “so I know it’s not fair of me to feel that way. I dunno, I guess I was feeling a little bit shitty.” 

“And that’s okay.”Luke easily said with a smile. “Now hurry up and actually help me pack, ya bitch.” 

Jonathan exaggeratedly groaned, but he did get up with a little grin, and that put Luke’s own worries at ease. Luke always had a mix feeling when PAX came around. It was first anticipation flooding through his veins for meeting with fans and walking the floor to see all the games on display. After, it would be joined with happiness of catching up with his friends he was only able to talk to over a screen. Then when those feelings ran its course, it was dulled during the process of getting ready for the trip. Because without fail, he would be reminded that Delirious will not be there. 

He was behind Jonathan’s decision to keep his identity a secret, he will always be on his brother’s side, but that didn’t stop his heart squeezing in sadness every time he looked out the window before the plane drove down the lane. Jonathan’s face would be blurred from the speed of the plane behind the large glass wall of the airport, but even that couldn’t hide the deep sense of loneliness etched in his large blue eyes. 

Luke set another bag on the bed and opened it, sending a glance at Jonathan who was going through the closet and chucking out shoes. 

He really didn’t want to sit in a window seat this time. Because he knew he wouldn’t be able to enjoy PAX if he sees those blue eyes watch him go. Not this time. 

Luke musing was interrupted when Jonathan’s phoned chimed. It chimed a good amount from where it was tossed on the bed, the light flashing with each beep. Curiously, Luke reached over and grabbed his own phone, raising his eyebrow when the only notifications he received were from his email and twitter. If it’s not from the group chat, then who was it? 

He returned his gaze to Jonathan as the other picked up his phone and blinked in confusion. “Who is it?” Luke asked casually. 

“It’s uhh, from Vanoss. He invited me to a private group chat on discord.” 

“Why didn’t he just text you?” Luke wondered out loud, but it didn’t look like Jonathan heard him. 

He accepted the invitation and leaned against the bed frame while he read the messages. A little smile formed on Jonathan’s lips, reserved and soft, making Luke’s curiousity grow. 

“What does the Canadian want?” He asked, not expecting Jonathan to hand over his phone. He scrolled down to the messages and instantly realised what made his brother happy.

_ A private chat titled ‘Our little corner’ has been created. Evan and Delirious have been added. _

**Evan:** Hey Delirious

**Evan:** Just wanted to let you know that Tyler realised what he said might have meant to you and says he’s sorry

**Evan:** And uhh I’m going to get a little sappy here but

**Evan:** This is not me trying to pressure you to come because I would never do that to you

**Evan:** But even with all of these idiots coming, it’s not going to be that fun, or the same, without you

**Evan:** Even though Moo already said it, promise me that you will message me from time to time during PAX, and watch the livestream of the panel

**Evan:** That way it will feel like you’re actually there :)

“Wow, I didn’t know Evan was like this.” Luke mused out loud, making Jonathan jump. “You see, Delirious? You have nothing to worry about. Especially if you have Mr. Prince Charming on you side.” 

“Shut up, he’s not Prince Charming!” Jonathan laughed, taking his phone back from a grinning Luke. “Evan is just...Evan.” He said quietly, that little reserved smile returning on his face. 

It felt like Luke was intruding on something and he looked away, the little wheels inside his head turning at his discover. 

“Well, uhh, hurry up and send him a message back. And if you throw my babies like that again, I’m making you carry all my damn luggage by yourself, you hear me?” Luke threatened, pointing at the shoes haphazardly piled up against the open bag. 

Jonathan grinned sheepishly, giving Luke a small nod before he sat down on the chair, his attention fully on his phone.

**Delirious:** I promise

**Delirious:** I want 

**Delirious:** I want to feel like I’m there too

“With you..” Jonathan whispered softly to himself, and if his fingers shook around his phone as he typed out the messages, then only he will know why.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

“You sure you got everything?” Jonathan asked as Luke was getting ready to board the plane. The flight attendants were making the last call for the flight and the duo barely made it on time to catch the last few people lining up to board. 

Jonathan fiddled with his hoodie, thankfully black as he would have been paranoid wearing anything blue in such a public place. People were more alert these days, especially since the whole PAX thing. If someone were to recognise Luke at the airport, they would have no problem putting two and two together the moment they see Jonathan. So, he yanked his hoodie closer to his head and stayed close to Luke, unnerved by the amount of people bustling about. 

The sound of the planes returning and taking flight were loud, the sound strong enough to barely pierce through the protective glass windows surrounding them. 

Jonathan hated airports. Not because of the crowd or a fear of heights, but because of… 

“Yes, I’m sure. What do you think I am, an idiot? I double checked everything during checkout and my PAX pass is safely in my suitcase under my shirts.” Luke reassured, adjusting the small bag over his shoulder containing his laptop and headphones. The line of people trying to board was shortening with each second and Luke breathed out a sigh, turning to regard Jonathan with kind eyes. “Keep your phone with you at all times, I’ll call you when I land and I’ll record anything I think you’ll like. Don’t forget to eat and take care of yourse-” 

“I got it, I got it! Jeez, this is not the first time I’m left alone daaaadd~. Seriously, I’m not a kid, Cartoonz. I can take care of myself.” Jonathan groaned out with a laugh, feigning offense at the way Luke’s eyebrows rose up. 

“This is the guy who called me at 3 in the morning asking whether or not you ate anything that day, as if I would have known?” 

“That was was one time!” 

Luke grinned as Jonathan huffed loudly, doing a great show of a child about to throw a temper tantrum. However, his exaggerated ‘anger’ cut short after someone got too close to his side and Jonathan immediately flinched, his fingers quickly clutching on to his hoodies’ strings and pulled them tighter. He let out a short ‘ah’ when the person merely passed him and got in line, his cheeks dusted light pink in embarrassment. 

Luke’s humour sobered up at the sight and he sighed softly to himself. “C’mere.” 

He reached over and pulled Jonathan into a deep hug, his chin resting on top of dark locks as he squeezed tightly. “Let’s get are goodbyes out of the way so you can go home. These three days will pass by quickly and them I’ll be back to kick your ass for not taking care of yourself or the damn house. Seriously, wash those damn dishes, ya nasty.” 

Jonathan’s laugh vibrated through his chest, making Luke chuckle. “Fuck you.” Jonathan said as he looked up, his face free from the anxiety it had a while ago. 

“Fuck you, too.” Luke said, letting go of Jonathan so he could ruffle his hair one last time. 

With that, he readjusted his bag and made his way to the now very short line, turning slightly to wave at Jonathan before he completely disappeared through the small corridor. 

Jonathan kept waving, even when the flight attendant packed up their things and went inside the corridor with the pilot. Twenty minutes passed before the plane finally began to leave it’s station, so Jonathan quickly took his place behind the glass wall, his eyes flickering with an unreadable emotion as the plane drove down the lane. 

He leaned against the glass to get a better view of the sky, a breath he didn’t know he was holding finally released at the sight of Luke’s plane ascending into the air. He didn’t move until the plane couldn't be seen anymore, it’s figure disappearing into the white clouds and blue sky. 

Jonathan didn’t like airports. 

Because he was always, always, left behind. 

He always had to stand in that little area and watch his friends and family leave. Alone. 

It was a surreal feeling that Jonathan got accustomed to, in a weird way it was comforting to feel the familiar feeling of loneliness settling in his chest. It meant that he still cared, that he still was not numb to the uneasy feeling, that he could still feel happiness fluttering in his chest when his loved ones eventually returned. 

So, Jonathan did what he always did. He stayed in his little corner and looked at the sky for a long time, for once unbothered by the people walking around him, until he knew he outstayed his welcome from the glances he got from security patrolling around. With a heavy side, he pressed his hand on the glass and wished Luke a safe trip one final time, before he turned around and made the trek back to his car. 

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket as he walked through the airport and he took a moment to take it out. It was the group chat Marcel made and a few of of his friends were texting. He opened his phone and clicked on discord, hoping he would not run into anybody as he read the messages.

**Brock:** On a flight with Tyler, Jon, Anthony, and Marcel

**Brock:** Send help, please

**Smitty:** LOL that’s what you get for thinking booking a flight together was a good idea. I get to ride with the owl man himself so first class baby

**Smitty:** I’m kidding, but damn I wish I wasn’t

**Smitty:** At least you get to fly with Jon, now that’s a plus on your situation

**Jon:** d’awwww

**Jon:** babbeeee

**Nogla:** yesssss my shiiipps

**Smitty:** Nogla, how the fuck

**Nogla:** ;)

**Jon:** shouldn’t you be getting ready for your flight?

**Nogla:** already done, just waitin fer Brian

_ Brian is typing… _

**Brian:** Kill me

**Brock:** Suddenly, my flight doesn’t seem so bad

**Brian:** Moo saaaaavveee me

**Brian:** All I’m going to hear the rest of the flight

**Brian:** Joooeee!!

**Brian:** Toooony!!

**Brock:** I’m so, so sorry for you

**Nogla:** what great friends I have 

**Luke:** The greatest

**Luke:** Anyways, I just got on my flight so I’ll be offline until I get the a-okay from the pilot

**Luke:** Even then, I don’t want to talk to none of y’all

**Scotty:** Y’all

**Marcel:** Y’all

**Luke:** :)

**Scotty:** I’m sorry

**Marcel:** Please don’t hurt us

**Luke:** :D

**Marcel:** STOP HAVE MERCY

**Scotty:** PLSSS

Jonathan smiled to himself at his friends antics, feeling the loneliness tug at his heart for a split moment. With a sigh, he shoved his phone back inside his pocket, realising that he had already made it outside. The cool air hit his face as he walked and he pulled his hoodie closer, taking this moment to pull out his car keys. 

The walk to his car was silent, his mind racing the whole way there. What will his friends do when they meet? What do they usually do? 

How...How does it feel to hug them, to hear their natural voice instead of the one through a mic? How does it feel to walk with them, to talk with them? To watch their face bloom from laughter at shitty jokes in person instead of from a screen? How? How? How? 

_ You’ll never get to know.  _ A voice echoed in his mind and Jonathan shook his head, scowling. Why was he getting sentimental anyways? He’s used to being left behind. He’s used to having to watch from the sidelines as his friends made memories together, counting himself lucky if they decided to share with him their adventures during recordings. So, why is this time any different? 

“You know why…” Jonathan mumbled to himself as he unlocked his car door and stepped inside. He leaned against the car seat and blankly at the ceiling. “I guess...I will wash the dishes when I get home.” 

Then...what? 

Wait around his room until Luke texted him that he landed in Boston? Busy himself with recording and editing until he gets the text? 

That’s what he usually did when Luke leaves for a convention. Jonathan never understands why he gets so mopey in the first place. It’s not like Luke lives with him or sees him every everyday. If Jonathan is lucky, he would see him every other week. 

So, Jonathan hates how...lost he feels when the other leaves. It makes him feel so weak. 

He sighs deeply, jiggling his keys into the lock cylinder. He didn’t want to think anymore. All he wanted to do was go home and distract himself, away from the blasted airport.

But before he turned the key into ignition, something bright and red on the passenger seat catches his eye. Curious, he reached over and plucked it into his hands, surprised when the thing had a long white lanyard attached to it. He pulled it closer to his face and inspected it, feeling dread pool into his stomach. 

It was a PAX pass. 

Not just any pass, but the one specially handed to creators so staff and security alike knew who they were. The one that allowed creators to have full reign in panels and the main floor of PAX. The one that can’t be replaced since they were specifically made for that creator. 

The one that  _ Cartoonz _ needed to have to even get through the door. 

“Shit.” Jonathan breathed, eyes growing wider and wider, “Shit shit shit shit shit shit!” 

He pulled out his phone and punched in Luke’s number, fighting the urge to bite at his sleeves as his anxiety started to build up. The call immediately went to voicemail and Jonathan cursed out loud, feeling panic settling in. 

Of course Luke would not answer, he barely went into the air just a few moments ago and probably had his phone turned off. Even if he did answer, what the hell did Jonathan expect him to do. Somehow convince the pilot to turn a whole plane around? Make Jonathan mail the pass to the hotel even though it will definitely not make it in time? 

Before he knew it, Jonathan was running out the car, barely remembering to lock the car in his haste. He stormed into the airport and ran around the first floor, searching frantically for the main desk. A few people stopped to stare at him but he paid no mind to them for once, even managing to ignore the ever watchful eye of security in his search.

Once he spotted it, he raced to the front of thankfully unoccupied main desk and slammed his hands on top of the counter, breathing raggedly through his mouth. The receptionist looked understandably uneasy, taking in Jonathan’s haggard state with nervous eyes.

“M-May I help you?” She stumbled through her words, obviously trying to make an effort to be professional. 

“I need to...to be in the earliest flight to B-Boston. It has to be today.” He managed to gasp out, using the counter to hold himself up. 

Her uneasiness appeared more clearly on her face. “The earliest flight to Boston would be leaving in two hours, but sir, I don’t think there are any more seats left. I can try to book you another flight that will be leaving early tomorro-” 

“Please!” Jonathan interrupted, uncaring how hysterical he sounded. “Please check if there’s any open seats! I’ll-I’ll pay anything...so please! It has to be that flight.” 

The receptionist bit her lips, unsure how to handle this. She hesitated for a few moments, her mouth opening and closing as if she was going to deny his request. 

But instead, she breathed deeply through her nose and turned to the side, typing away at her computer with such speed that Jonathan felt dizzy just looking at her. It was silent between them as she typed and scrolled through the files, Jonathan taking this moment to catch his breath. 

He released his hold on the counter in favour of gripping anxiously at his sleeves, praying with all his might that there was an open seat. “Please please please please-” He whispered under his breath, too silent for the receptionist to hear. 

She paused after a few minutes of looking. She must have found something. 

“You’re in luck, sir.” She said, her voice coming out stronger than it was before, “Someone has cancelled their reservation so there is indeed an open spot. However, it is a more expensive seat plus there will be an extra charge for such a short notice booking. Are you okay with-” 

Jonathan pulled out his credit card and slammed it on the counter, eyes narrowing in determination. “I’ll take it.” He said without hesitation. 

The reception, visibly startled, took the card with shaky fingers and started the transaction. He didn't so much as blink when the final total ended up being $463.65. 

The receptionist printed out the ticket and handed it over to him along with his credit card. “Here you are, thank you for choosing American airlines.” She said smoothly with a customer service smile, feeling at ease at finally saying something familiar and rehearsed. 

However, that feeling did not last long when she realised the ‘strange person’ didn’t leave right away. 

Instead, Jonathan reached into his wallet and pulled out two $50 bills. 

Her confusion skyrocketed when he held it out to her. “Uhh, sir, you already paid for-” 

“I-I-I know!” Jonathan interrupted her for the umpteenth time, wincing upon realising he’s been doing so. “This is for you, y’know as-as a tip, I dunno if you accept those uhh,” He stammered out, embarrassed from how much he’s stumbling. “I-It’s just, uh, t-thank you! For doing this for me. I know I was probably being weird and an ass and I know you were just tryin’ to do your job sooo…” 

She took the money into hand in surprise, touched at the gesture. “It was my pleasure.” She said quietly. 

Jonathan awkwardly nodded at her in response before turning around, holding the plane ticket protectively in his hand. 

“Um, Sir!” The receptionist called out suddenly. She looked around hesitantly around her surroundings, almost as if afraid to be caught, before looking at him with honest, open eyes. “Whatever the situation may be, I hope everything goes smoothly, sir.” 

Jonathan stared silently at her, surprised by the kind words. 

Then he smiled, soft and genuine. 

“Thank you.” 

Her face bloomed scarlet from his expression, but Jonathan was already running towards the exit, his mind racing with the all the things he needed to do. 

Get those damn dishes washed. Pack clothes just in case he couldn’t get a flight back to North Carolina the same day. Tape the pass to his damn jacket so he won’t forget it. Probably message Luke when he gets the chance. 

The moment he reached his car, he jumped into his seat and slammed the door shut, taking a moment to just breathe. He held up the plane ticket to his face, feeling what he just did wash over him. 

“What...did I just do? What did I just DO?!” 

Dread pooled into his stomach once more. 

Looks like he was going to Boston after all.


	2. Something White

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment Jonathan stepped onto the makeshift corridor, the weight of what he is about to do settled in his stomach.
> 
> Oh god, he’s actually getting on a plane.
> 
> Oh god, he’s really getting on a plane.
> 
> To fly to Boston.
> 
> Without anyone knowing he was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, I'm so happy with the response that I received for the first chapter that I got the motivation to write the second chapter right away. You guys are the best TT^TT I'll try to make you proud.  
> Because of the style I'm trying out, the pacing might be weird so bare with me haha. I'm planning to make this a slow-ish burn, not so slow that it will take over thirty chapters long, but enough to prolong the three days PAX takes.  
> Also, don't expect updates to be weekly. It does depend on motivation so forgive me. I will try to do my best to get the chapters to you quickly, though. Music helps a lot haha :D  
> unbeta'ed so mistakes are my own

The flight leaving to Boston was less than two hours. Jonathan did not have much time to spare. 

He sped through traffic without a care, for the first time in his life grateful for living near the airport. He was lucky that there were no police around because he was sure that he broke a few speeding laws in his haste to get home. The moment he parked in his garage, he raced into action. 

He barreled through his house and ran to his room, making a beeline to his closet. He picked up random clothes and threw them on the bed, uncaring what it was or if it fit him anymore. He did the same thing to his drawers and shoe rack, making a rather large and dangerous pile on his bed. 

It was only after he chuck a few pairs of underwear that he realised he needed to find a suitcase. Did he even own one? 

Clumsily, he skidded out of his room and jogged up the stairs to his attic. He fought down the uneasiness he usually felt when he was up there, the fear of his attic being haunted getting to him each time he went up there for something, and began to search around. 

Once again, things were thrown haphazardly left and right around the room, panic swelling up inside him with each item tossed. However, to his relief he did have one. The one his sister gave him when she bought a new one a few years ago. It was a raggedly blue suitcase that obviously had seen better days. It was covered in dust and strange white stuff, it’s straps around the handle tearing apart from old age. It was perfect. 

Because of how out of shape the suitcase was, Jonathan had to pack light. Without much thought, he chose; two shirts, another black hoodie, one pair of shoes, and a set of underwear from the large pile on his bed. The only other thing he put in the suitcase was his toothbrush, unsure what else he was suppose to pack. 

The last thing he did was put his laptop, passport and the PAX pass in a separate bag that he would be carrying with him. He placed the pass into the bag with care, not wanting to accidentally forget the sole reason he was flying to Boston in the first place. After checking multiple times that the pass was safely inside the bag along with his passport and ticket, he quickly jogged to his kitchen to wash the dishes, the nagging feeling to do them not once leaving him. 

He pulled out his phone and dialed an uber, requesting one that will take him to the airport as fast as possible after he realised he only has an hour left. Once the dishes were washed, his phone beeped, the uber signalling that they had arrived. With a sigh, he hauled the bag over his shoulder and picked up the suitcase with both hands, mindful of the weakened strap. 

The uber driver barely looked at Jonathan, their grip on the wheel was firm as steel, their eyes just as so. The moment he was settled in and strapped on his seatbelt, the car took off. Shocked, Jonathan gripped at his seatbelt, the uber driver remaining stoic as ever as they sped up, turning the wheel sharply with each turn they encountered. 

If Jonathan thought he broke a few speeding laws getting home, he didn’t want to know how much the uber driver currently was. At least it meant they knew how to follow directions. 

To Jonathan’s surprise, they made it to the airport in less than ten minutes, the uber driver doing a rather impressive drift into the parking lot and stopping perfectly in front of the main doors. Jonathan, rather dizzily, paid the uber and gave them five stars on his phone right in front of them, the driver smirking at him in a pleased way the whole time. 

With his bags and suitcase in tow, he made a dash into the main doors and jogged carefully around the people also trying to catch their flights. He didn’t need to look at the signs or ask for directions. After standing in that airport alone for so long all these years, there’s so much a person can look at while they waited for their friends to take off. He only had to take a look at his plane ticket to memorise the Gate number and his seat before he securely placed it back into the bag, biting his lips nervously when he came up to security check. 

It was the first time he ever had to go through one, he only ever watched Luke go through the check before he followed him to the corridor where they said their goodbyes. While he was positive he knew what to do, he still hung back and allowed people to go first, taking careful notes on where to grab the box for items and where to stand when they used the metal detector. 

Once he was more comfortable, Jonathan stepped through and placed his bag and suitcase on the conveyor belt, hopping dramatically on each foot to get his shoes off. He almost tripped getting the last shoe off, catching himself in the last second before he knocked the person in front of him into the metal detector. He laughed sheepishly to himself, feeling his cheeks grow warm in embarrassment as he offered an apology to the man he almost tackled over. The security did a good job keeping their amusement to themselves, one of them walked forward and asked Jonathan if he needed help with a smile. 

Shaking his head, Jonathan thankfully managed to go through security check without another incident and he grabbed his things quickly, only stopping his haste to place his suitcase onto the conveyor belt transporting the luggage to the plane. To his relief, he made it to the Gate on time and gave his ticket and passport to the flight attendance. The flight attendant gave him a cheerful smile as she handed back his items, wishing him a safe flight before greeting the next person. 

The moment Jonathan stepped onto the makeshift corridor, the weight of what he is about to do settled in his stomach. 

Oh god, he’s actually getting on a plane. 

Oh god, he’s  _ really  _ getting on a plane. 

To fly to Boston. 

Without anyone knowing he was going. 

The only reason Jonathan didn’t have a panic attack right there was the knowledge that people were behind him, also waiting to enter the plane. So, with his fingers gripping tightly around his bag straps, he rigidly walked into the plane, mumbling a short hello at the cheerful greeting from another flight attendant. He awkwardly walked down the isles, watching carefully for his seat number. 

To his surprise, he was sitting close to the front, the seat itself looking plush with plenty of legroom. Well, the desk lady did say it was a more expensive seat, maybe this is what she meant. He shuffled into the seat and placed his bag carefully down, before leaning against the chair with a heavy sigh. 

Without looking, he reached over and pulled the blind down over the window. He was by no means afraid of heights, but with how frazzled and jumpy he was at the moment he really didn’t want to take the chance. 

He spent the next few minutes fumbling with his seatbelt, never before seeing such a contraption like it. “What the fuck is this?!” He grumbled rather loudly, flushing red when a few people turned and looked at him pointedly. He succeeded after the millionth try, letting out a quiet, “Yes! Finally!” in victory. 

The final people trickled in and Jonathan awkwardly placed his bag on his lap when his ‘flight partner’ sat besides him. They were fairly young, perhaps around their early twenties. Already they had headphones over their head and a phone in their hand, thumbing through music. 

It broke Jonathan’s pride when his partner fastened their seatbelt without breaking a sweat, moving their phone from one hand to the next to accommodate the seat belt before returning to scrolling. 

Curse them. 

Then the moment came. 

The pilot went onto the intercom and said the rehearsed introduction, welcoming the passengers to the flight and went through what they were going to expect. Jonathan half-heartedly listened to the flight’s attendance instructions in case of an accident, muttering, “Thank fuck,” under his breath when he noticed he was not near an exit and therefore would not be responsible in case something happened. Hopefully, nothing happened. 

After a few minutes more of explanation, the plane finally began to leave the Gate and roll down the lane. Jonathan hugged his bag closer to his chest and closed his eyes, his heart jumping when he felt the plane pick up speed. He clenched his teeth at the lift off, it started off unstable as the plane tried to get off the ground before it descended into the air at an angle. He peeked at his surroundings once the plane felt like it was stable, now flying straight and smoothly. 

The seatbelt signal flashed at the top of their seats but Jonathan would be damned if he’d take it off and ruin his effort to put the blasted thing on. His partner, curse them, took it off without so much as a thought and continued to fiddle with their phone. They must have had music already downloaded in their phone because the pilot informed the passengers that they are free to use their devices but WiFi is limited once the plane reaches a certain altitude. 

So, Jonathan begrudgingly took out his own phone, wondering briefly if he had any music downloaded. That was a no. 

He pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. Great. Well, he guessed his only options were to sleep the whole way or find something else to do to wait the full two hours. He thumbed over his apps disinterestedly, hovering hesitantly over his messages. 

Luke must have landed by now. 

The flight from North Carolina to Boston was less than two hours and that time already passed. Jonathan remembered that Luke promised him that he would call once he gets to his hotel. Now that he is in the air, Jonathan was unsure if he would be able to receive the call. Hopefully, Luke will think that he was asleep or is busy recording if he doesn’t answer in time. 

The last time he didn’t answer (he forgot to charge his phone) Luke threw hell over discord and all but trapped Jonathan into a headlock the moment he returned home until the other promised not to forget ever again. Needless to say, Jonathan has learned to keep his charger with him at all times. 

So, with uneasiness still running through his veins, he got comfortable in his seat and placed his earphones into his ears. Might as well stream terrible music in terrible quality to pass the time. 

The only worthwhile thing was that while he was getting comfortable, he managed to catch a glimpse at his partner’s phone case. It was an H2O Delirious phone case, one that specifically sold at his merch store. 

An unknown feeling surfaced in his stomach. 

Something light and warm. 

His plane partner was a fan. 

Jonathan flushed from the discovery and pulled his hoodie closer to his face. He couldn’t stop the smile spreading from ear to ear. 

He changed his mind. His partner was the greatest person ever.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Jonathan’s phone went crazy the moment he stepped foot out of Boston’s airport. It ranged loudly and distractedly in the strangely quiet parking lot. He walked to a more secluded place and put his suitcase and bag under his foot as he took out his phone, not taking the chance of getting rob blind by some asshole. 

He only had time to unlock his phone before it beeped angrily at him. Now that there was a clear signal, it began to receive all the miss calls and messages at once, causing his phone to go crazy in his hands. He first clicked on the discord messages, not having the nerves to click on his direct messages just yet. He didn't have to click on it to know that all of them were from Luke. 

At least on discord, he was protected from Luke’s pride to not show his dramatic side in front of the others. 

In direct texts, there was nothing holding him back, and Jonathan was sure he needed to prepare himself before he read  _ those _ .

 

_ PAX HYPE BITCHES (3:15pm) _

 

**Marcel:** what up bitches

**Marcel:** your king has arrived

_ Smitty is typing… _

**Smitty:** A king? Hah. Pathetic.

**Smitty:** Well, guess what Bitches, I just landed too

**Smitty:** Your GOD has now arrived

**Anthony:** OHHHHH SHIT

**Anthony:** Welcome, my Lord

**Jon:** damn

**Jon:** marcel how did it feel to get outplayed?

**Jon:** by a GOD no less

**Marcel:** shut the fuck up Kyroz I didn’t get ‘outplayed’

**Marcel:** FUCK YOU SMITTY

**Smitty:** LOL

_ Brock and Nogla have logged on _

**Brock:** Really, Marcel? We just got to the hotel and you’re already picking a fight with Smitty? 

**Brock:** :(

**Nogla:** oh shite, Brock just put a frowny face.

**Nogla:** Ye done it now

**Marcel:** WHAT

**Marcel:** Brock I didn’t do anything, it was Smitty who started it, I swear

**Smitty:** Nahhh, that doesn’t sound like me :/

**Marcel:** HE LITERALLY ONLY HAS TO SCROLL UP

**Smitty:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Marcel:** WAIT UNTIL I SEE YOU MILKBAG

**Smitty:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_ Luke, Evan, Lui, and Brian have logged on _

**Brian:** Nolga wtf

**Brian:** Get yer fucking ass back to security check

**Brian:** I thought you were going to the bathroom, not commenting on what face Brock typed out

**Nogla:** srry

**Brian:** smh

**Brock:** Oh, you’re about to go on your flight?

**Brian:** Yeah, so we’re going to be offline for a while

**Brian:** Fucking America

**Brian:** Have to fly NONSTOP for SEVEN FUCKING HOURS

**Brian:** WITH NOGLA OF ALL PEOPLE

**Nogla:** wow

**Nogla:** fuck you too 

**Brock:** My condolences

**Nogla:** :( :( :(

**Brock:** Haha I’m sorry Nogla, I’ll stop. Hope you guys get here soon. It’s too American here, we need a bit of Irish to even it out

**Brian:** On our way

**Nogla:** :)

_ Brian and Nogla have logged off _

**Evan:** Is Canadian not good enough for you?

**Brock:** Too maple syrup-y for my taste

**Evan:** wow

**Smitty:** Wow

_ Luis is typing... _

**Lui:** Hahaha someone just gave me a free coffee because they recognised me. And it was a good one too

**Lui:** And I literally just landed lmao

_ Brian has logged on _

**Brian:** OF COURSE THEY WOULD FOR THE ONLY PERSON THAT DOESN’T UPLOAD

**Brian:** FUCK

_ Brian has logged off _

**Evan:** wow

**Evan:** That was amazing. Lui how did you summon Brian like that

**Lui:** Honestly, idk :O

**Luke:** Who knows, who cares

**Luke:** Snowman @Evan tell me where you at so I can get my room key

**Luke:** I need to put my stuff down so I can call Delirious

**Luke:** @Delirious I’m here by the way

**Evan:** OMW

**Smitty:** @Jon I’m on my way to see that ugly face of yours. I have snacks and shitty videos to show you

**Jon:** god, you know what to say to get me hard

**Brock:** :(

**Jon:** suddenly, I’m flaccid

**Smitty:** HAHAHA

Jonathan winced at Luke’s message, feeling fear trickle down his spine. From the angry red bubble over calls, Luke definitely had called him multiple times while he was in the air. He swiped over to his text messages and steeled his nerves.

_ (3:43pm) _

_ Hey Bitch boy I landed, answer your phone _

_ (3:59pm) _

_ Deliriouuuuusssss _

_ (4:05pm) _

_ I know you have your damn phone with you, answer me _

_ (4:21pm) _

_ What the fuck are you doing, taking a shower? _

_ (4:48pm) _

_ ANSWER YOUR PHONE DIPSHIT _

_ (5:14pm) _

_ You better not be asleep I swear to god _

_ (5:50) _

_ :D _

Chills ran down Jonathan’s spine at seeing that smiley face. It was as if he was staring into the pits of hell at Satan himself. How Luke managed to do that with an innocent emoticon was beyond him. He honestly thought that emoticon will haunt his dreams for the next few days. 

Well, now or never. 

Without thinking, he pushed Luke’s name on his contacts and held his phone to his ear, praying that his best friend was not too angry. 

Luke answered on the first ring. 

_ “WELL, LOOK WHO’S ALIVE.”  _

Jonathan visibly jumped at the tone, scrambling to hold his phone in place. He was thankful that the corner he chose to wait in was empty.“Ah, h-hey Cartoonz! How was the fli-” 

_ “Don’t ‘hey Cartoonz’ me. Didn’t I tell you that I was going to call you? What was so important that you didn’t answer even after I called you FORTY TIMES.”   _

Jonathan wishes he was exaggerating. It was over forty-three missed calls. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Something came up and, uhh, the thing that came up messed with my phone signal.” 

_ “...What?”  _

Jonathan didn't need to see his face to know how unimpressed Luke was. 

_ “That ‘something’ better have been you fucking dying or I swear Del, there will be hell to pay.”  _

“H-Hell to pay, right.” Jonathan repeated nervously. “Hey. what was that Hotel’s name again? Oh, and your room number?” 

It went quiet on the other side and Jonathan played with the hems of his sleeves to distract himself of how nervous he was. 

He heard a deep sigh from the other end,  _ “Delirious, don't change the subject. You really gave me a panic attack when you didn’t answer. A few missed calls, I understand. Annoying? Yes. But I still understand. Forty fucking missed calls? That makes me imagine things. I’m might be sounding ridiculous but I worry about you, you dumb-ass. You're the damn reason I'm getting white hairs, you fuck.” _

Jonathan’s nerves subsided at hearing how frustrated and worried Luke really was. He knew that Luke was going to be angry at him for not answering, but he didn’t think about why. If it was the other way around, Jonathan would have went crazy with worry over Luke. Besides his sister, Luke is all he has left. If something happened to him, then… 

“...I’m sorry…” His voice came out softer than what he meant it to be and he clenched at his sleeve more tightly. 

Another deep sigh came through, sounding both exhausted and relieved.  _ “I know you are, Del. I just wanted to make sure you knew how much of an idiot you were...but I’m glad that you’re okay.”  _ There was a sound of Luke shuffling in the background before he spoke up again, voice free from anger.  _ “Anyways, why do you even want to know the name and room number? What do you need it for?”  _

“Oh, you know!” Jonathan spoke up, nerves returning once the conversation went back on track. “Just in case on of the guys ask me, o-or when Ohm eventually forgets and texts me instead of you what his room number is?” He cringed at his own explanation. He didn’t really think of a more believable one, he’s just making shit up as he goes along. 

To his disbelief, he heard Luke chuckle.  _ “Yeah, that does sound like Ohm. He would forget his own damn ass if he didn’t think about booty 24/7.”  _

Jonathan couldn’t stop the snort spilling out of his mouth. It really does sound like Ohm. 

“ _ The hotel is called ‘The Godfrey Hotel’ and the room number is 102 on the 8th floor. Though I doubt you need to know that, haha. All of us are going to be on the 8th floor so Ohm just has to follow one of us and he’ll eventually find the right room.”  _

Perfect. 

“W-Well you never know with, uh, Ohm.” 

_ “True.”  _ Luke mused. 

“So, uhh, I have to go for a bit, b-but I’ll talk to you in around-” 

_ “What the hell do you mean?”  _ Luke interrupted, some of his anger returning in his voice.  _ “I just got a hold of you and you already want to hang up on me? Not on my watch, asshole.”  _

“S-Sorry Cartoonz, but I do really have to go. But, trust me when I say that we will have plenty of time to talk in around 15 minutes.” 

It went silent on Luke’s end. Jonathan could picture the pinched face the other is making in confusion. He would have laughed at the image if he wasn’t so nervous at the moment. 

_ “Ugh, fine Delirious. 15 minutes. I’m going to be watching my damn watch, and if I don’t get a call by then...”  _

The ‘:D’ emoticon flashed in Jonathan’s mind and he immediately reached down to grab his bags in fear. 

“Uhhh o-okay! Bye!” He hung up before Luke finished his threat. 

After breathing deeply for a few seconds to calm his nerves, he slung his bag over his shoulder and held his suitcase protectively in front of his chest. Now determined, he returned to the main parking lot where the abundance of taxis gathered to pick up tourists and visitors. He successfully hailed a taxi after his third try and got into the passenger seat quickly. 

“Hi, uh, may you take me to The Godfrey hotel please?” 

The taxi driver glanced at him with a nod, the grip they had on the wheel tightening. The driver had sunglasses on but Jonathan could still see a familiar glint in their eyes. The same glint that the uber driver had. 

He hesitated, “A-As fast as you can get me there?” 

The taxi driver smiled at him. 

And the glint intensified.

 

-

 

Jonathan clumsily entered The Godfrey hotel and took a moment to lean against the wall to stop the little vanoss owls dancing across his eyes. The taxi driver managed to get him there in six minutes. It should have taken fifteen.

Loss of vision and a generous tip later, Jonathan has finally made it. 

The hotel itself was as grand as he imagined it to be. White columns reached to the ceiling, glass sculptures and white tables in every corner, a crystal clear chandelier hung over his head; everything was so clean and white. It was bustling with life, workers moved left in right to deliver bags and other items for guest, while more people came in through the glass doors and went in to the lobby to check in. 

He was sure that it was more crowded than usual because of PAX, creators and staff alike were coming early to check in and get ready for the convention. Jonathan was sure that if he took his time to observe the guest moving around, he probably would have recognised a few of them. 

However, he was on a mission. 

Once he catched his breath, he steadied himself on the wall and held his bags high. Then he walked. “Act like you belong, act like you belong, act like you belong, act-” He muttered under his breath like a mantra. 

He walked past the main desk and the fancy columns. He walked past the highly expensive glass sculptures and the Bel-boys pushing carts of luggage. He walked past the bustling people and the many guest occupying the lobby. 

He walked until he reached the main elevators and entered them steadily, not making any contact with the people joining him. A few looked at him questioningly, probably because he had his luggage in hand, but he ignored the looks and simply pressed floor eight silently. He kept his posture as small and rigid as possible, thankful that he remembered to pull his hood over his head, successfully covering his hair and most of his eyes. Maybe they were also glancing at him because of how shady he looked. 

To his relief, most of the people in the elevator left as they went up the floors. He was alone when the elevator reached the 8th floor. 

The doors opened and he peeked his head out slowly, wary about who he might see. It was empty. 

Once he was sure the close of was clear, he squared his shoulders and walked silently into the hallways. His heart beated wildly in chest as he scanned for Luke’s room number, ever so often jumping out of his skin when he heard a random noise. He was too paranoid, knowing that some of his friends were already there, probably relaxing in their rooms. He doesn’t know what he’ll do if he suddenly catched them in the hallway. He didn’t want to think about it. 

Finally, in what seem like ages, he found 102. How nice of it to literally be at the end of the hall. 

He stood dumbly in front of it, the determination he had before completely abandoning him. He’s here. Oh god, he’s actually here. What the hell is he going to do now? 

“Okay, breathe. Breathe. It’s just Cartoonz. Explain what happen, stay at his room for the night, and then immediately catch the next plane home. Easy! Man, Delirious, you’re such a genius.” His pep talk did litter to calm his heart but it was better than nothing. He repeated the plan over and over in his head before he gathered up the nerve to hold up his left hand in a fist, inches away from the door. 

Knock. All he has to do is knock. 

“C’mon, c’mon. Don’t be such a bitc- AHH!!” He covered his mouth to muffle his scream at the sudden sound of his ringtone. Once he realised what it was, he reached into his pocket and pushed ‘answer’, frantically shaking his head left in right for someone to open their door and check on what the noise was about. 

So far, nobody has. 

Still frazzled, he lifted up his phone and rested it against his ear, “H-Hello?” 

_ “It’s been 15 minutes. And you didn’t call me.”  _

Jonathan could faintly hear Luke’s words from the door as he said that. Luke was really there. 

_ “So…?”  _

“I never said that I was going to call you. I told you that I was going to talk to you in 15 minutes.” He said softly, still wary for the people that could be around him. 

_ “How the hell were you going to talk to me without calling me? Morse code? Smoke signals? Oh I know, those plastic cups with the strings attached to them. Come the fuck on.”  _ Jonathan flinched at how annoyed he sounded. He could do this. He could do this.  

“Cartoonz, open your door.” 

_ “What?”  _

“Open your front door.” 

_ “Delirious, I don’t have time for your games-”  _

“Luke.” Jonathan said firmly, silencing Luke. “Open your door for me. Please.” He heard shuffling from the other side of the door, quiet and hesitant. 

_ “...No way…” _ Luke’s voice on the phone now echoed in sync with the voice behind the door. 

Violently, the door swung open and Jonathan forced himself to stay still. He made eye contact with his brother, his finger slowly reaching to his phone and clicked ‘end call’. Luke was openly gaping at him, his hand holding his phone slacked beside him. 

“No way… Delirious?” Luke said in awe. 

Jonathan nodded, feeling a smile slipping onto his face. It may have been only a few hours since they had seen each other, but he was really, really happy to see Luke again. 

“Special delivery!” He said awkwardly with a laugh, holding up his bag towards Luke’s face. 

But Luke ignored the bag in favour of grabbing Jonathan’s shoulder and shoved him inside the room, the door closing behind them with a loud bang. 

“What the fuck?!” Luke screamed, shaking Jonathan’s shoulder. “How-wh-why the fuck are you here?!” 

Jonathan would have replied if the shaking wasn’t so violent. 

“Did you fly here?! Deliriousssss~!! Did you wash those fucking dishes?!!” 

“O-O-Okay, Cartoonz! S-Stop s-shaking me p-p-please!” 

Luke got the hint and he let go of Jonathan’s shoulders, only offering his arm to help Jonathan steady himself after realising how dizzy the other was. 

The vanoss owls were back, and there were more of them. When did they get cute handkerchiefs around their necks? 

“Delirious, focus.” 

“R-Right, sorry.” 

He reached into in his bag carefully after the owls disappeared and unzip the secret compartment, wary of Luke watching his every move. His fingers looped around the lanyard and he lifted it up, watching in satisfaction as Luke’s eyes got wider and wider. 

“Yeesss, I washed the dishes! It’s the first thing I did. Then I bought a ticket and flew here, which, now that I think about it, was really terrifying, how the fuck did I do it?!” He paused, the lanyard dangling feebly between them. “All so I can come here to Boston and give you your PAX pass, that you left in my car, Mr. ‘I’m not an idiot, I wouldn’t forget anything.’” 

He held out the pass between his fingers, lifting his eyebrow expectantly at Luke. Who hasn’t stop gaping at him. 

With wide eyes, Luke took the pass into his hands, becoming more and more mortified with each passing second. “...Oh my fucking GOD.” 

His sudden shout startled Jonathan. 

“I can’t believe I was so fucking stupid to leave this. I mean, really?! Nobody can fuck up this bad, goddammit. And you came all the way here to give this to me...” Luke’s eyes widen furthered, much to Jonathan’s surprise. “Oh my god, you came all the way here to give this to me. On a plane?! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” 

Luke reached over and pulled Jonathan into a hug, surprising him even further. “You actually flew on a plane. Jesus Christ, this is why you didn’t answer your phone, huh? Fuck, how shitty can I be. I’m so sorry I put you through that.” 

Jonathan shook his head, “N-No, it’s okay! I know how important this is and I was okay to do this-” 

Luke pressed his head on his chest and hugged tighter, “Don’t pretend, I know how uncomfortable you are at airports. And you not only faced your fears, you bought a ticket and came all the way to fucking BOSTON, for me. So, let me feel shitty because I deserve to feel shitty. Goddammit, Jonathan.” 

Upon hearing his name, Jonathan looped his arms over Luke’s neck and relaxed into the hug. He relished in the comfort it brought him. He didn’t realise how much he needed a hug until that moment. 

He’s here, he’s really here. 

He was able to give Luke his pass back. He actually did it. 

Exhaustion gripped at his limbs so he leaned his weight against Luke chest, who had no problem holding them up. 

“So, what are you going to do now?” Luke asked quietly, resting his chin on Jonathan’s shoulder. 

Jonathan hummed, “Mmm, I’m going to hide in your room for the night and go home tomorrow. Before you leave to the convention.” 

“You managed to get a flight home the next day? I didn’t know that was possible during PAX.” Luke asked in surprise. 

Jonathan furrowed his eyebrows and pulled away from the hug. “Yeah, here, look.” He reached for his bag and pulled out his plane ticket, handing it confidently to Luke, “It says so right there.”

Luke held the ticket up and read it silently to himself. 

And then blinked. 

After the third blink, Jonathan began to feel nervous. 

“Uhhh, Delirious?” Luke said suddenly, looking up at him unsurely, “You’re on the same flight as me. Which is leaving on Wednesday, not tomorrow.” 

Jonathan’s jaw went slack. 

“Wait, what?! Let me see that!” He snatched the ticket and read it for himself. Then again. Then again. No matter how many times he read it, it still said the same.  

Luke was right. His flight was scheduled for Wednesday morning, not tomorrow, Friday morning. Crap. 

“Crap, crap, crap!” Jonathan swore, his fingers shaking around the plane ticket. “M-Maybe I can fix this! Y’know, like, call them and book a flight tomorrow. I can do that, right?!” He spun his head to look at Luke in assurance. He can still get a flight to North Carolina tomorrow, right? 

Luke crossed his arms and sighed, troubled about what he was about to say. “Actually you can’t.” 

“Why not?!” Jonathan asked desperately. 

“I checked flights all through last week, remember? I can tell you with confidence, there’s no flight to North Carolina until Tuesday night, a day before I’m scheduled to leave.” 

“I-I don’t believe you!” Jonathan hissed, sounding a little bit hysterical. 

Luke sighed, “Call them then. Check for yourself.” 

He did just that. And they told him the exact thing Luke said. 

After a few minutes of futile arguments, Jonathan collapse on the plush couch and covered his face with his hands, groaning loudly. Luke sat next to him, swinging his arm over so it rested under Jonathan’s head. 

“What do I do, Cartoonz?!” He whined over his hands, “ I can’t stay here! You’re going to be gone for PAX, and what? I’m just going to hide in your room for the next five days?! Hope that a maid or that the hotel staff don’t catch me?” He continued to groan into his hands, the sound coming out more and more like whines. 

Luke looked at him thoughtfully, prepping his legs on the coffee table before he spoke, “...You could come with me to PAX.” 

Jonathan snorted, “Yeah, right.” 

“No, I’m serious. Come with me.” 

After a beat second passed between them, Jonathan lifted his hands up in alarm. 

“Are you serious?! I can’t do that!” 

“Why not?” Luke argued, “This is your chance to go to something you always wanted to go to! Nobody knows what you look like, you can slip into the crowd easily! That way, the only time you’re in the hotel is when you sleep.” 

Jonathan looked at him like he lost his mind. He probably did. 

“Did you forget that you’re sharing a room with Ohm? Who is coming extremely early in the morning tomorrow? Am I just going to hide away in your room until he leaves first?” 

“You could always just show yourself and tell him who you are-” 

“I’m not doing that!” Jonathan hissed with a heated glare. 

Luke raised his arms in defence, “Sorry, sorry. Just saying that it’s an option.” 

Jonathan’s glare lessen, making him look more tired and scared, “Cartoonz, I don’t even have a pass. They sold out remember? I can’t go with you.” 

“I’ll find you one when we get there.” Luke replied with a shrug. 

Jonathan pinched the bridge of his nose. “How can you say that so easily?! Ahhhhhhh!” He threw his head back with a pitiful whine, landing comfortably on Luke’s arm. He leaned against it with a sigh. 

“We can sneak you in every day before Ohm comes and do the same every morning when we leave for PAX. We’ll find you a pass and then you can enjoy the convention to its fullest. You have your phone with you, so you can post messages on the group chat occasionally, none of the guys will be the wiser.” Luke continued, threading his fingers through Jonathan’s hair. 

Damn him and his soothing fingers. 

“We will make it work. I promise you we'll make it work.” 

Jonathan hated how he immediately believed Luke. How could he not? It’s not like there were many options to choose from. 

Maybe... 

Maybe this is chance to see his fans with his own eyes. See them where his merch and dress like him to represent the Delirious Army. He wanted to feel that strange, fluttering feeling he got when he sat next to one of his fans on the plane. 

He wanted to get use to feeling so  _ warm. _

“...Okay.” 

“Okay?” Luke asked for clarification. 

Jonathan nodded, offering Luke a little grin. “Okay, I’ll go.” 

Luke instantly smiled and pulled Jonathan into his arms. “You’re going to have a great time, Delirious. After what you’ve been through, you definitely deserve it.” 

Jonathan leaned against his chest. 

He believed him.

They hugged each other silently before a thought came to Jonathan. “Is the convention in walking distance?” 

“Yeah, why?” 

“Just wanted to know. Ehehe, I’ve, uhh, been having strange luck with uber and taxi drivers lately…”


	3. Something Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What a mess he got himself into. He should have known, he got in too easily. Not much to do but play along less he gets both him and Luke in trouble.
> 
> Speaking of Luke, Jonathan was going to kill him the next time he sees him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, the chapters keep getting longer and longer! Believe it or not, I plan these out to be around 3,000-ish words long. But the next thing I know, I'm 4,000 words in and there are like, three other scenes I still have to type out. The life of a writer haha  
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos, they really make my day! I'm so glad people are enjoying this story, it gives me encouragement to keep going. I haven't done a big project like this in a while so believe me when I say your guys' comments really make me happy <3  
> After this chapter, we finally get to the good stuff so hold on >;3  
> unbeta'ed so mistakes are my own!

Jonathan and Luke did their best to accommodate the hotel room for an extra person. They shuffled Jonathan’s clothes (which Luke raised an eyebrow at when Jonathan took them out) with Luke’s own and pushed the empty suitcase under the bed. The bag, fortunately looked just liked the one Luke brought with him so they could pass it off as one his own. After all, Ohm knew how much Luke loves his shoes, so it wouldn’t look suspicious if he claims that it was a bag just for that. Then, they moved the pillows and blankets around on the bed so that it would fit two people comfortably without looking as if it was made for two people.

It seemed like they were making the situation way more difficult than it should be. After all, Jonathan is only one person and he didn’t bring much of his possessions, hardly anything really. However, they could never be too careful when it comes to Ohm. The man was as ditsy as someone can get, but occasionally his eyes were sharp when he suspects something. When that happens, he tends to ask questions that hit way too close to home. And after dating Luke for over five months, his senses were even sharper.

So, they made sure Jonathan did not leave a single trace of his existence and then planned out how they were going to keep it that way. It was during the middle of the night when Jonathan and Luke were already sleeping that Ohm finally arrived at the hotel. Luke had assured Jonathan that they didn’t have to worry about staying up to wait for Ohm, stating that the man attracted hazard wherever he went so they will definitely hear it. Amusingly, he was right.

They awoke to the sound of someone hitting the front door rather loudly, followed by whispered cursing. It went quiet for a bit before the door began to jiggle, the cursing getting louder.

Luke lifted himself up from bed with a smile, draping the covers over Jonathan’s shoulders, “Ah, right on time.” He chuckled. “He probably can’t work the card key. I’ll go let him in and get him settled in his room. You,” He pointed at Jonathan, who was looking at the door with both amusement and fear. “Just stay in bed and stay quiet. Ohm will be jet lagged as balls from the trip so he’ll be too-”

“Delirious?” Jonathan finished with a cheeky smile.

Luke snorted, “Right, delirious, to notice anything. Then I’ll be right back to stop you from hogging all the damn blankets. Ya fiend.”  

Jonathan squawked in defense as Luke chuckled, motioning him to stay quiet before closing the door behind him. Jonathan stayed motionless on the bed, straining his ears so he could hear Luke’s footsteps. Once he heard the main door open, he scurried over to the bedroom door and opened it slowly and carefully until he got a semi-decent view of the living room without outing him, unable to stifle his curiosity.

Not his curiosity of Ohm and what he looks like, he’s seen plenty of photos of him and Luke together, mostly because Luke couldn’t stop gushing over how “fucking cute this asshole is, look at him” after he got the okay from the man himself.

No, his curiosity lied on how the two acted with each other. He has never seen them interact with each other, other than when they played together. So, he had no shame peering out to spy on them.

He watched as Luke stepped back the moment he opened the door and spread his arms wide, lips curled in a warm smile.

Ohm took no time in accepting the invitation and launched himself in the other’s arms, laughing joyously, “Toonzy!!!”

The impact made Luke take a few more steps back but he successfully held Ohm up, his own laugh echoing in the hallway. “Hey, Ohm, glad you could make it.” Without putting him down, Luke nudged Ohm’s haphazardly thrown luggage into the hotel room and pushed the door closed with his hips. “How was the flight?”

“Exhausting, I forgot how stressful airports are.”

Jonathan agreed on that.

“But I made it in one piece and that’s all that matters.”

“Ohhhhh?” Luke hummed, “Well, it’s a good thing you’re in one piece.” He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Ohm’s nose before finally putting him down on the ground.

“Aww, that’s all I get?” Ohm said with a grin, wrapping his arms around Luke’s neck.

“Well, yeah. It’s the middle of the night and I’m pretty sure you woke everyone up with how loud you were getting up here.”

“I was not THAT loud, what’re you talking about?” Ohm feigned offense, placing his hand over his heart.

Luke rolled his eyes, “You sounded like you hated the neighbours downstairs and were purposely stomping loudly so they could hear you.” He retorted, making Ohm laugh.

“Plus…” Luke reached forward and pulled him into a kiss, both of them grinning too much for it to deepened. However, that didn’t stop them from enjoying it. “If I do any more things to you, we’re definitely going to get a noise complaint.” He said with a wolfish smile, eyebrows raised suggestively and teasingly.

Ohm blushed at the tone, but that didn’t stop him from sending a flirtatious smile back. “Oh~? That doesn’t sound too bad.”

Luke threw his head back and laughed, “As much as I want to, it’s like two in the morning and we need to rest up for later on. Trust me when I say, you’re going to need it.”

Ohm made a sound of disappointment, but his smile never wavered. “What a shame. But, yeah, you’re right. I’m going to be needing a good night's rest to even get the courage to _step_ onto the main floor. Wow…” Ohm flopped onto the couch, his eyes slowly taking in the room. “I’m actually here…” He breathed in awe. It made Jonathan’s heart squeeze. Ohm felt the same way he does.

Luke smiled softly, “Yeah, you are.” He leaned forward and rested his hand on Ohm’s shoulder, catching his attention. “And I’m proud of you. You’re going to have a great time tomorrow, for the event and when you hang out with the rest of the idiots. So, stop worrying your pretty little head about it.”

Ohm rested his hand over Luke’s “Well, technically, it’s already tomorrow…”

“I’m trying to be sentimental and you just had to ruin it.” Luke groaned as Ohm laughed.

“Seriously though, thank you.” Ohm said with a soft voice, squeezing Luke’s hand. “I don’t think I would have been able to do this if you weren’t here.”

They shared a look, something that Jonathan couldn’t decipher, but it must have been special because they were smiling so sweetly at each other. It made Jonathan’s heart flutter.

This.

This is what he wanted to see. He had no doubts that Ohm was special to Luke, but as his proclaimed brother, he couldn’t help but still be wary of their relationship the moment they shared it to him over the phone. But seeing them like this, with both of them being sickly cute, made him feel at ease. For Luke, he wasn’t afraid to reveal himself just to kick Ohm’s ass if the man ever hurt his brother.

“C’mon, Ryan.” Luke whispered in a deep voice, making Ohm shiver from hearing his real name. “Time to go sleep. Jet lag is not going to be pretty and I don’t want you bitching at me that ‘you’re tired.’”

He extended his hand out for Ohm, who took it with a laugh. “What? You don’t get to warm my bed tonight?” Ohm teased as Luke lead him to other bedroom.

“You’re the one who requested to have two bedroom,” Luke reminded him with a smirk, “Your exact words were ‘better to have two room, because if I feel your muscular arms wrapped around me I won’t be able to stop myself from jumping you.’”

Ohm choked from his own spit as Luke pushed him on the bed, “I-I said nothing about your muscular arms!”

“But you did say everything else. Want to jump me, Ryan? Want to take charge?” Luke teased, his voice rich and deep.

Ohm flushed as he blindly gripped at a pillow to hide his face. “...Now, you’re messing with me.”

“Ya think?” Luke mocked, pressing another kiss on Ohm’s nose. “Night, Ohm. I’ll wake you up bright and early tomorrow so you can go to the event with one of the guys. I have to finish up some personal stuff and then I’ll meet you there.”

“O-One of the guys?” Ohm mumbled, suddenly looking nervous.

“Gorillaphent.” Luke clarified, “He said he’ll meet you at the front and you guys can walk the floor until we meet up with the rest of the boys.”

Ohm immediately relaxed, “Oh, okay.”

The rest, Jonathan couldn’t see or hear as Luke closed the bedroom door behind him. Disappointed, Jonathan scurried back into bed and wrapped himself around the blanket. He got to see a more soft and flirty side to Luke. He battled with himself whether he should tease the other or feel honoured that he got to witness it.

He decided with both when Luke finally came back into the room, locking the door behind him. He still had a goofy look on his face and Jonathan hid his smile with the blanket. It was sweet.

“Oh, Ohm-y, I knew you wanted me~!” Jonathan cooed from under the blanket, popping his head out so he could shoot Luke a teasing grin.

Luke flipped him off, his own grin spreading across his face, “Shut the fuck up and go to sleep. Move over.”

They both chuckled as Jonathan shimmied to the left side, refusing to come free from his cocoon. “I thought I told you to not hog the blanket, ya heat stealing bitch.” Luke grumbled out as he lied next to Jonathan, maneuvering so they were facing each other.

“I left you one right there.” Jonathan said with a roll of his eyes, pointing at the flimsy white cover pooled at the corner of the bed.

Luke snorted, “Hell nah.”

Simultaneously, he pulled the white cover over his body and yanked Jonathan closer, wrapping his legs around his cocooned figure. Jonathan managed to stifle his surprise yell, “Hey, what the fuck?!”

“If you’re going to steal all the blankets then I’m using you as a body pillow.” As he said that, he wrapped his arms around Jonathan and held him close to his chest. “Not gonna lie, this is actually comfy.”

“For you!” Jonathan grumbled to himself, but it did feel ten times warmer...and really nice. Damn, he guessed he kind of gets why Ohm drools over Luke’s muscles now. They may be firm and nice to look at, but they’re really fucking comfy to lie on. And the bastard knew too with the way he was smirking down at him.

They both lied there and stared at each other, eyelids fighting to stay open. They were comfortable sleeping in the same bed, any awkwardness slipped away during the many years they known each other. So, Jonathan didn’t have to worry about staring at Luke’s face for too long, lost in his own thoughts.

What Ohm said circled in his brain, making him unable to fall asleep. In few more hours, he’s really going to be at PAX, standing in the same place his friends and fans will be. It was both exciting and down right terrifying at the same time.

“Do you think we’re going to be okay?” Jonathan whispered in the quiet room, his words muffled under the blankets.

But Luke still heard him, as he always does, and sighs softly, resting his chin on Jonathan’s head. “I think so… Ohm for sure will be just fine, he has a lot of people looking after him. And, once he realises how fun it’ll be, he’ll fit right into the crowd. For you,” Luke tightened his hold around him, “You’ll be okay, too. I’ll make sure of it.”

And Jonathan believed him.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

**Jonathan has never felt so small in his life.**

Just as Luke said, Ohm was none the wiser the following morning. He banged on Luke’s door until the man groggily answered it with a yawn, opening the door wide enough that only his eyes could be seen. Of course, the conversation between them was exciting and filled with unrestrained nerves.

As Jonathan quietly got ready in the room, Luke was busy psyching up Ohm and going over everything that he needed to know, including where they were going to meet up.

“Remember to follow Gorilla and not wander by yourself, we’re going to be meeting up near room three. Also, don’t worry, everyone working there swore an oath to keep your identity a secret. Evan made sure of it.” Luke had reminded Ohm before he escorted him out where the rest of the gang were scrambling to get ready.

Ohm merely nodded along, his face breaking into a wide smile the moment he walked out the door. Jonathan had peeked from the bedroom door, his own smile curling at the bombardment of cheers everyone gave at seeing Ohm. He could clearly hear Craig, Anthony, and Scotty from his spot, their shouts the most loudest.

He stayed in the bedroom even when the noise died down and footsteps slowly diminished down the hallway, his heart pounding a mile a minute. It only beated faster when Luke called out to him, hand extended for him to grab.

“It’s time, Delirious!” Luke had said with a wild grin on his face, his PAX pass dangling proudly around his neck. Jonathan nodded nervously and took his hand, feeling his palms already begin to sweat.

Now, here they were, staring upward at the most impressive building Jonathan has ever seen.

It loomed over him, standing three stories tall. He didn’t have to mention how wide the building was, he could see it clearly through the glass walls surrounding the whole perimeter.

But it was not they building that made him feel so small. No, it was the freakishly long line of people waiting at the main doors. It extended from the entrance, to around the corner, then wrapping around the parking lot; it was endless.

There was still three hours left before the staff could even think about opening those doors, and yet people were already there. So, so many people.

Jonathan clutched on to Luke as he winded them through the many staff and security walking around, making his way towards the secret entrance for creators to enter. Like all the entrance, there was a security posted at the entrance, stopping everyone who comes by and asking to see their pass or badge. It made Jonathan’s skin crawl.

Oh, god. This is not going to work.

“What now?!” He hissed, “There’s no way for me to get in! See, they’re checking for passes, and last time I checked, Delirious doesn’t have no pass.” His voice was laced with panic, he couldn’t help but try to hide behind Luke’s back when the security glanced at their direction.

Luke, the bastard, seemed a lot more calmer than Jonathan. He hummed to himself as he stroked his beard, carefully planning their next move.

After a few moments of stroking his beard, he nodded, “Okay, I think I got it. Delirious, wait here.”

“Wait here?! Are you crazy?!” Jonathan nearly screeched, his grip tightening around Luke’s jacket.

“That’s all we can do! Look, I’m going to go inside and find you a pass to use. Before I go in, I’ll talk to the security guard and let them know I’m going to be waiting for someone so it won’t look suspicious when I come back out to get you!”

Jonathan didn’t look in the least convinced.

“I doubt there’s going to be a pass lying around like that! People are not THAT stupid!” Jonathan hissed at him, flinching when a few staff members walked by.

Luke sighed, forcing Jonathan’s hands off of him. “Delirious, this is all we got. You’re gonna have to trust me. If I don’t find a pass then my lie still works. I can come back outside and I can take you back to the hotel and then think of another plan. Got it?”

He wanted to say no. He really, really did.

He wanted them to forget about sneaking him in to PAX, he wanted to forget about the event entirely.

But, he didn’t.

Jonathan let out a shaky breath, letting Luke know how much he dislikes this plan, then nodded his head. “Okay, okay. Fuck. Do what you gotta do. I’ll hide behind these cars until you get back. Just…don’t take long.”

“I promise.” Luke murmured, his eyes sharp.

They waited patiently for the security guard to go through the first batch of creators before Luke made his move. He cast another determined look at Jonathan’s direction before walking confidently towards the entrance. He flashed his pass at them and the security guard instantly greeted him with a smile. Jonathan watched from his hiding place as Luke leaned closer and whispered the fib they made up, breathing a sigh of relief when the guard nodded in understanding, flashing Luke another smile before saying something Jonathan couldn’t decipher.

It must have been positive because Luke walked right through without a problem, his silhouetted now distorted from the glass as he got further and further away. Jonathan hid behind a few cars, once in a while holding up his arm to look at an imaginary watch, hoping that people will think he was waiting for someone.

He busied himself by peeking at the main entrance every other minute, making note of every person he vaguely recognised that walked through. So far, it was only a handful he knew. The only big names he instantly recognised were Jacksepticeye and Markiplier when they walked by, followed by their respective friends who were probably creators themselves.

Not that Jonathan had to check that it was them in the first place, their fans did that for him. Their screams and cheers pierced the air at the half second glance they got of the youtubers before they entered the convention; it was incredibly intimidating to hear.

It reminded Jonathan that there were going to be many different fans walking through those halls, and not all of them will be fans of his friends. Or ‘Delirious.’

He thought he had prepared himself well for the encounter of the abundant of people going to PAX, but he realised that nothing in the world was going to get him prepared for something like _this_. And he wasn’t even inside yet.

If he somehow gets inside, Jonathan doesn’t have a single clue how he was going to handle himself without Luke or _anyone_ by his side. It’s not like Luke can coddle him throughout the convention, that will be too suspicious, and his too-curious-for-their-own-good friends will ask questions.

This was doomed from the start.

Jonathan was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the footsteps nearing his hiding spot. It was only after something dangled over his face that he finally noticed. He violently flinched, smacking his head against the car’s window, luckily not hard enough to activate the car alarm. He held his hand over his beating heart and gasped for air, shooting a heated glare at the culprit.

“You scared the shit out of me!” He managed out from his gasping.

Luke smirked at him, the object still dangling from his fingertips. “Get over it, bitch nugget. You need to save that energy when you get inside.”

“Inside…?” Jonathan breathed in confusion, his heart finally beating at a semi-normal pace. His eyes trailed down Luke’s arm and landed on the object, growing wider and wider in shock. “No way…”

He reached over and plucked the PAX pass from Luke’s fingers, the plastic covering glistening as he held it closer to his face. It looked like the one that Luke wore, except this one had a green border and a little light green sticker on the left bottom corner. The little difference didn’t matter to him, he was too shocked to care. “You actually found one?!”

“Yep!” Luke declared proudly, “I saw it lying in a box near one of the staff booths and when no one was looking, I snatched it.”

Jonathan could only stare in awe. “I didn’t think….what the hell?! There is no way this is possible.”

Luke snorted, “Of course it’s possible. You’re holding the proof in your hands. Now come on!”

Luke held out his hands, but Jonathan hesitated.

“Cartoonz, I don’t think…..”

God, is he really going to do this? Sure, he has a pass now, but that doesn’t fix his problem. He knows that with Luke’s encouragement he can physically do it.

But mentally?

“You’re not getting cold feet on me, Delirious. Not now.” Luke said determinedly, snatching Jonathan’s hand.

“W-Wha-? Hey!” Jonathan yelped as he was dragged across the parking lot. Away from his hiding spot. Away from the many eyes of fans waiting in line. Away from the last shred of doubts he had left.

The next thing he knew, he was standing right in front of the security guard, who greeted Luke with a laugh. “This is who you were waiting for?”

“Yep, he took his time, didn’t he?” Luke joked and the security guard laughed good naturally. “He sure did. Pass please?”

Jonathan held his pass up with trembling fingers, willing his face to stay as neutral as possible. The security checked their passes over, nodding ever so often with each ping of their machine. When the machine read Jonathan’s pass, the ping chimed differently from Luke’s, and the guards eyes changed.

Luke and Jonathan froze.

“Oh.” The guard simply said, “Sorry for holding you up. Please go right on through. Ah, enjoy the convention, Mr. Cartoonz.”

The security guard stepped to the side and motioned for the two to enter, waving cheerfully as the two walked by. Jonathan rigidly followed Luke down the hallway, his head hunched below his hoodie. It was only after the entrance was nowhere in sight that Jonathan was finally able to breathe.

He made it inside.

“I made it inside.” He whispered in disbelief. “How the fuck did we pull that off?!”

“I have no idea!” Luke exclaimed with a hysterical laugh, also in disbelief. “But we did it.”

Luke stood up straight and held his arms out, eyes sparkling, “What do you think?”

Jonathan’s skin tingled with leftover nerves, still in shock that he was inside the convention. But he mustered up the remaining courage he had left and looked up, taking in the convention for the first time.

And wow. What a sight it was.

Everywhere he looked, there were booths and stations of games, posters of characters and game logos stood proudly in front of them for all to see.

Sounds he never heard before echoed around him, from the friendly chatter of staff members to the loud and rhythmic beats of Beat Saber. He couldn’t imagine how loud it will be once people actually started to play all the games setup.

It made him twitch in excitement.

“I have to check everything out.” He heard himself say, surprising him.

“Then go check everything out!” Luke said with a grin, obviously pleased.

“I don’t know Cartoonz, I’m going to be by myself…”

“Sorry, Delirious. But, you’re going to have to get used to being yourself for this to work. As much as I want to, I can’t be here to watch you. Besides, I know you’re going to be just fine.” Luke laughed, clasping his hand happily on Jonathan’s shoulder. “I have to go meet up with the Idiots, but go, enjoy yourself. I’ll be texting you ever so often to make sure you don’t get lost or find yourself in trouble. But make sure you have fun.”

He pulled Jonathan into a one arm hug, “That’s all I ask.”

He ruffled his fluffy black hair, making Jonathan laugh. “I will, I will. Now leave me, hoe. Go hang out with the rest of those assholes.” He returned the hug, “And make sure you tell me how Ohm is doing. I want him to be having fun, too.”

Luke smiled at him, that little smile he only had when he thought of Ohm. “I will.”

They hugged for a little longer before Luke’s phone started beeping angry.

It was only a second that passed before Jonathan’s phone started to ring as well, and both of them knew why.

_PAX HYPE BITCHES (6:35am)_

**Marcel:** @Cartoonz @Lui @Anthony WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS, EVERYONE IS ALREADY HERE

 **Evan:** I’m disappointed that Brian got here on time

 **Brian:** What the fuck

 **Brian:** Why

 **Evan:** You know why…

 **Smitty:** He wanted to say, “Look who’s last again.”

 **Smitty:** It was like the only thing he mentioned during the whole ride here

 **Brian:** WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED

 **Evan:** What

 **Evan:** No, No, No

 **Evan:** I would never

 **Brian:** Sorry to disappoint

 **Brian:** Ya Canadian FUCK

 **Smitty:** I take offense

 **Marcel:** no one gives a fuck smitty

 **Smitty:** I do!

 **Marcel:** like I said.

 **Marcel:** no one

 **Smitty:** T-T

 **Smitty:** @Brock Mom, Marcel is being mean to me!

 **Marcel:** I AM NOT

_Brock has logged on_

**Brock:** Uh, guys? You’re literally standing in the same room. Why are you texting in chat?

 **Brock:** Also, say sorry to Smitty, Marcel. That still was not a nice thing to say

 **Marcel:** why should I apologise

 **Marcel:** why doesn’t smitty get in trouble

 **Brock:** He hasn’t done anything wrong

 **Brock:** Yet.

 **Smitty:** Yet

 **Jon:** yet

 **Smitty:** Ayyyyeee

_Lui has logged on_

**Lui:** Give it a rest Marcel

 **Lui:** Brock obviously has favorites

 **Lui:** And Smitty is one of them

 **Smitty:** YEET

 **Brock:** What? Favorites? I don’t have favorites

 **Brock:** Guys, stop saying I’m the mom friend

 **Brock:** Because I’m not

_Multiple people are typing…_

**Evan:** Yes you are

 **Nogla:** yes you are

 **Brian:** yeah, you kinda are

 **Marcel:** Momma Brock

 **Smitty:** You definitely are

 **Jon:** momma material right there

 **Anthony:** You ARE very motherly

 **Scotty:** You’re definitely the mom friend what

 **Ohm:** Yes you are

 **Craig:** You? Momma Brock? The mom friend? NEVER

 **Tyler:** brock, you are the mom friend don’t lie to yourself

_Luke has logged on_

**Luke:** You’re the only one I trust

 **Luke:** So yeah, mom friend

 **Lui:** See?

_Brock is typing…_

_Brock is typing..._

**Brock:** I hate all of you.

 **Luke:** Don’t even lie to yourself.

 **Luke:** You enjoy being the mom friend

 **Brock:** ………

 **Brock:** Okay, you’re right.

 **Brock:** It’s like crack to me

 **Brock:** Also I do have a favorite

 **Marcel:** GASP

 **Lui:** Wait

 **Lui:** I was joking

 **Lui:** You do? Who?

 **Brock:** Delirious.

 **Craig:** DELIRIOUS??????

 **Craig:** OVER MOI???????

 **Tyler:** brock do you have a few screws loose or what

 **Smitty:** I’m SHOCKED

 **Smitty:** I’ve been replaced from being the favourite

 **Jon:** technically you were never the favorite to begin with…

 **Smitty:** SHUT UP JON

 **Brock:** Delirious is the only one that doesn’t annoy me or goes out of his way to make me angry.

 **Brock:** He’s also the only one that still shows me a least a little respect

 **Craig:** LOL

 **Brock:** Plus, he’s a great listener :)

_Evan is typing..._

**Evan:** He is actually

 **Evan:** He’s terrible at keeping secrets, but he does keep the ones that are important and he doesn’t mind staying up late at night to hear you out

 **Evan:** I feel like I could tell him anything

 **Evan:** *YOU

 **Evan:** I mean in general

 **Evan:** Not specifically me

 **Brock:** Right, of course :)

 **Brian:** What the fuck are you on about?????

 **Evan:** ANYWAYS

 **Evan:** Didn’t Marcel ask where everyone is at?

 **Anthony:** Me and Lui are near the Playstation booth

 **Anthony:** We’re almost there

 **Lui:** Yep

 **Luke:** I’m already on my way

 **Luke:** Hold the fuck up

 

Luke set his phone back into his pocket with a chuckle. “Congrats on being the favourite.”

Jonathan flushed, both embarrassed and flattered at Brock’s words, “Shut up, aren’t you leaving?”

“Yeah yeah I’m going, remember to stay out of trouble. Unless you want me to ‘stay up late and listen to Evan’ for you.”

Now the flush was because of mortification.

“BYE CARTOONZ.”

Luke’s laugh echoed through the hall as he walked away.

“Oh! Make sure not to give your real name. If someone asks, just tell them a fake name like Collin or something like that.”

With that, he gave Jonathan an encouraging thumbs up before he disappeared around the corner, blending in with the staff and other creators walking around.

Then, Jonathan was alone.

He was not really alone, there were plenty of people bustling around.

But it sure felt like he was.

He held his pass in his hands and rubbed it gently with his fingers. He should do what Luke said and look at the stands and booths while he still has a chance. Once everyone is let in, it will be harder for Jonathan to even walk, less of all have time to look at anything.

He could go watch the staff set up the games they were flaunting, maybe get a peak at the new games being released. He could go talk to the fortnite developers setting up and express how much he liked their game, even though he knew that some of his subscribers might not agree with him.

Oh, he could also check out where his friends will be setting up. All Jonathan knew that they, meaning his friends, dominated the middle section of the convention. There, they will be selling merch and signing things. As well as where they will be hosting their meet and greets (courtesy of Nogla who blabbed on twitter again).

Everyone will be hanging out in the panel room so Jonathan didn’t have to worry about being caught. Plus, it would be nice to see how the booth should look before it was completely demolished by their fans. Nogla really needs to keep a tighter lip on these things.

Decided, Jonathan made his way through the many walls and booths laying around, ducking his head ever so often to avoid staff members’ curious gaze. He got lost a couple of times, not used to the layout of the building, but he did take notes of important things such as where the exit and bathrooms were located, plus the panel rooms he knows for sure his friends will be performing in the next following days.

Wow, now that’s a thought. He’s going to see his friends on stage in person. Not from behind a screen or a livestream. He wonders how Luke will handle it, knowing that Jonathan will be in the audience, watching them. How will Jonathan handle it?

“Ughhh, my brain hurts.” He grumbled, taking a moment to rub his temples. “I’m thinking way too hard over this shit. Let me just see the damn merch table and then I’ll be on my way.”

His encouraging words almost worked, he felt much better and his headache disappeared.

Unfortunately, something immediately ruined it.

“Oh! Are you-?” Someone suddenly spoke near him. Someone he definitely didn’t know.

He froze as the person who spoke catched up to him, feeling fear trickle down his spine.

The person didn’t look like a staff member, but she still held an air of authority. She looked at him curiously, her gaze focusing on his pass, as if she was checking something. She must have found what she was looking fo because her face visibly brightened.

“Oh, good! You’re one of our own! Here, follow me. Everyone else is in one of the conference rooms going over the plan. You must have been lost, right?” She said in one breath, taking Jonathan’s rigid hand and dragged him behind her.

He stuttered out garbled words, they came out more like a high pitch sound than words. However, she didn’t seem to noticed. “Well, good thing I found you! We’re about to set out the first batch of our team. We don’t want to be left behind, right? What’s your name, by the way?”

“W-Wha- um, C-Conner?” Jonathan managed to spit out, panic and confusion painted clearly on his face. That was the fake name Luke gave him, right?

The person didn’t falter in their steps, she pulled Jonathan along the whole convention with little trouble. Her grip was firm around his wrist, perhaps in an attempt to not lose him, but he was too confused to even think about doing anything other than following her.

What is going on?

Soon enough, they entered a room secluded from the main floor. Jonathan was immediately met by a group of people, all standing near the front of the room. They were standing in several groups, listening intently to someone standing in front of whiteboard. All of them, Jonathan realised as dread filled his chest, had the exact same pass as him. From the colour of the pass to the little sticker on the bottom.

The person in front of the whiteboard looked up from their speech as Jonathan and the woman walked in, sending them a relieved smile. “Finally decided to join us, Layla? And you found a straggler while you were at it?”

“Yep! This is Conner, I found him roaming near the Kingdom Hearts display booth. Didn’t you mentioned in your group text that you were one short?” Layla said, her hand still wrapped around Jonathan’s wrist.

“Not exactly, we have everyone who was suppose to come already here. But, they didn’t send us the correct number of passes. We were one short. Meaning, one for me.” The person said with a sigh, “We had to get a temporary one for me to wear until they get another. That’s why mine is just plain white.”

They paused to show Layla the pass, “We asked the head people of the convention to send us another pass, I guess they thought we needed more people.” They looked at Jonathan with an easy smile, “Not that I’m complaining, it fixes our problem at least. You can take my place until I get my pass.”

“Why don’t you just use his, Edd?” Layla asked, gesturing at the pass hanging around Jonathan’s neck.

Edd snorted, “No way, this gives me a chance to check up some things in the upper level. The bosses have been busting my ass for that mess for days and now I have an opportunity to get them off my case. Plus, it’s pretty rude to make him give me his pass.”

Jonathan felt himself sweat. The pass was probably Edd’s to begin with.

“Speaking of being rude, sorry man, didn’t mean to ignore you. I’m Edd, head of the Secondary security team for PAX this year. I’m going to be the one assigning your assignments.”

Oh god.

“A-A-Assignments?” Jonathan asked with a squeak.

Oh god.

“Yeah, man. We’re going to assign you to a creator as extra protection. I’m not surprised you don’t know about it, though. We’re brand new. They created my division as a precaution for the influx of people attending. It’s a lot more than we’re used too. The higher ups say there shouldn’t be too much trouble but they didn’t want to take any chances.”

Assign….

Assign?

“Why is this year so special?” Someone asked from one of the groups.

“I heard it was because of someone called BBS.” Another person spoke up.

“They’re a creator?”

“Nah, I think they’re a group of people.”

“Regardless,” Edd continued, silencing the chatter, “Because our head security have to stay in their posts, our job is to follow our assigned creators wherever they go. On the main floor, during signings and panels, and yes, even on bathroom breaks. Everywhere. It sounds excessive, I know, but we are all aware on how fans can react when left to their own devices.”

Many people nodded their heads.

“Oh, before I forget. Everyone also has to take this.” He pointed towards the corner of the room where an assortment of boxes lied. “The passes are kind of hard to see, so to help identify us the higher ups gave us some things to helps us stand out. You get to choose from bandanas, bracelets, headbands, and sunglasses. As you can see, all of them are green.”

Edd walked over to the table at the back of the room and picked up a stack of papers. “Before you do that, please line up in front of me and pick up your assigned creator. This paper has their schedules and their contact information in case you need it. Here,” He addressed Jonathan, handing him a slip of paper. “Here’s yours. Your creator might be a bit difficult considering the circumstance, but if the higher ups sent you, I have no doubt you’re up for it.”

Not knowing what else to do, Jonathan took the paper with shaky fingers.

“Layla, why don’t you take Conner to his target? Your creator is near his.”

“No problem!” She happily said, once again wrapping her hand around Jonathan’s wrist. “C’mon, let’s go get our gear!”

She dragged Jonathan to back of the room and began to rummage in the boxes, humming happily to herself. Jonathan stood awkwardly behind her, still reeling over what was happening. She decided on a headband and put it on her head, the bright green colour extremely eye catching. It also looked nice on her so it was a nice choice.

“What are you getting?” She asked Jonathan, making him jump.

“O-Oh, ummm, I guess this?” He blinding reached inside the box and grabbed the first thing his fingers touched. He pulled it out and stared at it. It was the sunglasses.

“Ohhh~!” Layla hummed, “Good choice! They look really cool. Though, they look more like those eye protectors American footballers wear. And,” She smiled as Jonathan clumsily put them on. “You look awesome in them. With your hood up like that plus the glasses, only your lower face is showing. So mysterious!”

Panic, fear, and confusion still bubbled under his skin over his predicament, but he still pulled out his phone to check his appearance. The curiosity was eating at him.

He blinked at his reflection.

Layla was right, the hoodie hid his black hair perfectly and the tinted green ‘glasses’ covered the majority of his upper face. You couldn’t even see his eyes, the green tint completely hid them from view. Which was strange since the tint didn’t hinder his vision at all. He saw perfectly, not a single spec of green in sight.

Weird.

Geared up and papers in hand, Layla guided him out of the room. Once again, she dragged him across the convention. Jonathan noted that the main floor was nearly complete with the set up, the staff looked less stressed than they were before.

“This is so exciting! I can’t wait to be standing next to Pewdiepie, I’ve been watching his content for years. I’ll make sure to look after him with everything I got!” Layla declared as she guided them through the booths. “Are you a fan of yours, too?”

“Me, um, yeah?” Jonathan stuttered out, having not checked who his creator was.

“Aww, you’re probably shy to see them then, huh? Don’t worry, I’ll do all the talking before I go meet up with Pewds so you don’t have to!” She told him encouragingly, but he was sure he didn’t deserve her kindness.

After all, he wasn’t supposed to be a part of her group. He wasn’t supposed to be a ‘secondary security guard.’ He wasn’t supposed to be in PAX at all.

What a mess he got himself into. He should have known, he got in too easily. Not much to do but play along less he gets both him and Luke in trouble.

Speaking of Luke, Jonathan was going to kill him the next time he sees him.

All he could do now is hope that whoever he was assigned to was a small youtuber he didn’t know. It would make his already hectic life much easier. He shouldn’t have came. This was a mistake.

He mutely followed behind Layla, accepting his fate. Even if it was a mistake, he was going to owe up to it and do this job well. He was sure he could pretend to be a bodyguard. He may not be as tall as Tyler or as buff as Evan or Craig, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take a punch.

Growing up with a sister meant he had to learn how to defend himself in an early age. She was as sweet as she was unforgiving, he couldn’t count how many times she tossed him around when she believed he deserved it. All that ‘training’ made him confident in his fighting skills. Despite that, he really does love her and she was just as protective of him as he was for her. Once, when she was still dating Luke, she tried to stab him with a knife because she thought Luke was using him to get to her. His sister was the best.

So, he was sure he can handle looking after someone if it comes down to it. Even so, he really hopes he doesn’t have to hurt a fan.

In his musing, he almost missed the room number they were entering.

Room three. Why was that so familiar?

Layla finally stopped dragging and he stopped next to her, looking up questioningly.

Only to be met with multiple stares.

Jonathan was so glad he had the glasses because he was sure his eyes were as wide as they ever have been.

Fuck.

“Oh, er, sorry ma'am. This room is occupied.” Craig said from his perch on a couch next to Jon and Smitty. Not just them, every one of Jonathan’s friends were there, casually relaxing on the couches or leaning against the wall munching on snacks.

Fuck.

“Oh! Don’t worry. I’m just here to drop him off!” Layla said, unaware of the growing terror pouring out of Jonathan’s entire soul.

“Oh, is he the extra help?” Evan, EVAN, said curiously, standing up from his spot on the couch to shake their hand.

“The guy who is going to ghost us?” Tyler joked as he and the rest of the guys followed behind Evan.

Luke stood next to Ohm and Brian, cocking his head curiously at the newcomers. Jonathan turned his head to look directly at him. He burned holes at his face, willing him to _realise what’s going on, you asshole._ He must have looked creepy because Brian and Ohm looked unnerved.

Luke, precious he’s-so-fucking-dead-when-I-get-my-hands-on-him Luke stared blankly back, the wheels in his head turning. Luke neutral expression shifted to one of pure panic, and he mouthed out Jonathan’s name.

Jonathan nodded.

FUCK.

“Not exactly,” Layla laughed. “Mr. Evan Fong, this is Conner. He will be your personal bodyguard for the duration of PAX. He’s a little shy so I hope you treat him well.”

He _really_ shouldn’t have came.

 


	4. Something Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It made Jonathan extremely uncomfortable to witness. Everything about his situation was uncomfortable. He just hoped that during his time as a bodyguard he will get to see his friends as of how they truly were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the long break but I had some personal matters to attend to. Nothing bad or anything, just y'know, life haha. But I'm back! Hope everyone is doing well!  
> Thank you for everyone's kudos and comments! I can't explain how happy I was each time I checked my email, trust me my nephews make fun of me because my face blooms red and I can't stop smiling. Special thanks to the people who comment on each new chapter, you didn't have to and yet you did so please know I love you very much <3  
> Sorry for the long note! Please enjoy :)

“Bodyguard?” Evan wondered out loud, casting his gaze curiously on Jonathan. Jonathan stared right back, thankful for the tinted glasses that covered the majority of his face because he was one hundred percent **freaking out.**

He didn’t expect his reunion with his friends to be so soon. He didn’t expect to have this reunion at all!

The half-baked plan was for Jonathan to wander around the floor for the next three days while Luke and the others do their thing.

Oh god.

“Yup! The chief personally told you the details when you came in, correct?” Layla answered, probably taking the speaking role for Jonathan because he was ‘shy’.

“Sort of?” Evan said uncertainty, “He mentioned that there will be extra security than what we’re used to. But, most of our talk was about the protection of my friend’s identity. That was the most important thing for me.”

Jonathan could see Ohm smiling gratefully from behind Luke, who he instinctively hid behind when the door opened.

“Of course.” Layla nodded, her voice becoming serious. “Do not worry, every single person that is working here, new or old, have sworn by oath and contract to keep anything related to Mr Ohmwrecker to themselves. If anything is leaked, accident or not, the convention will take full responsibility and the culprit will face a hefty fine and possible imprisonment. You have our word.” She inclined her head in respect to Ohm.

Despite absolutely dying on the inside, Jonathan did the same, grateful that the convention would do this much for his friends. Everyone else looked like they felt the same way, and the tense atmosphere lessened.

Evan smiled, “Thank you.”

Layla nodded and she straightened up with her own happy smile, Jonathan awkwardly doing the same.

“Now that we cleared that up, may you explain what the bodyguard thing is about? Uhhh, no offence by the way. It’s not like we don’t want you here or anything. ” Brock fumbled to explain, offering Jonathan a sheepish smile. Jonathan would have given one back if he still was not currently dying.

Layla, bless her, answered for him. “No problem! You see, we suddenly had an influx of people attending PAX this year. Usually, this is preventable by limiting the number of passes up for purchase, but we were heavily pressured by fans to increase the limit. They were, as you say, very persuasive.”

Everyone in the room gave her a sympathetic look.

“Because of this, the chief and the higher ups of the convention decided to create my unit: The Secondary security team. Most of our main security have been posted throughout the convention in places of interest; such as exits, entrances, panel rooms, and they will also be posted around any signing or meet n’ greets. However, to make sure all bases are secured, certain creators have been chosen to have a personal bodyguard with them at all times. This is where Conner comes in!”

Jonathan flinched at the sudden attention.

“He has been assigned to you, Mr Evan Fong, as your bodyguard. He will be by your side throughout your time here at PAX unless released from duties or from a change of assignment.”

“So what you’re saying is, Conner is gonna be following Evan wherever he goes, even during breaks and stuff like that?” Tyler asked, crossing his arms around his chest as he gave Jonathan a calculated stare.

Jonathan felt himself sweat.

“Precisely!” Layla beamed, “Do not worry, your safety is in capable hands. Conner was personally sent by the Chief himself to aid us.”

Jonathan sweated even more.

“What’s with the glasses?” Anthony asked with a grin, stepping forward so he could take a closer look. Jonathan stiffened as the jolly man inspected his glasses, not expecting him to get so close.

“Ah, that is so other bodyguards and staff members could identify him. Like mine!” She pointed at her headband with a laugh, “So, he needs to have them on at all times. If that’s all, I’m going to be heading out now. If you need anything, please tell Conner or any other staff member. Please enjoy your time here at PAX West.”

A chorus of goodbyes followed behind her as Layla winked at Jonathan and wished him good luck before she bubbly jogged out of the room.

Leaving Jonathan behind all by himself to deal with his friends.

Oh god.

The room fell silent as the others regarded ‘Conner’ with varying degrees of interest. Jonathan chose to just stand there and stare right back, feeling his body shake from suppressed fear. However, to most of them, it looked like he was glaring at them.

Seconds passed and no one has spoken a word.

Majority of the guys looked uncomfortable from their predicament, while the few stubborn ones (like Tyler, Brian, and Marcel) glared right back at the newcomer.

Oh GOD.

Brock, bless this man, mustered up the courage to step up and offer Jonathan his hand, an awkward and unsure smile appearing on his lips. “Well, uh, we’re glad to meet you! It’s awesome to have your help. I’m Brock, by the way! If you didn’t know already, that is...or if you prefer Moo! That’s good too!”

Seeing Brock try so hard to talk to him made Jonathan smiled internally. He really loves Brock.

To save him from his stuttering, Jonathan accepted his handshake and inclined his head to let them know he heard them. A look of relief filtered through Brock’s expression and the tension from his shoulders lessened. “Not much of a talker, right? That’s fine, we can work with the language barrier if we have to. If you need anything or if Vanoss is giving you trouble, just let me know.”

Evan, who was standing near the two, made a noise of offence, making Brock laugh.

The interaction between them made the others less hesitant to approach. Soon, the guys were surrounding Jonathan.

Ohm, Anthony, Craig, and Scotty were the friendliest when they introduced themselves to him. They shook his hand excitingly and asked multiple questions about him, not bothered at all when he only answered with small nods. Smitty, Jon, Lui, and Nogla were more teasing in their approach, They circled around him and made comments about his glasses and his attire, the smiles on their faces showing that their interest was genuine.

Craig even made a joke that Jonathan reminded him of a robot and that ‘Conner’ was an appropriate name.

Whatever that meant.

So far, they were just like what Jonathan imagined them to be and he wasn’t sure why that made him so happy.

Brian, Tyler, and Marcel were by no means rude when it was their turn to introduce themselves, but Jonathan could tell that they were still wary of him. He doesn’t blame them, he would be too if he were in their shoes.

They spoke little to each other as they shook hands, their smiles polite at best. While Jonathan understood why, it still made him sad to see the guarded look in their eyes.

However, any thoughts he had at that moment completely vanished when Luke finally came up.

The smile on his face was tight and forced as he extended his hand for Jonathan to shake. Jonathan felt a vein pop on his forehead.

“....Uhh, I’m Luke, also known as Cartoonz Nice to meet _you~!_ ” His last word came out more like a squeak as Jonathan clenched viciously around his hand. Jonathan dug his nails deep and merciless, glaring sharp daggers through his glasses at his _so-called-brother._

Despite his earlier slip-up, Luke impressively kept his pain hidden through the rest of the handshake, his ‘friendly smile’ unwavering. Only the twitch from his left eyebrow and the blooming red around his neck gave away his restraint from keeping himself from screaming. The shake lasted longer than deemed appropriate but Jonathan was too furious to care.

Luckily, Evan’s sudden appearance on his right side spared Luke from his torment. “My turn, right?” Evan said with an uneasy grin.

Jonathan felt himself go blank as Evan reached over and clasped their hands together. Evan’s hands were only a little bit bigger than his own, hardly much of a difference, but Jonathan was still surprised by how much it enveloped around his fingers. It felt...strangely nice. It only lasted for a few seconds but for those brief moments, his panic melted away.

“I’m Evan, though I’m sure you already guessed that, haha...um, you can call me Vanoss if you prefer that, too. Thanks for being my bodyguard, and uh, sorry if we made you feel uncomfortable or anything. We’re grateful that you’re doing this. So like Brock said, if you need anything, don’t be afraid to talk to us. Or not! If talking is not your thing ahaha...” Evan rubbed his neck sheepishly, unsure on what else to say.

But Jonathan was touched nonetheless that he even tried to make ‘Conner’ more at ease. Evan was not much of a people person in general and tended to listen more than speak out when he was in public, even when he was with friends. So, Jonathan knew how hard it was for Evan to muster up his courage to talk to him personally. He really was a nice person.

Jonathan nodded his head in thanks, which was more than enough for Evan to relax and send him another smile.

“Now that introductions are out of the way,” Marcel piped up from his spot on the couch, catching everyone’s attention, “We need to get everything coordinated. Signings, where everyone is gonna be at, that sort of shit.” There were numerous groans in response.

Brock stifled a laugh, “C’mon guys, it’s only a refresher. After that, when everyone is let in, you can roam around the convention and do whatever you want.”

Jonathan watched in slight amusement as everyone gathered around the little coffee table in the middle of the couches and began to talk. Most of the information passed around was already said in the discord so Jonathan had no problem keeping up with the conversation, absently nodding his head along with each point brought up.

Jokes and the usual banter between the group were occasionally thrown in during their refresher, it was a given when they all were in a room together. However, Jonathan noticed that the jokes didn’t really hit their mark and the laughter following it was not very genuine. He’s been with these guys for many years, even if was from behind a screen. He can tell when something was off.

He tilted his head curiously as he observed the group. After watching carefully he realised that in every other minute, one of their gazes will flicker in his direction before they hurried back to the person speaking.

Ah, they were still wary of him.

That was kind of expected, they couldn’t exactly be themselves around ‘Conner,’ not comfortably at least. They believed him to be a worker for the convention, so the others were more careful in their speech and what they talked about.

It was very strange to see them so… conservative in their behaviour. Even Nogla, who can’t keep silent for the life of him, nodded his head quietly along with the conversation.

It made Jonathan extremely uncomfortable to witness. Everything about his situation was uncomfortable. He just hoped that during his time as a bodyguard he will get to see his friends as of how they truly were.

Jonathan didn’t realise he was staring intensely at the group during his musing. To them, he was silently judging them from his spot, the glasses glinting menacingly in the bright room. He hasn’t moved since the conversation started. Everyone was extremely nervous.

Evan raised his head up from his slouched position in front of the coffee table and awkwardly laughed, catching Jonathan’s attention.“Oh, right, you probably need to know all of this, huh?” Evan said, scratching his cheek lightly.

Jonathan felt himself sweat again at the multiple eyes turning his way. Right, he was in the middle of panicking, wasn’t he?

“Well, it will be easier if one of us were to fill him in on everything he needs to know. There’s a lot he needs to catch up on and I’m pretty sure he would appreciate not being lost.” Brock said with a shrug. Brock’s kind eyes were easier for Jonathan to focus on instead of the others, he really can’t take any more of the attention.

Evan hummed, raising his palm, “Since he’s my bodyguard, I guess I will do i-”

“I’ll do it!” Luke interrupted, forcing his arm between Jonathan and the group. “You’re like, the most important person needed to stay for the refresher. Plus, I already know all the planning and stuff since I explained everything to Ohm at the hotel room.” He continued as Evan blinked in confusion.

“Uhh, I don’t mind doing it-”

“Well, works for us!” Tyler said with a shrug, motioning for Brock and the rest of the group to continue with the discussion.

As the others followed Tyler’s lead, Luke motioned at Jonathan to shuffle closer to him. He did so with stiff movements, it looked like he was a trained soldier marching to his commander (the description came from Craig’s own mouth as he witnessed the movement in curiosity before he followed Tyler).

However, Evan lingered hesitantly next to Luke. “I dunno, I think I should do it. He IS going to be shadowing me, so wouldn’t it be good for him to know that he can rely on me?” He muttered quietly to Luke, flashing Jonathan a friendly smile when he finally stood next to them.

Luke made a high pitch dismissive sound, “You have three days to get, uhh, Conner, to like yah. You’ll be best pals in no time, what’s a few minutes with me going to do?”

Jonathan glared after hearing Luke’s words.

“I guess…” Evan agreed, although uncertainty.

“Great!” Luke said with a clap of his hands, “I’m just going to take Conner outside so I won’t disturb you guys and your planning and then we’ll come back in when we’re done.”

But before he could lead Jonathan out of the room, Evan spoke up. “Hey, Conner. I know it’s going to be a lot to take in so try not to worry too much. All of us will do our best to not get into trouble, though I’m not gonna lie, it’s going to be difficult to keep that promise.” Evan chuckled to himself at that, even Luke snorted out loud. With this sort of group, trouble is practically family.

“I know these words don’t mean much to you and we’re still kind of strangers so saying this is probably weird and kind of creepy,” Evan continued, struggling to form his words.

Despite the fear literally eating him alive, Jonathan tilted his head curiously, letting Evan know he was listening. “It’s just, the head security lady said you were shy so I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to force yourself or anything. I, well, we, totally understand. I hope you’ll get more comfortable with us, we’re not that bad, right?” Evan’s grin was much friendlier and open than it was when Jonathan first came into the room.

It caught him off guard.

It takes a long time for Evan to even feel comfortable enough to joke around with someone; his smiles were more for being polite than anything else. Why Evan was trying so hard for ‘Conner’ to have a good first impression completely baffles him. But that didn’t stop his heart from fluttering softly in his chest.

Jonathan offers Evan a little smile, hoping he could convey how grateful he was for his effort. Guilt nestled too comfortably in his stomach. He really doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve any of their kindness.

God, he really has done it this time.

Evan’s grin froze on his face, the sudden silence snapping Jonathan’s out of his musing. His brief smile wavered as the other continued to stare, his eyes transfixed on Jonathan’s lips. Subconsciously, Jonathan lifted his hand and covered his mouth, worried that he had something on his face.

The movement startled Evan out of his trance and he immediately began to laugh rather forcefully, his face slightly flushed, “Ahh, so, yeah, I’m just going to let you guys do your thing. I’ll-I’ll be over there.”

Jonathan watched in confusion as Evan scurried to where the group was, feeling like he missed something.

However, he didn’t have much time to think about it because Luke was already tugging him out the door. His grip on Jonathan’s wrist was fierce, palms dripping with sweat. Their pace was even and slow as if each step was carefully planned out.

Their friend’s voices got fainter and fainter as the two closed the door behind them and continued to walk down the hall. The pace was much brisker, perhaps driven by their own impatience to find a secluded spot. In no time, they found a room down the hall that was vacant, free from staff members and snooping creators. Their breaths were ragged and clipped once they entered the room.

However, once the door closed and they both deemed it safe, Luke didn’t have a chance to even utter a word before the remaining oxygen in his lungs was forced out with a sucking gasp.

He staggers and hunches forward, Jonathan’s fist planted firmly on his stomach where he delivered the sucker punch. Jonathan glared piercing daggers at him as Luke wheezed in pain, knowing full well that the taller man couldn’t see him. Luke took his blessings because he sure Jonathan’s eyes were absolutely **terrifying.**

“....Ughhh, yeah...I _-wheeze-_ I deserved that…”

“Ya think?!!” Jonathan seethed, uncaring that his voice came out high pitch and croaky. The fear and panic that has been vibrating through his body during that whole encounter began to surface, fierce and unrestrained. Any anger he had towards Luke, however, completely drained with the punch and now he was left with hysteria.

“Cartoonz, what the fuck are we supposed to do?!”

“I-I don’t know!” Luke managed to gasp out, the punch still leaving him winded, “Aw, fuck!”

They were both freaking out.

They’re so fucked.

“We’re so fucked!” Jonathan cried out, tugging harshly at his hoodie, “We shouldn’t have done this!”

“Calm down, Delirious,” Luke said firmly, placing his hands on Jonathan’s shoulders and squeezing gently, “Let’s take a moment to breathe and think about this.”

“Okay, okay,” Jonathan muttered, his voice still high from panicking. They took turns breathing in and out of their noses, their foreheads pressed against each other as they took each breath.

Once they felt calmer, Luke separated and calmed both his hands through his hair, sighing deeply, “What happened?”

“I was walking around and this lady, uhh Layla, found me and took me to her group because of my pass.” Jonathan groaned out, his eyes glinting with lingering anger, “Turns out the pass was for their group and not a normal pass, and then they mistook me as one of them because one of their passes was gone and they thought someone sent them a replacement.” His words were sharp at the end of his sentence, making Luke wince.

“Fuck, okay.” Luke sighed again, “So stealing a pass was apparently not a good idea.”

Jonathan snorted at that.

“But what’s done is done. Everyone already saw you and the lady recognises you as one of their members. If you just not show up and hide at the hotel, it will be really fucking suspicious that ‘Conner’ suddenly disappears. Nothing good will happen if we do that.”

Jonathan made a distressed noise in the back of his throat, but he knew that Luke was right. If he doesn’t show up at all, the security team will stick their noses in places he really doesn’t want them to be. He was also sure that impersonating a bodyguard would be a one-way ticket to prison.

Oh god.

“Then we can’t do that.” Jonathan muttered, leaning his shoulder against the wall, “It will be much easier to just be ‘Conner’.”

Luke nodded with a frown, “I think that’s all you can do. It’s safer to just continue your charade as a bodyguard for the rest of PAX, then we hide you out at the hotel for the last remaining days until we can fly out of here. Jesus Christ…” Luke took a moment to take a calming breath. “This is such a fucking mess we got ourselves in.”

Jonathan barked out a laugh, harsh and sharp, “We?! You’re telling me! You’re not the one who has to follow Vanoss around!” Jonathan’s face fell, and Luke felt his heart squeeze at how vulnerable he looked, “You’re not the one that has to pretend to be someone else and lie. Lie and lie right at our friend’s faces. Secrets after secrets after secrets…they never end.”

Jonathan felt a few tears gather at the corner of his eyes and he was once again grateful for the tinted glasses. He hated feeling this way. He was not ashamed to cry, crying sometimes helped him feel better after something becomes too much for him and he needed to vent. But he hated when he wasn’t in control of his own feeling, he felt so weak. Especially if it was caused by something so, so stupid.

So, he cleared his throat and straightened himself up, determined to not let his emotions take over him.

Even if the guilt and fear eating away at him were **unbearable.**

“So, I guess I’m a security guy now.” He said with a chuckle, proud that his voice didn’t shake.

Luke furrowed his eyebrows, eyes filling with worry, “Delirious-”

“Alright! If I’m going to be a bodyguard, then I’m going to be the best goddamn bodyguard the world has ever seen! No villain will escape my sights!” Jonathan cackled to himself. It was so like Jonathan that it caught Luke off guard.

“I swear on my life that I will keep Vanoss safe!”

“Woah Woah!” Luke interjected, incredibly lost, “You don’t have to go that far. You only have to act the part, y’know like follow him around and keep fans away from him- that sort of thing!”

He was even more confused when Jonathan suddenly shook his head. “Cartoonz, I can’t just do that.” Jonathan murmured.

He lifted the glasses up to his forehead, his eyes fluttered open and he stared openly at Luke. “It can’t be a charade. You know better than I do how shit can hit the fan, especially at conventions. I heard everything when I was at Layla’s meeting, a lot of the people coming are here for Vanoss and the rest of the guys. That’s why her group exists in the first place.” He glared determinedly, “That means something can really happen to you guys. Before I even knew I was assigned to Vanoss, I already decided I was going to take this seriously.”

His arms curled around his stomach, eyes glinting with the fear running through his veins. “Cartoonz, I won’t be able to forgive myself if I ruin everything for our friends just because I fucked up so bad. I can’t…”

“Delirious, you’re not going to be alone in this. If something happens, you bet your ass I’m going to help. I swore to you that you were going to have fun when I brought you here, didn’t I?” Luke said fiercely, “I’ll be damned if I don’t keep my promises.”

Jonathan smiled weakly and nodded, sliding the glasses back in place. It was hard to fully believe those words after everything that has happened. Hard to believe those words when the real nightmare hasn’t even begun.

But, he still held some hope. Because it was Luke who was saying it.

Jonathan and Luke shared a small, comforting hug. A sense of reassurance passed between them, they knew that no matter what happens, they will have each other’s back.

“...I think we should start heading back.” Luke mumbled into Jonathan’s hair. Jonathan nodded slowly, releasing his hold around Luke’s waist.

However, both of them shot out of the hold at the sound of their phones going off. Hearts pounding, they fumbled through their pockets to retrieve their phones, the notification bell sounding much louder in the quiet corridor.

It was the group chat again.

_PAX HYPE BITCHES (7:49 a.m.)_

**Smitty** : So!

 **Smitty:** What does everyone think of the new guy?

_Tyler is typing…_

**Tyler:** why the FUCK are you talking on the group chat when we’re literally sitting on the same couch

 **Tyler:** stop fucking ignoring me IRL I know you can hear me

 **Smitty:** LOL

 **Smitty:** It’s because I don’t know how far Luke took Conner

 **Smitty:** Don’t want the guy to hear us talking about him behind his back, how messed up is that?

 **Brock:** So… you want to talk about him in a group chat behind his back instead

 **Smitty:** PRECISELY

 **Brian:** Your logic is fucked

 **Smitty:** That’s fair

 **Smitty:** Anyways, what do you guys think about Conner?

 **Ohm:** I like him! He looks mysterious :O

 **Craig:** He seems pretty nice, plus those glasses are FINE. -gif-

 **Anthony:** He’s a nice guy? We don’t really know much about him haha

 **Scotty:** he seems alright dont rlly have an opinion of him yet

 **Nogla:** same

 **Jon:** i think he’s kind of cool. I dig his look

 **Jon:** he at least looks like he could take a punch

 **Smitty:** Right?

 **Lui:** Lol he’s pretty quiet, I don’t think we ever heard him say anything at all which is weird

 **Lui:** Unless he’s deaf or mute

 **Lui:** If that’s the case I’m an asshole

 **Brian:** You’re already an asshole, you don’t need his help

 **Lui:** touché

 **Brian:** Anyways the guy is creepy, that’s all I’m gonna say

 **Marcel:** i’m with Brian

 **Marcel:** i don’t trust the guy

 **Tyler:** same here. what the fuck is with the glasses?

 **Tyler:** i dont care that he needs to wear them, that shit is weird

 **Brock:** C’mon guys, it’s not good to judge him so quickly. Like Scotty and Anthony said, we don’t know anything about him yet

 **Brock:** Besides, he’s going to be with us, namely Evan, for the rest of PAX. It would be nice if we got along.

 **Evan:** I agree.

 **Evan:** So let’s not scare the poor guy before we get to know him

 **Evan:** Plus it’s not his fault that he looks creepy, he has a job to do

_Multiple people are typing…_

**Brian:** ur right sorry

 **Tyler:** fine

 **Marcel:** that’s true

 **Craig:** That’s the spirit! :)

 **Ohm:** :)

_Jon his typing..._

**Jon:** not to change the topic but there’s only like thirty minutes left until the doors open

 **Jon:** get hype brothers

 **Craig:** OH SHIT OH SHIT

 **Brian:** Awesome

 **Marcel:** i was getting tired of talking about the guy anyway

 **Brian:** We get tired of talking WITH YOU in general

 **Craig:** They ask you are you are and you have to say that you’re fine but you’re not really fine

 **Marcel:** SHUT THE FUCK UP MINI

 **Marcel:** FUCK YOU TERRORISER

 **Brian:** Love ya too buddy :)

 **Scotty:** AYEE LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD

 **Brock:** @Luke Hey, the doors are about to open. Finish up with Conner and come back to the room, we’re going to break off :)

Jonathan sighed as the chat spiralled into more memes and hype for the doors opening.

Less than thirty minutes away…

PAX will officially start and Jonathan’s role as Conner will begin. He had no idea how he was going to pull this off, no idea what was going to be thrown at him. Would he even be able to handle it? He’d like to think so, but with everything that has happened, he couldn’t trust fate to be on his side.

All he can do is distance himself from his friends, act like the ‘creep’ Brian and the other’s think he is, and hopefully make it through the next three days with his identity intact.

Then, he can finally, _finally_ go home. Where he should have been in the first place.

He took a peek at Luke, who was scrolling through the chat with a frown, eyes pinched in agitation. Luke was just as happy as he was feeling. At least he wasn’t going to go through this alone.

His phone chimed once more and Jonathan opened the chat, briefly wondering if he should silence his phone. If the guys were going to be using the chat this much, it might not be a good idea to have his notifications on.

He clicked on the notification and froze, realising which chat it took him to.

_Our little corner (8:01 a.m.)_

**Evan:** Hey Delirious! PAX is about to start so make sure you have your phone with you, we’re going to be sending you a lot of shit haha

 **Evan:** Also, you’re going to get a kick out of this

 **Evan:** But I have a bodyguard, how sick is that?

 **Evan:** To be honest, I don’t think I rlly need one but he’s here so there’s nothing I can do

 **Evan:** Plus, he seems nice so I don’t think there will be any problems

 **Evan:** Haha in a strange way he kind of reminded me of you, he had his whole upper face covered all mysterious like.

 **Evan:** Mysterious Delirious amiright?

 **Evan:** In any case, today is going to be a weird one. If he gets into any fights I’ll let you know lol

 **Evan** : I’ll call you when today ends and tell you about it :)

Jonathan bit his lips, the guilt in his stomach felt heavier as he read through the messages. If he reminds Evan of himself just by being near him, then Jonathan really needed to distance himself from him. Which is going to be difficult to do since he has to be with him at all times as his bodyguard.

He rubbed his face and sighed. He really couldn’t do anything.

Foolishly, he answered back.

 **Delirious:** HAHA a bodyguard????

 **Delirious:** Bat Owl doesnt need no bodyguard

_Evan is typing…_

**Evan:** Pfft I know but what can you do

 **Delirious:** still

 **Delirious:** i hope you dont rlly need to have his help

He really, really hoped.

 **Evan:** Don’t wooorrrry we’ll be fine

 **Delirious:** thats what you say before something goes wrong

 **Evan:** Haha seriously, we’ll be fine. It’s not like I can’t take care of myself

 **Evan:** I’m about to go now but remember to keep your phone on you

 **Evan:** I’ll kick your ass on gta if you go silent on us

_Delirious is typing…_

**Delirious:** not if i kick your ass first bitch

 **Delirious** : :P

This brought on a new worry for Jonathan.

He may have to become Conner, but he can’t suddenly stop being Delirious.

Everyone may give him some slack if he doesn’t respond to a few conversations during the first day, but if it continues they won’t let him slide. They will throw a fit and nobody will like that. If it comes to that, there will be a lot of questions. Questions he knew both he and Luke would not be able to answer.

He’s going to have to figure out how to juggle being both Delirious and Conner during his time with his friends. That means having his phone on vibrant and sneak in texts during breaks or panel times.

Jonathan dejectedly sighs, catching Luke’s attention. “You okay?”

Jonathan laughs humourlessly. He had to ask that now?

“Not really, but I’ll live.”

He glances towards the end of the hallway, the staff were frantically setting the final touches in place.

Soon. Soon. Soon.

“Think I’ll be able to find time to be Delirious and Conner to our friends?” He asks quietly. The sun’s raze shined through the windows, hues of yellow and orange flooded his vision. He could hear the cheering growing louder as the people waited outside counted down the minutes. They too were drenched in those vibrant colours.

Soon. Soon. Soon.

Luke’s eyes pinched further, he crossed his arms and breathed deeply, “You have to if you want this to work.” He answered, features tensed.

Jonathan nodded mutely before Luke motioned for him to follow him back to the room. Jonathan didn’t want to cause any more trouble for his friends, so he sucks up any remaining fear and schools his features to a more stoic look.

He can do this, he can do this, he can do this.

Why did the walk feel so much shorter? Why did his chest curl with anxiety, and, a little bit of excitement? Why was everything so much brighter?

Evan was the first to greet them once they entered the room, offering them a smile. Everyone else was jumping up and down with excitement, their joy clear on their faces.

“Ready to ghost me?” Evan joked as the two got near.

Jonathan nodded, fist clenching at his sides.

It never mattered if he was ready or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is when PAX finally starts! Sorry for the slow build up but I felt this was necessary to add before anything else happens.  
> Also! I need your help! All the major events have been planned, but I personally have never been to any PAX so I thought it would be fun if you want to, you can give me ideas of what Delirious and the boys could do!  
> It can be games, booths, or even events! You can also suggest moments such as more Delirious/Evan moments, Ohm/Cartoonz, or Smitty/Jon; even other pairings (though those will be more platonic haha) and fan moments!  
> If I use your idea, I will make sure to credit you in the chapter as well :)  
> Don't feel pressured to do so! Like I said, everything else is planned out so this is more for fun!  
> Thank you as always for reading! Make sure to stretch and drink some water, Loves! <3


	5. Something Violet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan raised his head to give him a grateful look but was met with such an intense gaze that he immediately felt uneasy. Instead, he nodded his head in thanks and continued to follow the group, his guard coming back full force after Jon merely walked beside him. They walked side by side, pace much more leisure than the others.
> 
> He was starting to sweat again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, it's Halloween month! Which means my spirits are high and my motivation is flowing ^-^ To be honest, it took me a bit because I struggled to get the wording right in a few places. Writing crowds is a little difficult haha! But, I pulled through! And I'm satisfied with how it turned out. It was still fun though! Since the setting is now set, I can now focus on the relationships and (hopefully) move Delirious' and Evan's along. We're getting there, guys!   
> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! I hope you understand how validating it feels to get a notification from you guys even after a few weeks have passed from me being silent. I don't deserve all of you <3  
> Un-beta'ed so mistakes are my own.

The first thing that Jonathan realised was that conventions were incredibly, incredibly loud. 

A staff member had come into the room moments before and informed everyone that the doors were now opening. But to him, the announcement wasn’t necessary at all. He could hear the people outside clearly through the walls. The excited cheers, the pounding of their feet, the voices mingling with one another. He already felt too stimulated by everything, and he hasn’t even set foot on to the main floor yet. 

He was lucky that his friends were taking a few minutes to gather their things before they headed out because Jonathan was absolutely  **shaking.** He took a moment to take deep breaths, thankful that no one other than Luke was paying any attention to him. 

His friends too were feeling a variation of nerves and excitements, but they were far more prepared than Jonathan so they went through the emotions in strides. Ohm was arguably the most excited and nervous of them all, he hung off of Luke’s arms like his life depended on it and talked a mile a minute with each breath he took. He dressed very formally in a grey buttoned-up dress shirt, dark blue skinny jeans, and thick, non-prescription glasses. A far contrast to the oversized hoodies and pyjama pants Jonathan was used to seeing on him. Ohm felt like it would be better for him to dress like this so fans would have a harder time identifying him and might mistake him for an assistant or a random cosplayer (which he was going for). 

“Nobody knows what you look like anyways, why the glasses?” Anthony had asked him when they first met up at the hotel. Ohm responded that he could never be too careful, fans can be very observant when they wanted to be. He couldn’t count how many times he caught his fans theorising in the comment sections, some of their theories way too close to reality for his comfort. So, anything to get attention off of him was welcomed. 

Jonathan never felt so understood in his life when he heard about it. 

“Alright!” Evan spoke up, “the staff just gave us the a-okay. Majority of the people waiting outside have been let in so we can start walking around now!” 

“Thank God,” Tyler groaned from his spot on the couch, “We were wasting away over here.” 

“Actually, I was quite comfy.” Anthony said with a grin, “Now you guys are going to be deprived of my sexy rolls.” He motioned down to his stomach, which was peeking out from under his shirt. 

“A tragedy,” Tyler laughed, “whatever will we do without seeing that hot bod.” 

“Anthony, I’m right there with you, brother. People just can’t stand how attractive we chubby boys are.” Jon drawled from his slouched position, purposefully rubbing his hand on his extended stomach. 

Smitty walked over and smacked it lightly, giggling when Jon made a satisfied grunt. “He’s right, now that's what I call sexy! Everyone else can go home.” 

“Damn right.” 

Everyone chuckled as Jon pulled Smitty into his lap and smacked Smitty’s stomach repeatedly in playful retaliation, Anthony’s boisterous laughter echoing besides them. Watching the interaction made Jonathan feel less afraid somehow. Their laughter was infectious, it chased away the jitters and anxiety curling around his limbs. 

His hands didn’t shake anymore. 

The gang began to shuffle out of the room, chatter and jokes flying across each other freely. Jonathan knew then on that his job came into effect. His shoes clicked loudly on the tiled floor as he walked rigidly beside Evan, Luke lingering close behind with Ohm on tow. The group broke off slowly as they reached the end of the corridor connecting to the main floor, using the booths and blockers to shield themselves from the people’s eye. 

They knew that eventually they will be caught and swarmed by their fans, and they had no problem with that, but they would like to have their baring for just a few moments to themselves on the floor before that happened. 

Jonathan crept behind the barriers alongside them, the sound of the main floor ringing in his ears. It was much louder than it was in the room, and ten times more intimidating. The small glances he had were all that he needed to feel overwhelmed. There were so many people. So, so many. He was surprised by how easily the people mingled with one another, just barely managing not to bump or jostle their neighbours as they walked along. He could recognise a few cosplayers for video games in the masses of people, impressed by how spot-on they crafted their attire. 

He didn’t let himself get too distracted from these glimpses however and he continued to follow Evan to their destination. They met near the first panel room, just before the fortnite booth, and slid under one of the blockers. Here, the group truly broke off. 

“Phones on, boys,” Marcel said with a wicked grin. “We’ll see you on the other side.” He, Anthony, Scotty, Lui, Craig, and Tyler formed together; their group already decided from the plan. They turned to the rest of the group and saluted playfully, before carefully merging into the crowd, in hopes to try out some of the games and events. 

Jonathan internally laughed as he watched his friends go, noting how Tyler and Craig stuck out in the crowd from their tallness. Mostly Tyler. It was no surprise to hear the sudden cheers from fans as they too had spotted the group. The guys were swarmed immediately by the demanding crowd, and what Jonathan could see, Tyler and the rest of the guys answered back with happy smiles. 

“They didn’t make it very far,” Brock chuckled. 

“We never do,” Brian replied with a grin on his face. 

“So...no hope for us then, boys,” Nogla mumbled, peeking over Brock’s shoulder. 

“Nogla, with your tall, lanky ass, we never had a chance to begin with,” Brian said bluntly, elbowing Nogla’s stomach with a scowl. 

Jonathan bit his cheek to stop his on-coming giggles as the rest of his friends freely laughed at Nogla’s pout. The two began to bicker as the remaining group followed behind Brock to find another access point to join the crowd. They successfully slid under the blocker and jumped behind a booth without anyone noticing. Jonathan felt like a ninja jumping from booth to booth, his heart leaping to this throat with each advancement into the main floor. 

“Okay, Gorillaphent texted me. He’s around the corner at Capcom with Squirrel. That’s where we’re going to drop you off, Ohm.” Luke informed Ohm as they ducked under another blocker. So far, nobody has glanced in their direction. Most too distracted by the games and the crowd itself to spot them. 

Ohm nodded slowly as they neared Capcom, uncertainty filtering onto his face. “I really wanted to stay with you, but it would be kind of obvious who I was if I did…” He chuckled softly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. 

Luke turned his head to look at him, his tensed features softening. “Don’t worry. You’ll have a great time with ‘Rilla and Squirrel, and it’s just for today. After that, no one will bat an eye if they see you with us.” 

Everyone besides Luke, Ohm, and Jonathan shared a look. They shuffled closer together, Evan beckoning Jonathan to come near him, to give the other two space. 

“I know, I know. Sorry.” Ohm said quietly, a grin breaking on his face when Luke groaned. 

“Don’t apologise, ya dumbass.” Luke leaned down and pecked him on the nose, smirking when Ohm wrinkled it. “Now hurry up and join the other dumbasses. Try not to break something, and please stay with the guys. I don’t want to get a call from Gorilla telling me you got lost like an idiot.” 

“I’m not going to get lost!” Ohm grumbled, wrapping his arms around Luke’s neck to pull him into a proper kiss. 

With the way Luke jerked, he was not suspecting the attack. But he didn’t complain and kissed back with a chuckle, feeling some of his own panic melt away with each little peck. 

Ohm broke it off with pop, the smile on his face didn’t fit right on his usually innocent expression. “That’s how you’re supposed to say goodbye to someone!” 

“Noted,” Luke laughed, his smile matching Ohm’s. They circled their hands together as Luke discretely led him to where Gorillaphent and Squirrel were waiting. “I’ll be right back!” Luke called back, looking directly at Jonathan as he said it. 

“Take your time.” Brock waved, his eyes twinkling with amusement. The two were already lost in the crowd. 

“Apparently, that’s how we’re supposed to say goodbye now, take notes boys,” Smitty said, throwing his right arm around Jon who grinned back at him. 

“I just did.” Jon pretended to write on an invisible paper. “Who wants to say goodbye to me first?” He puckered his lips and gestured to himself suggestively. 

Jonathan once again bit the inside of his cheek as everyone laughed. He had a feeling he was going to be doing that a lot. 

“No one wants to kiss you,” Brian said with a snort, “Well, other than Smitty.” 

Smitty shrugged, “Your loss, mah dude.” He reached over and squished Jon’s cheeks together until his lips puckered out even more, “Who wouldn’t want to make out with this fine ass mouth?” 

“I’mph gortheous.” Jon managed to say, spit drooling from the corner of his mouth. 

“See? Damn kissable.” 

“Sexy,” Brock laughed as Smitty released Jon’s cheeks. 

To Jonathan, the intense atmosphere surrounding him began to diminish with each second watching his friends goof around. It almost felt like he was in his room again, joining in on their group calls. It was really, really nice. 

He shook his head. 

Right, this was not the time to be thinking about that. 

Jonathan shuffled closer to the group and tugged on Evan’s jacket, suppressing the urge to flinch when he turned around. 

“Oh, oh hey. Yeah, what’s up?” Evan acknowledged, shooting him a friendly smile. Jonathan merely pointed at the schedule, which he had been carrying the entire time, extending his arm so Evan could see. 

“I think he’s telling us that we don’t have much time left to just be standing here.” Brock spoke, leaning forward so he could observe the schedule more closely, “I say we have less than an hour to walk the floor before we’re supposed to go to our signings. Is that right?” 

Jonathan nodded in agreement, face relaxing. 

“Oh, shit. Then we better actually find some games to play.” Evan grinned, “Thanks for the reminder, Conner.” 

Jonathan ducked his head, nodding once in acknowledgement. However, as he looked back up, he caught the sight of Jon looking directly at him. His usually aloof expression was tensed, eyebrows furrowed and lips twisted uncomfortably. It sent Jonathan reeling to have that look directed at him. Jon didn’t say anything though, eyes shifting in intensity as it swept over his face, before he turned his attention towards Smitty, the tensed expression completely gone. 

Jonathan was absolutely baffled from the brief change of attitude, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it before the group continued their sneaking around. They managed to make their way towards the centre of the main floor where most of the games were displayed. The noise was much more overwhelming, with the effects from the games and the excited squeals from the crowds. While he knew that PAX was centred around gaming, he didn’t realise how  **massive** the floor would be. 

It stretched from wall and wall, each booth connected created a spiral shape. It was all games.

Games, games, games. From different genres to different consoles. No space was wasted. 

He felt excitement flood through him, his inner gamer calling out to the displays. He wanted to run up to the crowd of people and get his hands on a controller, to understand what those flashing colours mean. Reds, greens, violet; it was overwhelming in all the right ways. 

It’s a sight Jonathan always dreamt of seeing. 

A sight he had no hopes of being able to touch. 

A sudden flash of light ripped Jonathan from his thoughts and he blinked. They were surrounded. When did that happen? They barely stepped out of their hiding place and they were already recognised. 

“That didn’t take long,” Brian mumbled to the group, smiling brightly for the flashing pictures and loud screams. It was much more intense than Jonathan realised. The fans were suddenly in their personal space, faces glowing in awe as they gazed upon his friends in wonder. Evan and the rest of his friends welcomed the attention with easy smiles, greeting the fans joyfully and accepting pictures and signing requests. 

It was only a small crowd that surrounded Jonathan and the other’s, but as more time passed, a few stragglers began to join. Jonathan tried to keep his breathing in check, reassuring himself that no one there was paying him any attention. He knew what to expect before he stepped on to the floor, but that didn’t stop him from being completely off guard. 

The only thing keeping him grounded was the fact that this friends truly looked unbothered by the attention. 

They were happy to talk to the fans who asked questions, happy to take ridiculous pictures with even more ridiculous poses, happy to squint down at tiny screens and wish a happy birthday or a congratulation to the people who couldn’t attend. At the end of the day, no matter how much they complained or roasted their fan base, each and every one of Jonathan’s friends truly cherished their fans and subscribers. They came here for  **them** after all. 

Jonathan caught a few people dressed up as ‘Delirious’ squishing themselves around Evan and asked for a picture. And Jonathan knew that he felt the same way towards his own fans. 

Evan smiled, pleased, “Sure. After that, I want my own picture. Delirious is going to love this.” The Delirious cosplayers absolutely glowed at his words and nodded their heads frantically. They posed dramatically as Evan took the picture with his own phone, his left hand held up towards the camera and flashed it a middle finger. 

Jonathan would have found the whole thing incredibly endearing if one of the people in the crowd didn’t shove him to the side to ask Evan for a picture. 

If only they knew. 

With a defeated sigh, Jonathan slapped his cheeks and squared up his shoulders. He had a job to do after all. 

Apologising profusely in his mind, Jonathan thrusted his body in front of Evan, dividing Evan from the excited crowd. The fans shuffled awkwardly back in surprised, including the people who were surrounding Brock and the others. Jonathan’s glasses glinted harshly as he inclined his head at the startled crowd, purposefully allowing his pass to dangle around his neck. Murmurs spread throughout the group as Jonathan tried to guide Evan towards the games, hoping that the confusion would be enough to distract them. 

It worked somewhat, he was able to drag his friends to a thankfully open game and silently gestured at the screen. While confused, Evan got what he was trying to say and started up the game, waving the rest of the guys to join him. The game turned out to be a battle royale type of game but Jonathan was too distracted to remember the name. 

As he predicted, the crowd got over their surprised and once again circled around the gang. This time, out of respect to the youtubers, they kept their distance and cheered them on from the sidelines, increasingly wary of Jonathan’s presence. 

Perfect, it was good for Jonathan to have them be aware of him early before he had to deal with the long line of people waiting for them for the signings. He made sure to hover over Evan the most, stepping forward threateningly (well, to the crowd) if a few fans dared to come closer. His status became perfectly clear to the observing crowd and their attitudes changed. 

They appeared more respectfully in his eyes and followed Jonathan’s nonverbal commands willingly. It gave Jonathan hope that his and his friend’s shared fanbase were not as rabid as they seemed to be upon their first meeting. 

Some waved at him, a few offered friendly smiles while more of the outspoken bunch gestured for him to come over and have a conversation. He shook his head at their offers but he did wave back, a little smile curling around his lips. He still needed them to believe he had some authority or they would not take him seriously. However, the crowd’s expectant gazes were difficult to avoid. Especially since Jonathan had to look directly at them, his back facing his friends as they played. 

It took every ounce of concentration to keep Jonathan from turning around to watch his friends play, his curiosity growing with each cheer from the crowd and from his own friend’s colourful callouts. Somehow, in some way, he managed to his keep his eyes forward and his body still. 

If anyone was wondering, Jonathan is still dying. 

The match lasted longer than he expected, they were trickling down to the last few people standing with his friend’s still alive. Evan visibly looked like he was struggling to catch up to his teammates, his expertise in gaming limited in royale games. He shook off Brian’s insults with a laugh as he ducked behind a tree, causing the rapid fire to only target Brian. 

“Vanoss, you piece of shit!” 

“Sorry, sorry! I don’t know what I’m doing haha!” 

Jonathan heard Evan laugh harder as from what he could tell, Brian was killed off. 

“Son of a bitch!” 

The crowd applauded Brian’s efforts and he replied back with an exasperated wave. He muttered curses under his breath as he engaged with the eager crowd, only answering Evan’s cries for help by flipping him off. 

“Oh man, oh man,” Evan grumbled, his character still cowering behind a tree as Brock and Nogla tried to clear the way. 

“Hey, Conner,” Evan suddenly called out, making Jonathan jump. “Think you can take over for me? I’m…really struggling here.” 

Jonathan pointed at himself dumbly, feeling his face flush at Evan’s laugh. “Yeah, you! Come here, hurry.” 

While Jonathan had been eager to try out the games, he immediately shook his head no. 

Evan cocked his head to the side, ignoring Brock’s cries and Nogla’s scream of, “Move yer ass, Evan! We’re dying! Ahhhhhh!!”  

“Are you sure? I promise that I won’t tell Layla if that’s what worries you.” He joked, stepping aside and holding out the mouse. “Come on and take over so it won’t be my fault when we lose.” 

‘That’s the real reason you’re offering, you bitch.’ Jonathan thought to himself, biting his lips to stop his on coming giggles. 

To his horror, Evan was watching him closely. 

“...Oh, you don’t want to laugh.” Evan murmured quietly, probably not meaning to say it out loud. But nonetheless, Jonathan heard him and immediately froze. 

“...Uh.” Jonathan squeaked, not realising he said anything at all. 

The sound startled Evan and he took a step back in surprise, accidentally bumping into Nogla. The force caused Nogla to drop his mouse. “Shit, Evan!” 

It was too late. Both his and Nogla’s character were gunned down and soon after, Brock’s character met the same fate. 

“GG boys,” Brock said with a resigned sigh, slapping his free hand over Nogla’s mouth as the latter couldn’t stop screaming profanities at Evan. “Man, we had some sweaty people on our servers.” 

“No kidding…” Evan absentmindedly agreed, his attention focussed solely on Jonathan. 

Brock busied himself with calming down the two Irishmen, while Smitty did nothing to sooth Nogla’s and Brian’s temper, egging them on and reminding them of their mistakes. Jonathan himself decided to ignore everything that happened. 

Evan did not say that. 

Jonathan is not panicking. 

Deny. Deny. Deny. 

He smoothed out the wrinkles forming around the papers clenched around his hands. 

Deny. Deny. Deny. 

Oh, their time was up anyway. 

Jonathan smacked his cheeks, chasing away any stray thoughts that were not a part of his mission. He had a job to do. 

“-Yes, Nogla, we’ll stop to get snacks after the signing ends. So, stop whining.” Brock said. 

“I’m not whining.” 

“Yes, you are- oh,” Brock paused as he noticed Jonathan walk towards him, “Do you need something, Conner?” 

Jonathan shook his head and gestured to the schedule. 

Brian reached forward and took the schedule from his hands, “Oh shite, we need to start heading to the signing area. We have less than twenty minutes before they open up the lines.” He returned the schedule back to Jonathan before cupping his hands around his mouth. “Sorry, everyone. We’re heading out.” 

The crowd voiced a range of disappointment, realising that the guys were leaving. 

“But don’t worry. You will be able to see us again for tomorrow’s signing since you guys don’t have time to line up for this one, and during our panel on Sunday. So, don’t miss it” 

The disappointment turned into excited cheers at Brian’s words. The crowd, thankfully, disperse as Evan and the other’s made their trek to the signing area. They still had a few people turn their heads and call out to them during their walk, but unfortunately, the guys could only wave at them. 

“Think Marcel and the others are already there?” Nogla asked, nearly tripping over his own feet from waving passionately at a passing fan. 

Not a second after, all their phones chimed. 

“I think that answers your question.” Brock grinned as everyone took out their phone. 

They were so focused on typing and reading the chat that Jonathan knew this was a perfect time to do the same.

 

_ PAX HYPE BITCHES (9:46 a.m.) _

**Tyler:** hey guys just a reminder that our first signing of the day is going to start

**Tyler:** scotty has been checking that all the pens and markers are working. Which was honestly not needed

**Scotty:** you never know bro

**Scotty:** you’ll thank me later

**Tyler:** i’m sure i will

**Marcel:** @Brian what did you guys do

**Marcel:** i  want to know since i had the pleasure of wasting my time having to watch Mini

**Marcel:** AS IF HE WAS A FUCKING TODDLER

**Craig:** What did I do?!

**Marcel:** who was the one who kept disappearing every five minutes???

**Marcel:** and making me miss my turn???

**Craig:** Nah nah nah nah

**Craig:** It’s not my fault that people wanted to show me things while we were playing

**Marcel:** strike one mini

**Marcel:** one more strike and i’m not going to make you a balloon figure at the hotel

**Craig:** MARCEL IT WAS NOT MY FAULT, DON’T GIVE ME A STRIKE

**Craig:** I WANT MY BALLOON SON

**Marcel:** Mini its literally only going to look like a bowling pin

**Craig:** STILL

_ Brian is typing… _

**Brian:** We got to sneak in a couple rounds of blackout 

**Brian:** We’re on our way now

**Nogla:** Evan made us lose

**Evan:** Hahaha I said I was sorry Nogla

**Nogla:** it’s okay :)

**Brock:** @everyone It’s time boys, don’t be late

**Lui:** We’re already here

**Lui:** But we had to dodge a lot of people

**Anthony:** It’s crazy this year haha

**Jon:** crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room, a rubber room. a rubber room with rats, and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once. they locked me in a room, a rubber room. a rubber room with rats, and rats make me crazy. crazy? i was crazy once

**Tyler:** do you

**Tyler:** do you just have that saved

**Jon:** all in a folder ;)

**Smitty:** I love this man

**Lui:** Lol

**Lui:** Anyways, they almost got everything set up over here

**Lui:** And let me tell that the line is LONG

**Anthony:** Don’t they usually cap it so it won’t get so massive?

**Tyler:** they did

**Anthony:** ??? Doesn’t look like it

**Tyler:** trust me, they did

**Tyler:** it was much longer before you showed up

**Anthony:** Jesus Christ

**Scotty:** this year is already becoming special boys 

**Brock:** That’s one way to put it

_ Luke has logged on _

_ Luke is typing… _

**Luke:** Alright, Ohm is with ‘Rilla and squirrel. He said he will meet up with us after the signing

**Evan:** That’s good. You’re heading this way?

**Luke:** Yup. 

**Luke:** I’m coming back

**Luke:** Almost there

**Luke:** No need to worry

**Smitty:** ...We’re not worrying?

**Luke:** Good :)

 

Jonathan felt like he deserved some kind of medal for self control, because he really wanted to throw his phone across the room. “I got it, Cartoonz.” He whispered to himself, quickly shoving his phone back into his pocket before anyone noticed. 

It took Luke long enough. He left him alone for an hour and Jonathan was already fucking up. 

They continued their way through the main floor, once again sneaking from blocker to blocker. Jonathan decided to stay in the back of the group, feeling unsure on how to carry himself around Evan. They did have an awkward moment a few minutes ago. 

God, he felt like that was going to be a recurring thing too. 

Evan engaged in a conversation with Smitty while Brian banted with Nogla. Completely oblivious to Jonathan’s trauma. Maybe it really wasn’t such a big deal and he was the only one affected. But why did Evan seemed so interested in wanting to hear him laugh? 

He suppressed a sigh. ‘Get here fast, Luke.’ 

He shook his head and returned his attention to his friends, who were sliding under multiple ‘keep out’ tapes. He struggled to get under them, grumbling to himself over how easily his friend’s made it look. Thankfully, Jon hung in the back alongside him and noticed his struggle. He lifted the tape and Jonathan slid under without a problem. 

Jonathan raised his head to give him a grateful look but was met with such an intense gaze that he immediately felt uneasy. Instead, he nodded his head in thanks and continued to follow the group, his guard coming back full force after Jon merely walked beside him. They walked side by side, pace much more leisure than the others. 

He was starting to sweat again. 

Jon suddenly glanced at him as they walked, his focus not fully on Jonathan’s face when he spoke. “From the fact that I haven’t heard you speak since the moment you came in the room, I’m sure you know how to keep your mouth shut.” The way he spoke was incredibly casual and light, but despite popular belief, Jonathan was no fool. 

He nodded his head hesitantly in response. 

Jon nodded back, “Look, I think you’re an okay guy and I have no problem with you. But we kind of showed you something back there that you weren’t supposed to see. Which is weird cuz’ they usually guard that shit with their lives.” Jon fumbled through his pockets and took out his vaporiser. He took a slow and deep breath over the device as Jonathan pondered confusedly over his words. 

Something that he wasn’t supposed to see? What could that be? All they did was sneak around the main floor, joke around, and play a royale game as Jonathan watched them. What else did they do? 

He scrunched up his nose in thought, the movement hidden from Jon’s observing gaze. Jonathan groaned internally, fluttering through his memory from the last hour. 

They dropped off Marcel and the first group near the first panel room. The snuck around the floor until Luke broke off to take Ohm with Gorillaphent and Squirrel at Capcom. 

Jonathan had to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the memory of Ohm dramatically kissing Luke in front of them. He couldn’t help feeling annoyed that Luke had the nerve to still be lovey-dovey when they’re in this situation. 

Then the guys joke around about Smitty being the only one willing to kiss Jon before they went to the play the royale game. Other than the couples being cute together, Jonathan couldn’t think of any other reaso- 

Oh. 

Oh. 

He wasn’t supposed to see Luke and Ohm or Jon and Smitty being lovey-dovey with each other. He wasn’t supposed to know that they were dating! 

Jonathan eyes widen at the realisation. 

Oh my god. 

They really were his friends. They also keeping fucking up too.

Despite not being able to see Jonathan’s face, Jon hummed in understanding. He blew smoke near the other’s face. “...So the cat is kind of out of the bag.” He remarked, voice coming out deeper because of the vape. “Which was kind of stupid on our part. We should have been more careful.” 

Jonathan vehemently agreed. How could his friends be so stupid?! If it were any other person, they would have sung on the media the moment they discovered the couples. It would have been everywhere and his friend’s already limited privacy would be broken, their reputation tarnished. Just disastrous. 

So, to blatantly expose themselves in front of a ‘stranger’ without a care? What were they thinking? 

The question burned on the tip of his tongue but be swallowed it down, giving Jon his undivided attention. 

“I think it was because we forgot that you weren’t a part of our friend group. I dunno how to explain it...you just felt like you belonged. Even though you haven’t done anything yet.” Jon chuckled. 

Jonathan began to sweat. 

He had no idea. 

“Regardless, even if your cat is out of the bag, I don’t want anyone’s else’s cat out either. Comprende?” 

‘Actually, no, not really’ Jonathan thought, trying to wrap his head around Jon’s words. Instead, Jonathan shook his head. 

Jon carefully blew out more smoke, the same intense glint shining dangerously in his eyes, “What I’m trying to say is, that I would really appreciate it if you kept mine and Smitty’s and the other guys’ relationship a secret. No one else knows and we want to keep it that way until we decide to tell. Like I said, I think you’re a cool guy so I’m sure that I don’t have to threaten you or anything. Mostly, because I can’t think of a really good threat.” 

With the way his eyes glinted, Jonathan could safely say Jon didn’t need to think of one. 

“But if it’s for Smitty, I’m not afraid to ruin my life.” 

Jonathan really wanted to cry. 

Other than Luke’s scary ‘:D’ emoticon, he never has been more threatened in his life. And he didn’t even deserve it! Of course he wouldn’t tell anyone! He’d rather eat his own foot than jeopardise his friend’s lives and relationships. He would even go as far as to personally reveal his identity on his channel to divert the attention his way if it ever came down to that. 

He was there through all the calls and silly arguments Luke shared with Ohm throughout the years. He was there when they finally decided to stop being stupid and grow some balls to ask each other out. Heck, he was also (accidentally) there when Smitty formerly asked out Jon on their private voice chat on discord. He’ll be damned if anyone dared to ruin that for them. 

Without hesitation, Jonathan nodded firmly, fingers curling around the corner of his mouth and mimicked a key locking his lips. 

A familiar smile crept on Jon’s face, “I knew I had nothing to worry about.” He slung his arm over Jonathan’s shoulder, “You and I are now besties. You should be honoured.” 

‘Trust me, I am,’ Jonathan thought, the simple gesture of affection doing wonders to his fight or flight instincts. He really needs to go see a doctor after he gets home, the constant change of his blood pressure must not be good for his health. This whole place was not good for his health. 

Jon squeezed his shoulders. “Hey, uhh, a very late question. But are you able to speak? Like, is it by choice, which is fine, or are you deaf, or is it mute? Huh.” Jon actually took a moment to contemplate that. 

Jonathan’s cheeks were going to bruise with the number of times he’s been suppressing his laughter that day.

“Anyways, doesn’t matter. I can totally look up some sign language if that’s the case so you don’t feel left out when we talk. Not cool to leave a brother hanging, if you know what I mean?” 

One minute Jon was threatening him and now he cares whether or not Jonathan is left out? 

He changed his mind. 

Jon himself is not good for his health. 

“...No...you don’t have to do that.” Jonathan decided to say, immediately surprised by how gruff his voice sounded. It’s only been an hour since his argument with Luke, the silence shouldn’t have affected him that much. Regardless, this gruff-ness made his voice unrecognisable. He can work with that. 

Jon raised his eyebrows, not expecting Jonathan to answer, “Oh, cool. You can speak. So, you choose not to talk?” 

He nodded. 

“Aye, that’s fine. Talking is overrated, takes too much effort.” Jon took another puff of his vape and did a neat trick where the smoke escaped from his ears. Jonathan was very much impressed.  “-Cough- Anyways, you think you’re going to be okay for the signing? Being a bodyguard kind of looks hard and we’re going to have a lot more people than we’re used to. Although, the ‘we’ doesn’t really apply to me since the majority of the people in line are only here for Vanoss anyways.” 

Jon genuinely seemed unbothered by that fact, as if he was only talking about the weather than the cruel reality. 

“What? But, um, I’m sure a lot of people are here for you, too!” Jonathan mumbled, wondering why he felt the need to reassure Jon. 

“I know,” Jon replied with a smile, “and I’m grateful for that.” 

He bumped Jonathan’s hip. “You got this?” 

Such a loaded question. 

In his heart, he knew nothing terrible was going to happen. Not to him or his friends or the fans coming to see them. But something didn’t sit right in his stomach. Not foreboding or ominous. It felt like a light warning. A warning for what, he doesn’t know. 

So, he couldn’t answer that question.


	6. Something Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And of course, there was Conner, another person he couldn’t stop thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guuuyyyys, I want to diiieee. This chapter came out longer than I thought, haha. But I'm happy on how it turned out. The next update might take a bit because of the upcoming holidays but I'll do my best so you guys don't have to wait for too long.
> 
> This chapter came out on schedule thanks to all your kinds words and support. I'm so thankful that many of you gave my story a chance and decided to stick around. Its all of you that help me keep going, so thank you <3  
> Un-beta'ed so mistakes are my own.

Lines, Jonathan has realised, were perhaps the most intimidating thing he has ever had the pleasure to witness. 

They should have been boring, tedious, an inconvenience. Not absolutely terrifying. 

He prepared himself for _ the _ line, the one he was supposed to watch over as the guys do their signings. He didn’t prepare for the other multiple lines surrounding him. He naively forgot that his friends were not the only ones who had their signings that day, many other YouTubers and content creators were waiting eagerly to meet their fans as well. 

The lines curved around him like snakes, the floor deafening from the loud screams and chatter. He felt his eyes going in circles as he took in the sight, his stomach churning as nausea began to settle in. Luke, who already stood on the little platform with his friends, acted as a beacon for Jonathan as he tried to navigate through the lines. He eventually made it to the group, heart pounding in his ears. 

Luke was by his side in seconds, “How are you doing?” Luke whispered to him, a smile plastered on his face as he waved to the vibrating crowd. 

“Still standing,” Jonathan gritted out. He faced away from the crowd, hand pressed to his chest as he took deep breaths. “There’s so many,” He said weakly, the faces of the fans he managed to see flashing through his mind. “How are you able to look at them without wanting to run away?” 

“It is scary at first, I’m not gonna lie,” Luke murmurs, careful not to look at Jonathan, “But the moment you actually meet them, when you’re able to talk face to face, it’s amazing. After that, you can’t help but be as happy as they are.” 

The rest of the gang settled into their chairs, pens in hand. Only three minutes until the signing officially began. 

“After all, they are our fans. They like us, they like  _ you _ . How can they be anything else but awesome?” 

Jonathan risked a glance at Luke, nausea no longer on his mind. The older man already left his side, sliding into the remaining seat next to Anthony. 

Luke was right. The people waiting in line were their fans, his fans. They were not a malicious crowd waiting to tear him apart. It was hard to take them all in, the sheer number so daunting to him. But they paid no attention to him, their starry eyes glued onto his friends and nothing else. The fans came here for his friends because they loved the videos, because they wanted to show their support for their favourite creators. 

Jonathan cast a long gaze to the crowd, his footsteps drowned out by the noise as he stepped onto the platform. In a strange way, they were here for him, too. Many people wore his merch, some dressed up like him, others held simple things like teddy bears or pins. 

“These are…our subscribers.” He whispered, far too low to be heard over the screams and cheers. But the words lifted his spirits, and he took a deep breath. His heart still pounded hysterically in his chest but fear no longer clutched at his skin. 

He took his place behind Evan and slipped into what he hoped was an intimidating pose, arms crossed over his chest. Evan turned his head to look up at him, an easy smile on his face, “Hope everything goes well, haha. I’m going to be distracted so if you need me, tap my shoulder.” 

Jonathan nodded. 

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? You’re going to be standing for a long time, five hours for the first half and four hours for the second.” Evan said in a teasing voice. 

Jonathan rolled his eyes. There were multiple staff members and security guards roaming around, he could see a few in the corner of his eye giving instructions to the people in line. They were going to be standing the same amount of time as he was, why wasn’t Evan saying anything to them? 

Jonathan nodded in response which made Evan sigh. “I tried…” He heard Evan mutter under his breath. 

It made Jonathan cock his head in confusion. But Evan already turned away, engaging in a conversation with Brian and Tyler. Jonathan inwardly sighed, feeling guilt rise in his chest. He doesn’t mean to brush his friend off, he really doesn’t, but he can’t risk getting discovered. Evan could recognise his voice when he’s sleep deprived and when his mic is messing up. There’s no way he won’t see through Jonathan’s disguise if he talks. 

So, he swallowed his tongue and looked straight. ‘Sorry, Evan.’ 

Jonathan knew the moment the staff gave the okay. The cries became louder, louder than they ever were before. His friends drummed their palms on the table in anticipation, eyes twinkling as the first group of people began to step up. 

It was… 

It was incredible. 

Every person who walked up paid him no attention but that didn’t matter to him, because he could see them. He could see  **them** . Their expressions of adoration. The way their lips trembled as they tried to muster up the courage to speak. The tears of happiness that clung to their eyes only for it to fall down their cheeks the moment they handed their item to be signed. 

It was so beautiful and humbling to witness. He felt privileged to hear the snippets of some of the stories the fans told Evan and the others, of how much the Squad meant to them and how they loved the videos, and of how those videos helped them through difficult times. He tried his best to block out some of the more personal stories, knowing how much it meant to the fan to be able to tell their idol such things. Those stories were between them and his friends alone. 

It broke his heart to see such passionate fans ushered along, their faces falling as they were forced to continue walking. Despite not being the one to talk to them, he still felt sad to see them go. However, his mood was always lifted when the next starry eyed fan walked along. 

It was the same thing over and over again. Greet, sign, talk for a bit, and continue to the next person. But it never was tiring or tedious to see it, and with the way his friends greeted each person with a wide, genuine smile; they weren’t either. 

Jonathan wanted to cry, he could feel those salty droplets of water gathering around the corner of his eyes. It was not out of sadness or fear or stress like all the other times, but of pure joy. It was the first time since Luke convinced him that Jonathan felt grateful to be there. Seeing all of these people, their subscribers and supporters; it made everything worth it. 

He took shaky breaths, swallowing down the tightness around his throat. He can’t get emotional now, not when he was doing so well. 

So far, there hasn’t been any incident for Jonathan or for any of the staff members to intervene during the signing. Everyone overall had followed the rules and instructions laid down for them, even those who were put off by the short interactions with the creators. As Evan said, the signing took a huge chunk of time. Security did their best to move the line along so everyone could meet the gang and have something signed. 

It was exhausting for everyone involved and Jonathan had a surge of respect for the staff, it’s not easy to handle such a large crowd. However, in the end they managed and soon enough, the first half of the signing was finished. 

Evan and the rest of the guys took a quick break as the staff moved up barriers so the fans wouldn’t step up onto the platform. Jonathan could tell that most, if not all, of his friends were tired. They sagged into their chairs with heavy sighs, chuckles passing through their lips as they reminisce about that day. 

Jonathan didn’t know what to do with himself so he stood awkwardly behind Evan and Tyler, resting his hands in his pocket. The two seemed to have forgotten he was there because they continued on with their conversation, once in a while pausing to take a sip of water. 

“Phew, a couple more hours boys and today is done!” Tyler exclaimed, raising his water bottle over his head. 

“Whose idea was it to have signing all day? Huh?” Brian grumbled, resting his forehead on the table. 

“Evan’s,” Brock said with a chuckle, patting Brian’s back. 

“Of course it was.” 

“Stop complaining, it was better this way.” Evan groaned. 

“I’m not complaining, I’m happy to do this. But if one more person asks me to ‘do the voice’ I swear to god-” 

“Do the voice, do the voice, do the voice.” Smitty, Tyler, Craig, and Brock began to chant, their laughs thunderous as they dodged the water bottle Brian chucked at them. 

“We’re kidding, we’re kidding. Besides, it’s not like you're going to do anything to the fans, you like it when their faces light up when you do your impressions.” Brock mused. 

Brian rubbed his face with a sigh, “yeah, yeah, I do. Well, don’t you know me so well? You watching me?” He taunts as Brock continued to laugh. 

Jonathan unfolded his arms, a grin slipping onto his face. It was good to see his friends relax, this will be the only break they’ll have for the rest of the day. So, they should savour it. And they were, they laughed and made jokes on someone else’s expense while drinking water and eating small snacks. 

To Jonathan’s surprise, Evan didn’t join in on the jokes. Sure, he laughed at a couple of the jokes or voiced an opinion here and there, but it was nothing like how he usually was. 

Without thinking, Jonathan crept closer, walking around the table so he faced Evan. He took a step back so he wasn’t hovering over the table and took a look, eyebrows furrowed in concern. 

Evan was leaning his head against his prepped up arm, eyes slightly glazed over. He appeared to be in a group conversation with Nogla, Brian, and Tyler; but he didn’t engage as much as the others. He didn’t look sick or relatively tired, just out of it. 

Jonathan frowned. ‘Maybe…’ he wondered. 

He stepped away from the table and crept to where Luke sat, thoughts swirling in his head. He tapped on Luke’s shoulder, catching his attention. Luke immediately stood up, face tense. Luckily, everyone was busy into their own conversation to notice them. 

“What happened? You okay? Wait, shit, you need water.” He reached over the table to pick up his scattered water bottle, but Jonathan shook his head. 

“Not right now, I’ll drink later. Cartoonz, I need you to distract Wildcat, Terroriser, and Nogla for a sec,” Jonathan hastily whispered, nervously darting his eyes back and forth. 

“Huh? Why?” Luke questioned.

“Just do it.” 

“Alright, alright.” Luke rolled his shoulders before walking calmly to Evan’s little group as Jonathan slipped away to where the staff members were. 

“So!” Luke started, clasping his hands on Tyler’s and Nogla’s shoulder, effectively stopping their conversation, “How many people during the signing told you to stop playing fortnite?” 

Their reactions were instant, Tyler frowned deeply while Nolga groaned loudly. Brian cackled beside them at their reactions. 

“Ugh, not as much as I thought, which is great. But we still had some-” Tyler began to rant, somehow rounding both Marcel and Smitty to join in the conversation. 

Luke easily slipped away from the group, his gaze held high in search for Jonathan. He managed to catch his figure a few seconds later. “What are you doing?” Luke asked when Jonathan returned, eyebrows raising at the sight of multiple snacks piled in his arms. 

“Oh, good. Evan is alone.” Jonathan replied instead. 

Luke managed to stop himself from sputtering when Jonathan simply kept walking. He sighed, rubbing his face in frustration before returning to his seat, making sure to keep his eyes on Jonathan. 

Evan was the same way as when Jonathan left him, but instead of leaning on his arm he was absentmindedly running his fingers through his hair, sighing ever so often. 

So, Jonathan felt no remorse in dumping his pile in front of his face, purposefully slapping his hand on the table. The noise startled Evan into looking up, the glazed look disappearing as he returned to his surroundings. 

“W-What?” He muttered, tilting his head down to look at the snacks before him. He blinked, “Oh.” 

Jonathan bit his cheek to stop himself from laughing at Evan’s dumb response. Instead, he pushed the snacks forward before standing back up straight, using his head to point at the snacks. 

Evan blinked again, eyes widening, “Oh! Are these for me?” 

Jonathan nodded. 

Evan instantly smiled, his hand digging into the sweets, “Oh, nice. Thanks!” 

Jonathan nodded again before turning around, his steps light as he returned to his spot. 

“Ah, do you want one? I know you gave them to me, but you haven’t eaten yet either so…” Evan suddenly offered from behind him. Jonathan shook his head before once again pointing at the snacks.  Evan sighed, the smile still on his face, “Okay, I got it. Thanks, again.” 

“Oh, shit! Evan, where did you get all that?” Nogla yelled, his arm reaching for one of the treats before Evan could reply. 

“Oh, Conner gave me them,” He began, swatting away both Nogla’s and Tyler’s hands. 

Jonathan watched from the sideline, pleased. “Good, he’s good now.” He whispered. 

“Are you going to explain what that was all about?” Luke said, holding out the schedule paper to Jonathan as if he was discussing with him. 

“Hmm,” Jonathan hummed, “Evan doesn’t really do well with people for a long time so I think the crowd was getting to him. He was, uhh, what do you call it, disconnected? Yeah, disconnected with reality for a bit, so I thought it would be good for him to be by himself just long enough for it to get out of his system before getting somethin’ to eat. He looks better,” Jonathan explained with a little smile, relieved to see Evan laughing along with the others at the shitty pun Craig uttered about food. 

He had remembered that Evan was kind of like him when it came to being in the centre of attention, they both thrived online among their friends. They were confident there, free from judgement. However, when the attention is coming from hundreds of people, where they couldn’t hide behind their screens, that confidence all but withers away. 

Jonathan was proud of Evan, he made it through the first couple of hours. He knew that he could do it again. “You’re doing great, Vanoss. Everyone was very happy to see you.” Jonathan whispered, the smile on his lips widening. 

“My question is, how are YOU doing?” Luke suddenly asked, eyebrows raised to his hairline, “Why you worrying about Evan for?” 

Jonathan flushed, forgetting that Luke was right beside him. “Oh, uh, sorry. Yeah, I’m doing okay. To be honest, I forgot about what I was supposed to be doing. I got distracted by… well, everyone,” he admitted. 

Luke nodded in understanding, face softening, “Well, if you’re wondering, you’re also doing well, Delirious. Everything is still okay.” 

Luke’s reassurance made Jonathan feel better and he laughed, careful not to be loud, “So far so good.” 

They were both startled by the sudden loud cheering coming from the barriers.

Luke grinned, “Round two.” 

The second time around was similar to the first. Jonathan went through the waves of emotion as each fan went up to greet his friends. This time, he was un-afraid to smile, happy for his subscribers and his friends. He still kept a watchful eye, aware of his supposed job. He wondered briefly if he should console with Layla the next time he sees her, hoping to have some of his questions answered about his role. 

The hours dwindled along with the line of people and before Jonathan’s eyes, the first day of PAX came to an end. 

He stood dumbfounded as his friends got up from their chairs and stretched, Anthony screaming at the top of his lungs, “It’s over!!!” 

Is the day really over already? He took a step forward and winced, a dull pain raced down his legs. He had been standing for over ten hours, his legs were feeling the strain. 

“C’mon, Evan! You’re the one with the card key.” Brian called back, slipping a small back carrying his stuff over his shoulder. 

“Coming, coming.” Evan looked behind him and waved at Conner, “Thank you so much for today. Everything went well, don’t you think?” 

Jonathan nodded slowly, still at a loss. 

Evan smile grew awkward, “Well, uh, see you tomorrow?” 

Jonathan nodded once more, lifting his hand to give Evan a small wave. Evan returned it with a small laugh before he jogged to catch up to his friends. 

People were still walking around the convention, a good number playing the games and few still in line to meet another creator. Jonathan let out a small, “Ah,” in understanding. So, the convention was not technically over, but it was for the squad. They had no other event planned for the day, having moved everything to have one day dedicated to signing. 

It still left him reeling. Time really flies by afterall. 

“Am I supposed to report to Layla or….?” he asked quietly once Luke joined him. 

Luke shrugged, “I think you can just go home. Well, sneak back to the hotel that is.” 

Jonathan rolled his eyes, “I was distracted by everything and everyone, I still can’t believe the first day is over…” 

“The only thing you did today was stand, huh,” Luke murmured, “But don’t worry! Tomorrow, we have more freedom to walk around and actually try out the games. Sunday is when we have a short meet-n-greet and then the panel.” 

Jonathan felt his heart pound. The panel. He couldn’t wait for the panel. 

“So, how are going to sneak me back i-” 

“Hey, there you are!” A voice yelled from behind them. Jonathan immediately shut his mouth and took a step back, fear coursing through his veins. 

It was Ohm jogging up to them, his arm waving enthusiastically in the air. “Toonzy, I’m just here to let you know that I’m going to be walking back with Evan and the others. I remembered that you said you were going to stay here for a bit.” Ohm gasped out, his arm automatically wrapping around Luke’s shoulder. 

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine, Ohm,” Luke agreed. 

Ohm turned to the side, eyes widening when he noticed Conner. “Oh, hey, you’re here, too! How’d it go?” 

Jonathan held his thumb up, unsure of what else to do. 

Ohm grinned at him, “That’s great! I’m glad it went well. What were you guys talking about?” 

“Uhh, well I was just telling, uh, Conner, that it was pretty cool to be staying at the same hotel. Crazy, right?” Luke answered with a wide smile, ignoring the look Jonathan was definitely giving him. 

“Really? That’s awesome! Small world, huh?” An idea must have hit Ohm because he held his finger to his lips. “You know what, we’re all going to be hanging out at Evan’s hotel room. Since we’re going to be going to the same place anyways, why don’t you join us?” 

Jonathan began to shake his head no, because that would be a terrible idea. Being in a room with everyone else, without anything to distract them? No thanks. 

However, to his horror, Luke had other plans. 

“Yes!” He exclaimed, making both Jonathan and Ohm flinch. “That is a fantastic idea, Ohm. He should join us. What better way to get to know everyone than to hang out with us after hours, right?” 

Jonathan was going to punch him in the throat. 

“Uhhhh… yeah, I think so, too,” Ohm replied after a few seconds, an unreadable look appearing on his face. The look disappeared a second later, “Well, that’s settled! See you two in a bit!” 

With that, he jogged off towards the rest of the group, probably trying to catch up to Evan. 

“Annnnnd, that’s how we get our ticket in,” Luke replied with a smirk. 

“Cartoonz, when this is all over, remind me to kill you. PLEASE.” 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Evan was exhausted. 

No matter how many years he has attended PAX, the first day was always the most draining. Getting everything set up, the crowds, the number of people he had to meet, the fact that he had a bodyguard that follows him everywhere; he really wanted to take a nap. 

But alas, his friends were terrible people and decided to crash at his hotel room for the last remaining hours of the day. Maybe it really wasn’t a good idea to book all their rooms on the same floor. It didn’t matter anyways, it was too late to complain now. 

He and the others rushed into the hotel’s lobby, careful to stay away from the staff members, and packed themselves into the thankfully free elevator. It was a tight squeeze to fit twelve grown men into the small space but they couldn’t risk waiting for another elevator. Not when other creators and guest were piling in for the night. 

“I swear to god if one of you farts, I will personally kill you.” Tyler warned, his face plastered against Nogla’s to accommodate the space. His threat made the other’s laugh, a few nervously. 

“I already feel it coming, ughhh,” Anthony groaned, rubbing his hand over his loudly gurgling stomach. 

“Anthony, I swear to god.” 

Luckily, they made it to their floor without an incident and they all but trampled each other to get out of the elevator. Evan yawned loudly as he walked, a few sleepy tears gathered in the corner of his eye. “Ugh, I’m more exhausted than I thought.” He mumbled, wiping away the sleepiness. 

“Then get un-exhausted, boy! We ain’t sleepin’ tonight!” Marcel bellowed into his ear, laughing loudly as Evan pushed him away. 

They all but busted through his hotel room, filling the space with loud cheering and laughter. He had to roll his eyes at their antics, his own mirth overtaking his tired limbs. He was not surprised to see Anthony and Tyler taking over his room’s phone the moment he walked in, the two involved in a heated debate on what food to order. In the end, they decided on pizza and ordered five of them, each with a different assortment of toppings, and beer. 

As they waited for their room service, a few started to take pictures of the room and vlog, eager to share the experience with their viewers. They took great care in leaving Ohm out of shot and saved photos with the man in a specific folder so they won’t mistakenly post it. Ohm embraced the camera without fear, overjoyed to finally take part in this experience. Nobody could stop him from smiling in any of the photos, and nobody tried, they were just as happy as he was to finally be together. 

Evan joined in a few of the photos but opted out after a few pictures later. As much as he enjoyed these moments, he really didn’t like being filmed too much. He moved out of the way and made himself comfortable on a soft cushioned chair in the corner of the room. 

After a few minutes passed, he reached into his pocket and took out his phone, absentmindedly wondering what he should do. Once the food and drinks show up, things will start to pick up. But for now, things were calm and tamed, the silence only broken by his friend’s loud chatter and their boisterous laughter. 

With a shrug, he opened up discord and scrolled through the chats and chat rooms, randomly clicking into them and re-reading the messages. It was mildly entertaining, the topics him and the gang talked about could make anyone blush or send them to the hospital from laughing too hard. However, it didn’t sustain his attention for too long and he neared the end of the chat rooms. 

A certain chat room caught his eye and he stopped scrolling. 

Delirious. 

Delirious! 

He could text Delirious! 

Evan quickly entered the chat, his face visibly brightening as he typed.

_ Our little corner (10:41 p.m.) _

**Evan:** Hey, Delirious!

**Evan:** I’m back at the hotel, and I’m so exhausted.

**Evan:** But these assholes decided to hang around my room so I can’t sleep.

**Evan:** But we’re about to have pizza

**Evan:** Jealous?

**Evan:** Haha, either way, nothing serious happened today. There were a lot more people than usual but it was like any other convention.

The messages themselves did not have much thought but Evan didn’t care, he just wanted to talk to the crazy man.

**Evan:** Oh!

**Evan:** Dude, some fans dressed up as you!

**Evan:** [sent photo]

**Evan:** Be honest

**Evan:** They look way better than you :P

He waited patiently for Delirious to reply, wondering absentmindedly how the masked man was doing. He thoughts always seemed to drift to Delirious when he went onto trips like this. Evan even thought about him sometimes during his day back home in Canada. He couldn’t help it, Delirious just entered his mind without his permission. 

What does he like to do during his free time? How does he look when he’s tired, happy, sad, laughing? What does he think about when Evan and the gang hang out like this? Thoughts like these circled in his head. 

Is he okay about not being with them? He is, right? He has to be, Delirious was always happy when he sent them off, his messages littered with funny phrasings and playful threats of getting him a souvenir. He never once complained about not seeing them. He never once complained about missing out events and gaming tournaments. He never once complained about the missed photos and memories he won’t ever have with his friends in real life. 

He continued to stand firm on keeping his identity a secret. It’s disheartening, but Evan supports his decision. But… 

“It must be lonely.” He whispered softly. 

The words echoed in his ears, insistent and deafening. He flinched, surprised by the sound of his own voice. He didn’t realise he said that out loud. Why did he say that? Where did that thought come from? But it was out in the open, and now Evan couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

Was Delirious lonely? 

He never talked about his feelings much, other than his usual antics. He stayed away from discourse on discord, only joining in when the conversation was light, humorous, or important; and it was almost impossible to get a hold of him because of his crazy sleeping schedule. So how would Evan know? How would any of them know how Delirious felt? 

Evan frowned, fingers curling around his shirt anxiously. If it was him, Evan would definitely feel lonely if he only ever watched from the sidelines, never having the option to think about crossing those invisible lines. Heck, he felt lonely when he doesn’t keep in touch with his friends or it had been too long since he last recorded with them. So, for Delirious to watch from afar for so long, constantly in the shadows, how does he feel? 

“Delirious…” Evan murmured, reaching for his phone once more. 

He couldn’t think about it anymore, he felt sick. 

He pulled up the chat and scrolled, a new worry entered his mind. Delirious hasn’t answered back yet. Wasn’t he supposed to always have his phone with him? 

Evan was anxious, his previous thoughts looming over his head.

_ Our little corner (11:01 p.m.) _

**Evan:** Delirious?

**Evan:** Helloooooooooooo

**Evan:** Is discord fucking up?

**Evan:** You better answer back, idiot.

He clenched around his phone, waiting for the device to vibrate or chime. 

Two minutes. Three minutes. 

Four. 

Five. 

Six. 

Seven. 

Before he could impulsively call Delirious, the front door of his hotel room flew open, banging loudly against the wall from the force. 

The sound startled him, his phone dropping onto his lap. Cheers of pizza resonated around the room, the noise fading dramatically after everyone realised that it was, in fact, not just the room service standing before them. 

Luke, and to everyone’s surprise, Conner, walked into the room with room service. The two helped the staff set down the pizza and drinks onto the counters, Luke generously giving them a tip for their troubles. 

Evan stands up in shock, his phone clattering onto the floor, forgotten. Everyone else shared similar reactions, most unsure on how to react. Room service quickly left the room, leaving Luke and Conner to stare back at the group. 

Ohm, who was the only one, besides Jon, unbothered by their arrival, greeted them excitingly, “Hey, you made it!” He pulled Conner into a friendly hug, grinning when the man awkwardly hugged back. “And you came with pizza! Sweet.” 

After tugging Luke down for a quick kiss, he immediately dived for the pizza, eyes practically sparkling once he got his hands on the delicious food. Conner bowed his head slightly in a silent hello after Ohm lets go of him, his hands firmly tucked inside his hoodie’s pocket. 

To Evan’s slight annoyance, his hood was still up, those large tinted glasses resting neatly on his nose. Even now, the guy continues to stay mysterious. 

Brock, as always, was the first to break the silence. “Hey, Conner. Strange to see you after hours, haha. But glad you could join us. Help yourself to pizza or anything on the snack table.” He pointed to the stacks of food and drinks on the kitchen counter and the coffee tables. 

Conner nodded his head and wasted no time in disappearing into the kitchen, Luke right on his heel, the older man mumbling about how ‘hungry’ he was. 

Once Conner was out of earshot, Brian reached over and smacks Ohm on the back of his head, the latter too busy stuffing his face to realise the tense atmosphere. “What the hell, Ohm? You invited him here?” 

“What’s wrong with inviting Conner?” Ohm asked, his cheeks stuffed with the cheesy goodness. 

Brian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “There’s nothing wrong with inviting him, but ya know a warning would be nice!” He hissed, his voice going to a higher register as he imitated Ohm’s voice, “Oh, look at me! I’m Ohm, I don’t know when to shut the fuck up and realise I shouldn’t make decisions without telling my friends first! I’m too busy eating fucking pizza!” ‘Pizza’ came out in his normal speaking voice as he shooked Ohm, eyes shutting in annoyance when Ohm merely laughed. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it would be a big deal. I met up with Luke before we left the convention and he was talking to Conner. Turns out, he’s also staying at the same hotel as us!” Ohm chirped. 

“Wait, was Conner talking to Luke?” Evan asked, joining the group. 

“I don’t think so, I didn’t hear him,” Ohm answered, “Anyways, seeing as we were going to be going to the same place, I thought it would be nice to invite Conner. You know, get to know him a little bit.” 

After he said that, Evan notes that Ohm’s smile lessened. “When I asked him, Luke jumped into the conversation and agreed for Conner. He sounded so eager, I didn’t realise he became friends with him. They must have hit it off during the day, haha!” Ohm shook his head, his smile returning, “So, now he’s here! Can I enjoy my pizza, now?” He begged, clapping his hands together. 

Brian sighed, “Yeah, yeah. Have at it, rabbit.” 

Everyone laughed as Ohm once again made a dive for the pizza, calling out to Luke if he wanted any after he took a few bites. 

Brian shook his head and shrugged, “Well, he’s here anyways. Nothing we can do.” 

Scott suddenly grinned, raising his beer into the air. When he got it, no one knows. “Ayyye, the more the merrier, am I right?! Hey, Conner! Welcome to the cool kids!” He raced into the kitchen and pulled Conner into a one hand hug, already talking a mile a minute. 

Anthony, Craig, Smitty, and Jon shrugged, deciding to join Scotty into the kitchen and talk to Conner. Everyone else got over their surprise and continued their conversations where they left off. Evan returned to his spot, his curiosity once again lit. 

And of course, there was Conner, another person he couldn’t stop thinking about. 

Despite spending majority of the day with the man, he was no closer in getting to know him. He knew Conner was not a bad person, he helped Evan get away from the crowds, and while never actually speaking, he still somehow showed Evan some respect. 

Most of all, Conner somehow recognised that he was having a hard time before the second signing, brought him a snack, and ushered the other guys away so Evan could catch his breath. For that alone, Evan wanted to get to know him. 

But it was so hard. 

Evan felt like he had a disadvantage. Conner obviously paid attention to Evan, or possibly had watched his videos before, it explained why it felt like Conner knew him. Any progress he made immediately hits a wall. He kept getting blindsided by this person. 

He groaned in frustration, sagging his body into the couch. 

“You okay over here? You look like you want to be a part of this chair.” Evan looked up to see Brock leaning against the back of his chair, a water bottle hovering over his head. He took it with a small smile, “Hey, it’s a comfy chair. Thanks for the water.” He uncapped the bottle and took a long sip, the cold liquid doing wonders to his tired body. 

Brock hummed thoughtfully next to him, placing his own bottle of water down on the coffee table. “Seriously, something on your mind? I know you’re tired but even you wouldn’t miss the chance to make fun of Tyler.” 

Evan turned his head to catch Tyler trying to strangle Marcel for dropping a copious amount of beer on his already stained shirt, their faces flushed from laughing too hard. Behind them, he could spot Conner peeking from behind a corner, a soda pressed to his chest. To Evan, Conner seemed like he was trying to become one with the wall, but he occasionally looked like he was smiling fondly at the guys’ wacky antics. Ever so often, he would hold his sleeved arm and cover his mouth, his shoulders shaking from what Evan could guess was suppressed laughter. Why does he do that? What was so bad about his laugh that he wouldn’t let anyone else hear it? 

“He’s doing it again,” He murmured to himself, memory flashing to when he caught Conner biting his lips to stop himself from laughing. Evan also got to hear him speak! Well, it was more like a noise, but he still counts that as a win! At least there was some progress. 

“Who’s doing what?” Brock’s voice startled him from his thoughts and he looked to the side to see Brock sitting next to him on the other chair. 

“Oh, sorry, I was just talking to myself.” He said quietly, rubbing his head sheepishly at being caught. 

“About?” Brock pressed, taking a small sip of his water. 

After some thought, Evan shrugged his shoulders, there wasn’t any harm in talking about it. “I dunno, I just been thinking about Conner. He… well it’s probably nothing, but I think he’s hiding his reactions. I mean, during the blackout match, he turned his head away from me and bit his lips. I think he wanted to laugh but he just… didn’t. Or at least, he didn’t want me to see him laugh.” For some strange reason, the thought made him feel uncomfortable. 

Brock scrunched up his nose in thought, mulling over the information. “Maybe he’s embarrassed about his laugh, or his voice? There’s a lot of reasons for him to not want to laugh in front of you. Besides, he hasn’t laughed or talked around us either, so I don’t think it’s anything personal towards you.” 

Evan crossed his arms and leaned against the plush chair, frowning deeply. He knew Brock was right, there could be multiple reasons for Conner’s behaviour. Either way, it was none of his business whether or not the man wanted to express himself in front of them. The bodyguard did his job well and obviously wanted a professional relationship between them, they all could respect that. 

But something was there, it pulled at his thoughts, a constant weight in his mind. Evan just couldn’t figure out what the ‘something’ is. 

Brock observed Evan quietly from his spot, head tilting curiously as he took notes on his friend’s silent distress. “Well,” He began, smothering his smirk when Evan lifted his head. “If it’s really bothering you that much, why don’t you go talk to Conner now?” He pointed at the man in question, who has not moved from his spot since he put himself there. 

“What?” Evan said incredulously, straightening his back so his full attention was on Brock. “How does that help?” 

“It probably will! Look, I think this is all a misunderstanding and nothing will change it if you don’t do anything. Even if the guy doesn’t talk back, I think you will feel better just trying to get to know him. You still have two more days with the guy, it’s not like you can ignore him. Besides, it beats just sitting here and brooding.” 

“I’m not brooding!” Evan denied with a grumble, casting his gaze over his phone. 

It never once vibrated. 

His shoulders drooped, “I was just waiting for Delirious to text me back.” 

Brock made an ‘Ah,’ sound, “I’m sure he will text you back eventually. The fact that Luke is not going on a rampage means that Delirious is okay. He’s probably recording a video or something.” 

“I guess.” Evan agreed, but Brock knew he wasn’t convinced. 

He chuckled, “You don’t have to, but I really think you should go talk to Conner. Who knows, something might happen.” 

“What are you expecting to happen?” Evan laughed. However, with a grunt, he slowly stood up and stretched his arms, nervousness flickering on to his face. It wouldn’t hurt to try, could it? Worst case scenario, he will be ignored and their already unsteady relationship will continue to plummet. If that happens, it would not be the end of the world. It’s not likely he will see Conner again anyways, so it was a win-win situation. 

Brock laughed, “I dunno, make something happen.” 

Brian walked to their spot and leaned over, entering into a conversation with Brock. 

Evan rolled his shoulders, taking slow steps towards the kitchen. Why was he so nervous? H spent the entire day with this person, why was this time any different? 

‘Well, we never really talked, did we,’ he thought to himself, grimacing. Over ten hours they have been together, and the guy had stood behind him the whole time. So, yeah, very different.

The sounds of laughter and plates clattering echoed from the kitchen as he stepped through. Nerves were replaced with mirth at the sight of Scotty being egged on by Smitty and Craig to chug an entire bottle of beer. Their voices mingled together as they sang drinking songs, the words broken by their laughter. Anthony and Jon stood beside Conner and Luke, watching the spectacle with wide smiles. 

Scotty slammed the empty bottle on the kitchen table in victory and everyone cheered. “Oh, fuck! I’m going to get so wasted.” He remarked with a grin, instantly reaching for another bottle. 

The others didn’t stop him and resumed their cheers. Before the bottle reaches his lips, Scotty looked up and spots Evan. “Ayyyyeee, Evan! Come drink with us!” 

Droplets of alcohol slid down his lips as he ushered Evan inside the kitchen, pressing an unopened bottle to his chest. Evan muses him by talking it into his hands, but he didn’t open it. “I’m surprised you’re not having a drinking competition in here.” 

Scotty’s eyes lit up, “That is a great idea! Mini! I haven’t challenged you before.” 

“Well, I’m half Irish so get ready to be destroyed, boy!” The two began to chug their drinks while Smitty commentated the ‘match.’ Anthony leisurely watched, once in a while bursting out laughing at the two’s trash talking. 

Now that their attention was off of Evan, he sneaks into Conner’s little group, a friendly smile slipping onto his face when Conner looks up. “Hey, mind if I cut in?” Evan decided to start, unsure on how to start a conversation. 

“Yo, Owlman.” Luke greeted while Conner nodded his head. 

Jon tipped his head, a small puff of smoke seeped out of his mouth. “By all means.” 

“What were you guys doing?” Evan asked. 

Jon blew more smoke from his vape as he draped his arm over Conner’s shoulder and rests his head on it, “Oh, we were talking about how well this guy did today. Not bad, right?” 

“Very well, actually,” Evan agreed with a smile. 

Conner lifted his sleeved hand over his mouth and nodded his in thanks, Jon’s draped arm following the movement. 

Evan crosses his arm in thought, one eyebrow raised at the friendly gesture. “Kryoz got to you already? Well, congrats on making your second friend, besides me,” he teases, thumping his fist on Conner’s free shoulder. 

Luke laughed weirdly while Jon grinned, “He has to be friends with me, otherwise he wouldn’t be cool. It’s the law.” 

Conner once again hid his mouth with his sleeve, his shoulders shaking in, what Evan could guess, laughter. Evan couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed at the gesture but he brushed the feeling aside. He had no right to be annoyed anyway.

”Cartoonz, come eat with me!” Ohm’s called out, his head popping out from behind the door frame, “If you don’t, all the pizza is going to be gone!” 

“What are you, a black hole?” Luke muttered out loud. 

To Evan’s confusion, Luke didn’t automatically leave. Instead, the older man turned his head and had what looked like a silent conversation with Conner. It lasted for a few seconds, way longer than Evan thought was appropriate, before Luke shook his head and followed Ohm to the living room.

“I better go get some food for Smitty and me, too. Knowing Ohm, it actually will be all gone.” Jon comments lazily, lifting his head from Conner’s shoulder, “ Do you want me to bring you a slice?” 

Conner shook his head no. 

Jon shrugged, “Suit yourself, I’ll be back.” 

Evan sidestepped out of the way for Jon, feeling his nerves return. He was alone with Conner. Well, technically not really since he had a couple of idiots behind him having a drinking competition but they were in their own little world. Conner must have realised as well because he looked more uncomfortable, if not for the way he plastered himself more onto the wall. 

Evan didn’t know what to do, if the guy was so uncomfortable just being with him, then he really wasn’t doing such a good job being his friend. He shook his head from such thoughts and squared his shoulders. He could do this, he could do this. He should start off with just talking to him. Talking is good, right? Maybe it will get Conner to loosen up in front of him. 

“Okay!” Evan clapped his hands, wincing when Conner visibly jumped. “S-Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, it’s just, ugh,” Evan groans, threading his fingers through his hair, “I feel like we’re not connecting right. N-Not because of you or anything! It’s more like we don’t know anything about each other, well, maybe you know some things about me- wait, that’s not the point!” 

Oh god, it’s going as well as he thought. 

“What I’m trying to say!” He continued, determined to at least try, “I want us to get comfortable with each other, you’re going to be protecting me for the rest of PAX so I want you to be able to trust me. S-So, let me ramble for a bit, okay?” He took shallow breaths, feeling proud that he managed to say that much. 

Those blasted glasses made Conner’s expression unreadable, but to Evan’s relief he did not look like a cornered animal anymore. Conner didn’t react negatively to his proposal so Evan took it as a green light and began to talk. 

He talked and talked about well, anything. Anything that popped into his head he mentioned. 

“My favourite game is Call of Duty 4, I know how to play the guitar, uhh, some of my favourite shows are; Dexter, Spongebob, and The Office. I don’t really like movies that much but I liked Good Burger and Stepbrothers. Oh! I know how to play all the Metallica songs on the guitar by heart, I’m really proud about that.” 

He talked about how he got his youtube name and how he started his career. He talked about his love of hockey and his pride as a Canadian, mentioning that he was also proud of his Chinese heritage. He talked about how he met his friends, including the infamous H2O Delirious. He laughed as he explained how the two got to know each other, “It’s a really boring story, we just messaged each other back and forth and we found out that we had similar interest. But, I’m glad I did. He became one of my best friends. And before you ask, which would be weird since you haven’t spoke at all, no, I won’t show you a picture of him. You already know Ohm, that is all the secrets you get to know.” 

Evan began to feel nervous as he continued to speak. He felt like he was rambling at that point. But what else can he do? Conner was listening to him, actually paying attention to him as he spoke. So, he continued on, rambling about what he liked to do during his free time and what his favourite foods were. 

His nerves skyrocketed when Conner suddenly tapped him on the shoulder, effectively silencing him. Did…did he talk for too long? 

He froze, eyes wide, “S-Sorry, was I getting annoying?” 

Conner shook his head no. To Evan’s confusion, Conner reached into his hoodie’s pocket and pulled out his phone. He thumbed over the screen and began to type something, his fingers slow on the electronic keyboard. When he was satisfied, he stretched his arm and held it out at Evan. 

Evan blinked dumbly at it. 

“...Oh, right!” He chuckled sheepishly as he took the phone into his hand. He held it up to look at what it said. The message was on Notes, bolded in black. 

**It’s my turn to answer right?**

Evan openly gaped, “Really? Wait… no, seriously, really?!” He exclaimed, a wide smile breaking onto his face. 

He was talking to Conner. He was talking to Conner! It worked!

Conner hesitantly nodded. 

“Then, please, go ahead!” 

Conner took his phone back delicately and… 

Began to type. 

**I dunno what my favorite game is but I like horror games and having fun**

**I cant play a guitar**

**I like rock music tho and rap**

**I dont watch a lot of movies either but my favorite is Friday the 13th**

**My favorite color is blue**

**Im full american**

**Spongebob is one of my favorite shows too**

**And I dunno what Dexter is about and I never watched the office**

Evan stifle his laughter as he read the messages. Conner typed slowly so it took a bit for him to answer back but Evan couldn’t have cared less. This was better than he had ever hoped. 

He finally made some progress.

“You should watch Dexter, it’s about a serial killer catching other serial killers. You seem to like horror stuff so you might like it.” 

A little smile appeared on Conner’s lips as he typed. 

**Thanks i'll check it out**

Evan looks on in amazement as Coner continues to type, nerves completely forgotten.

**I cant tell you anything else tho**

**Have to keep some things private XD**

**Im not a ramblin hoe like you**

Evan barked out a laugh, surprised and a little bit happy to read that message. He was glad that Conner felt comfortable enough to be able to insult him. “Who’re you calling a hoe? I’m your boss, aren’t I?”

**Says weo?**

“Says the person who can actually type,” he taunts back, bursting out laughing as Conner snatched his phone back. He was pleased to see a shade of red bloom on Conner’s neck, obviously embarrassed by his typo. He adorably fumbled with his phone, lips twisting into a scowl.  

**Shut up**

It was all very cute to see, it made Evan feel more at ease. This person can get embarrassed, this person can talk back to him; it was nice to know that Evan wasn’t the only one who was nervous. 

It made him realise that maybe Conner had been just as nervous and awkward as he was. 

“Hey, Conner…” he began quietly, making Conner still, “Seriously though, I’m really glad you decided to answer back. I probably looked like an idiot before, haha.” 

**To be honest you always were an idiot**

“Hey, now that you can communicate, you’re just going to smack talk me?” 

Conner shrugged. 

Evan sighed in amusement, “I guess I’ll take that.” 

He reached over and clasped his hand on Conner’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly, “Thank you, though, for coming. I’m really glad I got this chance to talk to you. Even if it means I have another person to make fun of me.”  

Conner raises his head and looks at him, those green glasses glinting softly in the dim lighting, before he lifted his phone and began to type.  

Evan grinned in amusement as Conner took his time to type out his message, realising it was because he didn’t want to misspell anything. 

Once he was finished, he lifted his phone to Evan’s face, that little smile back on his face.

**I’m glad I came, too. Thank you.**

Evan’s eyes soften, touched by the message. He really was glad he listened to Brock. 

Maybe, after PAX is over, he and Conner could become good friends. 

Conner shook his phone and Evan blinked, realising that another message was under the first one.

**You’re still a bitch.**

Evan threw his head back and laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you guys stretch and drink some water, this was a long one so take care of yourselves, okay? ^-^


	7. Something Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan tuned him out, abandoning the strings on his hoodie in favour of taking out his phone. A reminder popped up on his screen the moment he unlocked it, the battery signal flashing rapidly above it. ‘Less than ten percent left,’ he realised, surprised by how much he used it up. He needed to make sure he puts it to charge overnight before he went to bed. He thumbed over his notifications, immediately wincing at the discord messages piling up one by one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys enjoy the short break? I did, ugh, I needed it haha. But, an update guys! I did it!   
> Oh! Something to discuss! I've been getting some comments on how I've been spelling Kryoz's name. Don't worry, I now know that it is 'John' and not 'Jon, but seeing as I have been using 'Jon' when referring to him since the beginning, I decided to keep using it for consistency sake. But don't worry! In my next work, I'll be sure to use 'John' ^-^  
> Thank you for telling me, though (I'm an idiot sometimes aha)  
> Thank you for all the kudos, bookmarks, and comments! It still shocks me to see so many people still interested in this story. It makes me happy and honoured, so thank you!!!

“Thank god these guys were too tired to really party hard.” Luke whispered to Jonathan as he took in the state of the hotel room, a lukewarm water bottle pressed to his chest. 

The get together at Evan’s place had thrived for the first two hours into the night, drinks flying and boisterous laughter filled the air. It felt like it was going to go well on into the night. Then Scotty and Craig passed out on the couches after drinking themselves silly. Their drunken snores cast a sleepy spell over the others and soon everyone felt the call of sleep curling around them. 

Those who were able to stand groggily left to their own rooms while the rest made do in the living room. As a result, Scotty, Craig, Tyler, Nogla, and Marcel took over the couches while Anthony, Lui, and Ohm slept on the floor. 

“If this wasn’t their hardest in partying, then I don’t want to know what is,” Jonathan murmured with a smile, sweeping his gaze over his loudly snoring friends, his eyes softening as they swept towards the main bedroom. 

He talked to Evan. 

He really did it. 

Sure, it may have been through typing but it was something Jonathan hadn’t thought he would ever do. He swore to himself that he would not try to connect with the others and try to make it through the rest of week without making ‘friends,’ (the thought still left a sour taste in his mouth, his chest clenching painfully). 

But Evan suddenly began talking to him so sincerely, his pretty face pinched in determination as he forced his way through his stumbling words. He tried so hard to connect with ‘Conner,’ rambling over his hobbies and interest, that Jonathan knew already by heart, just so he had something to talk about. It made Jonathan’s heart squeeze with fondness. How could he  _ not  _ answer him back? 

So, he blindly stopped Evan from rambling even further and without really thinking, typed away on his phone. He talked with Evan for over an hour, his fingers fumbling with how much they fluttered over the phone’s keyboard, the text littered with typos with each new topic they discussed. The tinted glasses continued to gather more positive points from him, doing well to hide how flustered Jonathan was by his boldness. 

The conversation was slow due to the rather strange way of communicating but both of them didn’t care in the slightest, if not for the way Evan’s face brightened with each new text Jonathan shoved into his face. It was more than Jonathan could ever have hoped for. He felt like his face couldn’t stop smiling, even after the conversation dwindled down to quite hums and the quiet clicks of his phone. 

The day finally began to take its toll on Evan. His shoulders drooped and his words slurred with each passing second, eyes becoming unfocused. Jonathan noticed Evan’s state mid-type, features shifting to worry when the man began to sway in his feet. He was able to catch a glimpse of the main bedroom when he entered so he discreetly took small steps towards the room, hoping that Evan would follow. 

Amusingly (and cutely, Jonathan might add), Evan did so with sluggish movements, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion each time he had to take a new step, but his tired mind took no heed to the change and instead focussed it’s remaining power to keep the conversation alive. 

It took some time to manoeuvre over their fallen friends and guide Evan to the bedroom but they did so without too much of a problem. Luke had followed behind them with a grin, helping with moving people’s sprawled out bodies out of the way and held the door open so the two can get through. Jonathan had to physically clasp his hands over his mouth to stop the onslaught of giggles threatening to spill from his lips at the pathetic squeak Evan let out the moment he had pushed the groggy man onto the bed. His body bounced gently from the force, Evan’s eyes blinking rapidly from the sudden change of his vision. But the softness of the sheets and the pillow beneath his head did the trick and soon he fell asleep, his chest rising with each intake of breath. 

Both Luke and Jonathan had quietly tiptoed out the room, closing the door silently behind them. They both held in their laughter at Evan’s incoherent mumbling seeping from the behind the door. The poor man must have been exhausted. 

Now, all they had to do was leave. 

“This was easier than I thought,” Luke mused, stepping over Nogla’s sprawled body on the floor, “Now, we can get into our hotel room without any trouble.” 

“What about Ohm?” Jonathan asked, leaning over to peer at Ohm’s sleeping form. He was curled up against Brian, his body turned away from them as he quietly snored into his pillow. 

Luke paused in his steps and looked down at him as well, “It’s better if he stays here. That way, we can hear him in the morning when he needs to get into the room to change clothes.” His tone was almost sad as he said this, a sigh falling from his lips. “He’s not going to like that I left him here, but there’s not much I can do. This is the easiest way for you not to get caught.”

Jonathan’s face fell, guilt swirling in his stomach.

“Sorry,” he simply said. There wasn’t anything else he could say without it sounding hollow in his ears. 

“Don’t be,” Luke answered back, lowering his body so he crouched over Ohm’s sleeping form. He threaded his fingers over the other’s hair, chuckling softly at the way the hair stuck up in all directions after his fingers left. Ohm murmured appreciatively, nuzzling his cheeks further into his pillow before falling silent, a small smile on his face. “I’m the one who’s being stupid. I’ll try to spend more time with Ohm tomorrow to make it up to him.” 

“But…” 

“It’ll be fine, Delirious. Let’s just get back to our hotel room.” 

Jonathan mutely nodded, sending one final glance towards Evan’s bedroom before following Luke out the front door. The hallway was silent saved for Luke’s loud footsteps. It made Jonathan feel uncomfortable, the foreign environment sending warning signals all over his body. He stuck to Luke’s back as they walked through the hallway, shoulders sagging in relief at the familiar sight of their room number appearing beside them. Luke easily swiped the keycard through the slot and opened the door, quickly ushering Jonathan inside. 

“Can never be too careful, right? I heard that Smitty sometimes sleepwalks,” Luke said as he closed the door behind them. 

“Right,” Jonathan muttered in agreement, rolling his wrists. He kind of wanted to see the younger Canadian stumbling in the hallway, no doubt Jon would be following behind him with an amused smile. “By the way, you do realise that you’re very lucky to still be alive right?” 

“What? Why? What the fuck did I do?” Luke remarked. 

“You know what,” Jonathan glared. 

“Like your threats have any effect on me.” 

“They should,” Jonathan grinned harshly, causing Luke to audibly gulp. 

“A-Anyways, what the fuck is wrong with you? Did you hurt your wrist or something?” He asked, raising his eyebrow after Jonathan rolled his wrist again. 

“Oh, no I didn’t hurt it. It’s just sore from all the typing I been doin’.” 

“Typing?” 

“Yeah, when you left to go eat I’ve been using my phone to talk to Evan.” 

Luke blink dumbly at him, mouth gaping. Jonathan immediately covered his ears. 

“YOU WHAT?” 

Jonathan groaned deeply, hands still clasped over his ears as he flopped onto the couch. “Delirious, are you serious right now? What happened to keeping your head down until the convention is over?” Luke continued, eyes comically wide, “And you’re telling me that you decided to ignore all that and communicate with him anyways?” 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Jonathan mumbled, “ I just couldn’t help it.” 

“Couldn’t help it, he says,” Luke said in disbelief, rubbing his hand over his face and full body sighed. 

Jonathan released his ears after he was sure Luke wasn’t going to blow his head off and played with the strings of his hoodie, pouting his lips. 

“Is that all you did?” 

“...I might have spoke to Kyroz, too.” 

“What do you mean by ‘spoke’? Like, what you did with Evan, with your phone?” 

Jonathan sunk further into the couch, fingers fidgeting over the strings. “...” 

“God fucking dammit Delirious, what did I tell you-” Luke began on a rant, index finger pointed up as if he was a mother scolding her child. 

Jonathan tuned him out, abandoning the strings on his hoodie in favour of taking out his phone. A reminder popped up on his screen the moment he unlocked it, the battery signal flashing rapidly above it. ‘Less than ten percent left,’ he realised, surprised by how much he used it up. He needed to make sure he puts it to charge overnight before he went to bed. He thumbed over his notifications, immediately wincing at the discord messages piling up one by one. 

He had panicked throughout the journey back to the hotel, worrying over whether or not to respond back to Evan. But, the effort to sneak back into the lobby and convincing the staff to let them help bring the food up to the room took all of his attention. So, instead he continued to keep his phone on silent, hoping that Evan would forgive ‘Delirious’ for not answering back. 

He bit his lips as he scrolled through the missed messages, his fingers returning to fiddle with the strings. It didn’t appear that the other was too mad at him, even if Evan called him an idiot (the man has said far more hideous and foul words to him before in jest). And as Conner, Evan looked like he had a good time talking to him despite nearly falling over from exhaustion. But, it still didn’t feel right for Jonathan to leave the conversation like that. 

“I’ll call him in the morning,” he decided, closing the app and his phone. 

“Hey, were you listening to me?” Luke growled, arms crossed. 

“Nope.” Jonathan replied cheerfully, lips popping around the word. 

“Why did I get stuck with this idiot as a friend? Why?” Luke wondered out loud, looking up at the ceiling with a pinched expression, as if he was asking the Gods themselves for his apparent misfortune. 

Jonathan shrugged, snorting loudly at the other’s tired expression, “It’s too late to ask why, you’re stuck with me forever. FOREVER. You never getting’ rid of me now, hoe.” 

“Dammit.” Luke groaned, sinking on to the spot next to Jonathan, “Can you at least go eat something quickly before we go to bed? Don’t give me that look,” he replied sharply at the way Jonathan’s face scrunched up, “Your dumbass hasn’t ate or drank anything since this morning. That ain’t healthy and I will not have you getting sick on me because you were too stupid to take care of yourself.” 

“Do you always have to insult me when you’re worrying about me?” 

“Ain’t nobody worrying about your crazy-ass. Just get to the kitchen and make yourself something to eat. I better hear the fridge open, none of that fruit shit.” 

Jonathan cackled to himself as he did what he was told. To be honest, the events of the day were finally catching up to him and he was hit with sudden exhaustion as he stepped into the kitchen. His body felt heavy, his eyelids becoming harder to keep open. After everything that has happened, he was surprised that he’s still standing. “How the fuck did I do it,” he mumbled to himself, taking small bites of the sloppily made sandwich he managed to put together. 

Honestly, how? Less than twenty-four hours ago he sat alone in front of his desk, absentmindedly wondering about what game next to record. Now, well, he was not sure what he was doing anymore. He wanted to bash his head against the wall, hoping the pain will help him make sense of it all. 

He chewed slowly, fighting away the sleep beckoning at his eyes. His stomach growled stubbornly, chasing away the remaining fatigue. He took a larger bite, reminded by the lack of food he consumed that day. The dryness of his mouth after he swallowed made him grimace.“Water,” He croaked, leaning over the counter to fetch a cup. His fingers curled around an orange cup, the colour too bright and cheerful for his liking, but he couldn’t bother to be picky at that moment. The cool water sliding down his throat brought new life to his limbs and he slammed the now empty cup with a sigh. How can he take care of someone else when he couldn’t take care of himself? 

“Is this worth it?” He whispered to himself as he got to work washing the dishes, too low for Luke’s ever-observant gaze to catch. 

He made his choice already, he locked himself in this closet of lies and threw away the key. He snorted loudly, uncaring that the sound made Luke’s gaze narrow. He rested his head against the cool counter, vision filled with that annoying, bright colour.

There really was no turning back, was there?

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

“It’s nice to be so close to the convention,” Jonathan remarks with a smile, dusting off his hoodie and readjusting the tinted glasses on his nose. He made a mental note to wash his hoodie when he returned, it was the only one he had and he didn’t want to risk wearing anything else.  

“Makes getting to and fro a hella lot easier,” Luke agreed, eyes not leaving his phone as he scrolled through his messages, a frown etched on to this face. 

Jonathan’s face fell, his hands making their way into his pockets nervously, “So, Ohm really did leave without you?” 

“Yeah, he said that he went with Evan and the rest of the guys. Because I left him there without telling him I was going back to the hotel room” A sigh, “It’s for the best anyways, I was going to ask Ohm to do just that if he decided to come back to our hotel room. Looks like I didn’t need to.” 

“Cartoonz…” Jonathan began, an uncertain look appearing on his face, “ Maybe, uhh, I dunno, we can let Ohm in on this? I mean, I think I’ll be okay now to tell him. He could probably help a lot!” 

He didn’t like what was happening. It was small, and he knew Ohm would forgive Luke the moment they see each other, but the sudden uneasy feeling in his chest told him a different story. Having Ohm in on their secret was downright terrifying to him, but he felt like he could force himself to accept the other’s help. If only to get Luke to stop looking like that. 

Luke sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he guided Jonathan across the parking lot, “No, you were right the first time. I think it’s best if Ohm stays out of this. He’s not good at keeping things to himself and he would probably feel guilty about not telling the others. Plus, Ohm is a terrible liar.” 

The last part was said with a chuckle, a fond smile appearing on his lips, “You should watch him play Uno, he can’t bluff to save his life.” 

The convention came into view and Luke put his phone away, expression turning serious. Jonathan squared his shoulders, nerves returning to limbs. Unlike before, he had no need to shield behind cars or other objects. With his disguise, no one paid him any attention as he walked beside Luke, the sound of Luke’s name crying into the air by excited fans behind him.

Like yesterday, multiple staff and security guards walked the perimeter of the building, once in a while stopping people to check for their passes. He had to stop himself from flinching every time they passed by someone, having to remind himself that he had no reason to be afraid anymore. The staff thought that he was one of their own so they had no reason to look at him with any suspicion, they merely bowed their heads slightly in greeting before they went on their way. 

The security guard posted at the entrance, the same one from before, greeted them with a wide smile, chuckling at the way Jonathan plastered himself against Luke. “Are you nervous?” They asked kindly, extending their hand to inspect the passes carefully. They already knew who the two of them were but it was still protocol to inspect all badges and passes. 

“Yes and no, I’m not sure myself,” Jonathan replied honestly, forcing himself to not react when the security guard took hold of his pass. 

“I’m sure you will have a good time, like yesterday, right?” The way they said that made Jonathan realise that the guard was trying to encourage him. He really wanted to tell the kind person that he actually had a very stressful experience rather than a fun one, but he kept it to himself and instead nodded in agreement. 

The guard finished their inspection and stepped to the side, sweeping their hand upwards, “Please enjoy your day, Mr. Cartoonz, Conner.” 

Luke thanked him while Jonathan bowed his head, once again plastering himself against the other as he lead them through the convention floor. “Let’s go back to that room we were in yesterday,” Luke told him, dodging some of the staff frantically putting things in place, “We need to go over some things before I let you loose.” 

“Well, not really loose, I have to go meet with Layla before I join you back with Vanoss.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

They managed to find the correct corridor after a few sharp turns, their pace much slower after recognising the familiar door coming into view. Like before, the door remained unlocked and unused, far away from any curious gaze. Strangely enough, it felt bittersweet to return to the room. 

It was only a day ago that Jonathan was thrust into his situation. Only a day ago that he had to accept his role as someone else. Only a day ago that he met his friends faced to face. 

Talking to them, listening to their horrible jokes,  _ seeing _ them. It made his breath catch in his throat. He was in the same room that Jonathan decided to change everything. It was getting hard to breathe. 

“Alright,” Luke’s voice echoed, the sound bringing Jonathan back from his headspace. He heard the door close behind them, the audible click of the lock settling into place. Locked once again in the wide, open room. 

“Today should be an easier day, for the both of us,” Luke began, “All the signing was taken care of yesterday so we should be able to walk the floor. It’s still going to be hard though, people will recognise us so we might have a crowd. But, they should, for the most part, leave us alone.” 

“‘Should’ is the key word here,” Jonathan muttered, sighing, “It really doesn’t look it will be easier for me at all. I’m gonna have to keep watch on Evan as his bodyguard, if it’s anything like yesterday, it can get crazy.” 

Luke grimaced at the reminder, “Right, shit, forgot about that. I can’t stay with you either if I’m going to make it up to Ohm. You might need backup if something does happen…” 

“That’s not reassuring, Cartoonz.” 

“Fuck, sorry. I mean, nothing is going to happen, don’t worry. But, it would still be nice to have someone with you, just in case.” Luke sighed deeply, his fingers once again pinching the bridge of his nose, “...Maybe I can distract Ohm with Gorilla or someone else and come back?” 

Jonathan immediately shook his head, “No, don’t do that to Ohm. It’s his first time being here too and he really wanted to spend it with you. He deserves to have a good time like anyone else. Nevermind, he deserves it more than anyone.” 

Luke’s shoulders slumped, “I know, I know that, but, ughh,” he breathed deeply, a frustrated noise exhaled through his nose, “No… you’re right. Ohm deserves better than that. But, I can’t leave you alone either. Not when you might need me.” 

Jonathan felt his heart swell, both from gratefulness and sorrow at hearing his words. He felt happy that Luke would do so much for him, even when they both were stressing out, but he couldn’t let him ruin his relationship with Ohm. Not when the other makes his brother so, so happy. 

“...I’ll be fine, Cartoonz,” Jonathan eventually replied, lifting his finger when Luke started to protest, “If anything does happen, which I really hope nothing does, I’ll… I’ll have Squirrel, and maybe Kryoz, to rely on.” His own words made him cringe, but he was proud of how firm his voice sounded. 

Luke made a choking sound, his head bowing slightly from shock, “W-Wait, what? Squirrel? Jon? You’re going to tell-?!” 

“Kryoz… maybe,” Jonathan interrupted, wincing from how loud Luke’s voice echoed in the room, “He already heard my voice before and I really think he’s trustworthy with, y’know, all of this. But, he’s more of a last resort! I don’t want to involve any of them if I can help it. And Squirrel…” Jonathan felt himself smile from thinking about his friend. He really wanted to see him, too. “I’m going to definitely tell him. I’ll call him before I go meet with Layla.” 

“Oh.” 

Jonathan looked up to see Luke gazing at him in awe, the frown replaced with a rather fond smile. “Really?” 

“W-W-What?” Jonathan said defensively, face flushing when the smile only widened. 

“Sorry, it’s just… I’m really proud of you.” 

It was his turn to reply with a quiet, “Oh,” the flush deepening. “Fuck you, it’s nothing to be proud about.” 

“Right,” Luke agreed easily, leaning forward to pull down Jonathan’s hoodie and ruffle his hair, “It’s just you trusting more people. Nothing to be proud about at all.” 

Jonathan snarled at him and made a move to punch him, muttering in disappointment when the other stepped away from the attack with a laugh. 

“When you tell him, text me. That way I can give him the shovel talk.” 

“What are you, my protective dad?” Jonathan mocked, annoyed when Luke replied back with a smirk. That shouldn’t have made the bastard so happy. 

At that moment, his phone vibrated harshly in his pocket, causing the two to jump. Jonathan floundered for his phone, breathing a sigh of relief when he managed to get a hold of the device. His relief was short lived, however, after he took a closer look at his screen. 

A picture of Evan, (slouched over his gaming chair, fingers plucking softly around his favourite guitar, eyes gently closed shut, as if the only thing he could hear was the sound of his own music; a moment Jonathan caught in secret from an accidental facecam malfunction from their many skype calls before they switched to discord) flashed on his screen, the name ‘Bat Owl’ bolded below it. 

Evan was calling him? 

...Wait. 

Evan was calling him! 

His finger smashed on the call button before his thoughts caught up to him. 

_ “...Delirious?”  _

Oh god, he answered. Why is he like this? 

He nervously held the phone up to his ear, pointedly ignoring the piercing stare Luke was giving him. “H-Hey, Vanoss! What, what’s up?” 

_ “...”  _

“...Vanoss?” 

_ “Oh, my bad. I was just checking to make sure it was actually you. Seeing as you didn’t RESPOND TO MY MESSAGES. I just couldn’t believe my ears.”  _

Jonathan cringed at the cold tone. 

_ “I told myself I wouldn’t be annoyed if you decided to answer back, or at least call me. But, noooo, in the end you did neither and I ended up having to call YOU.”  _

He never liked being scolded by Evan, even when it was just for goofs. God, why does he keep messing up?

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan said quietly, flinching at how weak and  _ pathetic _ his voice sounded. Luke’s gaze turned into worry and Jonathan had to turn his head, cheeks flushing in mortification. 

He heard a sharp inhale from the other end.

_ “Wait, no, Delirious, I didn’t mean to make you-”  _ A frustrated sigh seeped into his ear,  _ “Look, it’s okay. Alright? Just… answer me back next time? I don’t care if it’s just a simple ‘kay.’ Just something, okay?”  _

“Okay.” 

_ “Thanks.”  _

The silence that followed them was neither awkward nor comfortable, it gave them a chance to take needed breaths to calm, to let the air around them to return to normal. Jonathan took careful steps towards the empty chairs in the corner of the room, feeling the need to make some space between Luke and himself. As much as he was grateful for the other’s presence, it didn’t feel right to have them there listening to his conversation. 

Not with Evan. 

Thankfully, Luke understood (he always does, Jonathan thought with a smile) and walked to the opposite side of the room. He sent Jonathan an awkward, but nonetheless encouraging smile before he placed earphones in his ears. Jonathan wondered briefly if he really needed that encouragement. 

“...So, you had pizza without me?” He began softly, a small grin appearing on his face at Evan’s bark of laughter. 

_ “At least you read the messages, you little shit. Yeah, I had pizza. Jealous?”  _

“Oh, definitely. You should give me your credit card information so I can buy one for myself.” 

_ “Sure, its 49852-getyourowndamnpizza, the numbers on the back are 789.”  _

Jonathan threw his head and laughed, giggles spilling out of his lips without restraint, “Fuck you! I want pizza!” 

God, how long has it been since he laughed like this? 

Without having to hold it in, to just let go?

He could hear Evan’s own laughter mingling with his own and it only caused him to laugh harder. They laughed and laughed, the joke no longer funny for the both of them, but he couldn’t stop, and to his relief, neither could Evan. 

_ “What? I was being helpful!”  _

“No, you weren’t. Now, I’m pizza-less!” 

_ “Not my fault.”  _

The giggles subsided, leaving his cheeks sore and pink. But it was a comforting feeling. 

He heard Evan exhale softly, his stomach suddenly turning into knots.  _ “It’s really good to hear your voice.”  _

“You heard my voice like three days ago.” Jonathan replied, his own voice breathless and soft. 

_ “I know that. But, for some strange reason, I’m still really happy to hear it.”  _

The way he said that sounded so casual, so nonchalant, but there was a tremor in his voice. Something so raw that Jonathan couldn’t figure out what it meant. Nonetheless, his heart pounded in his chest and his breath stuttered. 

“Are you still happy, y’know, after hearing it?” He found himself asking, his free hand playing with a strand of his hair. His bangs were getting a little too long. 

_ “Haha, yeah, I am. Hearing your stupid voice this early in the morning gave me motivation. I kind of needed it.”  _ The honestly left Jonathan floored, his mouth opening to say something but no words came out. He heard Evan stutter from the other end.  _ “Fuck, sorry, I’m being weird aren’t I? Ignore me, I’m probably still tipsy from last night.”  _

“You didn’t even drink alcohol last night, you liar.” 

Shit. 

“T-That’s what Cartoonz told me, anyways.” 

Evan cursed,  _ “I forgot about your little spy.”  _

“He’s not my spy.” 

He heard Evan snort,  _ “Right. Your guardian, then.”  _

Jonathan bit his lips, a question forming in his head. 

“How are you doing, by the way?” 

It was an innocent question, used countlessly for small talk and conversation starters. But it held so much implications, so much untold emotions between them. It was sobering to think about. 

Evan hummed quietly before he answered, the sound soothing to his frazzled nerves. 

_ “Honestly? Better than I thought I would be. The staff weren’t kidding when they said that there will be a lot more people showing up. It was kind of overwhelming at first, having so many people chanting my name and in my personal space. I know they don’t mean to, but our fans sometimes get a little bit too much for me to handle. Ugh, it’s going to be a lot more hectic today, too. But,”  _ he paused,  _ “when it was getting too much for me, Conner, the bodyguard I mentioned before, helped me out. He snapped me out of my headspace during the signing and even brought me some snacks. I’m really grateful to him for doing that, I don’t want our fans to see me like that.”  _

Jonathan lifted his legs to his chest and rested his head on his knee, the phone held snugly against his ear. It was strange to hear someone talk to him about, well, himself. He was sure he would never get used to that feeling. 

_ “He’s not a bad guy. He doesn’t talk but I was able to communicate with him yesterday. I think you would like him, he kind of reminds me of you. He likes the same things you do, like horror movies and shit. He even has the whole mysterious guy vibe around him, haha.”  _

Jonathan was sure he was going to have an aneurysm if Evan kept talking about him. 

“I’m better though, right?” He tried to joke, wishing for the floor to swallow him whole the moment the words left his mouth. Maybe he was a masochist? It would explain why he didn’t stop Evan when he had the chance. Conner and Delirious were the same person, they were him. How could he ask such a stupid question? 

He suppressed the urge to smack his cheek in frustration. What was he expecting to hear? What did he  **want** to hear?

Evan fell quiet, making Jonathan squirm in his chair. 

‘I really am an idiot.’

He could see Luke sending concern looks from the corner of his eye but he tried to stay firm. If only his heart beating heavily in his ears would  **shut up** .

It felt like an eternity before Evan replied, his voice muffled from the phone’s tiny speaker. But it still made his breath hitch. 

_ “...I don’t know. I still don’t know him very well. But, it’s kind of hard to beat you,”  _ Evan chuckled, as if he was reassuring him,  _ “You’re Delirious, my best friend. I trust you with everything.”  _

“Oh,” Jonathan replied with a laugh, sharp and loud. 

He ignored the way his voice quivered at the end. 

He ignored the phone trembling in his hand, the tremors in his fingers. 

He ignored the tears gathering around his eyes, moments away from falling down his cheek. 

“That’s the correct answer, you asshole. I’m the greatest friend you’ll ever have in your life!” 

Jonathan wishes for the convention to end soon, wishes to hurry home and return to his quiet  lonely  life. Because, he didn’t deserve anything good to ever happen to him. 

He didn’t deserve a damn thing.


	8. Something Brown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan stood dumbly in front of him, unsure on what else to do, as Evan talked to himself. He internally sighed, fighting the urge to rub his temple. Of course Evan had seen his interaction with Damien and his sister, the whole crowd had witnessed it. He had forgotten about where he was, too distracted to even care. He should have realised that Evan would be watching him like a hawk (owl) since the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays! I'm so happy I got this chapter done before the festivities, I would have been swamped with work haha. Special thanks to Daniello for giving me a suggestion for this story, sorry it took a while for me to use it but plot and world character building got in the way <3   
> Three (?) more chapters to go and this story will finally be finished! It's both exciting and sobering to think about. Will this end in a happy ending? Who knows!   
> As always, thanks so much for comments, bookmarks, and kudos! May you have a wonderful holiday and a good start to the new year. ^-^  
> un-beta'd so mistakes are my own

Evan hummed quietly to himself as he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, fluffing his hair and checking out his appearance. It was a  nameless tune, something to occupy himself with as he fixed his hair. 

“Your hair looks fine, Evan. Model worthy, actually,” Brock chuckled and Evan looked up, rolling his eyes as the other man joined him.

“Thanks, I guess.” He continued to hum, the sound much more quieter now that he had an audience. 

Brock took the empty sink next to him and turned on the water to wash his hands, glancing at Evan’s reflection with a fond smile, “You seem happy. Did you have a good night sleep? Or were the guys not that terrible in the morning?” 

Evan snorted, “They were little shits. Mini and Scotty were pretty wasted and couldn’t stop complaining about their headaches- thank you for getting them painkillers by the way, you really saved them. They kept giving themselves guilty looks everytime they looked at themselves in the mirror,” he paused to say, Brock nodding his head with a smile, “And everyone else were too tired to do anything else so I had to forcibly kick them out of my room. You know how hard it is to kick out Nogla? He couldn’t stop whining about how ‘his mudder wouldn’t treat him this way,’” Evan scowled, feeling a migraine forming on his temple just remembering it. 

Nogla had caused a scene in front of his hotel room and dramatically dropped to the ground when Evan retaliated by actually kicking him out. For once, he was thankful that the floor was only reserved for him and his friends because he wouldn’t have been able to look at any person in the eye if they had seen such stupidity. Luckily, every one of them were trained in ‘Nolga-ness’ and hauled the whining man to his feet and dragged him to his room so they can get ready for the day. 

The walk to the convention faired better, everyone was still waking up and psyching themselves up for another exciting day at PAX. Most, if not all, hugged a cup of coffee to their chests like it was their lifeline, ungodly groans escaping their throats each time they took a drink. The sight was too funny for Evan to take so he excused himself to use one of the staff’s private restroom, hoping to fix his appearance slightly before he had to encounter any fans that day. 

“So, it wasn’t the morning that put you in a good mood,” Brock concluded, “So something must have happened before I arrived.”

“What, I can’t be happy just because?” 

“Oh, you definitely can. But not ‘humming cutely to myself even though I never do that’ kind of way.” 

Evan paused in his hair fluffing to scowl, cheeks flushing, “Fuck you.” 

“Am I wrong?” Brock challenged, raising an eyebrow. Evan struggled to keep a straight face, forcing himself to meet him in the eyes. But, dammit, Brock looked back at him in understanding and he crumbled. Fuck you, he was a weak man. 

“...I was able to get a hold of Delirious a few minutes ago,” he eventually confessed, crossing his arms in self annoyance for giving in so quickly. 

Brock merely made an ‘ah,’ sound, leaning forward to turn the water off, “That makes sense. How is he?” 

“Same ol’ Delirious,” Evan replied, a smile already forming on his lips, “We argued over pizza and he called me an stingy hoe when I said I wouldn’t bring him any snacks.” 

Brock barked out a laugh, “Sounds like Delirious alright. Glad he’s doing okay, I can’t help but worry when he’s by himself. This is the first time that he doesn’t have anyone with him to game or talk to.” 

Evan’s smile disappeared, his previous worries overtaking his thoughts, “...Yeah.” 

Brock noticed the change in his tone and immediately slapped Evan on the back, “I’m sure he’s fine. You were able to talk to him, right? You said he was same old Delirious.” 

“Yeah,” Evan agreed, “I did, just… I dunno. Maybe you’re right.” 

He sighed to himself, looking up at his own reflection. He looked better. His eyes no longer looked like he was seconds away from falling asleep and his hair for once obeyed the shape he styled it to be. His headache was completely gone as well, leaving him feeling content and comfortable with himself. Talking with Delirious really did make his morning. 

“Understandable,” Brock continued from beside him, “I would be worried too if the guy I was in love with was all by themselves. I’m the same with Laura, but luckily she is with her sister and our lovely daughter, so I know I have nothing to worry about.” 

The way he said that was so reassuring and casual, as if he didn’t just drop an earth-shattering bomb on Evan. But he did, and now Evan was coughing a lung all over the bathroom sink. 

Brock, the blessed and cursed man that he was, thumped on his back supportively, eyebrows stitched together in concern. “You okay there, bud?” 

“Hey, how ‘bout warning a guy, huh?” Evan all but squeaked, forcing his lungs and his mouth to work properly after their shock. 

Brock looked at him in confusion, “What do you mean- oh!” His eyes widened, “Wait, are you having second thoughts? But, you confessed to me a couple months ago that you were in love with Delirious?” 

Evan choked on his own spit. 

“Not so loud!” He hissed, slapping his hand around Brock’s mouth, “This may be a private bathroom but any of the staff or the guys could walk in!” 

Brock grabbed his wrist and wordlessly moved it away from his mouth, an unimpressed look on his face. “That’s why I locked it behind me when I came in.” 

“Oh.” 

“Honestly,” Brock laughed, “I’m not that careless.”

Evan sighed once more, shoulders drooping, “Sorry, sorry, I know you’re not. I was just not expecting you to say it out loud so casually. It really caught me off guard.” 

“Sorry,” Brock apologised sincerely. 

Evan waved him off, “It’s okay, like I said I was just caught off guard.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the flush returning to his cheeks, “But yeah, I was really happy to talk to him. I didn’t know I needed to hear his stupid laugh until he was calling me a bitch with his stupid voice.” 

He had come to terms with his crush  ~~ love ~~ for Delirious. He wished it was a gradual thing, recognising signs of his growing attraction. But, no. It only took for the idiot to jokingly say he loved him in a video and for Evan saying it back just as teasingly. Only for a second to pass for him to realise that oh, he actually  _ did  _ love him. 

Like a fool, after the recording session ended he forced Brock to enter a private voice call and all but wail at the other man at the discovery. He still got embarrassed just remembering how dramatic and loud he had been that day. He’s pretty sure he legitimately cried while unironically typing in the chat, “IM CRYINGGGG????? HES SO CYUUTE??? ” 

Brock still hasn’t spared him from reliving that day when an opportunity arose. Fight him, Evan was a weak man. 

“Plus, he’s not the only reason I’m in a good mood,” Evan replied with a grin, catching Brock’s attention, “I also got to talk to Conner yesterday.” 

Brock raised an eyebrow, “Really? Congrats! What did you do to make him feel comfortable enough to talk to you? Maybe the rest of us can do the same.” 

Evan’s grin faltered slightly, but it was still hopeful, “Well, he didn’t actually ‘talk’ to me. He used his phone to type out messages to me, but I still count that as having a conversation. We talked a lot, actually.” 

Brock hummed, a bright sparkle in his eyes, “That’s progress! I’m glad you two had a good time. Maybe your dynamic will be different today.” 

“I hope so,” Evan muttered, “Today we’re going to be in close contact with our fans and I kind of need him.” 

The two fell into an easy, comfortable silence as they finished washing up. They could hear the growing cries of the anticipated crowd outside, the thumping of their feet and the countdown for the doors to open dwindling down. Once outside the bathroom, they could see their friends relaxing in their private room, far more awake and alert than they were a few minutes ago. Brian and Tyler noticed the two and waved for them to get closer, motioning towards the pile of sweets and snacks on the table. 

“I’m actually surprised,” Brock suddenly said, “You never bonded with anyone at a convention before. You’re usually too busy building up your confidence to face the crowd than making pleasantries with other people.” 

Evan’s face scrunched up, “It’s not like I’m rude to people.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” Brock laughed, “ I’m just glad you’re trying to make a new friend, that’s all.” 

“You’re a weird guy, Brock,” Evan snorted, but that didn’t stop him from having a smile on his face. 

Brock just shoved his shoulder with a laugh before joining Brian and Tyler in their snacking, leaving Evan alone to think for a bit. He hummed that little tune as took out his phone, sending Delirious a quick message telling him that he was at the convention. He only got a simple ‘kay XD’ as a response, but he was satisfied with it, relieved that the other even responded at all. 

“Everyone ready for their second day?” Layla said as she came into the room, waving her arm cheerfully as she dragged Conner into the room. 

“Yeahhhh!” Anthony and a few others yelled. 

“Good! Well, the doors will be opening any second now so feel free to walk the floor. Conner should already know what to do, but if any of you, especially Evan, have any inclination to change the plan, make sure to brief Conner about it. Okay?” 

Everyone nodded, an excited murmur circling around them. Layla clapped her hands, “Alright! That’s all I had to say. Be safe and have fun!” 

They waved goodbye as Layla left, their feet bouncing with each step. Conner stood in the corner, hands deep inside his pocket. Like yesterday, he seemed completely unapproachable. However, determined, Evan cleared his throat and waved his hand. 

“Hello, Conner. Did you sleep well?” 

Those blasted glasses glinted eerily in the heavily lit room. The only clue that Evan got that he heard him was the small tilt of his head. Evan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he approached. That wasn’t right. 

“Oh, um, you could use your phone to talk to me. Like yesterday? I promise I won’t make fun of your slow typing if that’s what you’re afraid of.” 

Conner shook his head and that action alone made Evan irritated. What happened to the progress they made yesterday? They connected, didn’t they? Maybe they didn’t make any ground breaking progress, but it was at least something. So, why? 

“Why not?” He found himself asking, biting his lips when Conner shook his head once more. 

Instead, Conner lifted his finger and pointed towards the main floor, inclining his head in that direction. Evan wanted to be mad. He wanted to ask the other about the sudden cold shoulder. He wanted to cross his arms and yell at the silent man that he would not listen if the other didn’t talk to him. But, he knew that he was being ridiculous. Conner didn’t owe him anything, no matter how much Evan wanted to believe he did. 

So, he held his tongue with a frown and nodded his head. The others followed along, Evan’s own racing thoughts drowned out by their chatter and banter. The happy feeling he felt minutes ago all but diminished, the hope he had felt coursing through him had disappeared. Nonetheless, he shook his head and schooled his expression. He was there to hang out with friends and make memorable experiences for his fans. He won’t let Conner’s mood sour his own. 

Determined to do just that, Evan turned his head away and started a conversation with Tyler and Nogla as they walked. It worked somewhat, their conversation fell to a more teasing tone, each taking a piss at one another. It successfully took away the distaste Evan had in his mouth from his ‘talk’ with Conner, but it didn’t fully distract him as he had hoped. Not when the other walked by his side, their shoulders just barely brushing each other from how close they walked together. 

‘Does he have to be so close?’ he wondered, fighting the urge to glance at the silent man. Luckily, the main floor came into the view and the guys whooped in excitement. They managed to get there before the floor was overrun by people and fans, so everyone quickly tried to get their hands on the unoccupied games. 

“C’mon, Evan! Mario kart is so calling your name,” Brian said with a wicked grin, pulling Evan by his wrist. 

“What, no way. I suck at the game. Besides,” Evan argued, “I thought we were suppose to check out the games being released this year, not old ones.” 

“We can do both,” Brian replied with a shrug, “And I really wanted to kick your ass in a game.” 

“Oh, wow. You’re so petty.” 

“D’aww shucks,” Brian replied with a high pitched tone, using his free hand to dramatically flick his hair, “Now you’re just butterin’ me up.” 

“Why are we friends?” 

“I ask that every day. Now, hurry up! Before Nogla stuffs his fat nose in our business.” 

Evan allowed himself to dragged to the mario kart station, the looming feeling behind him let him know that Conner followed them. Ohm was already at the station, eyes narrowed in concentration as he scrolled through the karts selection. The older man sent them a little smile when Brian and Evan sat beside him, “Hey, you had the same idea?” 

“What, you want to destroy me in this game, too?” Evan joked. 

Ohm laughed, “No, but it’s not like it’s hard to beat you.” 

“Wooooww, why is everyone so rude?” 

Brian cackled as he showed Evan what to do, not failing to make fun of the other when he held the controllers the wrong way. He managed to hold it correctly on his second try and pick out his character, which as always, was Luigi. 

“You wanna play, too? We have another switch,” Brian asked, directing his question at Conner, who had been standing silently behind Evan. Conner seemed to have jolt by the sudden attention, his head already shaking no. 

Brian rolled his eyes, forcing the switch onto Conner’s chest, “C’mon, just play. This way you don’t look like a creep.” Conner’s lips turned downward in a frown as he regarded the device. 

Evan glanced at him curiously, rolling his thumb anxiously on the thumbstick. Then, to his shock (and hurt), Conner manoeuvred the device to his left hand and used his right to pull out his phone. 

**I dont know how to play**

He managed to type out with one hand, the frown still present on his face as he showed Brian (and in turn, Ohm and Evan) the message. Brian blinked, not expecting to have a phone screen to be shoved at his face. But, after processing what the phone said, his lips stretched into a grin. 

A very dangerous grin. 

“Fresh meat,” He breathed out. Conner must have sensed the danger because he immediately stepped back at seeing that grin. However, Brian was too quick and he snatched him by the arm. “Come now, don’t be shy. Let Terroriser show you how it’s done.” 

He dragged the reluctant man to his side and began to show him the controls. Despite not being able to see his face, everyone could tell that the man was very uncomfortable. 

Evan snorted to himself, “Shows him right.” 

“Who?” Ohm whispered, making Evan jolt in surprise. 

“Oh, shit. Sorry, I forgot you were next to me.” 

“Heheh, that’s okay. Who were you talking about?” 

“Oh, no one. I was just feeling petty.” 

“Oh,” Ohm replied, voice laced in understanding, “I can understand that feeling.” 

Evan raised his eyebrows in surprise, “Really?” 

“Yeah,” Ohm sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, “I was… kind of petty today, too. With Luke.” 

“Why? What happened?” 

“We were just being stupid. He forgot to tell me that he was going to go back to the hotel room and, I dunno, it made me mad and I told him I was going to leave without him.” He sighed again, “But I know I was being dramatic. He probably was just tired like the rest of us and thought it would be best to let me stay the night.” 

Evan hummed quietly as he pushed the randomise button, watching the screen light up with different kart combinations, “That sounds more like him. He wouldn’t purposefully do something to make you mad, you know that.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Ohm leaned against the wobbly chair, a little smile curling onto his lips, “He actually called me a little while ago. He said that he had to do something quickly in the morning and then he was going to dedicate all of today to me.” 

“Awwwwwww,” Evan teased, smirking at the way Ohm’s cheeks flushed, “A whole day just for you?” 

“Hey, no teasing!” Ohm warned, waggling his finger in front of Evan’s amused face. “I deserve a whole day!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

The two continued to bicker, even as the floor became more and more louder as the crowd finally started to fill in the space. People began to form circles in front of the group of friends, their murmurs loud enough to reach their ears. Ohm fiddled with the hems of his shirt, not daring to turn his face to the crowd. But, he was still smiling so Evan didn’t feel the need to feel worried. 

They heard Brian’s screech of false anger and they turned their heads towards the sound, catching Conner jogging away from the yelling Irishman. 

“Coward,” he yelled as Conner made it back to Evan, the bottom half of his face beet red from his exertion. The colour slowly drained away as Conner took in the scene. With a small nod towards Evan, he took a step forward the onlooking crowd and crossed his arms, his stance strong and firm. 

Evan mentally sighed. Right, he’s a bodyguard after all. 

Maybe he only responded to Evan last night just to indulge him. The other probably didn’t want anything to do with Evan. 

‘But, he was so nice before. I’m sure he’s a good person.’ The thought made him frown. Conner definitely is a good person, he would bet his whole career on it. But, it felt like Conner was not  _ Conner. _ If that made any sense. 

Well, no, it really didn’t. But, that’s all Evan had to go with. It made his head hurt just thinking about it. 

“To be honest,” Ohm suddenly said, snapping Evan out of his thoughts, “I’m really glad I get to spend time with Luke today. I’ve been getting kind of antsy.” 

“Antsy?” Evan questioned.

“Ah, yeah. It’s stupid but… it kind of bothered me how close he got with Conner. It surprised me, you know? He’s more of a silent observer like Moo, but the guy hasn’t even spoken a word and Luke is all over him.” Ohm frowned deeply, “And I’m so mad at myself for thinking like that. Toonzy can make friends with anyone he wants, I want him to make friends! He deserves to have good people with him, and it’s not fair for me to feel that way towards Conner either. The poor guy probably needs more friends than Luke does.” 

‘It doesn’t feel that way,’ Evan thought bitterly to himself. He had tried to be friends with him. He’s  _ still  _ trying, but the guy won’t let him. What’s more frustrating to Evan is, why does he even care? The moment he had with Conner was slim to none, just a small conversation about their interest. It’s not like they poured their hearts out to each other or told soul-crushing secrets. Honestly, the things they talked about were things people usually forgot about, barely the basics. Conner himself was the type of person Evan wouldn’t have given a second glance at, and would have no problem keeping a professional relationship with one another. So, why does he try? 

“Because it meant something to me,” he whispered to himself, too quietly for Ohm to hear. He felt stupid. Everything was stupid. 

He wasn’t sure why it meant anything to him but it did. It really, really did. 

The moment Conner tried to connect with him, a puzzle appeared before Evan’s eyes, and pieces were slowly coming together. Now, all he had was an incomplete picture. Fuzzy, distorted puzzle pieces were littered around him, their shapes refusing to connect together. The final picture was important, Evan just knew it. 

It was important.

It was important. 

It had to be important.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Jonathan’s heart felt heavy in his chest. 

It has been beating dully since his conversation with Evan, and only became more annoying and loud in his ears when he refused to acknowledge Evan. His heart was treacherous, a constant reminder of how sad he truly felt about ignoring the other man. 

He had felt happy at the prospect of interacting with Evan the moment he realised he could talk to him via his phone. It was like a small gift, something for him to latch onto from his real self as he paraded as ‘Conner.’ 

Now, however, it felt more like a forbidden fruit. A gift too precious and good for someone like him. He could still hear Evan’s words curling inside his head, soft and numbing.  _ “But it’s kind of hard to beat you. You’re Delirious, my best friend. I trust you with everything.”  _

He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve that trust. He couldn’t muster up the courage to even acknowledge being Evan’s  **best friend** . After what he has done, what he still continues to do, he has no right to that title. Not anymore. 

“I should have left. I should have left. I should have left,” he whispered to himself over and over, squeezing his eyes shut at the dull sound of his beating heart piercing his ears. 

‘Shut up, shut up, shut up.’ 

He wants to go home. He wants to curl into his bed and forget everything  ~~ and cry himself to sleep ~~ . 

The drill of the crowd’s cheering forced him out of his headspace and he blinked, reality returning to him. The crowd paid no attention to him as they cheered for their favourite youtuber, reacting unnecessarily loud to every little thing. Right, his friends were playing mario kart. 

He risked a little peak, relief flooding into him when he found Evan no longer looking at him, the former too focussed on the game. From his place, Jonathan could hear Evan grumble to himself as his character began to drive backwards, the sound causing Brian and Ohm to taunt him childishly. That torturous dull sound lessened and Jonathan breathed deeply at the brief moment of peace. 

He could do this. All he had to do is continue to distance himself from Evan, force them to only interact professionally for the final two days. By then Evan and everyone else will want nothing to do with ‘Conner’ and it will all be but a distant memory. A memory that Jonathan was sure will haunt him for the rest of his life, preying at him when he was at his lowest. But strangely enough, he was comforted by that thought. At least it was only he who would have to suffer. It’s the least he deserved for the lies and betrayal he has done to his friends. 

So, Jonathan shook his head and returned to his stiff position, wiping his face clean from any emotion. The change was subtle, but the shift still made the crowd more aware of him. They shuffled a few steps back from the three youtubers playing at the beckon of Jonathan’s hand, the crowd too close for Jonathan’s liking. 

The new space between the people and his friends allowed Brian and Ohm to be more wackier with their movements. Brian full on draped his body on Evan’s, moaning out arrogantly, “Wow, even like this I already lapped you.” 

“It’s baby park, everyone laps everyone,” Ohm tried to defend for Evan, though his giggling ruined the effect. 

“I lapped Evan four times already. I don’t think you can blame the map for this one.” 

“You’re such an asshole,” Evan hissed, glaring harshly at the pathetic turn his character made, groaning loudly when all he achieved was his kart crashing into the wall. 

The crowd absolutely loved the banter and they screamed in enjoyment. Comments ranging from encouragement, scolding, and friendly teasing were yelled left and right as the three played. Jonathan internally grinned, finding some of the comments both ridiculous and downright hilarious. They truly were their fanbase. 

Like before, a few brave ones tried to talk to him. He did his best to turn down their advancements, trying (and probably failing) to maintain an intimidating front. Unfortunately, most of the people approaching him were from the day before and have gained more confidence despite his ‘scary’ appearance. They still followed the rules, thankfully, and did not try to get any closer to the other youtubers. Instead, they talked with themselves enthusiastically, commentating on his friend’s gaming ever so often, all the while trying to suck Jonathan into the conversation. 

He would have found it weird that these people were even making an effort to chat with him, but he had seen Layla and other staff members fully enjoying themselves with everyone. They had chatted back with the crowd of people and even took pictures with them. Jonathan chalked it up to people just being overly friendly. But, he was still not used to having people in his personal space so he bided their questions with curt nods and small waves of his hand. 

Fortunately, they were satisfied with that and shifted their attention back to adoring their favourite youtubers. 

“Finally on your last lap, Vanoss? Wow.” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

“Now that’s not a nice thing to say, mister! I thought you Canadians were supposed to be nice and shit.” 

“Not to you, they’re not. Go back to Ireland and stay there.” 

Jonathan smirked at Brian’s high pitch snorts, Ohm’s own cackle joining him while Evan sighed insufferably. They really were stupid and childish, but so was Jonathan, and he was more than happy with that. 

Suddenly, he felt a tug on his pants and he jolted, biting his lips to keep the shout threatening to slip from his throat. He looked down to where the tug came from, one hand over his frantically beating heart. In the back of his mind, he was glad that the dull sound finally disappeared. 

To his surprise, he found a tiny fist around his pants. He followed the equally tiny arm and found a little boy looking up at him curiously. 

Oh. Well, this was definitely new. 

Jonathan felt himself sweat when the boy continued to stare up at him with large brown eyes, his little face full of wonder. Oh god, what does he do? 

Jonathan offered the boy a smile, hoping that it will appease him. It didn’t. Instead, the little boy held his other hand, his right hand still stubbornly clinging to Jonathan’s jeans, and began to make quick, precise movements. At first, the movement looked silly to him, like those little fingers couldn't decide on one shape. But after the boy repeated the same motions, Jonathan wanted to slap himself. 

The boy was  _ signing  _ to him, his hand moving in the air fluidly, occasionally his fingers curled into the alphabet before they returned to flowing in front of him. And thankfully, Jonathan understood him. 

Not fluently, as he had only begun to learn American Sign Language (and shamefully, he hasn't been practising as much as he should). Plus, he only has been studying the more formal, two-handed sign language. The boy was only using one hand. 

However, he got the gist of it. 

[Are you like me?] The boy had asked. 

Ah, the child must have been watching him. 

[No. Sorry.] Jonathan awkwardly signed back, crouching down so he was at eye level with the child. 

The boy seem to wilt at his response, but he shook it off surprisingly quick, [But, you understand me. Right?] 

[A little bit.] 

The response was more than satisfactory for the little boy and he once again clutched at Jonathan in excitement, this time on his sleeve. The child’s sister (mother?) who was was watching from the sideline stepped up and placed a hand on the boy’s back, laughing softly, “I'm sorry, is my brother bothering you?” 

Relieved at her presence, Jonathan shook his head no. She quirked an eyebrow at him, her own hands coming up to the air [Are you also mute?] 

Jonathan’s shoulders dropped as he shook his head once more. Both her eyebrows shot up to her hairline from his response. “I see…” 

She leaned over and wrapped her arms around the child’s waist, giggling when his face immediately shifted to a scowl when she picked him up. His fist still clutched stubbornly at Jonathan’s sleeve, forcing him to stand up to help the child stay connected. 

“Sorry about this. He got curious about you yesterday and wanted to talk to you. He came up with the idea that since you haven't yelled at us yet, you couldn't speak either,” the sister explained, shifting the still scowling child in her arms, “But I guess that's not the case, huh?” 

Jonathan sighed quietly, quickly reaching for his phone.  **Not in the way your brother thinks** , he typed, still not advanced enough for him to sign his response.  **Sorry.**

She waved her hand, “No, don't be! He's just happy that you even tried to talk to him. Though, his obsession with you is kind of strange,” she added in amusement. She pried the clinging child off Jonathan’s arm and held him by his armpits. 

His scowl deepened as he dangled in her grip, his legs kicking up half-heartedly. 

Now that he was in the air, Jonathan was able to get a better look of him. What he saw almost made him choke on his spit. 

The little boy was wearing a Delirious hoodie. His own iconic mask and the words ‘Delirious Army’ stared back at him, scrawled proudly across the chest. He couldn't believe his eyes. He wanted to cry at how small the hoodie was, his sister must have shrunk the hoodie in the wash for it to fit the boy. 

“Damien, leave the nice security man alone. Didn't you want to meet Vanoss?” She asked sweetly, her smile unwavering when Damien shook his head in defiance. 

Jonathan felt himself laugh at the cute reaction, his hand automatically reaching up to stifle the sound. The laugh caught Damien’s attention and he beamed up at him. ‘I wonder,’ Jonathan thought with a smile as he lifted his hands. 

[I like your shirt.] He told Damien, wincing when he stiffly signed ‘shirt’ after he couldn't remember how to say hoodie. 

But Damien understood him, and his brown eyes practically sparkled. Jonathan has never seen anything so bright. 

[I love you. I love you!] Damien exclaimed, making his sister flush in mortification. 

“A-Ah, yeah! I also think the security man is really cool. But I think we should really go. Thank you so much for entertaining him, by the way,” she added hastily as she hauled her brother more closely to her chest, her blush deepening when he continued to say ‘I love you.’ 

Jonathan’s own face burned from Damien’s adoration, but he still managed to smile fondly at the boy. Damien’s sister tucked his face to her neck before she tried to manoeuvre in the crowd. Damien’s face popped up over her shoulder as she tried to escape, his pretty eyes still sparkling. 

Jonathan giggled, once again lifting his hands. [Secret. Only you know. Secret.] 

Damien nodded his head, lifting his thumb and index finger over the corner of his lips and mimicked a key, before smiling a wide, gap smile. Jonathan stifled another laugh. That gesture he at least knew by heart. 

He closed his eyes after the two disappeared from his sight, a warm feeling spreading throughout his body. His fingers tingled, not use to the exertion they went through. 

He could still remember when he first decided to learn (well, at least try to learn) sign language. He had been in a thoughtful conversation with Evan, Brock, and Anthony; who were discussing some of their favourite fan encounters. Anthony had just finished his story about meeting a fan in a Pokemon convention before Brock decided to add something. 

“Actually, a memorable one I had was when I was shopping with Laura and our daughter. We were stopped by these two teenagers before check-out, and they were really nice! One of them spoke a mile a minute while the other one didn't at all. But, after I asked how they were, that's when I learned that was because they were deaf. I felt so bad because I couldn't communicate with them. The best I could do was speak slowly so they can follow the movement of my lips. They were so cool about it and we were still able to take a picture.” Brock shrugged, a humble smile curling on his lips, “After that, I realised how amazing YouTube’s reach was. It was so cool. I wish I was able to talk to them more properly though, it would have made them more comfortable to approach me. Now, I make sure the subtitles on my videos are accurate. Just to make sure everyone is included.” 

His encounter sparked something in Jonathan and when night time fell, he had laid in his bed and absentmindedly thought about it for hours, imagining fake encounters with his own fans. He knew it would never happen, but his imagination had other plans and he found himself, in the middle of the night, looking up sign language. 

Now, he was grateful to his spontaneous search that day. He placed a hand over his heart, surprised by how calm it was. From their interaction, Damien knew who he was. How he found out, Jonathan couldn’t figure out (and he would be lying if it didn’t make him worry), but strangely enough, it didn’t bother him. He thought he would freak out if someone knew, heck, he’s freaking out from the prospect of his own  _ friends _ figuring it out. 

But, with the way Damien had looked at him, Jonathan knew he could trust him with his secret. He really had the best audience in the world. 

“Wow.” 

Jonathan froze, the warm feeling immediately disappearing. He turned around, his hand now rigid over his heart, feeling dread overwhelm him when he finds Evan standing right behind him. Evan was looking at him in slight awe, a thoughtful expression on his face. 

“I knew it. I knew you were a good person!” He exclaimed, no longer looking at him, “And of course you know sign language, of course…” Evan dissolved into mumbling, and Jonathan was sure he was no longer talking to him. 

Jonathan stood dumbly in front of him, unsure on what else to do, as Evan talked to himself. He internally sighed, fighting the urge to rub his temple. Of course Evan had seen his interaction with Damien and his sister, the whole crowd had witnessed it. He had forgotten about where he was, too distracted to even care. He should have realised that Evan would be watching him like a hawk (owl) since the morning. 

‘I got careless,’ he scolded himself, stuffing his hands into his hoodie pocket. 

“Is sign language more comfortable for you? Should I use that?” Evan suddenly asked him, his head shooting up. Jonathan shook his head, a hundred percent sure that Evan didn’t know a lick of sign language to begin with. 

Evan growled in frustration, “But, if it’s more comfortable for I can try.” 

**you dont need to do that this is still fine** , Jonathan typed, closing his eyes after he showed the message to Evan. 

He’s doing it again. He’s giving in. 

It was worth it, though, when Evan visibly relaxed. 

“Okay,” he simply said, a wide smile forming on his face. 

**Youre too happy**

“That’s not a bad thing.” 

**I know**

Jonathan took a peek behind Evan, finding Brian and Ohm already getting ready to move on to another game. 

**done already?**

“Yeah,” Evan groaned, “I was getting tired of getting my ass handed to me. We’re going to go see if they have an Shooty Squads set up.” 

He grinned at the sound of Brian moaning exaggeratedly, “That’s the only game you’re good at!” 

“That’s not true! Remember the Vanoss list?” 

“You’re list is built on lies. You sit on a throne of lies, Evan!” 

The two dissolved into bickering as they migrated to another game, Ohm and Jonathan following behind them. Amusingly, the crowd did so as well. Their squeals and loud conversations kept Jonathan and his friends company as they searched for a new game to play. 

A few times they were stopped by courageous fans asking for a picture or an autograph. Brian and Evan did so with a smile, encouraging others to come up as well. Jonathan hovered over them unsurely, keeping a keen eye incase the two get overwhelmed. Ohm joined him, probably trying to mimic him so the crowd won’t get suspicious. It worked, and soon they were back to finding a new game to play. 

“Oh, let’s turn here,” Ohm speaks up, “I’m supposed to meet Cartoonz and Squirrel near the Red Dead Redemption booth.” 

The two (three) nodded and followed Ohm’s lead, their bickering not letting up. Jonathan suppressed a laugh, he forgot how heated both Brian and Evan got when they teased each other. The booth came into view and the crowd following them merged with another crowd. He spots Luke and Squirrel interacting with their own fans, unfazed by the multiple flashes of cameras or phones thrusted into their faces. 

Their cheers became louder the moment Brian and Evan joined them, excited to see their favourite youtubers together. 

“We’re here to drop someone off,” Brian said with a grin, his words too low for the crowd to hear him. 

“Thanks,” Luke replied with a grin of his own. Ohm sneakily tugged Luke’s hand behind his back, immediately lacing their fingers together. Luke sighed deeply, as if a phantom tension released itself from his body. 

Jonathan shoots them an encouraging smile from his spot, his heart melting at their intertwined fingers. He hopes the two work things out, they really deserved to be happy. 

“Conner!” Squirrel suddenly squeals, making Jonathan jump. 

He wasn’t prepared for the next thing that happened. He felt a body collide with his own and he hastily tried to keep his footing, his arms automatically circling around the intruder. 

“It’s really you!” Squirrel laughs, resting his chin on Jonathan’s shoulder as he hugged him. Jonathan relaxed into the hug, his own mirth getting the best of him. 

It was not long ago that he had talked with Squirrel over the phone, the phone hovering an inch away from his ear as the other screamed. Now that he was there in person, Jonathan felt more at ease. 

“So, these are the infamous glasses,” Squirrel wonders after he pulled away, “It’s bigger than I thought.” 

Jonathan had to bite his lips to stop his knee-jerk response of, “That’s what she said,”  coming out of his mouth. Instead, he nodded his head, allowing Squirrel to thumb over the glasses curiously. 

“And you can see through these? Wild.” 

Jonathan suppressed a snort, swatting the hands away. From the corner of his eye, he could see Luke watching them, his eyebrow raised and his mouth curled in a little smile. He mouthed, ‘Good luck’ to the two of them before returning his attention to Ohm, who hasn’t left his side since the group joined them.  

**You know whats going on right?**

Jonathan typed out on his phone, rolling his eyes when the other looked down in confusion. “...Oh, right. You can’t speak,” Squirrel mumbled, thankfully low enough so only Jonathan could hear, “Yeah, Cartoonz filled me in after you called. Though, he used a lot of very colourful words.” 

Jonathan figured as much. 

**Ignore him he just wants to play daddy**

“Kinky.” 

**how dare you say that to me**

Squirrel threw his head back and laughed, “God, it’s really good to see you.” 

Jonathan smiled, throwing an arm over Squirrel’s shoulder and hugged him once more. The hug lasted longer than it should have, but Jonathan couldn’t bring himself to care. Having another person on his side really left him feeling secured. He could trust this person. 

Squirrel leaned against him and began to speak a mile a minute, filling Jonathan in on what he had missed and what plans he had for the two of them. Jonathan listened contently, uncaring that people were probably watching them, curious about their connection with each other. Now, that he had another ally, he felt like he could breathe again.

Maybe, if he had not let his guard down, he would have noticed two certain people watching him  _ very closely _ . 

But it was too late. 


	9. Something Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have years of friendships, years of hardship and up an down moments shared from living off the same faulty system. Jonathan could be the ugliest person alive, both physically and mentally, and his friends would still tease him and call him their friend. They stuck with him even through the bullshit of having to deal with the daily messages from ‘fans’ demanding to know what he looks like and through the label of being ‘Delirious’ and Vanoss’ friends.’
> 
> So what was he afraid of?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please accept this long-ish chapter as my humble apology for taking my time. I was suppose to have updated sooner but I got distracted in reading other stories than writing my own so I don't have a valid excuse haha. Enjoy!!  
> As always, thanks for comments, kudos, and bookmarks! It always surprises me that people keep coming back, even with my bullshit haha, it means a lot! <3  
> un-beta'ed so mistakes are my own.

This is not what Evan had expected to see. He stood, dumbfounded, as he watched Conner interact with another person. 

He and Squirrel acted like they were old friends, hanging off each other’s arms as they talked (typed) with one another. And, to Evan’s discomfort, it was the first time he had ever seen Conner so expressive, the glasses doing nothing to hide the wide smile splitting his face after the other male hugged him. 

Has… Has Conner ever smiled at him before? Ever? If he had, he must have covered it up with his hand or turned his head to the side so Evan wouldn’t see. Why? Who was that? Just thinking about it made Evan feel uneasy, but he didn’t understand why. They weren’t bad emotions, that much he was sure of, but he still didn’t like the weird feeling bubbling inside him. 

“Hey, who is that?” Evan asked Jon quietly, who had been beside him the whole time Conner has been with the other male. 

“Hmm? Oh, that’s Squirrel. You know, Delirious’ and Ohm’s friend? I think you played with him before,” Jon answered easily, a thoughtful expression passing through his features as he eyed the two friends, “but I didn’t know he knew Conner. Huh, small world.” 

“Delirious’ friend?” Evan wondered, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as he tried to remember who Squirrel was. He had a few recollections of the other, remembering the few fortnite and golf it recording sessions he had with Squirrel, all of which had Delirious joining them. 

“Ahh…” Evan realised, tone turning bitter. 

Squirrel is the person who Evan had once held a slight grudge against. Not an ill-witted type of grudge where he wished harmed over the other, it’s not like Evan hated him. But, it was during the time Delirious spent most of his time playing with other people and different games, all of which ‘Vanoss’ took no part of. 

Sure, Evan had fun recording with his other friends and it’s not like his or Delirious’ content suffered from not playing with each other, but he was not ashamed to admit that he had missed Delirious during that time period. When they did play together it involved everyone else as well, unlike their two player co-op games they used to love to play, including Delirious’ new friend, Squirrel. At first, Evan had no problem with the kid. He was funny and witty, meshing pretty well with the other guys right off the bat. It was fun recording with someone new, they brought fresh material to work with plus Evan didn’t have to put on a facade in front of him since the kid already knew them, already exposed to their childish and crude humour. 

But, as they continued to play together, Evan was reminded that there was a downside to having someone new join them. They brought new topics to mess around with, that was a plus, but it also brought references and experiences that none of them knew. But Delirious did. 

It was frustratingly common to find Delirious and Squirrel giggling with one another, whispering out jokes and references that left Evan’s brain hurting, all for them to suddenly fill the call with their laughter. When that happened, Evan couldn’t help but feel left out, as if he was drifting further and further from them. His anxiety grew with each recording session, with each invisible step Delirious took away from him. He could feel the distance growing and growing, until Evan couldn’t see him anymore. 

It’s shameful to admit that Evan had blamed Squirrel during those days, cursing his name under his breath when Delirious yet again didn’t answer the discord or declined their game invite. What was so special about him that Delirious didn’t want to record with Evan anymore? What did Squirrel had that he didn’t? 

Thankfully, after discovering his true feelings for Delirious, Evan would flush in embarrassment at the mere thought of those times, having connected those ugly emotions as jealousy towards the other. Squirrel had done nothing wrong to have such horrible feelings projected at him so Evan tried to make him feel welcomed after a recording session as a silent apology. 

He thought he was getting better at the whole jealousy thing. It still slithered its ugly head at times but over the years he has learned to repress it. Now, those ugly feelings returned as he watched the same person he had loathed before interacting with Conner. Luckily, the feelings were weaker and less intense than they were when he had them with Delirious. But they were still there, and Evan didn’t like that. 

“How do they even know each other? I thought Conner didn’t know anyone here,” Evan grumbled, wincing a second later at how harsh he sounded. Luckily, Jon didn’t question him about it. 

“I dunno, they were probably schoolmates or somethin’. Besides, it’s not like it’s weird for Conner to have a friend here. I know we joke about him being a robot but even a robot has friends.” 

“I know, I just didn’t expect it,” Evan mumbled, returning his attention to the source of his frustration. He caught Conner nudging Squirrel’s arm off his shoulder, a playful scowl curling on his lips as the other grinned at him. Evan grimaced. However, he doesn’t dwell on it for too long after Brian and the rest of the guys catch up with him. 

“Where to next?” Lui asked, nursing a latte to his chest. Where he got it from, no one knows, and no one bothered to ask. Well, Brian did, rather loudly actually, but everyone ignored him. 

“How about the new Spyro trilogy game? I’ve been meaning to check it out,” Marcel offered. 

“Don’t be stupid, that game is only for one player, we need to find something that at least half of us can play at once,” Scott retorts. 

“Fuck you, I don’t see you giving any suggestions.” 

“You didn’t give me a chance to!” 

“They probably were going to be stupid anyways.” 

“-Gasp- you take that back.” 

The two began to bicker, urging the others to join in and make everything worse. Evan stood in the sideline and let them choose what to do, casting Conner a glance every other minute. He wanted to get his attention so Conner could  ~~ separate ~~ tell Squirrel goodbye and join them. But despite having recorded with Squirrel, he was not familiar with him enough to just nudge into their conversation, no matter how much he wanted to. Even less with how he was feeling. 

Jon, the true chaotic man that he is, didn’t have such problems.

“Yo, are we having a gangbang over here? Because I want in,” he drawled, swinging his arms around both Conner’s and Squirrel’s neck. Squirrel let out a surprised laugh while Conner covered his mouth to suppress what Evan thinks was a snort. 

“No, but I’ll invite you next time if we do,” Squirrel replied with a laugh, making Jon groan. 

“Not cool to get a brother’s hope up like that. Conner, I thought you were bae, turns out you were just fam.” 

“Oh my god,” Squirrel managed to say between gasps while Conner’s shoulders violently shook. 

Evan took small steps towards them, body filling with envy. Jon infiltrated their bubble so easily, as if the barrier between them didn’t exist. Maybe it didn’t, but why then does Evan have so much trouble reaching towards people, so much trouble reaching them? 

Why does he have so much trouble reaching out to Delirious, who keeps getting further and further away? 

“Why are you thinking about him now?” Evan scolded himself, physically slapping his cheeks. He’s getting more and more ridiculous lately. He hated it. 

He shook his head to clear his thoughts and used Jon as an opening to join them. “Hey, you’re Squirrel. Right?” Evan started off, proud that his voice came out strong and smooth, “it’s good to finally meet you in person.” 

“Oh, Vanoss,” Squirrel answered, visibly startled from his presence, “yeah, likewise.” He offered his hand, an unsure smile on his lips. Evan took it with his own awkward smile, making sure the handshake was short and firm. 

He could feel Conner’s gaze on him as he let go, “So… h-how do you know Conner?” 

Right, let’s just get straight to the point instead of naturally building up to it. Smooth. 

Squirrel’s face contorted, not expecting the direct question. “Oh, he’s, uh, a friend of mine I met online. It’s my first time meeting him in person, actually,” he replied casually, shrugging off Jon’s hold of him. 

“Online dating, I like it,” Jon said with a grin, circling both his arms around Conner. 

Conner frantically shook his head while Squirrel laughed, “No, not online dating. I’d rather date someone in my league, after all.” He managed to dodge a jab from Conner. “H-Hey, I didn’t say if you were above or below my league!” Squirrel defends himself. 

Evan watched as the two cackled, the bottom half of Conner’s face flushing bright red from their teasing. Evan tried to steer the conversation back to how they knew each other but the other managed to divert the talk to something else, Jon’s senseless talking not helping in the slightest. He gave up after the fifth attempt, sighing quietly to himself. 

He did feel frustrated about his question being ignored but it’s not like he didn’t understand. He would be uncomfortable as well if someone came up to him and only used him to probe for information about his friends. It was sad to say that it had happened before, too many times for his liking, from the most unlikely of people. He always felt stupid soon after for trusting the person, his heart hurting when he had to block and ignore the other if he wanted some peace. It hurt even worse when it happened to his own friends who were (unfortunately) veterans in dodging questions from people wanting to know about their friendship with the notorious ‘Vanoss.’ 

So, he waited for a pause in conversation to step back from the group, his need to know more about their relationship diminishing. He made it back to his original group, suppressing a sigh after finding them still fighting over what to do next. 

“Fill me in, what did we decide on?” Evan asked Tyler, who had been rubbing his temple when he got there. 

“They’re still fighting over Spyro, Red Dead Redemption, this shooter game Mini suggested, and I forgot the other one. So, we decided on nothing while you were gone,” Tyler grunted. 

Evan snickered, “sweet.” 

“Hey, you were the one who suggested RDR, don’t act like you’re innocent!” Nogla retorts, slapping Tyler on the back. 

Tyler had the decency to grin, “It’s a good game, sue me.” 

“And here I thought you were above all this,” Evan teased. 

Tyler shrugged, “Even Brock is fighting with these idiots so who am I to pretend like I’m better than everyone else.” 

Nogla raised an eyebrow, “Never stopped yeh before.” 

“Jesus Nogla, who  _ hurt you? _ ” 

Evan chuckled at Tyler’s scandalised expression, deciding to forget about everything else for the meantime. ‘Looks like we’ll be here for a bit’, he thought in amusement as the heated argument between his friends was still going strong. Their argument got louder as they walked to their unknown destination, Brian and Marcel’s pride too strong for either of them to lighten it up. 

Evan thumbed over his phone as they walked, hovering almost uncertainty over his discord conversation with Delirious. He wanted to talk to him. 

Delirious had already told him during their phone call that he would be busy recording a video later on so he won’t be able to answer any messages until later that night. Evan wanted to whine over it, wanting to tell the other that he should still be able to respond even during a video. But, he only told him that he understood and that they would talk later. 

That still didn’t stop him from going over their history, catching himself laughing at the other’s ridiculous jokes and the ever impeccable grammar he had in each text. Evan missed him. He finds himself wishing for the first time for PAX to end quickly so he could return home and have a decent conversation with Delirious, something that they seriously have been lacking. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was, when he didn’t have to worry or think about stupid bodyguards and instead spend most of his time wondering whether or not Delirious would answer his stupid messages. 

At least then, Luke would be home in North Carolina so Evan didn’t have to worry about whether or not the mysterious man was okay. 

Delirious won’t be alone. 

“He won’t be alone.” 

“...Are you talking to yourself?” A voice spoke up and Evan jolted, arms immediately going up in a protective stances. “Woah, woah! Not the face,” Smitty all but yelped, taking a step back. 

Evan flushed, “S-Sorry, you scared me.” 

“It’s cool, I would freak out too if I was in La La land,” Smitty replied with a shrug, as if he didn’t just scream out loud, “So what were you thinking about? Or thinking out loud, I should say.” 

Before Evan could respond, Jon came strolling in, wrapping his arms around Smitty’s waist and resting his chin on the smaller male’s shoulder. 

“He’s probably thinking about all the ways to kill Ohm. Don’t worry, I do that all the time. I’ll share some of my ideas with you later.” 

Smitty snorted, “Uhhh, I doubt that is what he’s thinking about.” 

“Really? Huh. That’s what I think about… Weird…” 

Evan chuckled, knowing that Jon was joking. He never really hung out with Smitty and Jon, in digital and in the real world. It’s not like they didn’t like each other, but their playing styles and commentary did not mesh as well as the others but that was definitely okay with them. They still appreciated each other’s jokes and companionship on the rare moments they did record together. It helped that Smitty was overly friendly and was pretty adamant of the fact that they were Canadian (“We Canadians have to stick together,” he had told Evan during one of Tyler’s infamous parties before downing down a whole bottle of liquor. Evan was pretty sure he wasn’t legal to drink at that time).

Though, they still had their awkward moments, especially when Jon told one of his more inappropriate and dark humour jokes that only Smitty and their fanbase found hilarious. So, he had no trouble in having a conversation with the two. 

“Done messing with Conner and Squirrel?” Smitty asked, leaning into Jon’s embrace. 

Jon hummed, “Yeah, it was getting kind of hard keeping it up since Conner kept using his phone to talk. He’s a slow typer.” 

They both leaned over to look at Conner, who was still in a heated conversation with Squirrel. Evan did too, feeling kind of left out. He felt a smile curling on his lips at the sight of Conner fumbling on his phone, scowling (cutely) as Squirrel laughed at him. 

“You know…” Smitty began, “I’ve been watching him for a while now. Y’know, like a stalker.” 

“Wow, at least you admit that you’re stalking him,” Jon commented. 

Evan snapped his head up, “Wait, what? Stalking him?” 

Smitty shrugged, as if he didn’t just say something utterly ridiculous, “Well, I guess not really  _ stalking _ . But I am watching him closely. I just got a weird feeling the moment I saw him. Kind of like I somehow know the guy.” 

“You’re stalking a guy because you have a ‘feeling?’ Wow, just tell me straight to my face that you want to cheat on me,” Jon pathetically whined. 

Smitty snickered, running his fingers through Jon’s long hair, “Shut up, I’m not going to cheat on you. You of all people should know that my ‘feelings’ should not be taken lightly. I am the prediction masta for a reason.” 

“Oh, yeah. I forgot.” 

“Besides,” Smitty continued, tone turning accusingly, “Don’t act like you’re not watching him, too.” 

Jon lazily shrugged, snuggling into Smitty’s neck with a sigh, “Well, you were watching him so I wanted to watch too. It seemed like fun.”  

Evan physically sighed in exhaustion, his brain turning upside down in trying to follow the conversation. “I don’t care what your feelings are telling you, don’t stalk people. Or watch them. That’s creepy.” 

Jon scoffed, “You just don’t want us watching Conner.” 

Evan spluttered while Smitty grinned, “Jealous, huh? Canadian?” 

“Hahaha, I hate to break it to you, but you’re Canadian too, Smitty.” 

“Shit, you rite.” 

Nope, that was it. Evan was done with this conversation. His brain was completely fried. 

He could feel his mouth flapping open, trying desperately to react to their words but it made no sense. 

“So, what did you find?” Jon asked curiously, completely ignoring Evan’s mental breakdown. 

It was Smitty’s turn to sigh, “Honestly? Not much. That guy sure knows how to keep his mysteries. Doesn’t help that he doesn’t talk to us, or really do anything with us.” 

“Boring,” Jon agreed. 

“But I haven’t given up. Mama didn’t raise no quitter. I will at least solve ONE mystery before PAX ends, my reputation is on the line.” 

Jon laughed, releasing his hold on Smitty’s waist, “Already ahead of you, brother. I think I know more than you right now.” 

“Fuck you, really? Tell me then, don’t hold information from me.” 

_ That _ catches Evan’s attention and he snaps out of his mental trauma. What does Jon mean? What information could he possibly have on Conner? But, before he could  demand ask, Tyler’s arms wrapped around his neck and playfully choked him. 

“We finally got a plan, boys! Thank fuck,” he groans, “and it’s not even any of the options we mentioned. I’m kind of salty about that.” 

“Then stop being salty, you dramatic bitch,” Marcel crows, eyes twinkling, “its Smash Bros. time!” 

“At least they managed to pick a decent game,” Tyler grumbled. 

Craig rolled his eyes, “If Tyler is still being a baby when we get there, then he has to wait three turns before he can play.” 

Tyler immediately disagreed loudly while everyone else laughed, prompting a childish chase to put Craig in a headlock. Everyone else, including the crowd still following them, were excited to go play the new Nintendo game. It was a good opportunity for both parties, the youtuber and the fans, to play together. Honestly, Evan was kind of excited for it and he wasn’t very good at Nintendo games. But he still couldn’t stop thinking about Delirious, and in connection, Conner. 

“Is everything okay in that big ol’ brain of yours?” Jon asked, snuggling his hands into his pockets. 

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” Evan answered, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. 

“Ohhhhhh?” Jon said, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m okay, honest,” Evan said, rolling his eyes at the deadpan expression Jon gave him, “I just been out of it today, that’s all.” “

Hmmmm~” Jon cooed, making Evan frown, “I call bullshit. And I know bullshit, Smitty calls out mine all the time.” 

Evan didn’t know what o say to that. 

He never had a ‘serious’ talk with Jon before, it just never popped up on the rare occasions Evan had been with the man. Plus, Jon never seemed the type to have serious conversations and Evan had never sought out the man for opinions or for a casual conversation. So, Evan didn’t know where to go from here. They still had a good amount of distance from their destination so he couldn’t just ignore him. 

“Really, I am okay. I… just been wondering about what Delirious is doing.” He shrugged, hoping to sound casual. He didn’t want to unpack everything to Jon, especially out in the open where someone could overhear so he thought he could go for a half truth. 

He internally groaned. He  _ has  _ been thinking about Delirious a lot. More than usual at least. ‘Maybe this whole Conner thing is frying my brain and only another headache can null it’ he thought with a chuckle, picturing a miniature Delirious arguing with his brain. 

To Evan’s surprise, Jon just scoffed. “That’s it? You think about him all the time, how is this any different? I’m pretty sure the guy has his own vacation house in your brain.” 

The way he said it was so casual and blunt that Evan was instantly floored. He flushed, hands coming up to rub at his neck self-consciously, “Ahaha… Am I that obvious?” 

“Nahhhh,” Jon replied, bumping his hips with Evan as they walked, “I just don’t have anything better to do than watch people. It’s more Smitty’s thing but you’re interesting enough for me to try.” 

“Oh, uh, thanks?” Evan said, unsure whether or not that was a good thing. 

“Also, Delirious is the first person you message to in the discord when you want to record something. And the last person you talk to before you log off, so it’s not really surprising that you were thinking about him.” 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Jonathan was honestly not having the best time right now. 

Sure, he felt a tiny bit better having Squirrel at his side, and it was nice to have someone constantly at your side. But, the younger man kept raising his blood pressure every time he opened his mouth in front of someone. He had to stop himself from smacking Squirrel on the back of his head when he began talking to Evan, mentioning a few things that hit way too close to home after Evan asked how they knew each other. 

It’s like the man had no sense of danger with the way he swung himself on Jonathan’s shoulders, uncaring of the curious stares both his friends and the observing crowd gave them. Plus, Squirrel kept fingering his glasses, muttering about how it was ‘not fair that I don’t get to see how you look like when Cartoonz does’ and ‘why does it matter anyways, no one is going to recognise you.’ It was to the point that Jonathan had to repeatedly copy and paste his response of ‘ **fuck off stop touching me before i kick you.** ’ 

Squirrel easily agreed every time and instantly latched on his arm once more, mouth moving a mile a minute. He filled Jonathan on his own experience in PAX was going, from the games and booths he visited to actually being stopped by fans to take a picture or sign something. 

“People actually recognised me, even though I don’t show my face that often! It was amazing, Deli- I mean Conner. I’ll show you some of my own pictures I took when we get to the smash booth.” 

Delirious tried to listen to his talk, wanting his friend to know that he does care about what he is saying. But, his thoughts keep coming down on him. Everything was getting out of hand. While his secret (secret **s** ) were still intact, the constant weight of guilt he felt was crushing him. He needed to tell then the truth, come out of hiding. At least to Ohm and Evan. They were the ones being the most affected from his lies. 

‘What am I even afraid of?’ he thought bitterly, kicking his feet on the ground once Squirrel finally let go of him. That they won’t accept him? Not be who they thought he would be? He wanted to laugh at his own thoughts. Those reasons were stupid even for him to think about. 

They have years of friendships, years of hardship and up an down moments shared from living off the same faulty system. Jonathan could be the ugliest person alive, both physically and mentally, and his friends would still tease him and call him their friend. They stuck with him even through the bullshit of having to deal with the daily messages from ‘fans’ demanding to know what he looks like and through the label of being ‘Delirious’ and Vanoss’ friends.’ 

So what was he afraid of?

“Because what I’ve done… what I’m  _ still  _ doing, it’s way worse than I ever could do. The last thing we do is lie to each other.” He muttered harshly, too low for Squirrel to hear. “I’m worse of the worse. I’m absolute scum.” 

He hated it. He hated everything. 

He has to tell them. He has to tell them everything. 

He has to tell  **Evan.**

“Hey, are you okay?” Squirrel’s voice suddenly breaks through his thoughts and he snaps his head. 

“Oh, what? Yeah, I’m fine.” He whispered, slapping his hands over his mouth the moment he realised he said it in the open. Luckily, no one was close enough to hear them. 

Squirrel looked at him worriedly, a frown on his lips. “Are you sure? You suddenly stopped walking,” 

“Oh.” 

Jonathan awkwardly started his pace again, willing his face to be neutral. Squirrel catches up to him, the same worried frown on his face. “You know,” he started quietly, leaning forward so he was draping off Jonathan’s shoulder, “even with that hoodie and glasses, you still wear your emotions on your sleeves.” 

Jonathan rolled his eyes, scowling after realising that Squirrel couldn’t see it. “Yeah? Well, my emotions better cover themselves up. Damn snitches.” His tone came out bitter and quiet, but he still managed a tiny laugh at the meaningful look Squirrel gives him. 

“Delirious.” 

Jonathan sighed, smacking his friend on the shoulder. 

**Stop saying my name out loud asshole,** he typed out, smacking him again for good measure. 

“Sorry,” Squirrel apologised, stepping back one step to give Jonathan some space. They fell silent as they followed Evan and the rest of the guys through the main floor, the crowd audible chatter behind them loud enough to remind Jonathan where he was. He could see Evan talking with Smitty and Jon, Evan’s face turning pale at the joke Jon must have told. 

Why was everything so complicated. 

“You’re thinking out loud again,” Squirrel whispered, bumping their shoulders together. Jonathan snorted, secretly thankful to have someone to keep him away from his thoughts. 

**Since when do you care so much? I remember you hoe always leaving me to my death.**

Squirrel chuckled, “That’s when I’m desperate for content. Here in the real world, friends care about one another. Shocking, I know.” 

Jonathan shook his head, hand coming up to stifle his laugh. 

**Shut up**

Though, when they turned a corner, Jonathan managed to sneak in a quick hug. It only lasted a second, so fast you would miss it if you blinked. He then returned to his usual place behind Evan, doing his best to ignore the fond smile Squirrel gave him as he caught up. ‘Stupid friends that I don’t deserve,’ he thinks, fighting down his own smile. 

The Smash Bros. booth comes into view shortly after, already in use of PAX goers eager to try out the new character lineup. Jonathan could see Marcel bouncing up and down from his spot, smiling ear to ear the moment they stood in front of the game. The crowd behind them merged with the existing people already there, successfully engulfing the entire area. With the way staff members were fidgeting, Jonathan was pretty sure this was a security violation. 

Despite that, people were still able to manoeuvre through the floor, a few stopping by to have a curious glance before they continued on their way, so the staff members didn’t comment on it. However, Jonathan wished they did. He felt uneasy with the number of people surrounding them, their calls becoming louder and louder as the existing challengers were finishing off their game. 

The noise almost became unbearable over time as more and more people began to recognise Evan and the rest of the crew waiting for their turn. They chanted, stomping their feet rhythmically in preparation for the ‘Vanoss showdown,’ as what they decided to call it (from the looks on Brian and everyone else’s face, they weren’t too fond of the name). 

He only felt a tiny bit better after spotting a few security guards standing cautiously in the corner, eyes trained professionally on the excited crowd. He also could recognise fellow personal bodyguards following behind other youtubers, the flashy green colour of their accessories extremely difficult to not notice. Having more people there to assess the scene did wonders to the panic climbing in his chest. 

He doubted that he would ever get used to dealing with crowds, feeling an inkling of pride spreading in his chest for his friends. Unlike Jonathan, they always had to tackle crowds and people shoving into their faces on the daily bases, despite their own insecurities and discomfort. Even now, they exerted an air of calmness as the crowd chanted, chatting away with one another as they waited their turn. 

If Jonathan didn’t know, he might have been fooled into believing that they weren’t affected by the crowd at all. But he does, and he knew that the truth was the exact opposite. His friends were constantly aware of their fans, living in fear that they will somehow disappoint their subscribers. They do their best to entertain the fans, giving them the experience they deserved. It was thanks to their support that Jonathan and his friends could live the lives that they have, it was the least they could do. 

So, in public, they held their heads high with a smile on their face. Jonathan knew how exhausting the experience could be, so he couldn’t imagine how his friends felt. 

Still, having so many people at once, all a mere feet away from you, could scare anyone. He didn’t want to think about how his friends dealt with entertaining an entire  _ panel _ filled to the brim with people. The crowd now compared to what awaits them is almost laughable. 

Almost. 

The first few moments standing there were bearable, people cheered for the current players as if they were participating in a tournament. The players were a good sport about it, taking on a more ‘serious’ persona as they playfully trashed talked each other. It truly felt like they were watching a professional match with how intense the battle became, even Brian and the rest of the guys were cheering them on. 

Finally, after the match ended and the players were switched off (a little girl no older than fourteen had won the match, Jonathan and the crowd were very proud of her, she did great with pikachu), Jonathan watched his friends take their seats. 

Evan, Marcel, Brian, Brock, Smitty, Nogla, Lui, Anthony, and Squirrel stepped up to the challenge. Tyler, Jon, Scotty, and Craig, stood right behind them, verbally judging them for their character selections (though none of them knew how to react when Anthony proudly chose Isabelle, the crowd going eerily silent as he selected confirm). 

“Get ready punks! I’m winning this thing!” Lui loudly exclaimed, voice switching to his childlike one as he chose Ike. The crowd screamed at the iconic voice, making him smirked. 

Brian bared his teeth, selecting grownup Link without a second thought, “I’m going for you first, monkey.”  

“Hah! You’re going to eat my dust, old man!” 

“I’m younger than you, yah piece of shit.” 

“Already shit talking? I love it,” Marcel teased, choosing Pacman. 

“C’mon guys, we have to work together to defeat Marcel. Then, we can beat the crap out of each other,” Smitty replied sagely, opting for Roy. 

“Screw that, I’m winning this thing,” Nogla barked, switching between Daisy and  Waluigi Megaman before choosing the latter. 

“Way to be a team player,” Squirrel jokes, picking pokemon trainer. 

“I just don’t want to be the first person out,” Brock said with a laugh and Evan agreed, their character selection Toon Link and Luigi respectively. 

The match starts and everyone goes into try-hard mode, the crowd cheering behind them fueling them on. They only had one life each, wanting to be fair to the people who were waiting for their own turn to play the game.

None of them wanted to be the first one out so they were merciless, smashing buttons and using the same combos. Marcell was the only one who was decent in the game, a proud veteran of past games, so it was no surprise when he appeared to be dominating the stage. He attacked Nogla, Smitty, and Brian with everything he had, catching the trio by surprise. They responded by calling him a cunt (Nogla and Brian) and defended themselves the best they could.

Craig and Scott were screaming in the sideline, calling out the plays they did as if it truly was a real tournament with real consequences. 

“-And Smitty is sent flying by a hard attack from BasicallyIdowrk, but, oh! He manages to keep himself on the platform. What a performance, don’t you say, FourZeroSeven?” 

“Right you are, MiniLadd. These big boys did not come here to play around!” 

“Shut the fuck up!” Marcel hissed through gritted teeth, lifting his controller in the air as he desperately dodged out of the way of Brian’s special attack. 

Jonathan had to remind himself to keep his attention towards the crowd, taking all his energy to keep his face blank as his friends screamed dumbass shit to piss each other off. 

The crowd loved it, however. They reacted spectacularly, gasping loudly and cheering at the right times. Jonathan was pretty sure that if it weren’t for the glasses, he would have been blinded by all the flashes from the fans constantly taking pictures and recording the spectacle. He was mildly impressed at the fact that every teenager in sight had their phone out. 

They suddenly cried out loudly, making his ears ring. It could only mean that someone had finally been taken out. 

That person turned out to be Nogla, who had to have his mouth covered by Tyler to stop the nonstop profanities spilling out of his lips. “This is fucking bullshit! Marcel is a damn cheater, someone kill that cunt!” He spat through Tyler’s fingers, making the older man grimace. 

“Calm down, Nogla,” Scotty said with a grin, giving the fuming Irishman a back hug, instantly making him feel better. 

After that, it was like a domino effect. 

The next to be eliminated were Brian and Lui, who managed to take each other out in the process of trying to grab an active bomb. 

“Of course it had to be you, you adult child,” Brian sulked, putting his controller down. 

“Haha, it was not my fault. How was I supposed to know it was going to blow up?” 

“I think that has to be the dumbest thing that has ever came out of your mouth.” 

Smitty and Squirrel put up a good fight, temporally teaming up to try and eliminate Anthony and Brock. It almost worked, their efforts took out Anthony who had the misfortune to be in the path of their power up, but Brock managed to escape. 

“Aw man,” Anthony laughed, “I was so close. To be honest, I have no idea how to use Isabelle but I think I did a good job.” 

“Anthony, you have no idea,” Craig replied, patting him on the back. 

That left Smitty, Brock, Marcel, Squirrel, and Evan. Brian took his place behind the remaining players, observing the screen. 

He squinted his eyes to get a better look, snorting loudly, “Look at fucking Luigi hiding in the corner.” 

“Shut up, shut up. You’re not allowed to talk, you’re out,” Evan hissed, slipping out a “Oh shit,” when both Marcel and Brock charged at him. “H-Hey!” he wheezed, throwing a pokeball, “No ganging up, that’s cheating!” 

“Gang up on Luigi!” Brian cried, features lighting up with glee. 

That call alone made Jonathan turn his head, his curiosity winning out his fear. He instantly got into it, fists raised to his chest as he took in the intense battle. He subconsciously copied the crowd with their cheers, reacting to every move his friends made. He tried to turn around and return to observing the crowd, like he did when his friends played Mario Kart. But he couldn’t. 

He was too enraptured by what was happening on the screen, gasping loudly alongside the engaged crowd as Marcel’s character duked it out with Smitty’s while Evan had his own battle with Brock and Squirrel. It was not like he was alone, Tyler and the rest of the guys who had been eliminated were screaming out loud, shaking the actual players in their excitement. 

He shouted alongside the crowd after Evan finally managed to catch the smash ball, successfully obliterating Brock, Smitty, and Squirrel all at once. 

“How in the world did you do that?” Smitty asked in awe, uncaring that he loss. 

“How the fuck did I do that?” Evan repeated, shocked. 

Jonathan had to bite his lips to stop his own surprise laugh, his eyebrows shooting up from the shocking events. Both Evan and Marcel paused in their fighting, flabbergasted. Everyone (and I mean everyone, including the crowd) knew that Evan had no idea what he was doing, most of the match he had been pressing random buttons and hiding behind platforms, hoping for the best. So, for him to knock not one or two, but three players at once, was a miracle. 

“Wow,” Brian spoke quietly, breaking the semi-silence, “At least I wasn’t eliminated by Evan, that was pathetic.” 

No one commented when Brock got up from his seat and smacked Brian on the back of his head. 

Marcel shook off the shock and continued with the match, catching Evan off guard. He was incredibly outclassed by Marcel, poor Luigi was being tossed around in the arena like a ragdoll, just barely staying onto the platform. 

The energy picked up after that, everyone realising at once that it was the final leg of the match and only two were left. Jonathan gripped at his jacket, wincing at the damage rapidly increasing. The crowd dramatically gasped as Luigi was sent flying by a well time attack from Marcel, just barely managing to stay onto the platform. At this rate, Evan was definitely going to lose. 

Jonathan couldn’t take the tension, his heart jumping with each attack. “Come on, Vanoss! You’re going to get your ass kicked by Pacman’s little bitch!” He finds himself screaming out, eyes glued to the screen. 

Evan threw his head back and laughed, “That doesn’t even make sense, Delirious! You shouldn’t be talking!” 

Jonathan finds himself snickering, opening his mouth to fire back a retort. Until he sees Squirrel’s wide eyes staring back at him. 

Jonathan froze, slapping his mouth shut with both his hands. He was shaking. 

Shit.

He could see the moment Evan froze as well, his fingers no longer moving against the controller. 

Shit shit shit shit shit! What did he just do? 

Evan’s character stopped moving on screen and Marcel took that moment to swoop in and deal the final attack, sending Luigi flying to the side and thus ending the match. The floor erupts with cheers, thunderous and chaotic. 

But Evan paid no mind to them. 

He clattered up from his seat, darting his eyes frantically into the mass of people. His expression was wild, face flushed in desperation as he scanned the crowd. 

Jonathan finally felt his body move, twisting his torso till he was once again facing where he should have been looking at in the first place He knew his face was drained from colour. He clutched at his jacket strings, his fingers trembling almost violently against them. No, don’t. Don’t look over here. Don’t look at him. 

“Delirious…” Squirrel whispered uncertainly, approaching slowly and as casual as possible. Evan’s gaze neared him and Jonathan forced himself to breathe. 

Why was he so afraid? This was his chance to show himself. That’s what he wanted to do after all. Didn’t he? 

Evan takes a step forward.

Go, go to him. Do it. What are you waiting for? You can finally free yourself from this guilt, from this web of lies you entangled yourself, the web you entangled  _ your own friends in. _

Evan’s getting closer, his search turning more frantic. Brock and Jon follow him curiously, wondering why Evan wasn’t reacting to the match. 

**_Do it._ **

“Conner!” Squirrel’s voice screamed and Jonathan snaps his gaze up. 

Only to be met with a swarm of people. 

The floor was filled with the chaotic cheer of excited fans, their voices mingling into one entity as they tried to get closer to their favourite youtubers. They were too much. They were getting too close. 

“Vanoss! Take a picture with me!” 

“Victory speech, Marcel!” 

“Let’s play together!” 

“Vanoss!” 

“Vanoss!” 

“Vanoss!” 

Staff members and security guards immediately took action, forcing themselves in front of the crowd and barked out orders. Tyler, Brian, Marcel, and Anthony helped by placing themselves in front of the group, doing their best to calm down the crowd and plead with them to give everyone some space. Luckily, majority of them realise their behaviour was unacceptable and obediently stepped away, murmuring their apologies for scaring them. 

Unfortunately, a very small group of fans took no heed their demands and continued to advance, their target obviously Vanoss. 

Too close, too close, too close. 

“Fuck… Fuck, fuck!” Jonathan suddenly cursed, snapping out of his panic. 

Evan needed him. Evan needed him!! 

He rushed forward, ignoring Squirrel surprised cry. He pushed and elbowed through the onlooking crowd, violently forcing himself through the little barricade the staff members managed to create. Chest heaving, he darted towards Evan, feeling his blood begin to boil in anger. 

Evan’s face was incredibly pale, hands wrapped around his torso protectively as he tried to calm down the small group of fans. He visibly flinched after the fans ignored his attempts and continued to get closer, barking out demands and favours. They reached and physically touched him, tugging at his clothes and skin as if they had the right to. 

None of his friends could help him. They were doing their best to reel in the rest of the crowd with the staff members. The fans probably meant well, too caught up in their awe and admiration to recognise the fear in Evan’s eyes as they surrounded him. But, at that point. Jonathan could care less. They were way out of line. 

So, Jonathan felt no remorse or guilt for harshly shoving the fans out of the way, spreading his arms wide protectively in front of Evan. They responded with a surprised grunt, a few falling over from the force. 

“Hey, you don’t have to be so rough with them,” Evan warned him after finding his voice back, albeit weakly. 

Jonathan shook his head before aggressively pointing towards the exit. Evan had to leave, he can’t be there anymore with the crowd acting like this. 

Evan followed his finger, frowning deeply, “What? I can’t just leave.” 

‘Evan not now,’ Jonathan internally hissed, once again pointing at the exit. 

“But-” Evan’s broke off into a loud cry, and suddenly Jonathan’s world was turning. 

He fell to the ground with a grunt, glasses clattering beside his head. He opened his eyes wide to find one of the fans he pushed on top of him, a teenage boy in a hideous grey sweater, sneering down at him. He looked like he won the world with the way he smirked down on him, flexing his muscles as he pinned Jonathan to the floor. 

This son of a bitch. He has no idea who he was dealing with. 

With a snarl, Jonathan jerked his knee upward, kicking the unsuspecting boy off of him. The boy stumbled, barely keeping his footing beneath him. His ‘lackies’ helped steady him, unease written clearly on their faces as Jonathan returned to his feet. 

Eyes blazing, he growled at them, teeth baring. “ **Get. The fuck. Out.** ” 

“What?! Why-” The boy began to ague, his hands curling into a fist like he was going to attack Jonathan again. But his voice choked in the back of his throat at Jonathan’s approaching footsteps his form looming over his pathetic one. Jonathan easily grabbed him by the arm, ripping the PAX pass cleanly off it’s linard. The boy watched it leave his neck, eyes wide and glassy. He knew what that meant. 

“ **You four as well** ,” Jonathan continued to growl, tossing the teenager to the waiting security guard. 

Thankfully, the remaining lackies listened and handed over their passes without a word, heads hung low. Jonathan almost felt bad for them as he watched them be escorted. They were only trying to get close to the person they admired. But, they cornered Evan in a corner, trapping him. 

Evan is too good of a person to attack someone, especially if that person was his fan. Jonathan used to joke about it, asking Evan what was his muscles for if he wasn’t going to use them. And yet, Jonathan was the same way, he never thought he could ever hurt his fans, they were too precious to him. 

But, he couldn’t excuse them for what they did. Not for making Evan have that scared look on his face. 

“Conner…” Evan spoke from behind him, and Jonathan turned around. Tyler and the others were gathering around him, their voices mingling with one another as they frantically asked if Evan was alright. Evan merely nodded to their questions, eyes never leaving Jonathan’s face. 

He looked dazed, as if he wasn’t all there. And yet, his gaze was intense, boring into Jonathan’s own as if he was searching for something. 

“Conner,” Evan repeats, taking a step forward. 

Stop. 

Stop stop stop stop stop. 

Jonathan doesn’t move, he couldn’t. 

_ Stop. _

To his shock  ~~ relief ~~ , Evan was interrupted by a very frantic Layla. She barrelled her way through the crowd, gripping tightly on Jonathan’s shoulder the moment she reached them, face flush. 

“Is everyone alright?” she asked hysterically, gasping a little for air. She must have ran the whole way there. 

“W-We’re okay.” Evan stuttered out, momentarily moving his attention to Layla. 

She shook her head, features hard. “What has happen is a disgrace to everyone here at PAX, we are truly sorry that we let it get this far.” 

“Oh, don’t worry-” 

“No, this is completely unacceptable!” Her tone was firm, completely different from her usual bubbly self, “We will be sure to make an announcement tomorrow, including a verbal apology on the behalf of the staff,  for what has happened today. You have my word.” 

Evan immediately shook his head, frantically waving his hands. Everyone else did as well, uncomfortable over the situation. “No, no, really. You don’t have to go that far. Nobody got hurt and it was only a little bit of trouble. It was not like we were attacked or anything like that.” 

Layla raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “It was enough for security and Conner to get involved so yes, it is serious. We have rules set for a reason, to keep everyone safe, and that rule was broken. It has to be addressed and taken care of.” 

“But…” Brock tried to say, face pinched. 

However, Layla was having none of it, “Do not worry. We will take care of everything. I suggest that everyone go back to your hotel for a well-needed rest as we clean up here.” 

“Leave?” Evan protests, alarmed at her words, “We don’t have to do that.” 

Brock and the rest of the guys eagerly nodded, casting a worried glance over the onlooking crowd. They have grown relatively silent after Jonathan turned in the reckless teenager, the occasional murmur rippling through the air as they observed. A few had their phones out, recording the security picking up the chairs and controllers that were thrown during the struggle. 

Layla’s face soften, sympathetic, “I understand your hesitation, but this really is a situation that can’t be taken lightly. Besides, there were only two hours left for the day, I’m sure everyone would understand your absence.” 

Jonathan felt his heart ping in sympathy at the way his friend’s shoulders dropped, clearly defeated. Evan looked the most devastated, his hands still shaking. But Layla already turned her attention to Jonathan, who flinched at her unwavering stare. 

“Conner, you have to come with me and file a report. After that, everyone is going to have an emergency staff meeting. I’m sorry for taking your time, especially after your spectacular performance today, but this meeting is extremely important. We need to make sure something like this does not happen again.” 

Jonathan feels his head spin at her words, his heart still pounding from the adrenaline rush. However, he nodded along anyways, the need to leave the scene too strong to ignore. Everyone’s faces blurred through his vision as he allowed Layla to drag him away. She was talking to him, probably briefing him over what he is going to expect when they get back to the main meeting room. But, he didn’t pay attention to her. His mind was blank, whispering harshly a string of “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” as they slowly got further and further away from Evan. 

Even with the distance between them, he could see a glimpse of Evan’s face looking back at him with a mixture of confusion and worry. One more day left. 

**_One more day left._ **

_ - _

_ Squirrel enters ‘WeDemBois’ groupchat _

_ Squirrel creates a private chat with @Cartoonz labelled ‘EMERGENCY’ _

**Squirrel:** luke we have a problem!

**Squirrel:** we had a situation over here at the smashbros booth and now everyone is being sent home early

**Squirrel:** everything is okay now but Delirious was held back with the rest of staff. I think he might need you.

_ Cartoonz enters the chat _

**Cartoonz:** Fuck

**Cartoonz:** I’m on my way, don’t you fucking dare leave him alone

**Squirrel:** wouldnt dream of it

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-” Luke breathed, jumping to his feet. 

Ohm jolts from where he was leaning his head on Luke’s shoulders, features instantly pinching to one of concern. 

They were outside the PAX building sharing a milkshake that they purchased from a food truck, hiding from the withering sun under a tree. It was nice, they were away from the chattering crowd and from people who would recognise them, spending the entire time talking and cuddling. They both needed it, this alone time that they had been ignoring till then. It helped ease away the tension from their shoulders, unashamed to be disgustingly cute together. Luke had felt so content in holding Ohm in his arms, tucking his chin in his boyfriend’s neck as the other weakly protested. He had felt at peace for the first time since he had came to Boston. 

Now, after reading the messages popping frantically on his phone, Luke realised that it was too good to be true. 

“They had a situation with the gang inside, everyone is being sent home,” Luke hurriedly replied, deciding for a half-truth as he tugged Ohm to his feet. 

Ohm’s eyes widen and he picked up the pace. “What?! Are they alright?” 

“I think so, but it’s still safe to check,” Luke muttered, “they should be by the Smash Bros. booth.” 

Ohm nodded, face firm, “It’s not far from here then, let’s hurry up.” 

They both sped walk through the main floor, wincing at the amount of orders being barked from staff members and security guards alike. PAX goers who had no idea what was happening complained loudly, demanding answers. Even after being briefed, they still looked disgruntled, as if the people just doing their jobs were the bane of their existence. 

Luke could understand their frustrations but it was no use arguing over it when there was nothing the staff could do about it. 

“I see them!” Ohm yelled, tugging at Luke’s wrist. 

Luke looked over and sees Tyler and the rest of the crew leaning against the wall, their faces grim and uncomfortable. It sucked. 

“Okay,” Luke started quietly, “Go over there and find out what really happened. When you do, text me what happened.” 

“Wait, what?” Ohm asked incredulously, whipping his head, “what do you mean me? Where are you going?” 

Luke sighed, closing his eyes, “I’m going to go find Squirrel and Gorillaphent, see how they’re doing. I might stay with them a bit and help clean these up.” 

“Then let me go with you, they’re my friends too,” Ohm argued, already tugging Luke in the opposite direction. 

Luke felt his heart clench as he ripped out of Ohm’s hold. “No, I think it will be better if you stayed with the guys. And when I say stay, I also mean staying over at their hotel room, too.” 

Ohm stopped, turning to give a confused look (hurt was written all over his face, oh god, does Luke want to die). “Luke, why do I have to stay with them? Why can’t I stay in my own goddamn room?” He spits, reaching for Luke’s wrist again. 

Luke thought he was dying before, but with the way Ohm’s face fell the moment he moved out of his reach, he realised that death was too good for the likes of him. “Trust me, Ohm. It would be better if you stayed with them. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” 

He didn’t give Ohm the chance to speak, he turned around and sprinted in the opposite direction, curses flying out of his mouth like he was breathing. He couldn’t think about anything right now. He had to go find Jonathan and see if he was okay. That was the only thing that mattered right now. 

Even if everything hurt so, so much. 

-

Ohm stared at Luke’s retreating form, lips twisted in a snarl. “Yeah, you’re definitely going to see me tomorrow. Bright and early, asshole. Don’t think you’re going to get out of talking of me because I ain’t having it.” He hissed into the air before stalking up to the rest of his friends. He knew Luke was acting weird. He just knew it. 

And this time, he was not going to let him out of his sight until he figured out what.


	10. Something Blue: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan stepped to the side and narrowed his eyes and took his time to read carefully. After he finished, he re-read it again, blinking. He re-read it a third time, his brain unable to comprehend the words on the paper.   
> It… It had to be wrong, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha  
> Hahahahahaha  
> Enjoy ^-^

Light peaked out of the bedroom curtains, shining gently against Jonathan’s face. The lingering heat felt nice against his cool cheek, and his eyes fluttered open. Perhaps, if it was any other morning, Jonathan would have found it wonderful and content. Instead, he wanted to shut those blasted curtains and hide away under his blanket. 

Exhaustion, that’s what he felt. Exhausted from the physical restraint he put himself through the day before, exhausted from the amount of paperwork and meetings he had to endure. Exhausted from the emotions piling over him until he was crushed by the sheer weight. 

Why? Why did everything have to go so astray? 

He buried himself further into the blanket, secretly hoping that it would be enough to suffocate him. He was only stopped from fully sheathing himself by two pairs of strong arms pulling him out of his self-made cocoon. 

“Delirious…” Luke’s voice wavered above him and Jonathan peaked up through half-lidded eyes, feeling his heart sinking at meeting the same exhausted face of his brother. 

Both he and Luke had stayed at PAX way after it ended, their bodies shaking and their minds fried over what had happened. They were both going through the motions, so going from the convention to the hotel had been a blur. But, thankfully, they made it to their room without a hitch. They didn’t say a word to each other as they mutely shedded their clothes across the floor and stumbled on to the bed together, a mess of limbs pained grunts. 

Now that it was the day after, Jonathan couldn’t hide anymore from Luke’s cautious gaze. 

“...Are you ready to talk about it?” Luke started it off softly, manoeuvring their bodies so that they were facing each other. The bed creaked at the movement and Jonathan slid closer. 

“Not really,” Jonathan replied, voice small, “but I don’t have a choice, do I?”

Luke shook his head. Jonathan sighed, deep and slow. He pulled the blanket below his chin, wanting something to grasp onto as he spoke. He felt like he needed the support. 

“Cartoonz, I’m so tired. I don’t know what to do anymore.” 

Those words have never felt truer than that moment. He never knew what to do since the beginning, it’s laughable just thinking about it, but it was only till now that the fact began to take its toll on him. He was really, really tired. 

Luke echoed his sigh, “Me neither.” His tone was just as enthusiastic, slow and littered with exhaustion. 

And yet, Luke tugged at his hand and nodded encouragingly, so Jonathan took a deep breath and opened his mouth. Jonathan did his best to retell the events, his voice stuttering over parts he vaguely remembered and full on stopping when he mixed up the details. It was a struggle and it took way longer than necessary to get through but eventually, he managed to lay everything to Luke. From his chat with Squirrel, to his blunder during the Smash Bros. game, to the punks who made Evan extremely uncomfortable. By the end of it, his face was pale and fingers twitched in agitation. He was seconds away from ducking under the blanket and hiding away until he could go back home. 

Luke’s expression remained neutral through the whole explanation, not once interrupting Jonathan’s words and offered little nods of encouragement when the other stumbled. After Jonathan had finished, he closed his eyes and did a full body sigh, his free hand reaching over and flicking his finger against Jonathan’s forehead. “That’s a huge fuck up, Delirious. How the hell did you forget where you were?” He stated bluntly. 

Jonathan winced, sinking further into the blanket. “I-I don’t know! I got distracted by the game and Brian’s voice and Vanoss’ terrible skills tha-that suddenly I was in my recording room playing alongside them. I just reacted to them and then I opened my mouth-” 

“That’s how trouble always starts,” Luke grumbled, rubbing his face. 

“-and before I realised it, I cheered for Vanoss with everyone else.” Jonathan hid his face into his hands and groaned loudly, the blanket sliding down to his chest from the rapid movement. “...At that moment, I wasn’t at some dumb convention. I was home recording an even dumber video with my annoying friends.” 

At that, Luke sighed softly. He reached over and ruffled Jonathan’s hair, heart sinking when he didn’t so much as flinch at the feeling. “We’re still alright, Delirious. We can’t do anything about it now, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t still make it work.” 

Jonathan snorted, the sound mocking, “What? How are we going to do that? I don’t even know what I’m gonna do when I see him-I mean them, you know the guys.” 

“We’ll manage,” Luke continued, eyebrow raised at Jonathan’s stumble, “we have been since you got here, we can still do it. Evan doesn’t know that it was you who said it so that’s like half the battle won. All we gotta do is watch your damn mouth and we’ll come out victorious.” 

Jonathan didn’t look convinced, once again sinking into his blanket. “But...what if Evan contacts me-” 

“Ignore his dumbass until you get back to the hotel,” Luke interrupted, gaze sharp, “knowing you, the moment Evan mentions his suspicions to you, you’ll cave in like a burning building.” 

Jonathan frowned, slightly offended at Luke’s matter-of-fact tone. Yet, he begrudgingly admitted to himself that he probably would spill everything to Evan if he reads their messages. He was tired of the lies after all and the guilt of lying to Evan’s face might be the breaking point that he needed to finally come clean. 

“That wouldn’t be a bad thing, telling Vanoss.” He voices his thoughts, looking up hesitantly through his eyelashes. 

Luke looked at him thoughtfully, features soft. “I have no problem if you want to tell Evan the truth, but I think this type of thing should be said face to face. Not over the phone or a message app.” 

Jonathan knew he was right and he sagged his shoulders, nodding his head slowly. He already decided that he was going to tell Evan everything. And, if that meant revealing himself in person to him, then he was going to do it. No more lies.

They both fell into a comfortable silence, their bodies for once free from tension after they laid out their concerns. They scooted closer and cuddled together without shame, both knowing that they needed the extra comfort. 

“Just one more day.” Luke whispered, resting his chin on top of Jonathan’s head, “one more day of this bullshit and then we can finally go home. We can do this.” 

Jonathan nodded, snuggling his head into the other’s chest. That made Luke’s heart swell and he chuckled, tightening his hold. “This is sweet an’ all, but I’m already in a committed relationship,” Luke tried to joke. 

But Jonathan shook his head and snuggled closer, his arms circling around Luke’s waist and held tight. 

“...I’m sorry.” Luke heard Jonathan say, his voice muffled from his face pressed against his chest. He pushed him back gently so they could look at each other, eyebrows furrowed in concern. 

“What are you apologising for?” 

Jonathan made a noise in the back of his throat, weak and pathetic, “J-Just for everything. For making you keep my secret for so many fucking years when you shouldn’t have to deal with that. For making you go through all of this just because you are my friend. For worrying you so much and taking up all your time when you should have been enjoying yourself at PAX. For making you lie to Ohm and probably ruining your relationship when you of all people deserve to be so fucking happy. For-” 

Luke had enough and he pressed Jonathan further into his chest, his embrace almost painful. Jonathan words trailed to a choke at the action and he gasped. “Shut your damn mouth before I do it for you,” Luke swore, his voice tight. “You didn’t make me do a damn fucking thing so stop apologising for shit you didn’t do.” 

“But,” Jonathan tried to argue, lifting his head. 

Luke shook his head and pushed him back down. “But nothing! I chose to be your friend since you we a dumb fucking kid who I only knew because I was dating their sister. I already sold my sanity the moment I decided to have you at my side. Sorry, but no amount of your bullshit, past, present or future, is going to chase me away. It didn’t years ago and it sure as hell won’t now.” 

He felt Jonathan’s breath hitch against his chest. He hoped it meant that Jonathan was listening closely to what he was saying. He threaded his fingers through Jonathan’s hair, tone turning soft, “Besides, you didn’t have anything to do with what happened with me and Ohm. That fuck up was all me. You gave me permission to tell Ohm about you since the beginning but I’m a fucking coward. I was the one who pushed him away instead of talking with him. It’s my mess that I need to clean up. But, I can’t do that until you and I are back in North Carolina. Where we both belong.” 

Jonathan could only nod his head, could only believe in Luke’s words. He sagged into the embrace, emotionally drained. He wanted to scold himself for being so emotional. He was not used to feeling so helpless, only relying on hope alone to keep himself going. He hated it when the atmosphere suffered the most, especially because of him. Now that Luke diminished his worries (for now) he wanted to get rid of the heavy air around them. 

“...What the fuck do you mean you had to sell your sanity?” Jonathan suddenly asked, raising his head to glare. 

Luke threw his head back and laughed. 

“I’m the best goddamn thing that ever happened to you, bitch!”

“Keep telling yourself that,” Luke said through his laughs, releasing Jonathan from his hold. 

They talked for a little bit more, mostly catching up what the other had missed (Jonathan cooed after listening to Luke retell his day with Ohm, wishing with all his heart that they work things out). They eventually got out of bed, knowing full well that they had to face the day. 

The last day of PAX. 

The last day of being ‘Conner.’ 

Jonathan had a hard time wrapping his head around it. 

He groggily stood up and grabbed his pants, hopping on one foot as he struggled to put them on. He reached around the dresser and grabbed his shirt, blinking when his hoodie was not there alongside it. He looked around the room before bending down to peer under the bed, becoming more and more confused when the familiar piece of clothing didn’t show up. Luke snorted above him, leaning forward to smack the perky butt dangling in front of him. Jonathan turned his head to give him a half-hearted glare, rolling his eyes at the grin that greeted him. 

“Do you know where I put my hoodie? The black one?” He asked, wiggling out from under the bed. 

“Like there’s another hoodie,” Luke chuckled, “yeah, you took it off when we got back and left it in the living room.” 

Jonathan merely hummed and stood back up, dusting off his jeans. Luke continued to grin as Jonathan walked out of the room with his shirt still in hand, casually eyeing the tattoos that curved around his backside. “Mmm, nothing is sexier than a man with ink.” He comments slyly, laughing when Jonathan gave him the finger. 

“I’m damn beautiful, fuck you.”  

Jonathan finds his hoodie draped on the armchair and picks it up, ignoring Luke’s mocking as he struggled to put his shirt and his hoodie on at the same time. 

“Well then, beautiful, be a dear and make me some coffee?” Luke asked, playfully running his hand on the other’s back. 

Jonathan smacks his hand with a laugh, “Hell no, do it yourself.” 

Luke dramatically draped himself onto the kitchen counter, making Jonathan snicker at the dramatic display. “This is the thanks I get after the night we had together?” Luke moaned out, eyebrows waggling, “I held you in my arms.” 

Jonathan rolled his eyes but he played along. He leaned against the counter seductively and batted his eyelashes, “But, you already have me here to yourself. Why drink coffee when you can have me?” 

Luke visibly held in a laugh as he leaned closer, wolf whistling. “Hmm~, you drive a hard bargain, I can never resist you.” 

They started at each other silently, their faces inches away from each other. Before they immediately squished their cheeks together and make kissy faces. Luke leaned back with a snort, exaggeratedly gagging when Jonathan blew him a hand kiss. 

“I needed that,” Luke stated honestly after the two had calm down. 

“What, for us to be cringey?” Jonathan asked, dodging the apple Luke threw at his head. 

“To joke around,” Luke clarified, “it was getting kind of stuffy in here. I didn’t like it.” 

Jonathan nodded, sighing softly, “I know. I don’t like it either.” 

The two quickly finished up their coffee, contemplating quietly.

“Are you ready to face the world?” Luke asked gently, placing his empty cup into the sink. Jonathan shrugged, his face scrunching up in hesitation. 

He definitely was not ready. But, he never was to begin with. He just hoped that everyone, especially Evan, would forgive him. 

-

Jonathan expected a lot of things when they arrived at the convention. 

Fewer people. More security. Maybe an abundance of police cars and police officers. And yet, it looked exactly the same. 

People were lined up for miles and content creators of all kind were entering the building. The only slight difference he could recognise were the presence of more security guards walking the perimeter, all looking tall and imposing. It took away some of the fun energy PAX had before, both creators and fans alike looked slightly uncomfortable as they walked past the guards. Even the friendly guard Jonathan had spoken to these past two days oozed intimidation as they inspected badges and passes, their face free from their usual playfulness. 

Despite that, Jonathan could see that everyone was trying their best to make the most of it. Fans waiting outside still played around and screamed their heart art the mere glimpse of their favourite creator. They still chatted enthusiastically to their friends and neighbour, phones and cameras out on every corner to record their experience. It lifted up Jonathan’s spirits to see them continue to make the most of their PAX experience. 

Jonathan and Luke make it to the security check in one piece and show their pass to the security guard. The guard gives them a little smile, breaking his stiff and serious expression. “There’s the guy everyone is raving about,” they joke, running an observing finger over Jonathan’s pass, “I heard that you were quite the hero.” 

Jonathan had to snort at that, ignoring the nervous butterflies in his stomach as the guard continued to inspect his pass. “Trust me, I’m no hero.” 

The guard hummed, thankfully switching to inspect Luke’s. “Well then, it must have been a different Conner. The one I heard about had really big green glasses stuck to their face,” they teased. 

Jonathan blinked at him, furrowing his eyebrows. 

His glasses? But, he was wearing them right now. What do they mean? 

He blinked again before his hands flew to his face, eyes widening when he didn’t feel the familiar thick rim. Oh no. 

He continued to pat at his face, the panic growing stronger with each futile search. Luke watched him with growing concern while the guard chuckled good-naturally. “You must have forgotten them, eh? Well, you could always pick up some new ones at the office,” they replied, stepping out of the way to let Luke and Jonathan through. 

Jonathan forced out a laugh and thanked the guard, his panic showing clear on his face the moment they get through the door. “Fuck, I forgot about my glasses,” he groaned. 

“What happened to them?” Luke asked. 

Jonathan grumbled, “I lost them yesterday when that jerk pushed me. Don’t know where those damn things are now. Guess I have to go get new ones.” 

Luke offered a smile, “Don’t worry. The guys are all at the room already so they won’t see you. Want me to come with you?” 

Jonathan shook his head, ignoring Luke’s confusion, and instead thumped encouragingly on Luke’s chest. “No, I can go pick it up myself. You should be worrying about yourself instead of me. Don’t you have a lot of making up to do with Ohm?” His eyes softened at the way Luke’s figure visibly sagged, his usual confident expression was replaced with longing and sorrow. 

Luke sighed quietly, bringing his free hand to rub at his neck anxiously. “I’m going to have to make up for my bullshit for the rest of my life,” he replied. 

“But, it’s worth it, right?” Jonathan asked, lips curling into a smile. 

Luke smiled back, small and fond. “Yeah, Ohm is worth everything.” 

They parted ways after they gave each other a quick hug, Luke reminding Jonathan to text him when he was heading back to the room before they released each other. Jonathan jogged carefully through the main floor, doing his best to dodge and parry around the bustling staff members getting ready for the final day. 

He easily finds his way to the staff room after having to report back to the same room every day. He waited patiently as fellow bodyguard walked through the door before he squeezed his way in, eyes immediately darting towards the small box of accessories in the corner of the room. He dived at the box, his fingers fumbling over the folds as he pressed the box to his chest. 

“Glasses, glasses…” he muttered, shuffling over the many items stuffed inside. The feeling of panic settled in his chest as the familiar sight of those plastic glasses continued to not show up. He resorted to dumping all the contents onto the desk, flinging random accessories and items out of the way. No glasses. 

He ran his fingers through his hair to try and calm down. Okay, so they don’t have any more glasses. That’s fine, right? He can make it without them, right? After all, he had decided that he was going to them today. This was a step in the right direction! 

“I don’t need them. I don’t need them. I don’t need them-” Jonathan continued to say, trying to convince himself that it was for the best that his face showed. Even if he felt completely exposed. 

With a shaky breath, he kneels over and starts to pick up the items he carelessly tossed to the side, hoping the action would distract his racing thoughts. Luckily, a familiar voice spoke behind him. 

“Ah! There you are, Conner! You’re just in time,” Layla greeted him, quirking an eyebrow at Jonathan’s kneeled form and the mess of accessories surrounding him. Jonathan could only offer a sheepish shrug. She rolled her eyes as she helped him to his feet, tugging him into her arms for a quick hug. “Never mind that, the meeting is about to start.” She said, immediately latching onto Jonathan’s arm. 

Jonathan made an inhuman noise as Layla ushered him into a different room, his arm stinging with how hard Layla held onto him. He obediently sat beside Layla in front of a large conference table alongside other fellow bodyguards, his mind struggling to catch up to him. 

“Uhh...what is happening?” he asked, only to be shushed by Layla. 

A few seconds later, Edd came bustling through the door Jonathan came through, carrying a large stack of papers. Edd dramatically dropped the stack onto the desk and grunts, sending Layla and Jonathan a little grin before he coughs and straightens his tie. “Sorry about the urgent meeting everyone. I promise this will only take a few moments. Because of the commotion that happened yesterday, the chief has really been busting our asses. So, I am obligated to inform of the safety rules and the emergency plan in case something else happened.” 

Jonathan did his best to follow along to Edd’s words but his brain was still working on only one brain cell. He felt even stupider when the people around him nodded along, once in a while chiming in a rule they knew or asking the occasional question. He tried to soak in the most important details, such as where the exits were located or what they needed to do if the fans got rowdy again. 

By the end of it, he was pretty sure there was steam coming out of his ears from how fried his brain was. He was reminded why he never did well at desk jobs, there were too many things to keep up with. 

“-and before everyone leaves, please come up and check on your new positions,” Edd finished off, motioning to the pile of papers. 

Jonathan looked up in confusion, his chair squeaking quietly as he stood up. Nonetheless, he did what he was told and lined up alongside everyone else. Edd grinned at him when it was Jonathan’s turn, once again handing him a slip of paper. 

Jonathan stepped to the side and narrowed his eyes and took his time to read carefully. After he finished, he re-read it again, blinking. He re-read it a third time, his brain unable to comprehend the words on the paper. 

It… It had to be wrong, right? 

He blindly reached out, catching Edd by his wrist and all but yanked him. Edd yelped in surprise, flaying his limbs to re-balance himself. He shoots Jonathan a pointed look but he ignores it in favour of shoving the piece of paper in his face. Edd makes an ‘oof’ noise as the paper smacked his face. 

“W-W-W-What does this mean?” Jonathan asked, refusing to give up after he stuttered. 

Edd took a step back, unimpressed, before taking the offending paper from Jonathan’s dangling fingers. He briefly reads the paper, his face blank. “...What am I supposed to be seeing?” He asked after a few seconds had passed. 

“What does it mean?” Jonathan repeated, features tensed. 

Edd furrowed his eyebrows, “Uh, it means that you have been assigned to a different creator. Your new assignment is jacksepticeye who should be waiting for you right now.” There was a playful warning in his tone but Jonathan couldn’t care less. He was reassigned? Why? 

“Why?!” Jonathan floundered, grabbing onto Edd’s shoulders and shook him. 

“W-Well,” Edd tried to explain, motioning for Jonathan to let him go, which he does so reluctantly, “I had informed everyone on the first day of PAX that your assignments were not definite and could be changed at any time. Some of your colleagues have had different creators all three days, it’s just how things work around here.” 

“B-But, why do I have to change? Haven’t I been doing a good job?” Jonathan tried, desperate. 

At that, Edd sighed, crossing his arms. “You’re right. You have been doing great, especially with how you handled everything yesterday. To be honest, I was not going to re-assign you at all. But, the higher-ups found out that I have not exactly been doing my ‘job.’ So, they want me to take back my original position, which was to guard Mr Fong.” 

Jonathan rapidly shook his head. This was bad, what was he going to do? He needed to stay by Evan’s side more than ever. He knew how Evan thought and how he coped with situations. He probably was still traumatised over the whole, more than likely blaming himself for letting it happened. Jonathan wanted to make sure he was okay, that he wasn’t alone with his pessimistic thoughts. 

And, Jonathan needs to be by Evan’s side so he could tell him everything; about his identity, his lies, and why it took so long to tell him. He has to do it in person. 

“T-Then why don’t you guard this person instead? I could still guard Vanoss and you could still be doing your job,” Jonathan tried to persuade as a last-ditch effort. 

But, Edd didn’t budge. 

“Sorry, I can’t do that. I have to take my original position or we both will be in trouble,” he reached over and clasped on Jonathan’s shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze, “but hey, I’m glad that you got along well with Mr Fong. I’ll be sure to tell him that you had a wonderful time. Now, hurry up and meet with your new assignment. They’re waiting for you.” 

With that, Edd lifted the rest of the papers and walked out of the room, leaving Jonathan behind. 

He felt utterly defeated. 

He stared at the slip of paper blankly, the words bold and clear on the page. ‘What do I do now?’ he thinks, wrinkling the paper in his hands. How was he going to get to Evan now? Evan’s schedule was different than the other days and he no longer knew where he is going to be other than the panel, which he no longer has access to. 

“Dammit,” Jonathan cursed, lifting a hand to his face and rubbed his cheek. 

Layla, who had been beside him that whole time, caught his movements and lightly hits his shoulder. “Hey, it’s not all bad. We get new assignments all the time, it’s part of the job. Beside, jacksepticeye is a great guy. I have no doubt that you will get along with him. He’ll make you feel right at home,” she replied with a smile. 

“I know…” Jonathan said, thinking back the time he had recorded a video with the guy and Ohm way back then. He knew how nice and fun Jack is from that recording session alone. He had no problem at all to be around Jack, but right then he didn’t want to leave Evan behind. Especially since he had decided that he was going to tell him the truth. It didn’t feel right to be a part. But, Layla didn’t know any of that so he only nodded his head and accepted her encouragement. 

She noticed his dejected face and rolled her eyes, snaking her arm around his shoulder and pulled him into a hug, “it’ll be okay, you’re going to do fine. This is our last day so try to enjoy and make the most of it, okay? I don’t want to see you all mopey. I want to remember you as the wonderful and shy guy that I had the pleasure to work with. Not this party pooper.” 

Jonathan widened his eyes and barked out a laugh, loud and wonderfully delirious. For the first time since he’s been there, he opened his mouth and spoke the truth. 

“Thank you, Layla. I’m really happy to have had you here.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

“I’m telling you that I heard him. He has to be here!” 

“And I am telling you to shut the fuck up and talk to someone else.” 

Evan gave Tyler a withering glare as he all but flung the conference door open, satisfied with the way it banged against the wall. Multiple people swivelled their heads at the sound, surprised to see Evan marching into the room seething while Tyler tiredly followed behind him. 

“Is Evan still at it?” Marcel asked from his place on the couch, leaning forward to place a cup of coffee on the table. 

Tyler rubbed his temples and groaned, “He hasn’t stopped since yesterday. I bet he even talked about it in his sleep.” 

Brian and Lui snickered in the corner, shutting their mouths when Evan sent them a sharp look. He scowled, returning his attention to Tyler, “stop making fun of me and listen to me. I know I heard Delirious in the crowd. I literally have had that stupid voice screaming in my ear for years, there’s no way it wasn’t him.” 

His friends shared a look with each other and shrugged their shoulders, clearly sceptical. Brian lolled his head to the side with a groan, “there’s no way. If you heard the crazy bastard then that would mean he was here at PAX.” 

Evan blinked at him, face brightening with each passing second. Delirious? Here? That… that would be amazing! He could finally meet him, talk face to face, he would be able to touch him! 

If it was true, Evan had to go look for him. 

Tyler frowned, noticing the way Evan visibly brighten after spending the whole morning glaring at him. “Woah woah, slow down. I doubt that it’s really him,” he stated reasonably, mentally sighing when the withering glare returned. 

Thankfully, most of the guys agree with him. 

“I dunno,” Anthony spoke up, rubbing his chin, “the Delirious I know is usually seconds away from having an aneurysm the moment we mention hosting a live stream. How in the world would he handle walking around so many people?” 

Lui nodded his head, “also, the voice you heard could have been a fan impersonating his voice. I’ve had a few people come up to me and mimic my child voice perfectly before. It’s not far fetched to believe someone had copied Delirious’ voice.” 

Evan scoffed at that. Someone copying Delirious’ voice? The crazy gibberish that the man was known for? That was as likely as finding someone with the same iconic laugh. Utterly ridiculous. 

“That’s stupid. There’s no way someone could sound THAT much like Delirious,” Evan grumbled, getting kind of angry, “I know what I heard.” 

Brock, sensing the tension, stepped up and waved his arms. “Hey, hey, we believe you. We know you won’t joke about this,” he said slowly, calming Evan down, “it’s just hard to believe that Delirious would actually be here. Maybe what you heard was a recording of his voice?” 

Various sounds of agreement filled the room, hoping to end the conversation. 

Evan huffed in frustration, “I never heard Delirious say that before.” 

Tyler threw his arms up in the air, “well they probably clipped the sentence together! Fans do that all the time to make us say weird shit. They must have taken the clips from our prop hunt videos and played it to be funny.” 

Evan straightened his neck, by all means ready to hold his ground and continue to argue, but Tyler put a stop to him. “Look, whether or not you heard Delirious doesn’t matter right now. We can worry about that later. Right now, we need to get ready for our panel and make sure our fans and subscribers have the best goddamn time out there,” Tyler stated firmly, locking his eyes with Evan. 

Evan held his gaze for a full minute, his will to not back down too strong to ignore. But, after searching in each other’s eyes, Evan deflates and looked away first, fist clenching. He knew Tyler was right, they had to focus on their fans right now. 

Yesterday had been disastrous. He couldn’t even look at his twitter feed without seeing the video of him being surrounded. No matter how much he scrolled down the video always appeared. He was glad that he already had notifications off because his mentions were devastating, he didn’t want to think about how many likes and retweets the original uploader gained from all this. 

It didn’t help that his own family and friends were blowing up his phone every minute asking if he was alright. He had to more than once explain that yes, he was fine, and no, he wasn’t being attacked by a crazy stalker. He had to explain to his own mother that the media just blew it out of proportion and that this incident had not ruin PAX for him, it was just an unfortunate thing that happened. 

He was just glad that neither his friends or his fans (besides the teenager that got tackled by Conner) were harmed. If it weren’t for his friends being on the same boat, Evan was sure he would have lost his mind by then. 

Evan shook off his thoughts, just remembering it made him feel depressed. Everything about that day made him depressed. 

That early morning made him the most depressed. 

He couldn’t contact Delirius at all. All he got was a typo littered message saying that he was busy. No matter how many time Evan spammed the chatroom or called his cell, Delirious stopped answering him. ‘Why of all times to disappear off the face of the earth,’ Evan thought with a grimace. It was both frustrating and heart-breaking. He really wanted to talk to him, even if it was only Evan talking and Delirious making non-committed ‘hmm’s every once in a while. Just so Evan could have some piece in that he really did image it all and Delirious was actually at home. That Delirious was safe in his room recording videos and being an asshole about not reading his messages, instead of being somewhere in PAX where Evan could not find him. 

That would mean Delirious didn’t want to see him.  

“Speaking of getting ready for the panel, Conner isn’t here yet,” Marcel suddenly spoke up, breaking Evan away from his thoughts, “he should have been here already.” 

Scotty shrugged, “maybe he had something to do? We still got some time before we have to head out there.” 

“Still...he is kind of very late,” Craig piped up, “he should have been here like an hour ago.”  

Most of the guys hummed, unconcern. 

“Like Scotty said, he probably had some shit to do,” Tyler replied dismissively. 

The mention of Conner’s name made Smitty perk up from his corner, where he and Jon hid away when Evan bursted through the door. He squirmed his way into the centre and grinned, “speaking of Romeo, did everyone get a good look of our main man?” 

Tyler turned to him, face going blank, “...what the fuck are you on about now.” 

“I’m asking if you saw his face,” Smitty replied, unbothered. 

Craig and Brian snickered as Tyler’s face pinched, “Actually, no, I didn’t. I was too busy dealing with little shits harassing Evan to ogle at our bodyguard.” 

Smitty’s grin deepened and he turned to look at the rest of his friends, unbothered by Tyler’s annoyed tone. “Well, that’s a damn shame brother because you missed out.” He wolf whistled to get his point across, high fiving Anthony who found the whole thing hilarious. 

“Why, what did we miss out?” Marcel entertained him, ignoring Tyler’s groan. 

“I’m glad you asked!” Smitty replied with glee, “ You should have seen it. You know those stupid glasses he’s been wearing this entire time? Well, they flew off his face when that fuck-head attacked. It was fucking intense! Conner looked like a freaking’ superhero. Eyes blazing and bangs covering his left eye- bro, I’m not ashamed to say that I was a little bit turned on when I saw that.” 

Anthony was full on hollering, Craig and Scotty not far behind him. Brian raised his eyebrow, intrigued, while Brock and Marcel looked sceptical over the whole story. Lui nodded along to the story, his face surprisingly serious as Smitty retold his tale. Tyler just looked absolutely done. 

“And we care about this...why?” he asked carefully, exhausted. He was seconds away from giving up his sanity and jump over the table to strangle the younger male. 

Smitty grinned, eyes sparkling, “Our man is hot.” 

Tyler threw his hands in the air before leaping over the table, Smitty’s screech filling the room along with everyone’s thunderous laughter as he ran for his life. 

“I think he’s more on the cute side, did you see how big his eyes were? He looked like Bambi before his mom got shot,” Jon added, turning tail and running alongside Smitty when Tyler set his blazing gaze on him. His comment only sent Anthony and Craig tumbling to the floor, their faces flushed from how hard they were laughing. 

This caused the rest of the guys (who actually saw Conner’s face) to debate whether or not he was more in the cute area or in the hot area, both sides surprisingly having good points mentioned with ‘cute’ having the most favour. 

Evan had stayed quiet through the whole ordeal, lost in thought. He slipped to the side and stood beside Brock, who had been watching him since the topic had changed to Conner. They both stood silently as they guys continued to debate, allowing time to think about what they wanted to say. 

Brock reached forward and took a water bottle from the table. “How are you doing, by the way?” He started off as he uncapped the bottle and took a small sip. 

Evan rubbed at his neck, humming softly, “Honestly? I’m actually doing okay.” 

“Really?” Brock asked, surprised. 

“Yeah, I am. I thought I wouldn’t either for a bit, and it’s not like I’m not shaken up by everything. But, I can honestly say that I can handle it. Thanks to Conner, I think I wasn’t as miserable as I would have been.” 

Brock laughed quietly, “I’m glad that you are comfortable with Conner now. I’m pretty sure that he would be glad to hear that instead of the conversation they are having.” He motioned to Jon and Brian, who somehow convinced Nogla to be on the ‘cute’ side instead of the ‘hot’ side with Smitty and Craig. 

Evan snorted, motioning for Brock to hand him some water as well. 

“Well, I can’t blame them,” Brock continued after he handed the bottle over, “I did get a good look of him when you were talking with Layla. He’s actually very good looking, not gonna lie.” 

Evan groaned, “fuck, he is.” 

That caused Brock to cough. He hunched over and thumped at his chest as he coughed, Evan patting his pack in concern. “I-I’m sorry -cough- what? Can you repeat that?” Brock managed to say after he caught his breath. 

Evan rolled the water bottle in his palm, sighing, “I said that he is attractive.” 

Insanely attractive. Like, what the fuck how do you exist, type of attractive. 

“Oh,” Brock replied, eyes wide, “sorry, I was just not expecting to hear that from you.” He laughed it off, snickering when Evan shoved him with a slight blush on his cheeks. “I bet it’s the eyes,” Brock continued, “you said that you were a sucker for blue eyes. And our home boy has those baby blues.” 

“Shut up,” Evan said with a hiss, shoving him once more. 

Brock takes the hit with a chuckle, his expression clearing. They both fall silent, taking in the loud chatter of their friends and the buzzing energy of the people outside waiting to be let in. They could hear the crowd stomping their feet from their place, the room barely muffling their loud screams. It felt more like an awaiting concert than a panel room. The group were minutes away from setting up for their panel, waiting for the signal to test the mics and sound. 

It was kind of daunting to think about. It was going to be the first time that all of them were going to be up on stage together. Evan could still remember the way the staff’s faces drained from colour when the higher-ups gave the okay to have twelve people (plus Ohm being mic'd up from backstage) on one panel. He felt kind of bad for them, he knew how difficult it was to prepare for a panel of two or more people, even less twelve. Plus, Evan’s friends were not really known to be civil and quiet. 

He glanced at his friends who were still debating (how?) over Conner’s looks, their faces oddly serious as they went back and forth. Evan shook his head with a smile. Despite the possible malfunctions waiting to happen, Evan was excited. He couldn’t wait to see everyone and make the best panel that he could for their fans. He just wished… 

Evan frowned, casting a glance at his silent phone. He had his private chat room open where his messages have been left unread, unanswered. 

He just wished that Delirious could be there, too. 

“Hey…” Brock suddenly said, making Evan turn to him, “so...I know this is out of the blue, but what do you really think of Conner? Like, is there any feelings there?” 

Evan blinked at him, confused, “What? What are you talking about?” 

Brock shrugged, “I don’t know, it just you’ve been thinking about the guy for a while and you have been pretty adamant about making a connection with him. Plus, you did admit that you found him attractive. Maybe, you guys could be something more?” 

Evan furrowed his eyebrows as Brock’s words tumbled inside his head. Is Brock saying what he thinks he is saying? 

“Brock,” Evan stated slowly, “whatever you are thinking about, stop it. There’s nothing going on between me and Conner. Yeah, he’s hot-” Oh fuck, is he hot, “but that’s it, there’s no emotional connection or anything.” 

“That’s what dating is for~” Brock singsonged, earning him another punch. 

“Brock, I’m serious. I’m not going to betray my feelings for Delirious, even less for a ‘maybe’.” Evan hissed, turning is head in embarrassment for saying it out loud. 

It was more than that. 

He has known Delirious for so many years. So many years for Evan to fall in love with his stupid quirks and his stupid voice and his even stupider personality. He fell for Delirious despite not knowing what he looks like and Evan is more than okay with that. That level of emotion can’t be erased for some pretty face. 

Brock’s face soften, sighing softly before draping his arm over Evan’s shoulder. “I’m not saying to give up on your feelings for Delirious,” he started off calmly, meeting Evan’s eyes, “I know more than anyone how those feelings run deep. But, you can have those feeling with Conner as well. Even you have admitted that there was something about him that attracted you. I’m not saying to fall in love with the guy, especially since he hasn’t been honest about who he is or what he is really like. But, if you feel something there, don’t be afraid to take it.” 

Evan shook his head, eyes closing. 

He knew what Brock was trying to say. He wanted Evan to have a relationship with someone that could be  _ there _ . Something physical that Evan could touch. 

He leaned against the wall and breathed deeply, mulling over his thoughts. 

Maybe… maybe if Conner had Delirious’ personality, then Evan could… 

“I hear you. I’ll think about it. In the meantime, start trying to mind your own business, Brock,” he teased, making Brock chuckle. 

“I’ll try my best.” 

The gang finally stopped their bickering and moved on to a different topic, their voices growing louder and louder (mostly Marcel’s and Nogla’s). Both Evan and Brock looked at each other before shaking their heads and making their way to rejoin the group. It didn’t take long for Evan to be just as loud, elbowing Brian out of the way to voice his own opinion, only to dance away and feign innocent when he was proven wrong. He was chased by Brian as everyone roared with laughter, unafraid to rival even the noise of their fans thumping outside. 

Everything felt alright for a moment. While Evan couldn’t forget, and he had to remind himself every other minute to not pull out his phone and check his messages, just being able to talk about his concerns made him feel a bit better. 

The stress of yesterday melted away as laughed at Brian tripping over a table leg, landing face first onto the unforgiving floor. A few more minutes before they have to walk on stage. It was like the calm before the storm. 

And he couldn’t have been more right. 

Their laughter was cut short by the sound of a door banging harshly against the wall and the guys leapt to their feet, defensive over the intruder. 

They expected to see an angry staff member about to yell at them for being too loud or a crazy fan that managed to sneak into the convention unnoticed. 

What they didn’t expect to see was Ohm leaning against the wide open door, his face and skin incredibly pale. Craig was the first to respond after a couple of seconds of the guys openly gaping in surprise, rushing to Ohm’s and helping him stand up. 

“Ohm, are you okay?!” Craig asked in alarm, the sound of his voice stirring the rest of them to respond. 

Scotty darted forward to help Ohm stand up, the older man looking seconds away from collapsing. The rest of the guys moved out of the way, making room on the couch for Ohm to sit. Ohm started to shake his head, incoherent babbles escaping his lips as he clutched at his own clothes for comfort. They managed to sit him down on the couch, taking turns in rubbing his shoulders and arms. 

“Ohm, what happened? Did someone hurt you?” Brock asked gently, taking a seat on Ohm’s left. 

He only shook his head, taking large and shaky breaths. They cast worried glances with one another. Did someone recognise Ohm and attacked him? 

Finally, after ten minutes of coaxing and soothing, Ohm took an even breath and leaned back, his face carefully blank. 

“...Sorry about that,” he said with a watery smile, his voice croaky, “don’t know what came over me.” 

“Ohm…” Anthony said carefully, taking his right, “what happened?” 

Ohm lowered his eyes, his arms curling around his stomach. “I-I don’t know, probably nothing? M-Maybe I saw wrong or heard wrong. T-That has to be it…” He started to babble again and Brock gently shook his shoulders. 

“Ohm, come back to us.” 

“S-Sorry,” he replied meekly, his vision clearing. 

“That’s okay, take your time,” Craig said from above them, “but we want you to tell us what you saw.” 

“Like I said I probably just overreacted…” Ohm’s words faltered after seeing everyone’s serious face and he sighed deeply. He rubbed at his neck, refusing to meet anyone's eyes. “I think…” Everyone leaned in closer, careful to not get too close less Ohm felt suffocated from their presence. 

Only three more minutes until the panel started.

“I think Luke may have… cheated on me.” 


	11. Something Blue: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan hid behind the stage as the staff and security escorted everyone out of the panel room. If they saw him, they will more than likely put him to work. However, Jonathan had a mission to do and he wasn’t going to let anyone stop him.

Jonathan didn’t know how to feel about Jack, a.k.a. jacksepticeye, when he met the fellow content creator. 

Jack greeted him like an old friend, smiling wide as they shook each other’s hand. In a way, he was an old friend, though he was one that Jonathan hadn’t seen or played with for a long time. 

However, to Jonathan’s surprise, he was just as lovely in person as he was online. He didn’t comment on the fact that Jonathan was terribly late and instead voiced his gratitude for his services. He even offered Jonathan some of the food and drinks set out for them, smacking his friend Markiplier’s hand away from the snacks when he reached for them in case Jonathan wanted it. 

The biggest mystery was the way Jack visibly brightened when Jonathan had introduced himself as Conner, immediately asking if Jonathan was an ‘android sent by CyberLife.’ Whatever that meant. 

Still, Jonathan did his best to appear somewhat presentable as a bodyguard. He stood alongside the others guarding the little group and followed obediently when Jack and the others decided to move along the main floor. 

He had almost forgotten how popular Jack really is, they were stopped countlessly by fans alike with each step. It was like dejavu to see the number of people crowding around them. However, unlike before, there were more security and guards following behind them, making sure that everything was in order. It made Jonathan feel a little bit better to know that he won’t be alone this time to take care of someone. He still felt a bit antsy when too many people were surrounding him. 

He couldn’t stop picturing what happened the day before with Evan and his friends. He didn't want to go through that again. So, having more guards made things a lot easier. 

Jonathan marvelled in the way Jack handled himself. Like his friends, Jack greeted each fan with a large smile, not hesitating in the slightest to take a picture or to sign something. Even with him, Jack made him feel right at home and did not so much as blink when Jonathan said he didn’t talk much. He made it feel as if Jonathan had been his bodyguard for the past two days instead of just then. 

Jonathan was grateful for that, and he really did want to do a good job as his bodyguard, but his mind was elsewhere. He felt guilty for spending most of his time looking at his phone as he followed Jack around, but he needed to keep himself updated on social media on where Evan and the rest of guys will be heading. From recent posts from fans, the guys were currently going through rehearsal and last minute check up of the equipment for their panel. Which was thirty minutes away from officially starting. 

He grumbled as he pocketed his phone, stepping up to stop a rowdy fan from getting too close. He wondered how the guys will do on the panel. Especially Ohm, it will be his first panel as well. ‘I hope it goes well,’ Jonathan thought, clapping his hand together in a silent prayer. They deserved to have a fun time with their subscribers, away from the bullshit and the traumatising events from yesterday. But… 

He sighed quietly, returning to his original spot beside other guards when the fans quieted down. He wished to be there too, even just being in the audience was fine. But, then what? 

“You okay?” Someone asked and Jonathan jerked back, sheepishly laughing when he looked at Jack’s bright but concerned expression. 

“Y-Yeah, sorry. I’m kind of distracted.” 

“I can tell,” Jack grinned, pointedly looking down at the phone clutched around Jonathan’s fingers. Jonathan blushed lightly as he put the device away, smiling lightly when Jack merely laughed.  “Here, come join me,” Jack replied, scooting over on his seat and patting the free space. 

Jonathan blinked at him, hesitating. Was it appropriate for him to join them? He took a glance at the crowd watching them, unnerved by the way they were looking back at him. He shouldn’t be doing things that will make him stand out more than he does. However, he couldn’t just ignore him either. 

Jack raised an eyebrow, probably sensing his inner turmoil, and patted the spot again, an extra controller already on hand. With a sigh, Jonathan nodded his head and sat beside Jack, awkwardly accepting the controller. 

“It’s a zombie co-op game. Help me kill these bastards,” Jack simply said, starting the game. 

Jonathan counted his blessing that he was familiar with the controls because the buttons and commands were complex to follow. With how loudly Jack complained, he was having trouble as well. In the end, the two figured out how to play and were now deep into the game, shooting zombies and dodging out of death’s way. Jonathan found himself enjoying it, laughing with glee when a certain zombie spiralled out of control from one of his shotgun bullets. 

The crowd got into it as well, reacting beautifully with each zombie they killed, shouting the loudest when Jack was the one to kill it. Jonathan actually jumped from how loud they were, Jack laughing from beside him from his reaction. 

“They’re great, right?” he snickered.

Jonathan nodded his head, not used to being around someone so happy before. Ohm and Bryce were a close second, but the man beside him practically radiated positivity and kindness. ‘He’s definitely not a real person,’ Jonathan thought as Jack shouted out profanity after profanity with each kill, that feeling of kindness not once diminishing no matter how many times he cursed. 

Jonathan returned his attention to the game, the need to impress Jack’s fanbase growing with each cheer. They cleared three waves of zombies and they were getting low on supplies. That didn’t stop them from barrelling into the hoard of zombies, screaming a battle cry as they wasted their precious ammo. It was kind of fun to get back into the mindset of creating entertainment, the crowd was loving every second of it and began to cheer for him too, though he was only known as the ‘other guy.’ 

However, while he felt excited to play the game and hear the people chanting from behind him, Jonathan couldn’t fully enjoy himself. Not when his friends were minutes away from getting on stage. Not when there’s a chance he won’t be able to talk to. He can’t let things be how they are now. 

“Doing okay?” Jack asked him suddenly, making him jolt. 

He turned his head to look at his partner, blinking when Jack glanced back at him, his head still facing the game. 

“Sorry, it’s just that you looked like you were thinkin’ hard about something. And I’m pretty sure it’s not about the game.” He flickered his eyes to the screen and grinned. Jonathan followed his gaze and yelped, correcting his character who had been walking in place against a wall. “Oh, you don’t have to tell me. I know it’s none of my business and we don’t know each other well enough yet. I just thought to let you know I’d be fine if you want to rant to me.” 

The offer caught Jonathan off guard and his character steered into a pile of zombies, successfully knocking his character down. He fiddled with his controller nervously as Jack did his best to revive him, thinking the offer over.

Should he tell him? 

The thought made him shake his head and scowl, lifting the controller close to his chest once his character was back on their feet. Of course he couldn’t tell him, what is he thinking? Why would he trust a  not so stranger with his burden? It’s not something he can easily spill over. Besides, didn’t he say he didn’t want to involve any more people? Jonathan tried to return his focus on the game but his treacherous mind won’t let him. 

“...It’s complicated,” he decided to say after a few moments have passed. 

Jack glanced at him once more, smiling, “that’s okay, it’s probably something you don’t want to talk about, right? Sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I really hope you get through whatever is bothering you.” Like that, Jack returned his attention back to the game. 

Jonathan tried to do the same, feeling awkward after such sincere words were directed at him. But, it was proven to be quite difficult. He managed to keep Jack alive after his character was knocked down but other than that, he felt kind of useless. Jonathan sighed quietly after he was knocked down again, using the time to observe his seat partner more closely. 

They were focused on the screen, his expression constantly shifting with the situation. He was very expressive in the way he was feeling without it looking exaggerated. He didn’t feel like someone who would betray Jonathan or talk behind his back.  He even tried to make Jonathan feel better by inviting him to play together despite not knowing anything about him. 

‘Sorry that you’re sometimes the brunt of our jokes,’ Jonathan apologised inside his head, feeling himself smile from the way Jack cried out in anger from a particular difficult zombie. 

Maybe… maybe he could trust him after all. 

Jonathan got back into the game and helped Jack keep the enemies at bay, now very close on finishing a wave. He waited until there was a brief moment of peace in the game before he decided to speak, his voice soft and uncertain. “...I, uh, have not been a really good friend lately,” he said quietly, mindful of the crowd watching them. 

“Why’s that?” Jack asked, mimicking his tone. 

“I just…” Jonathan breathed through his nose, trying to find the right words, “I have not been truthful to them on certain things and I’m scared to tell them. I kind of been avoiding them, too.” He decided to go with a half-truth, not comfortable enough to spill everything about him. 

Jack hummed quietly, “That’s not good.” 

Jonathan nodded, “I know, but I want to change that. I want to stop being a shitty friend. I was going to meet them at the Vanoss and Friends panel-” Jonathan visibly shuddered the moment the name left his mouth, feeling disgusted that Brian and the others were resorted to only being Vanoss’ ‘friends’ instead of having a name that included all of them. Even Team Six would have been better than what they decided to call it. He was pretty sure that Brian threw a fit when he read the name. “-but I can’t since I have to do my job. Now, it looks like I’m running away.” 

He couldn’t reach Luke either, he had turned his phone off in case it went off on stage but reassured Jonathan that he would send him a text the moment he gets the chance. However, he still felt uneasy. 

Jack eyed him from the corner of his eyes, humming, “It’s good that you’re trying to do the right thing. A lot of people wouldn’t have admitted to themselves that they did something wrong.” 

Jonathan snorted, “no, I definitely fucked up.” 

The two of them manoeuvred their characters over to the side to find some cover from a sudden hoard of zombies. 

“Why did you lie in the first place?” Jack asked. 

Jonathan bit his lips at the question, sighing, “I dunno, I was just scared…” 

That was an understatement but he didn’t know how to explain without giving out too much information. 

He couldn’t talk about why he hid his identity for so long. He couldn’t talk about the anxiety filling his every being just thinking about telling his friends. Because if he did, everything becomes so  _ real _ . 

“But, you still want to make things right, don’t you?” Jack asked quietly, fully turning his head to look at him. 

Jonathan gripped on his controller tightly, nodding fiercely, “I do.” 

Jack regarded him for a brief moment, eyebrows drawn down. It kind of reminded him of the calculating look Jon had given him when they talked about Smitty and Ohm. Scary. 

Yet, the look didn’t have that intimidating factor nor was it hostile. It truly felt like Jack was searching something from inside him and Jonathan had to fight the urge to cover his face from those piercing eyes. But he did not have to fight for long because suddenly that observing gaze changed to a familiar bright grin. 

And, without warning, Jack jerks forward and covers his body with his own and blocked the screen. 

“H-Hey!” Jonathan yelped, trying to push him off but Jack only laughed. He could hear the zombies surrounding them and he tried to scramble back into the game but the screen was completely hidden from behind Jack’s back. His characters agonising screams then ranged in the air and Jack finally moved out of the way. Jonathan jolted up from his seat as the screen faded to black, ‘You Died’ glowing red in a large font. He whirled around and shot Jack a confused glare, his hands going up into the air to show his bewilderment. 

Jack laughed, manoeuvring his character out of the way as the zombies feasted on Jonathan’s character’s body. “Whoops! Guess you lost, that sucks. Hey, Tony! Come here and take Conner’s place!” he said, motioning to another guard on the sideline. The guard gave Jack an exasperated stare before making their way towards them. The crowd screamed in enjoyment, realising that this meant that their favourite youtuber will be staying there for a bit longer. 

Jonathan furrowed his eyebrows, mouth falling open as he tried to rack his brain to work again. But, before he could say anything, Jack turned to him and cocked his to the side, frowning. “What are you still doing here? Don’t you have a panel to get to?” 

Jonathan blinked at him, not registering what he said at first. The panel? What? 

Jonathan’s eyes widen, “W-Wait a minute, you’re letting me go?” 

Jack nodded, “Yeah, why not? I will be fine here on my own. My next destination is going to be with my friends Mark and Wade, and they have their own security. So, go ahead.” He shooed Jonathan with his fingers, handing Tony the extra controller. 

Jonathan looked at him in amazement, completely floored. He’s really letting him go? Jack knows absolutely nothing and yet he’s letting him leave to look for his friends? 

Before he realised it, Jonathan bent over and curled his arms around his stomach, and laughed. 

He laughed and laughed, long and loud until he was wheezing. 

It was drowned out by the crowds own cheering and screaming, but Jack could hear it perfectly. His jaw falls slack, a light of recognition flickering in his eyes as Jonathan continued to laugh. 

“Thanks,” Jonathan said breathlessly. He wiped a few tears from his eyes and smiled, “This means a lot.” 

He quickly turned around and began to pick up his things, snickering quietly at the way Tony grumbled about being left alone to defend against the zombies. He found everything quickly enough and looked back at Jack, who had been looking at him in astonishment, and waved, “Oh, and sorry for being a shitty bodyguard.” 

Jack’s face breaks into a grin and he threw his head back and laughed, “That’s okay, you can make it up to me by playing online with me later, no recording.” 

Jonathan smiled, “Deal.” 

The two gave each other one final wave before Jonathan was dashing out of the playing area. He skidded into the main floor, pausing at the middle of the floor to figure out where to go. He darted his head back and forth until he recognised the path and continued to run, yelling out ‘watch out’ and ‘my bad’ whenever he bumped into someone. 

He finds the right place with only needing to backtrack two times. The staff were letting in the final people inside the panel and Jonathan had to wince with how long the line was. There was no chance that everyone would be let in, he could tell by the way their faces fell that they realised that as well. With guilt, Jonathan cuts to the front of the line and flashes his pass to the guards and staff members, holding his breath when they stared at him. He released it after they nodded and allowed him inside along a few others before they closed the door. 

He ushered forward, glancing at the number of people filling in the room. He had to remind himself not to gape at how large the room actually was. It looked more like a mini stadium than a panel room. How were the staff members able to cram in so many chairs? 

It was more astonishing to find that every single seat was filled. Those who couldn’t find a seat were to stand idly by or were escorted out by an apologetic staff member. The room was just as loud as the outside, perhaps even more with the way they screamed out loud and chanted his friend’s names.  

Jonathan tried not to take too much in as he walked down the aisle and took a spot right at the side of the stage, where the rest of the security lingered. It gave him a dodgy view of the stage, mostly curtain really, but it was more than enough for him. 

‘This way I can catch Vanoss after the show ends,’ Jonathan thought to himself. His heart began to race when the lights started to flicker and the music began to play, a large screen at the back of the screen illuminating. It was starting. 

The panel was starting.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Evan couldn’t believe his ears. He had to have heard wrong. 

“What? You think Luke is… cheating on you?” 

Just saying it felt so wrong and Evan grimaced. 

Ohm covered his face, whining, “I-I don't know! Maybe?” 

“Ohm, what did you see?” Anthony asked as Craig reached forward and delicately detached Ohm’s hands from his face. 

Ohm’s face fell, “Cartoonz was acting strange and it was bothering me. He even ditched me yesterday to go do something. I got so angry that I crashed at Brian’s and I ranted at him all night,” Brian nodded in confirmation, “then I decided that I was not having it and I went back to my hotel room in the morning. I marched up to Cartoonz’ door to give him a piece of my mind but before I could I heard another man’s voice. I was going to press my ear to the door to hear them more clearly but the door handle began to turn so I panicked and jumped over the couch.” 

Ohm weakly chuckled at that and Evan grimaced further, picturing the scene in his head. “Then who do I see but Conner coming out of the room shirtless.” 

Evan heard Marcel choke and a few of the guys gasp out loud. The only thing he could manage was a quiet ‘what?’ before Ohm continued. 

“They were talking about how nice it was to spend the night together and that it was nice to be together-” Ohm paused, his face scrunching up as if he was in pain, “then I heard then kissing before they left the room.” 

The room fell silent after that, saved for the random noises of confusion coming from Craig and Scotty. Everyone was in disbelief. They couldn’t even fathom someone like Luke could ever do such a thing. Not the guy who glared at them for making fun of Ohm or when they stole his attention away from him. And definitely not the guy who sent them a picture of him and Ohm cuddling on a couch with the caption ‘fuck you’ at the bottom. 

But, Ohm wouldn’t lie to them. Especially not this. 

“We need to talk to Luke,” Brian spoke up, face hard, “If what Ohm is saying is true then we need to find out what the fuck that cunt was thinking.” 

Evan nodded, finding his voice, “yeah, we need to get the full story. But, I promise that Luke will regret it if he really did cheat on you.” 

“He’ll do more than regret,” Brian seethed, standing up. 

Ohm shook his head but everyone else voiced their agreement, their expressions dark. Only Jon looked a little uncertain, “Uhh, I don’t think Luke actually-” 

“Where is Luke anyways? And Conner?” Lui spoke up and Jon’s mouth fell shut. 

“Late,” Marcel grumbled in suspicion, sending a glare at the door. 

It was almost comical to see that hard stare change to surprise when the door suddenly opened. The guys fumbled to stand up, Ohm especially so, their stances shifting to one of intimidation. 

But, instead of either Conner or Luke, it was someone they didn’t know that came through the door. They were shuffling papers in their hand, a friendly smile on their face. It visibly faltered once they noticed the very hostile welcome. 

“Uh, who are you?” Smitty asked cautiously, being one of the few that shook off their shock. 

“...I’m Edd,” they replied slowly, forcing their smile back on their face, “I’ll be Mr Fong’s bodyguard for the remainder of PAX. Nice to meet you!” Edd extended his hand but everyone openly stared at him. 

Evan was the most confused. What? What do they mean? 

“You’re replacing Conner? Why?” He asked, only feeling slightly guilty when Edd retracted his hand with an awkward smile. 

“I’m sure you are aware on how our security operates. We shift through guards and staff constantly to fit needs and situations. Conner and many others were reassigned to different creators this morning. I am his replacement for today.” He offered his hand once more and Brock thankfully went up and took it, welcoming him. 

Nogla joined them and went off about his dogs to the new guard, who looked grateful and relieved at the change of conversation. 

Tyler crossed his arms, frowning, “It’s very rare to have a change this late. What is going on…?” 

Evan sighed to himself, rubbing his neck. He hated to admit it, but it was kind of suspicious that Conner was relocated only after they found out about Luke’s suppose cheating. Maybe it was true and Conner was running away from them. But why? 

Evan growled in frustration. Nothing was making sense. There has to be more there than everyone thought. 

Low and behold, the door swung open and the man of the hour came stumbling in. 

“Sorry for being late,” Luke grumbled, rubbing his neck, “I had to talk with Gorillaphent and Squirrel before the panel started. I dropped them off at their seats so me and Ohm can go meet up with them later.” He puts his stuff down in the corner, flicking his eyes upward to find everyone looking at him. He paused in his steps, frowning. “What? What’s with that look?” 

They give him a blank expression in return, their body language hard and guarded. 

“What?” he asked again, getting agitated. However, his aggression left his body when his eyes met Ohm’s. His expression changed to concern and he rushed forward, arm held out. “Ohm, are you okay?” He took a step forward, freezing when Ohm flinched away from him. “Ohm?” 

Tyler stepped in between them, arms still crossed. “We need to talk,” he stated firmly. 

Luke’s face hardened. But before Tyler could continue, multiple staff members came scurrying into the room. 

“You’re on in two minutes!” One of them called while the other staff members rounded them up. They were carrying equipment and mics in their hands, ready to the guys set up for the panel. 

“Uhh, can we have little bit more time? Our friend just got here.” Evan asked politely. 

But the staff member shook their head, “we can not have any more delays. Two minutes!” they held up two fingers to emphasise their point before walking forward to Ohm, “we need to get you mic’d up.” 

Tyler and Marcel cursed under their breath as Ohm was guided out of the room. Evan massaged at his forehead, allowing the staff member hovering over him to come forward and mic him up. He knew that their discussion should be in private, not in front of an audience. 

“Luke, at the end of the show, we need to have a talk,” Evan warned. 

Luke side-eyed him, nodding slowly before dutifully following orders. 

Everyone followed suit, silent as the staff members did their job. The practice run of the equipment was short and stifling. They did their best to follow directions, only talking to each other when necessary, but otherwise they kept to themselves. They especially avoided Luke, who had no problem doing the same. Evan wondered if the staff could feel the tension between, so thick and dark. 

However, this didn’t stop Luke from sending Ohm glances every other second, concern (and a little sadness) clear on his face. It made Evan want to bash his head with how confused he was. Luke was not the type of guy to do such a thing, but he didn’t want to go against Ohm’s word, who would never lie to them about something so serious. 

He smacked his cheeks and tried to clear his thoughts. He needed to stop thinking about it and get back to the mindset of ‘Vanoss.’ ‘Vanoss’ was a trickster who would sabotage a game just to get footage. ‘Vanoss’ was a creator who only did things because they were fun and nothing else. The crowd wanted to see  **him** , not Evan Fong. Not the person who was seconds away from running off the stage with how much anxiety is eating him alive. He couldn’t let them down. 

They finished off the testing just as quickly as they started and now everyone stood behind the curtain, waiting for the panel to start. They could hear the chatter getting louder and louder as people came piling in, filling in the seats very rapidly. Evan observed his friends carefully from the corner, his heart sinking with how stormy everyone’s expressions were. 

“One more minute,” a staff member called before disappearing around the corner, and Evan closed his eyes and breathed. 

“Alright,” Marcel spoke up from the middle of the room and everyone turned to him, “I know it’s bullshit coming from me, but we need to buckle the fuck up and forget about what’s going on. We have a lot of people outside that came here for us to be dumbasses on stage and that is exactly what we’re going to give them. Capiche?” 

Everyone mutely nodded their heads, and like the professionals that they are, their expressions transformed to a more upbeat and bright smile. It kind of pained Evan to see them put on such a flawless mask so easily, that this is what they must do. But, he did his best to brush off such feelings. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, before opening them, the same mask of a smile on his lips. 

After all, he was no different. 

“Ready, Ohm?” He asked quietly as he fiddled with his hair. 

Ohm gave him a thumbs up, a mic carefully placed beneath his lips, “ready as I’ll ever be. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine.” 

The staff had already set up a min table with two laptops and a chair for Ohm to sit on and watch the panel from behind the curtain. Everyone lined up next to Ohm, their heads hung low as they heard the music start to play and the cheering becoming louder. 

The panel finally began. 

They got the signal from the staff members and they rushed out, the screaming getting louder and louder with each person. Evan mentally winced with how loud the fans were their screams piercing his ears. 

Bran naturally made a face when Evan came onto the stage, the screams absolutely deafening. “Oh, I get it. When Brian comes out, it’s just ‘ahh.’ But when Vanoss comes out, it’s AHHH!” 

The crowd broke into laughter at that and Brian did a show of rolling his eyes at Evan’s smirk. 

“I’m not surprised. Evan is the Beyonce of the group,” Jon drawled and the crowd cheered. 

Brian grumbled good naturally, but his face was absolutely priceless when the crowd heard Ohm’s voice. 

“And I’m here~!”He sing-songed, and the crowd went wild. 

Evan physically had to hold his hands against his ears at the piercing sound. 

To his surprise, Anthony’s boisterous laugh broke through the noise, “Ahaha! If Evan is Beyonce then what does that make Ohm?” 

“A little bitch?” Scotty said nonchalantly, smirking when Ohm let out an indignant ‘Hey!’ 

“Limit the swearing, Scotty. We’re trying to stay monetised up here,” Marcel chited, making the crowd laugh. “Oh, y’all think I’m joking? You think Youtube’s not watching us?” He ducked down and looked around him as if he was searching for something, his eyes comically wide, “Watch, when I get home, one of my videos is going to get claimed. Just you wait!” 

“Too real,” Smitty said with a solemn face, smiling when the crowd applauded and laughed. 

“Anyways, welcome to the Vanoss and friends panel, and whoever said to name it that needs to be fired immediately,” Brock greeted them with a smile, “you’re going to be in our mercy for an hour so I hope you enjoy!” 

The crowd applauded while the guys waved. 

Evan held the mic close to his mouth, steeling in his nerves, and began to speak.

-

The pane was going smoothly. 

In the first fifteen minutes, they played a more pg version of Cards Against Humanity. (A few people in the crowd voiced their disappointment but Marcel shot them down, screaming about blaming Youtube for not giving them money). The crowd was none the wiser as they laughed at the appropriate times and joked alongside the guys when they made a mistake or a stupid comment. 

Then, fifteen minutes more of just talking. They talked about Youtube and what they liked about it and what Youtube could do better to better their platform. They tore into it as much as possible, unafraid to make fun of the platform that gave them their paychecks. So long as what they are saying resonates with the crowd. They stumbled, they messed up their words and had to retract statements, but they were able to get their points across and that’s all that mattered. 

“Kay, we got the signal that we only have thirty minutes left. So, why don’t we dedicate it to a Q and A?” Lui said, shifting in his seat with a smile as the crowd screamed their agreement. 

The Q and A was the most anticipated for their fans, eager to have a chance to talk to their favourite creator. Craig and Nogla discretely motioned for a few staff members to distribute microphones. 

“Line up single file in front of this lovely lady, watch your step,” Lui directed, laughing when a couple of people scrambled out of their seats. The line formed rapidly and security quickly took action in capping the line before it got too long. 

The first half of the Q and A was long and tedious as they weaved through the more common questions that are always asked (Favourite game of the year, what made them start youtube, what motivates them, who is their favourite to record with, what are they expecting to do in the future, why don't they play this certain game or why don’t they continue a series, etc). 

Evan didn’t blame them for asking common questions. The fans were just curious and probably couldn’t think of a better question in the moment, he himself has had his tongue tied when he was put on the spot. He and his friends knew what to say after answering these sort of questions for so long, so they did their best to give in depth response or pick a different story to tell, just to make things more interesting. The crowd wasn’t complaining so Evan says they were doing a good job. 

The second half of the thirty minutes came in and that’s when questions get more intense or personal. In Evan’s opinion, he’d rather have the questions he could regurgitate the answer to than these type of question. He didn’t like how in his face the questions can get and he has to scramble for a solution on the spot if the question itself is too personal or inappropriate for him to reply to. 

But, they all did their best do so without insulting the fan too much (except for Tyler and Brain who ripped into the fan if they decided that the fan asked the appropriate question to just be funny or rude instead of accidentally). 

Evan thought he could make it through the panel without becoming awkward, there were only a few minutes left of the panel itself. He knew a lot could change in that amount of time but he tried to hold onto a little bit of hope. 

And yet, they got a question that they all expected to be asked eventually, but they were still unsure on how to answer it. 

A teenage girl stepped up onto the mic and greeted them with a smile, “So, I know how most of the common gang is here, including Ohm- by the way, I love you, Ohm!” 

“Hi, I love you, too!” Ohm’s voice came through the speakers and everyone cheered. 

“But, I was wondering why Delirious couldn’t come, too? He could have done the same thing you guys did for Ohm so why didn’t he?” 

Evan forced himself not to react to the enormous amount of people voicing their agreement to the question. Nothing was more terrifying than a room full people forming a mob mentality. 

“You know how Delirious is, not a man for the crowds,” Brock tried to joke, but the crowd didn’t agree to it. 

“But why? What’s his excuse?” 

Evan suppressed a frown, but Luke beat him to it. 

“Delirious didn’t want to, that’s it,” Luke spoke, giving the crowd a heated stare, “ he doesn’t need to give you an excuse, you don’t need any other reason.” 

The crowd immediately voiced their displeasure and Craig jumped up from his seat and placed the mic to his lips. “Hey, hey! What, are we not good enough for you? Is that it? Ah, I’m sad now.” Craig made a show of dropping the mic and walking to the corner, shoulders hunched as he repeated ‘I’m sad’ over and over again. 

That got the crowd to call back to him, their voices mingling with each other as they yelled for him not to leave while others laughed at his acting. Evan breathed a sigh of relief that they got the situation back under control. It was a small disagreement but so many voices yelling at him took its toll on him. 

“But,” the lady’s voice spoke through the mic, capturing everyone's attention, “but… doesn’t that mean Delirious doesn’t care about us?” 

Evan choked after hearing that, almost everyone did on stage, their eyes wide in disbelief. Where in the world did she get that from? 

“What? Of course Delirious cares about you, he cares about all his subscribers,” he said incredulously, visibly shocked by her accusation, “I can’t count how many times he bragged to me over the phone and on discord about how awesome his subscribers are. He even threatened me and said that I had to watch my back because the Delirious Army will surpass me someday. He calls you guys the best in the world!” His tone became kind of hysterical at the end, he was desperate for this person, everyone, to understand him. 

Delirious really did care about them. Sure, he got annoyed with them when they start to back-seat game or are relentless about his identity on twitter, but he never once talked bad about them. He was really proud of the Delirious Army. 

“I know that… but wouldn’t you rather have him here with all of you?” She said quietly before the mic was taken away from her from a very disgruntled staff member. 

Still, Evan raised his mic to his lips and answered her question, his voice smooth and sure. “Of course I want Delirious to be here. Are you kidding? I want nothing more.” He lowered the microphone, his thoughts for once calm. 

He wants Delirious to be here. He wants the voice he heard the day before to be real and that Delirious was truly there with him, in the same room. 

‘Delirious… please answer me.’ 

He vowed to call him after the panel and the whole Luke situation is over. He’s going to keep calling and calling until Delirious answered him, no matter how many times it takes or if Evan had to resort to asking Luke to connect them. Though, he hoped it wouldn’t come to that if Evan has to kill Luke for hurting his friend first. 

“I’m pretty sure having Delirious here will make things even wilder than they already are,” Craig joked, picking up where Evan left off. 

“Having a crazy bastard on stage with us? No, of course everything will turn out just dandy,” Brian drawled as Scotty, Lui, and Marcel cackled. 

“I wouldn’t mind having him stab me on stage,” Jon added, earning him a playful smack from Brock and a “Same,” from Smitty. 

“Delirious is great. He’s the only one that doesn’t make fun of me because we’re both stupid,” Nogla replied with a grin, making both the crowd and Anthony break into laughter. 

“We all miss him, that’s why that bitch is going to get spammed on the group chat when the panel is over. It’s what his dumbass gets for not answering his messages,” Tyler said with a roll of his eye, Ohm’s laughter coming crystal clear through the speakers. 

The tension in the room disappeared with everyone’s cheers and Evan couldn’t have been more grateful for that. Even the girl who asked those questions was smiling from her seat, joining her friends in the laughter. 

“Okay, last question then we got to wrap this shit up. The staff are giving us the evil eye,” Luke said with a chuckle, giving the now blushing staff member a wink. 

The people in line voiced their displeasure but thankfully, they followed the staff’s instruction and dispersed from the line, leaving behind a little boy and an older lady.

“Okay, young man. Ask way!” Craig said, his voice deep and exaggerated. 

The little boy stepped up and carefully held the mic with one hand while the other began to rapidly move in the air. The guys blinked on stage, visibly confused. Brock was the fastest to pick it up and he smiled, “Ah, sign language.” 

The guys let out a simultaneous ‘Ooohh,’ as the older lady rushed forward and took the mic into her own hands, her face obviously flushed. “S-Sorry about that, I should probably translate, huh?” 

“That would be helpful, thanks. Sorry, that we’re idiots,” Tyler replied kindly, giving the boy a friendly smile. 

The lady nodded before turning to look at the little boy, “Okay Damien, can you repeat your question.” The same rapid movement, now with two hands, came once again, Damien smiling widely as he did so. 

The guys watched curiously as the lady’s already flushed face turn darker with each new sign. “You want me to say all that?” She asked incredulously, voice small. 

Damien nodded, his eyes firm. She quietly pulled the mic away from her to sigh before placing it closer to her mouth. “... Okay, all of this is coming from my little brother and not me, okay? I’m just a translator.” 

The guys nodded, motioning for her to continue. 

She sighed once more, “ Damien was just saying that he really loved all of your videos and that he is very happy to have been able to see you in person.” 

“Aww, we’re happy to meet you as well, Damien.” Marcel grinned. 

She smiled, “But he also said that he hoped Vanoss and Delirious stay together.” 

Evan blinked after hearing his name, “You want me to stay with Delirious?” he asked, genuinely curious on what he meant. 

Her face flushed once more, scowling as Damien continued to tell her what to say. “Yes, he says that most of his enjoyment comes from watching everyone’s videos. Like Brian’s mario kart videos and Golf it with Brock,” both Brock and Brian preened at the mention, “but he enjoys it most when Vanoss and Delirious play together. He hopes that you guys stay together forever, in real life and in digital, because he loves seeing how happy Delirious is when he is with Vanoss.” 

The crowd reacted immediately, most of the response were people cooing out loud at the declaration. Evan didn’t expect such a response so he couldn’t stop the blush that engulfed his cheeks and neck. 

“T-That is all, no question,” she finished off lamely, scowling at how brightly Damien smiled at her. She picked him up into her arms and scurried off back to their seats in embarrassment, ignoring the way her brother waved happily at someone in the crowd. 

The fans called out to Evan teasingly, his face still flushed from the boy’s words. Even the guys on stage cooed at him, squishing their faces and hugging themselves exaggeratedly. 

What’s worse, Evan actually liked the idea of it. He wanted to stay together with Delirious, no matter what. 

“So~? When’s the wedding?” Nogla squealed, and Evan didn’t feel the slightest bit bad at pushing him off his chair. 

“Whoops! Looks like we’re out of time. Thanks for coming everyone!” Evan cried out, waving both his hands to the crowd. The rest of the guys thankfully followed suit and said their goodbyes, the crowd screaming back their own goodbyes just as loudly. 

They quickly jogged off the stage, adrenaline running through their veins as they all but collapsed in the waiting room. Their happy facades quickly dropped from their faces and they all groaned, tired from the exertion and the amount of talking they had to do. Evan wanted to close his eyes and take a short nap, just so his body can quiet down. But, that’s the last thing he had to do. 

He glanced to the side of the room where Luke chose to stand, and he mentally built up his courage. The tension he thought had disappeared came back tenfold when Ohm joined, his joyful expression falling after he met eyes with Luke. 

“...You were talking about having a talk with me?” Luke mumbled, folding his arms. 

Tyler met his eyes with his own glare, “Yeah, we do.” 

Brock stood up and politely asked the remaining staff, including Edd, to step outside. Edd furrowed his gaze at the command, frowning. “I’m supposed to stay with you at all times,” he argued. 

Marcel rolled his eyes, “look, this will only take a few minutes. We can handle ourselves for that long.” 

Edd looked like he was going to argue, but he thought better of it and merely nodded, “...I’ll be outside if you need me.” Everyone nodded as he and the staff finally left the room, leaving them alone. 

“We’re grown ass men for crying out loud,” Brian grumbled, before returning his attention towards Luke. 

Luke walked forward until he was near the door, face carefully blank. “What do you want to talk about?” 

Ohm fiddled with his fingers, looking everywhere but Luke. They all wait patiently for Ohm to gather his bearings, knowing that he was the one who had to speak up first. 

“I don’t want to believe it,” Ohm finally spoke, his voice a lot stronger than it was before, “but I heard and seen some things that make me believe otherwise. All I’m asking is for you to be honest with me.” 

Luke’s face scrunched up, “what is this about, Ohm?” 

Ohm stopped his fiddling, and he closed his eyes, “I… I heard you and Conner in the hotel room. In the morning.” He opened his eyes after he said it, his facing falling when Luke’s eyes flickered in panic.

“What?” Luke asked in alarm, “Really? You were there? Wait, Ohm. How much did you hear?” 

Brian stepped forward, snarling, “Does that really matter? Christ, Luke. The man is accusing you of cheating and that’s all you’re worried about?” 

Luke reeled back, almost as if he was slapped. His jaw fell open, eyes wide. “Wait, are you talking about seeing me and Conner sleeping on the same bed? Because that was platonic as fuck. I did not, in any way, cheat on Ohm,” Luke explained and Evan cringed. 

“Why was he sleeping with you in the first place?” Lui asked, suspicious, “you sent Ohm to stay with Evan and Brian, so I’m pretty sure you had a spare room and a comfy couch for the man to crash at instead of your bed.” 

“Shirtless. Might I add,” Marcel said, folding his arms.

Luke looked away, cursing, “I can’t tell you why he was there but I swear it’s not what you’re thinking. Nothing happened and nothing is ever going to happen.” 

Evan cringed even further at the response. Everyone’s expression hardened. 

Ohm shook his head, “Luke, how do you expect me to believe you if you’re not going to be honest with me? That’s literally all I’m asking of you, to be honest with me.” 

Luke looked pained, “Ryan…” 

Ohm visibly faltered by the use of his real name. 

“I am being honest with when I say that you got the wrong idea. Everything you saw was all platonic. Even the conversation in the kitchen, we were just messing with each other when we said all that crap.” 

Ohm looked to the side, biting his lips. “...Maybe you’re telling the truth” he replied and Luke released a relieved sigh, “ but I want to know. What does Conner mean you? I never knew about him until now and suddenly you guys are best buds? What is that about?” 

Luke’s guarded expression returned, “He’s… he’s…” 

Luke fell silent, multiple emotions flickering in his eyes. 

Evan wanted to strangle him. Why couldn’t he just tell them? Why? 

“You can’t tell us, huh?” Tyler spat, “Your words are full of crap and you know it.” 

Luke snapped back into reality and frantically shook his head, “No, they’re not! Ohm, just- ah fuck it! Ohm, Conner is actually Deli-!” 

“Your secret boy-toy. We get it, we get it,” Lui interrupted, scowling, “Jesus, at least have the balls to admit it, Luke.” 

“Listen to me, you fucks. I said I’m not cheating-” 

“Luke…” Ohm said in a quiet voice, effectively silencing everyone. “Can you just… can you just leave us alone for a bit? I-I can’t be here with you right now.” 

Luke’s expression turned desperate, “Ryan, don’t-” 

“Please!” Ohm all but shouts, “just for a bit, please.”

Luke could only shake his head. He tried to take a step forward, but the guys blocked his path. 

“I think you should leave,” Brock replied gently, “before things get ugly.” 

Tyler, Marcel, and even Anthony stepped forward, looking more than ready to force Luke out. 

Luke gritted his teeth, bawling his hands into fists, “Alright, I’ll fucking leave.” He marched to the door and none too gently threw the door opened. He paused at the doorway and glanced back, his stormy expression turning soft for a brief second, “Ryan, when you want to talk properly, I’ll be waiting at the bench we hung out at yesterday. I’ll tell you everything there, okay? So, please, don’t run away.” 

With that, Luke stomped out of the room, leaving the room eerily silent. 

Ohm lasted for two seconds before he buried his face into his hands, “Why can’t he tell me now?” he asked in a broken voice. 

The others don’t know what to say to that. The best they could do was huddle close to Ohm and give him some comfort. Evan hovered next to them, his own expression pained. He didn’t know what to anymore. ‘Why is everything so fucked?’ 

It turned out, things can continue to spiral out of control. 

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Jonathan hid behind the stage as the staff and security escorted everyone out of the panel room. If they saw him, they will more than likely put him to work. However, Jonathan had a mission to do and he wasn’t going to let anyone stop him. 

He managed to sneak onto the stage and awkwardly force his way towards the back, pretending to be a helper and picked up random parts of equipment. After he passed through, he took a moment to breathe in and out. His heart was still pounding after the panel had finished. 

The panel was better than he ever imagined it to be. It’s nothing like what he has seen on a livestream, it was an entirely different feeling to actually be there than to see it through a screen. He couldn’t stop himself from reacting alongside the crowd, their energy too addicting to ignore. 

His friends were amazing on stage, they were funny and stupid and incredibly energetic. ‘They probably crashed in their waiting room,’ he thought with a laugh, remembering the way Evan had complained to him about how exhausted he was from the last PAX he attended. Forcing themselves to be positive takes a toll on anyone. 

Still, they did amazing and Jonathan knew everyone left that room happy and satisfied. He found himself blushing after remembering his friends start talking about him on stage. He could definitely do without it, especially with all the nice things they said about him. And what Damien said! Jonathan had to stifle a laugh, his face flush, “I’m so going to send him his own Delirious hoodie. He’s the best.” 

So, he’s the happiest when he is with Vanoss, huh? 

‘I wonder if that’s true,’ he thought, ducking into a corner when a fellow security guard passed through, ‘if a kid was able to see it, then maybe it’s true.’ Jonathan paused to think about it for a second before scowling, “I’m not a teenage girl, I don’t giggle like that when I’m with him, shut the fuck up brain!” 

Maybe Luke was right about him going to therapy, he was talking to himself way too often. 

He finds a safe spot behind a couple of boxes and crouched down, pulling out his phone in one quick motion. He sent Luke a quick message, furrowing his eyebrows when the man doesn’t respond right away. That’s strange, Luke always responded quickly. He was that much of a pain in the ass. Maybe he turned it off when went on stage? 

“They must be still in the waiting room,” Jonathan mused, placing his phone back into this pocket, “better go find them.” 

He carefully manoeuvred backstage, using his pass when necessary after a couple of staff members regarded him suspiciously. He was surprise by how many rooms were crammed into the space, there had to be more than ten. He sighed, threading his fingers through his hair. Guess he had to check all of them. 

He made his way through the corridor, opening random doors and peeking his head out to see the familiar faces of his friends. He had to stop himself from smacking himself on the head when he reached the end of the long hallway. 

Of course, it had to be the last damn door. 

He reached for the handle, stealing his nerves. Now or never, now or never. 

But, before his fingers could even touch it, the handle jiggled and the door flung open. 

Panicking, Jonathan threw himself to the side, afraid of someone seeing him. There was shouting but Jonathan couldn’t hear it over his own pounding heart. It didn’t matter though, because whoever was talking stormed out of the room, their steps loud against the tiled floor. 

Jonathan risked a little peak, astonished to see a familiar back walking away. “Cartoonz!” Jonathan called out to him, but Luke walked right by without so much as a glance. 

Jonathan became alarmed, something serious must have happened for Luke to not hear or see him. He pushed himself off from the wall, seconds away from abandoning his mission to chase after Luke, but Evan’s and his friend’s mingling voices stopped him. 

Jonathan crept closer to the wide opened door and peeked his head out, his eyes growing wide in concern from the sight of everyone crowding a very distressed Ohm. ‘Did something happen?’ Jonathan thought in worry. 

From this distance, Jonathan could barely hear their conversation but he strained his ear to catch the gist of it. 

“-about him, Ohm. He’s not worth your time if he’s going to be like that,” Lui said, crossing his arms, “You could do wayyyy better.” 

Brian shrugged, “I thought he was a great guy, but if he left you for some fling, then I say fuck the cunt.” 

Jonathan frowned. Are… are they talking about Luke? Why? Why would they say that? 

“I dunno… I still can’t believe he would do that,” Nogla replied nervously, rubbing his neck as he spoke, “he seemed like a great guy.” 

“Well, turns out he’s not,” Marcel said with a sigh, “good to find out now before it got too serious.” 

Ohm seemed to have shrunk at that, “I thought it already was serious.” 

Marcel winced, “Sorry, Ohm. Do you want us to stop talking about it?” 

Ohm didn’t answer for a few seconds, contemplating, before shrugging his shoulders, “no, it’s okay. I think I need to hear this. It might make things easier for me.” 

Make things easier for him, what is he talking about? 

“Are you sure? Because I could say a lot of crap about to make you feel better,” Tyler asked. 

Ohm managed a laugh, “yeah, go ahead. I need to convince myself that I was wrong about him. I still think of him as… as a genuine guy.” 

“Screw him, Ohm. Bros before cheating hoes, “Scotty yelled, giving Ohm a side hug. 

And just like that, Jonathan so-called friends started bad-mouthing Luke. From the way he dressed to how he spoke to calling him degrading names. Jonathan couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He could feel his blood pressure rising as he heard every disgusting word. 

How dare they? How dare they talk about Luke like that. Weren’t they friends? 

The worst, the absolute worse to Jonathan was that Ohm let them do it. 

He just sat there and let them bad-mouth his own boyfriend. He didn’t even want it! Jonathan could tell from his face that every word hurt him as well, but he still let it continue.

Is this why Luke ran away? Is this why Luke’s eyes were shimmering with tears? 

It can not be forgiven. Jonathan warned Ohm what would happen. He could only see red. 

“Yeah… screw him,” Ohm repeated lowly, his head hung down. 

Screw him. 

“Ohm…” Jonathan snarled, pushing himself off the wall and stalked into the room. 

His loud footsteps alerted the guys and they looked up. 

“One after another,” Tyler groaned, standing up, “Hey, robot! Get the fuck out, we don’t want you here.” He stood to his fullest height and stared down at Jonathan with cold eyes. 

But, Jonathan was not having it. He quickly sidestepped out of Tyler’s way, catching him off guard, and continued on his path. 

He reached out and all put yanked Ohm up to his feet, sneering, “Ohm!!” 

Ohm yelped in surprise, hands coming up to grip at Jonathan’s wrists. Scotty and Smitty rushed forward to try and drag Jonathan off of him, but Jonathan held his ground, his fingers digging harshly on Ohm’s shoulders. 

“What the fuck did I tell you!” He screamed,  _ screamed _ , freezing everyone in their tracks. 

“W-W-What?” Ohm stuttered out, his mouth falling open. 

Scotty and Smitty retreated. 

“I told you if you broke Cartoonz heart I was going to kick your ass. And here you are talking shit about him? Fuck you!” Jonathan shook him violently, absolutely livid. 

How fucking dare they? 

“Luke will never, ever, cheat on you, you stupid bitch. He’s so in love with you that he has your damn rabbit picture as his phone screen because he wanted to have you everywhere without risking your identity. Do you know how terrifying it is to see that shit light up at night? It’s fucking scary! Fuck, even when you guys have your stupid fights, instead of complaining about you he goes and bother me all night long, bitching about how he was going to make it up to you.” 

It was nights like those that made Jonathan realise how nice and wonderful it was to have someone that you will lose sleep and your pride for, because you love them. He thought Ohm was the same way. 

As he was shouting, Ohm’s eyes grew wider and wider, his pale skin slowly returning its original colour. 

“Deliriou-” 

“Fuck you, ohm. You better go and make up with Luke or I swear to god that I will seriously kick your ass, friendship gone.” His muscles tensed and threw Ohm at the door, the man barely managing to catch his footing from the force. Jonathan pointed at him, snarling, “and don’t come back until I could feel the rainbows coming off your gay asses,” he spits, chest heaving from all the shouting he was doing. 

Ohm nodded dumbly, eyes still wide as he scrambled to get a hold of the door. His expression shifted to determination as he ran out the door, disappearing from sight. 

The room was deathly silent save from Jonathan’s heavy breathing, anger still radiating from his body. He caught his breath, and gritted his teeth. 

“Deliri-” 

“And as for you!” He yelled, spinning around and pointed accusingly at the gawking crowd, “What the fuck?! Why would you say that shit about your friend? And you call me the dumb one.” 

The silence continued, his friends stared back at him, not blinking. 

Jonathan started to feel unnerved by it. “...What?” he muttered, defensive, “stop lookin’ at me like that.” 

Evan was the first to jolt awake, his expression devastated. It didn’t look right on his face. 

“Delirious…” Evan breathed, taking a step forward. 

Jonathan frowned, not liking the way everyone’s expressions changed. 

Stop looking at him like that. 

Stop. 

“What? Why are you-” he started off, tired of their shocked expressions. But his words died in his throat and he slowly brought a hand to his mouth and covered it. 

No. 

He took a step back. 

No. No. 

He took another one. 

**No.**

And another. 

And another. 

And another, until his back was pressed against the wall. 

They followed him, arms held out as if he was cornered animal. They were probably right. 

“Delirious? No fucking way,” Anthony said, or who Jonathan thinks said it. He couldn’t hear straight anymore, the blood rushing in his ears was too loud. 

They’re coming closer, multiple voices speaking at once but he can’t distinguish who said what or what they’re even saying. He could only see Evan, whose eyes haven’t left his face. They’re too close, they could almost touch him. Too close. Too close. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. 

He retched himself from the way, startling everyone in the room, and… 

He bolted. 

He bolted out the door, almost tripping from his sudden acceleration before sprinting down the corridor. 

He heard various shouts of surprise, including Evan, who frantically called out his name. Their footsteps echoed dangerously in the empty corridor, their voices strained as they called out to him to stop. But, Jonathan couldn’t control his legs anymore, they just went faster and faster. 

He skidded around a corner, chest heaving as he caught his footing and continued to run. He made back to the main floor of the convention, filled to the brim with people. The shouting got louder so he risked running into the crowd. He dodged fans and people alike, not bothering to respond their shouts of “Hey, watch it!” It only spurred him on when those annoyed complaints changed to admiration of “oh, Vanoss!” less than a minute later. 

He had to go faster, they were gaining up to him. 

He merged into the crowded area near the centre of the main floor, using the advantage of many to lose Evan and the others. Their frustrated shouts were drowned out by the chatter of the crowd, their voices only getting louder when they started to recognise them. Jonathan used this distraction to sneak out of the pile of people and duck into another corridor, using the wall to support himself. 

He took this chance to catch his breath, positive that he had lost them. He looked through his bangs, a flicker of recognition entering his brain. He was near the same room he and Luke used before when they had their talk. ‘I could hide there, at least until I can sneak out of here with Luke,’ Jonathan thought absentmindedly, standing up straight. 

He took slow and silent steps towards the room, his arms wrapped around his chest. “Get a hold of yourself,” he hissed, legs shaking from the exertion. 

He was half-way there when he heard Evan’s voice echoing behind him and he froze. He risked a glance in panic, his legs no longer shaking. Evan was barrelling towards him, his expression wild. Jonathan clicked his tongue and began to run again, ignoring Evan’s screams to stop. 

He jiggled the door open and darted inside before slamming it shut, scrambling desperately for the locks. He just finished securing the final lock when Evan slammed into the door and Jonathan fell backwards from the force. 

“Delirious!” Evan yelled, banging against the door, the knob jangling dangerously. “Delirious, please! Open the door!” Evan continued to plead to him but Jonathan refused. 

He pressed his back against the door and slid to the floor, planting his feet firmly on the floor just in case Evan somehow found a way to unlock it. 

“Delirious...” Evan pleaded to him from behind the door, his frantic tone lowering to a soft desperation. But, Jonathan couldn’t hear him anymore. He buried his head in his hands, his whole body shaking. 

They know. They know. Oh god, they know. 

Why did he run? Why isn’t his body listening to him? 

Why? Why? Why?

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

Evan banged his hands repeatedly against the door, begging for Jonathan to listen to him. But, no matter how much he screamed or begged, Delirious did not answer back. His fist stung from how hard he hit the door, but not even that alleviated his frustrations. 

“Delirious…” he whispered. He tried to calm down, but his heart didn’t slow down. Delirious is here, he  _ always _ had been here. 

Evan is not going to leave without seeing him. Not when he is here as Delirious, as  _ Jonathan _ ; not Conner. 

He wanted to break down the door and confront him, to plead to him on what’s going on. But, with the way Delirious had ran away from him, forcing his way through would only scare him further away. 

‘What do I do? What do I do?’ Evan desperately thought, calling out to Delirious once more, only to be met with the sound of his own elaborate breathing. 

“How can I reach you?” he asked brokenly, pressing his forehead against the cool door. He fell silent, his chest rising with each haggard breath. He could faintly hear Delirious gasping from the other side and Evan’s heart clenched from how scared he sounded. 

‘Maybe I should call Brock or Tyler,’ he thought, fumbling for his phone. But, the moment the device was in his hand, he faltered. He remembered how pale and scared Delirious looked when he was standing in front of them. Bringing more people will only make things worse. 

‘What do I do?’ he thought once more, gripping his phone tightly. Delirious will only get further and further away from him. He can’t let that happen. 

Maybe… 

He stared at his phone blankly, feeling hopeless. 

Maybe… 

His eyes widen and his scramble to unlock his phone. 

Just maybe… 

He opened up the app he was looking for and logged on, determination boiling in his chest. 

Please… 

_ Our little corner (6:38 p.m.) _

**Evan:** delirious please 

**Evan:** Answer me 

**Evan:** If not out here then at least in here 

**Evan:** Please 

“Please…” he whispered, once again resting his head on the cool door. He strained his ears to hear something, anything, that maybe Delirious. To his disappointment, he didn’t hear so much as a ‘ding’ from the other’s phone. He must have turned off his phone. 

“Dammit-!” Evan cursed, balling his hands into fists, but he didn’t bang it against the door. He fought back the wave of sorrow washing over him. Delirious is here. He is here, and Evan could not touch him. 

‘Ding!’ 

Evan shoots his head up, frantically pulling up his phone. His breath was caught on his throat as he read he read the message.

**Delirious:** im sory im sorry im soorry imm sory iimmsorry iimmmsory 

Evan smiled, a hysterical laugh escaping his quivering lips. He never had been so happy to see that familiar typo littered text. But his mirth faltered, realising that it was like that because Delirious was shaking so bad.  

**Delirious:** llleave me alonee 

“No, no no no!” Evan gasped, his fingers flying over his phone’s keyboard. 

**Evan:** No please keep talking 

**Evan:** keep talking to me Delirious. 

There was a pause where they both didn’t text. Evan didn’t dare take his eyes off the screen, his fingers shook lightly with how tightly he held his phone. ‘Don’t leave, not now. Please not now.’

**Delirious:** evannn im sorry

**Delirious:** iii

**Delirious:** i didnt want you to find oout like thisss

**Delirious:** i wanted to tell you in person not like this 

‘At least he was going to tell me,’ Evan thought in relief. He could faintly hear Delirious’ breathing, it was short and shallow. He must still be shaking.

**Evan:** I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen

**Evan:** It’s okay Delirious

_ Delirious is typing... _

**Delirious:** nnnooooo

**Delirious:** no it's not 

**Delirious:** it was not okay to lie to you

**Delirious:** it's not

“It's not, it's not, it's not-” Evan could hear Delirious repeat, the tremor clear in his voice. Evan squeezed his eyes shut, he didn't want to hear Delirious so hurt. 

“Delirious…” he whispered softly, resting his hand delicately on the door. “Delirious, can you let me in?” 

He heard shuffling, but it stalled after a few seconds. ‘He's hesitating,’ Evan thought, lifting his phone, ‘don't run away now.’

**Evan:** Please? 

Evan stepped out of the way and turned to face the door. There was silence between them, not even his own breathing could ruin the calmness in the air. He waited for the sound of movement, but nothing stirred. Evan reached a hand out towards the door, willing Delirious to feel his resolve. ‘Come on, Delirious. Come on.’ 

“...” 

He heard the click of the locks being undone and Evan felt the tension on his shoulders release. The door swung open and he saw Delirious take a few steps back. But, that didn’t matter to him. Not when there nothing between them anymore. 

“Delirious,” Evan said gently, stepping into the room. 

Delirious looked to the side, his blue eyes shimmering, “...Evan.” 

Hearing his name sent a jolt through his spine and Evan sprinted forward. He grabbed Delirious by his wristed and yanked him into his chest. Evan wrapped his arms around him tightly, burrowing his face on the crook of Delirious’ neck. 

“You’re here. You’ve always been here.” 

It shouldn’t have came out as broken as it sounded, but Evan didn’t care at that moment. He was too overwhelmed with emotions. He felt those trembling arms hold him back, that voice he heard so many times speaking softly near his ear. 

“...I’m here. S’rry that it took so long to say it.” 

A laugh burst in Evan’s throat and he squeezed Delirious tighter. “You got a lot of explaining to do, asshole. But, I’m glad that it’s really you.” 

He heard Delirious sniffle and he jerked back in concern. “Wha-? Hey, are you okay?” 

Delirious shook his head, furiously rubbing his eyes, “I-It’s just- fuck. It's just that I really fucked up so bad and you’re being nice to me and I don’t know how to handle that when I really deserve to be punched in the face and-” he began to gasp, face turning a slight pink from the lack of oxygen. 

Evan rubbed at his shoulder worryingly, “Breathe, Delirious, breathe.” 

Delirious ignored him, “why? Why aren’t you mad at me?” he demanded, pushing Evan away from him. 

Evan already missed the contact. 

“Why are you hugging me instead of yelling at me, fuck…” he rubbed at his eyes again, refusing to let the tears Evan knew were threatening to fall. 

Evan relaxed his shoulders, meeting Delirious’ wandering eyes. “Trust me, I am. You really messed with my mind for the past three days. Like, a lot. You’re going to pay for my anxiety medication, asshole,” he mused, heart clenching when Delirious flinched. 

“...But that’s normal. You always fuck with my mind, I’m used to it by now,” Evan admitted, rubbing nervously at his neck. Delirious flickered his gaze back to him, confused. Evan sighed to himself, feeling embarrassment creep up his cheeks, “let’s just say that I think about you, a lot.” 

Delirious fully turned to him, his arms curled around his chest, “b-but the bodyguard thing, Conner…?” 

Evan gently pulled Delirious close, humming, “well, you definitely have to explain to me what all of that was about. And, I definitely don’t like the whole lying to my face thing. But, I didn’t dislike ‘Conner,’ especially now that I know it was you.” 

He grinned at the way Delirious’ face scrunched, those pretty blue eyes narrowing in thought. It was nice to see that face in real life. 

“If I remember correctly,” Evan continued, spinning them around in a circle, “‘Conner’ really did take care of me, he was there when I needed him. When I couldn’t handle the crowd, when he gave me snacks…” He held Delirious chin and tilted it so they looked at each other’s eyes, “...when he attacked our own fans to help me out. I’m really, really happy that Conner turned out to be you.” 

Delirious averted his gaze, cheeks flushing, “...what kind of gay shit are you saying?” 

Evan threw his head back and laughed, eyes crinkling, “fuck you, I mean it! Oh, but I could definitely do without the silent treatment. Your fake self ignored me too much, don’t ever be him again. In fact, don’t ever ignore me again, ever!” 

Delirious stared at him silently, disbelief painted across his face. Then, Evan saw something he always wanted to see. 

Delirious pushed his bangs out of the way and smiled, eyes crinkled and cheeks pink.

“...Okay, I promise.”  

-

The outside was peaceful and quiet where Luke sat. The only people wandering were the security guards making their rounds and few PAX goers enjoying the fresh air. But, Luke couldn’t share their mirth. He rested his head against the metal bench, eyes closed. 

“That… could have gone better. God, why am I so fucking stupid?” 

He kind of hoped some deity took pity on him and killed him on the spot. It would have hurt a lot less than the pain he felt at the sight of Ohm looking so sad. 

He searched for his phone, unlocking it to see missed messages from Jonathan. He felt kind of guilty for not responding to him, but with the way he was feeling right then, he was in no condition to be of any use for Jonathan. He did, however, sent a quick update, reassuring his probably frantic brother that he was okay. ‘I wonder how he is doing with his new assignment,’ he absentmindedly thought, his mind elsewhere. 

He laughed quietly to himself, but it lacked any humour, “ahh, Delirious, why are we like this?” He didn’t get an answer, but he expected as much. 

He leaned forward, prepping his torso up with his elbows on his knees. 

“...toonz!” 

He jolted, he was pretty sure he cracked something with how fast his head shot up. 

“...Cartoonz!” 

He jumped on to his feet the moment Ohm crashed into him. The forced propelled him backwards, his feet barely keeping him planted on the ground. He groaned from the impact, his arms automatically wrapping around Ohm’s waist. 

“Woah, what-” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Ohm wailed, fingers locked securely around Luke’s neck, “I’m sorry.” 

“Shh…” Luke quieted him down, rubbing soothing circles on his back, “it’s okay. You have nothing to apologise for.” 

“It’s definitely not okay,” Ohm argued, lifting his head, “ I should never have suspected you of cheating. You’re not like that and you would never be like that.” He rubbed at his cheeks, catching a few fallen tears, “I should have just came to you and talked about it. I was just so scared to hear the truth, that maybe what I seen was true and you got tired of me. If you told me that… fuck, I wouldn’t have been able to bear it.” 

Luke rested his chin on top of Ohm’s head sighing, “It’s not your fault you thought that way. I’m the one who was keeping secrets from you. I should have come to you and told you everything, Delirious even gave me permission to.” 

Ohm groaned quietly, letting out an irritated sigh “You should have done exactly that, you idiot. I would do anything for Delirious! I would have kept your guys’ secret, I could have helped you!”

“I know, I know. I thought… I thought it was best not to get you involved in our web of lies. You don’t like lying and I didn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable situation,” Luke laughed, harsh and bitter, “look what good that did.” 

Ohm called him an idiot under his breath and Luke could only nod in agreement. 

“To be honest, I deserved all the nasty shit everyone said about me.” 

Ohm’s gaze shot up, frantically shaking his head, “What? No, you didn’t! It was just a misunderstanding, none of them meant it!” 

“Yes, I did,” Luke argued back, tone turning serious, “Ryan, not only did I make things ten times worse, I ruined your own experience at PAX. It was your first time here! You should have spent it having fun with your friends and trying to fight off the germs this damn place is infested in. And yet, I took that away from you.” He gripped at Ohm’s shoulders, his knuckles turning white, “I made you feel shitty and inadequate about yourself. I made you insecure about our own damn relationship and made you cry over fucking bullshit. Don’t brush this off as if it was okay, but it sure as hell was not. You deserve way better than what you got.” 

His chest heaved as Luke breathed heavily, his emotions running wild. Ohm stared up at him, lost for words. 

Luke searched his face for a second before he sagged, hanging his head low. 

“...Hey, can you punch me?” 

Ohm jolted, “What?” 

“Can you punch me? Kick me? Anything like that, it’s the least I deserve for what I did to you.” 

He released his hold on Ohm and took a step back, head still hung low. He spread his arms wide and slowly closed his eyes, his muscles relaxed. 

“Please do it, make me feel the pain I made you feel. Yell at me. Anything!” 

He heard Ohm shift forward and he breathed deeply through his nose, not bothering to brace himself. He waited for the yelling, the hit, or for Ohm to leave him standing there. 

Instead of blossoming pain or loss of breath, he felt a light bonk on his head, and he opened his eyes, confused. 

Ohm looked at him with large, open eyes, his fist lightly resting on top of Luke’s head. 

“There, you felt my wrath. Don’t pull this bullshit again or you’ll really have it.” He lowered his hand and grinned. His smile was so bright, so pure and open that Luke wanted to cry for just being lucky to see it directed at someone like him. 

So, he did. 

Luke laughed brokenly, loud and boisterous. 

Tears streamed down his cheeks, dripping slowly into his beard as he laughed. He buried his face in Ohm’s chest, “I really don’t fucking deserve you.” 

Ohm wrapped his arms around his idiotic boyfriend and squeezed, his own stupid laugh escaping his lips. “You do. So, stop trying to lose me.” 

They peered into each other’s eyes and smiled, their faces puffy and cheeks drenched in snot and tears. 

But, they didn’t care and leaned into a kiss, stupid giggling and all as their lips finally met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drama (tm) has officially ended. Thank god, I was tired of hurting my boys TT^TT The final chapter is the FINAL. It will tie any loose ends and it will be a lot more calmer than all these chapters, jesus.  
>  But in all seriousness, thank you so much for sticking along with me on this journey. I can not thank you enough for all the support and love everyone has given me. It truly means a lot to me that you have fallen for this story. At times, I truly did want to abandon it. There was so much to write and so much to say that it can be kind of daunting. However, your kind words and expression of love for this story kept me going. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  
> Now off to the final Chapter!!  
> <3


	12. Something Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three and a half hellish (and perhaps, wonderful) days he had to endure and now he was finally home. He had to fight the urge to bend down and kiss the floor from the relief rushing in his veins. Instead, he bounced on the soles of his shoes, smiling freely at the bustling crowd. Evan walked beside him, lips quirked up, perhaps in amusement from the way Jonathan moved.

Brian crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes, taking the deepest breath anyone has ever seen.

“You are the STUPIDEST person I have ever met. The most! I can’t even describe how fucking dumb you are.”

“I know,” Delirious replied miserably.

“Literally, all you had to do was talk to us. That’s it. You didn’t even have to tell us who you were! You could have just said ‘hey guys I decided to go to PAX but anonymously so you won’t know who I am.’ We would have been ‘yeah, cool!’ and helped you get a NORMAL pass. Then we would have left you alone. But noooooooo, count dumbfuck over here decided he wanted to play pretend.”

“I know, I’m sorry-”

“I think I’m losing brain cells from how stupid you are, like Jesus-!”

“Okay, Brian, calm down,” Brock interrupted, pressing his palm on Brian’s heaving chest, “I think he got the point.”

“He’ll never get it unless I ram it through his thick skull,” Brian grumbled, clicking his tongue when Brock gave him a levelling look.

Evan went up and placed his hand on Delirious’ shoulder, massaging it gently, “I think he has had enough yelling for one day.”

It took a bit to calm Delirious down. He was pretty distraught over the whole thing and had dug his heel onto the carpet after Evan suggested he contact the rest of the guys. When the boys got to the room, Delirious fiddled with the strings of his hoodie, looking anywhere else but the people in front of the door. It was the first time Evan saw genuine embarrassment on his face. His face and neck were tinged pink, lips quirked downward in an awkward grimace. It made Evan giddy to learn more and more about him, like what facial expressions he made on that ~~cute~~ face.

It was quiet for a brief second as everyone looked at Delirious, who nervously swayed back and forth in the centre of the room. Of course, it broke into chaos after that, mainly Brian who marched up and gave Delirious the lecture of the lifetime. Evan wanted to step in, worried that the yelling and the name-calling will only worsen Delirious’ already fragile mental state. But, Delirious took it bravely, cringing and nodding along to every bite of Brian’s words.

‘He probably thinks he deserves it,’ Evan thought with a frown, moving his hand more upward to massage Delirious’ neck.

“Seriously though, I didn’t see that coming,” Anthony remarked, jaw slacked, “I still don’t fucking believe it.”

“Honestly, same. I’m so mind-fucked right now that I’m resorting to drinking,” Scotty remarked, taking a swig of a bottle Evan didn’t even realise he was carrying. Delirious laughed at that, repeating Scotty’s words in delight.

It was like a switch had been turned on and any doubt or concerns in their expressions vanished instantly.

“Oh fuck, it really is him,” Tyler muttered in awe, arms falling to his side, “I thought I was losing it for a bit.”

Evan huffed out a laugh, “I thought so too, but when I heard his voice… I knew it was him.”

Delirious squirmed at the attention, his mouth twisted in a little frown.

Tyler grinned, “...Brian, yell at him some more.”

Evan watched in amazement at the way Delirious’ expression fell after Brian really did step up once more. Just as Brian was taking a deep breath, probably ready to burst into another lecture, Evan decided to step in. “Alright, alright. Delirious had enough yelling from all of us. He already talked with me so we can cool it with the lectures.”

Brian grumbled loudly but stepped down, slapping Delirious on the shoulder good naturally, who took the hit with a smile.

“Still fucking unreal that you were here this whole, as our bodyguard no less,” Craig marvelled, tugging Delirious into a side hug.

“I knew it was him the whole time,” Jon sniffed, crashing into the couch.

Smitty snorted from above him, “yeah, right. There’s no way you knew.”

“Uh, yeah. I did so. Didn’t any of you found it odd that he knew about our not-so-straight relationship and none of you freaked out about it? You guys have a seizure just by people commenting on our closeness and yet having someone who was not part of our group in on our secret didn’t trigger you?” he pointed out, making everyone pause, “even with those glasses on, you could tell that he was not surprised in the least with the bullshit we said either. Heck, Brian and Tyler were the most suspicious of him yet they bad mouthed and complained right at his face without a second thought.”

As Jon’s words slowly began to sink into Evan, the feeling of wanting to bash his head against the wall became more appealing. How could he have missed that? ‘Conner’ even knew about his blank out moments and knew what snacks to give him. By the look on everyone else’s faces, they were having similar thoughts.

“Besides,” Jon continued with a nonchalant shrug, “I heard him talk before anyone else. It was pretty obvious at that point.”

The room went quiet.

“...”

Jon looked up at Smitty’s unimpressed glare,” what?”

“Dude, I love you. But, you’re an idiot, too.”

“Sorry, I know.”

Brock rubbed his temples,” ...Brian, go yell at Kryoz, too.”

Brian cracked his knuckles before doing just that, shaking Kryoz violently by his shirt while screaming at him, all the while Jon taking it with a satisfied grin. Evan rubbed his own temple with a sigh, ignoring the slight tinge of annoyance at the new information. ‘Why did Kryoz know before me,’ he thought with a frown, sending a betrayed look to Delirious, who was shifting his gaze back and forth in confusion.

The yelling was interrupted when Marcel suddenly gasped, slamming his fist on the table, “wait a minute! Delirious, you straight up tackled a fan. That’s fucking amazing.”

Scotty and Craig made similar noises of excitement as they turned their heads to look at Delirious, eyes sparkling. “Oh my god, he got away with it, too,” Lui replied, looking impressed.

“H-Hey, that’s not fair! They were harassing Vanoss, that doesn’t count as attacking a fan,” Delirious argued, pointing a finger at no one in particular. Evan laughed at how flustered he looked, cheeks puffing up in defense.  

“Hell yeah it does,” Nogla bellowed, “look out guys we have a straight up gangster in the room.”

The guys began to cackle as Delirious sulked, pushing away their hugs and their wandering fingers.

Then Lui suddenly stopped, a thoughtful look crossing his face. He hummed, lips curling into a smirk. “So…” he began slowly, leaning dangerously close to Delirious, “Conner, huh?”

Evan couldn’t believe how much colour could be drained from someone’s face.

Delirious whimpered, “please, god, no.”

Just like that, everyone’s lips curled.  

“Yeah, ‘Conner’. I’m thinking about going to the food court. Want to come and _guard_ me~?” Smitty cooed, draping his arm around Delirious’ neck. Delirious seem to understand what was going on and he shook his head, expression turning desperate.

He turned to Brian with wide eyes, “Terroriser, I’ll take that lecture instead, please.”

“No, no,” Brian grinned, teeth baring, “I like this so much better. Don’t you think so? _Conner_?”

“Ahhhhhh! Please!”

The boys cackled, prodding at Delirious gleefully as they mercilessly made fun of him. Anthony even swooned on the couch, begging for Delirious to come save him. Evan joined in on the teasing, laughing loudly when those tearful eyes looked up at him in utmost betrayal. Their teasing lasted way into the hours of the day, Evan was pretty sure he was sick of hearing the name ‘Conner’ after that cursed name had been repeated nonstop.

His friends did not share the same disgust and would utter that name under their breaths, watching in glee as Delirious’ face crumbled into agonising despair. The teasing only stopped after the door burst open and Squirrel of all people came crashing in, tackling Delirious into a hug the moment his eyes landed on him.

“Are you alright, Delirious? I came as soon as I got your text,” Squirrel said, straddling his hips and rubbing their cheeks together.

“I’m-I’m fine,” Delirious wheezed, patting Squirrel on the back, “thank you for coming.”

Squirrel smiled, “it was my pleasure, as always.”

Evan rolled his eyes and hauled Squirrel off of him, raising his eyebrow, “you were in on this, too?”

“Not for long, but I was!” Squirrel said, a little too proudly.

Evan dangled him up in the air as if he was a child, “Brian, yell at this one, too.”

Squirrel instantly fought back from the hold but Evan held him tightly.

Brian shrugged, “I don’t know him that well but sure, bring him over here.”

Evan should feel guilty for enjoying the scolding the younger male got but he decided the scolding was justified for being on the lie. Delirious tried to save his friend but it only reignited the teasing and the two of them ended up suffering together.

Brian and the others eventually decided to give pity on Delirious and dragged him back to the hotel room where they forced a beer and greasy food into his unsuspecting hands. Delirious had looked like a lost lamb through the whole evening, blue eyes wide with wonder as the guys goofed off. He couldn’t escape from their teasing and random games, not once being left alone. He was always accompanied by one of his friends, including Evan, who stubbornly stuck to his side.

It was fun to see Delirious in action during the stumbling of his words and the animated way he moved his hands as he spoke, it was very endearing. It was especially endearing when Lui kept holding up a picture of Delirious’ avatar next to his head, comparing the picture to Delirious’ real life face.

“My life is a lie, you can’t be this cute,” Lui would mutter each time he compared the two, making Delirious’ cheeks flush, stuttering once more. It was a pleasure Evan didn’t know he would enjoy but he did, immensely.

However, with the number of people crowding Delirious, he couldn’t find the time to just _talk_. ‘He still has some things to explain to me,’ Evan thought, watching in amusement as Tyler tried to shove a bottle of coke in Delirious’ mouth.

‘And I have some things I want to say to him, too.’

 

OoOoOoOoOoOo

 

The airport was loud and hectic.

Jonathan huddled close to Luke and Ohm, occasionally pulling nervously at his short sleeves. Evan had given him a spare shirt the night before, throwing it at his face without a second thought after Jonathan had expressed his distaste of wearing the same thing for the last three days. The shirt was nice and comfortable, a simple black t-shirt. It fit kind of big in the shoulder region but overall it fit pretty well.

And yet, Jonathan wished he still was wearing the hoodie. He felt too exposed without it, nothing to use to hide his face or his hands. He was completely bare. But, he did his best to ignore that fear and walk forward with his head held high. It didn’t stop him from ducking behind Luke at the nearest inkling of someone looking directly at him, but he was doing better and the urge to hide weakened with each step.

He followed behind Luke and Ohm, who were talking about their plans for the week with excited whispers. Luke and Ohm had decided to go together to North Carolina, wanting to spend the rest of the time they had left with each other. “To make up the time we wasted,” Ohm had told him as he bought a spare ticket.

They finished hauling their luggage through checkout and were now waiting at their Gate, moments away from boarding their plane. It felt so strange to be standing there at the airport. It’s what Jonathan wanted the whole time since he came to Boston, to go back home. And yet, it didn’t feel as wonderful as he thought it would.

‘I was with my friends for the first time, not as Conner, but as myself. And now…’

Now he was already leaving them behind.

He tugged at his bag string, taking a small glance at Ohm. “M’ sorry, Ohm,” he whispered, glancing away when Ohm looked at him, “for making your life more difficult.” He heard a quiet chuckle before he felt his head hit a strong chest.

“Don’t worry about it,” Ohm replied, patting his head, “you can make it up to me by playing any game I want when we get back to recording. And, you have to upload it, too. No matter what the game is or how the footage comes out.”

Jonathan groaned loudly, scowling at the way he felt Ohm’s chest rumble as he laughed. But, he pulled away with a smile, laughing, “alright, it’s a deal. But, you’re so going to regret it.”

“Regret what?” Another voice spoke and they both jump.

They turned around to see who spoke and Jonathan had to stop himself from jumping again. “Evan?” Jonathan said in disbelief.

Evan threw a bag over his shoulder, his eyes twinkling. “The one and only,” he replied, his voice muffled due to the surgical mask over his mouth. That, and the black baseball cap hiding most of Evan’s head, he looked unrecognisable. It scared the daylights out of Jonathan.

Evan slid the mask down to his chin, grinning, “you okay?”

Jonathan smacked him on the shoulder in retaliation to his cheeky tone, “fuck you, what the fuck? Why do you look like that?”

Before Evan could reply, Ohm popped his head over Jonathan’s shoulder, mouth wide open, “woah you like a Kpop star with that stuff on.”

Evan raised an eyebrow, “I’m surprised you even know what that is, Ohm.”

Luke appeared behind them, rolling his eyes, “ignore him. Unlike us peasants, Owl man over here has to hide his face in case someone recognises him. I wouldn’t put it past him getting mobbed by his fans at the airport.”

Jonathan makes an ‘ohh’ sound, looking incredibly surprised. Though, his awe all but disappeared when Evan suddenly smirked, “ nahhhhh, I don’t have to worry about that anymore. I have my bodyguard with me now, right?”

Luke guffawed while Jonathan buried his head into his hands and groaned. “Have mercy on me, please.”

“Nope. Sorry, but I’m never going to let it go.”

“Vanoss, please.”

Evan merely shook his head and Jonathan sighed loudly, hooking his fingers around his sleeve and fiddled with it. “What are you doing here, anyways?” he asked.

Ohm stopped his teasing with a surprised gasp, “wait, that’s right! What are you still doing here? Weren’t you supposed to leave yesterday?”

Jonathan whipped his head to the side, dumbfounded, “You- What?! What the fuck are you doin’ here? Did you miss your flight or somethin’?”

Evan chuckled, “no, nothing like that. I just switched it to another one.”

“Which one?” Luke asked curiously.

“North Carolina.”

“North-! What?” Jonathan choked out, arms going slack.

Evan snickered, “North Carolina. I’m coming with you.”

“The fuck you are!” Jonathan bit back but Evan ignored him.

“Why this all of a sudden?” Luke asked curiously.

Evan shrugged, “just felt like it. I always wanted to go see it but I never got the chance to. Decided it was the best time to do it now.”

Ohm snorted loudly, “bullshit, you just want to spend time with Deliri-”

“Well, it looks like we’re sharing a flight,” Luke replied casually, covering Ohm’s mouth, “what seat do you have?”

Evan lifted up his bag and opened it, rummaging through its content. “I think I have… yeah, my seat is D17.”

Luke hummed, stroking his beard, “Well, your seat is near Ohm’s. He’s D18. Me and Delirious are at D6. If you want, why don’t you switch with me? That way, you can be nearer to the front I can be close to Ohm.”

Jonathan frantically shook his head, “wait, we don’t have to-”

“Yes!” Evan yelled, stepping forward. After realising how loud he was, Evan coughed awkwardly and adjusted his mask, “I mean, yes. I don’t mind switching with you.”

Luke clapped his hands together, “great! Now that's settled, let’s go get a bite to eat before our flight takes off.”

Jonathan opened his mouth to retort, but the guys were already moving away from him. He bit back a sigh, instead he crossed his arms with a ~~pout~~ frown. He didn’t know how to feel about the sudden change of seats. It was already decided so it didn’t matter anymore, he just had to accept it.

‘But, why does he want to come?’ he thought, picking up his pace to catch up with the others, ‘does that mean he is staying with me?’ He felt his cheeks heat up at the thought and he scowled, ‘shut up brain. Don’t make it weird.’

It’s thirty minutes later that Jonathan finds himself getting himself seated on the plane. He quickly stuffed his extra bags in the upper compartment and sat down with a huff; he was not looking forward to the next three hours. A long time ago, Jonathan would have enjoyed riding on an aeroplane despite the long distance. Just travelling to a different place and seeing a whole new view of the world made up for the discomfort and possible death. Especially since this will be his second time flying. This time he doesn’t have the fear of letting Luke stranded without his pass eating him alive the whole way so he wanted to enjoy this flight.

But now, he just wanted to sleep the whole flight until they landed home. As everyone boarded he forced himself not to react when Evan sat next to him, keeping his expression neutral. He felt Evan’s stare on his face, something deep and searching, so he turned his head to the side to look out the window. Workers were running back and forth outside, making final preparations and inspections of the plane. It helped Jonathan’s circuiting brain to focus on something other than the other’s presence.

He rubbed his neck with a grimace, taking a secret glance behind him. Luke and Ohm had settled into their seats nicely with Ohm merely sitting one seat behind Luke. He caught their eyes and sent them a panicked look, hoping that maybe they would rethink the switch, but Luke, the bastard, just gave him a thumbs up and an encouraging smile. Ohm, bastard number two, sent him a wink and go-get-him motion with his fingers.

Jonathan scowled and held up his middle finger, sending them his own little message. He turned back around with a sigh, opting to put on his headphones and listen to music the whole way back. That way he didn’t have to talk or interact much with his partner. It seemed kind of mean, Evan didn’t deserve to have a silent treatment, but Jonathan was too flustered to work up a conversation.

He hasn’t had a private conversation with Evan since his embarrassing moment in the empty panel room. After that, he was constantly swarmed by both Luke and his other friends, completely missing his chance for them to talk. So, with slight guilt, he fully turned to the front of his seat and purposefully placed his headphones over his ears. He didn’t dare look Evan’s way as he scrolled through his playlist to find loud, distracting songs to get him through the flight.

From the time they went into the air to thirty minutes later, the distraction planned seemed to be working. Jonathan fiddled with his phone for the nth time, music no longer playing through his headphones. He had been like that for five minutes now. He thought the music would have drowned out everything around him. But, it was clear to him after the first few minutes that there was nothing to drown out.

From beside him, Evan’s head laid flat against the seat, his eyes unfocused. He looked like he was in his own little world. Jonathan had paused his music after catching a glimpse of that glazed expression. He began to grow concern after ten more minutes passed and Evan remained still. He slowly pushed his headphones down to his neck, nibbling uncertainty on his lips.

He risked a glance back, hoping to catch either Luke’s or Ohm’s attention. However, his hopes were dashed after finding them fast asleep. Luke had pushed his seat back so Ohm could rest his chin on his forehead. The position didn’t look comfortable at all, especially for Ohm’s squished legs, but with the way they were smiling in their sleep, he was sure they didn’t mind one bit.

He growled low in his throat as he turned back around, scratching nervously behind his ear. He could feel himself sweat. ‘Should I say something?’ he thought, his fiddling turning more frantic, ‘but what do I say?’

He began to grow frustrated with himself.

“Stop being a little bitch,” he scolded himself, finally putting his phone away. He took a second to compose himself before he leaned forward, licking his lips uncertainty. “...Evan?” he whispered, mindful of the people sitting around them.

His words were too soft even for his own ears and Jonathan had to stop himself from giggling hysterically from his nerves. “Evan?” he tried again, more assertive and sure.

Evan stirred, blinking slowly, as if he was rousing from a deep slumber. He sat up from his slouched position and flickered his gaze onto Jonathan, that glazed expression finally disappearing. “Oh, hey. What’s wrong?” Evan asked, a smile appearing on his face.

Jonathan’s eyes flickered away, “oh, uhh, nothing. Sorry.” Jonathan immediately backtracked, reaching for his headphones. He was stopped by Evan’s sudden grip on his wrist and he looked up in panic.

“Woah, woah! Let’s talk for a bit, yeah?” Evan replied, guiding Jonathan’s hand down.

“Talk? What for?” Jonathan asked, not looking at him.

He heard Evan sigh, “Delirious, you promised me you were going to tell me everything. I’m cashing in on your promise.” His tone was firm, but the way his eyes softened when Jonathan looked at him made him realise that there was no force in his words. He knew that Evan would not make him talk if he didn’t want to. It made him feel reassured that there was an ‘out’ if he felt too pressured.

But, Evan was right. He promised to tell him everything. Jonathan was done being a lier. “...What do you want to know?” he relented.

With that, the tension he didn’t realise was there left Evan’s shoulders.

“Okay,” Evan breathed, untangling his fingers from Jonathan’s wrist, “let’s start with the whole Conner thing. I know how you became Conner and why you didn’t reveal yourself to us. But, why did you even do it in the first place? You could have hid in the hotel room this whole time. It probably would have been hard getting past housekeeping but I’m pretty sure it would have been way easier to do than the shit you guys did.”

Jonathan agreed on that.

“And if you did it well enough, Ohm would have never seen you at all. So, why bother going to PAX at all? Why did you decide to stay?”

The question felt too heavy for Jonathan to handle, too **exposing.** He briefly closed his eyes, shuffling blindly through his emotions.

He thought back when he first found Luke at their hotel room, that damn pass clutched frantically in his hands. He was lost and confused at the time, adrenaline pumping in his veins. When he found out he was stuck there for a few days, he had felt scared. But, underneath all that fear and anxiety, he was relieved.

He had felt selfish after Luke told him that he could have the chance to experience PAX. Even after the whole wrong pass fiasco, that selfishness didn’t diminish. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t truly play the games offered to him or go on his own without his responsibilities as a bodyguard weighing him down. Just being there was enough.

Just being able to see his friends and Evan for the first time was enough. To be around them, to see how they were with their fans; he didn’t want to lose that opportunity.

Jonathan rubbed his left shoulder and turned his head towards the window, frowning. “I dunno, honestly. I just… even if it was a lie at first, I wanted to be around you and everyone else, just for a little bit. I wanted to know how it felt to not… n-not be alone anymore.”

Admitting it in the open ripped something inside his chest and he gritted his teeth. He clawed at his jeans, emotions bubbling dangerously in his throat.

“Do you know… how it feels to see everything through a screen for so long? To be a part of something, but to not be really **there**? No matter what I do or say, I can never experience the same things you do, eat the same things or meet the same people; it’s fucking terrible.” He rubbed at his eyes, “I don’t regret hiding who I am, that’s not going to change any time soon. It’s just- ahhh, I don’t know. I wanted it to be different for once. At least for a day. Or, I guess it was for three days.”

Jonathan hiked his legs onto his seat and rested his chin on his knee, scoffing.

“What the fuck am I saying, I didn’t even get one day. I still had to hide behind a mask. You’re right… why did I go?”

He cast his eyes to the floor, falling silent. Evan didn’t stir beside him, their breathing mingling with the quiet murmur of the plane. Jonathan laughed nervously after the silence became unbearable. “Sorry, forget I said anything. Just know that I was stupid and I’m never, ever, doing something like that again.” He dropped his legs back to the floor, trying in vain to resemble anything but terrified.

But of course, Evan was Evan.

“I don’t think this whole thing was for nothing, Delirious,” Evan mumbled, tapping lightly on his knee, “I still got to meet you, didn’t I?”

“I guess,” Jonathan replied, but it lacked any emotion.

Evan darted his eyes to the side while scratching his cheek, “I mean it. I don’t really understand how you feel b-but no matter what you say, I’m glad that you came to PAX after all.” He gingerly reached other and took Jonathan’s hand, squeezing it gently, “Delirious, things are going to change. You may have to keep wearing a ‘mask,’ but you don’t have to wear it anymore in front of us. Not in front of me.”

Jonathan peered up over his eyelashes, nodding quietly.

“Besides,” Evan continued, turning his cheek to cough lightly, “now I can tell you in person. I liked Conner, and I really liked Delirious. So, can you guess how I feel meeting someone who is both of them?”

Jonathan blinked owlishly at him, mouth falling open. When his brain caught up with him, along with the way Evan still held his hand, his cheeks flushed. “W-W-Wait- what?” He intelligently said, openly stuttering, “t-t-that’s the- fuck! T-That’s the gayest shit you have ever said to me.”

Evan rolled his eyes with a groan, his smile deepening. “Shut up, idiot. I’m trying to tell you that I like you. And _that’s_ the gayest thing I’ll ever say to you.”

Jonathan felt his mouth click shit, his already heated face burning a bright red.

Evan laughed, using his free hand to smother the sound, “Are you okay?” he asked simply, quirking an eyebrow when Jonathan’s body shot up.

“O-Okay?! You just told me you like me and you’re asking if I’m okay?” Jonathan was pretty sure he could be compared to a tomato from how red he was, “I-I- what?” His voice came out a little hysterical, but sue him, he was shocked. He went to cover his face to hide, only to realise in embarrassment that they too were that rosy colour.

Evan rubbed at his neck, his smile wavering, “I… yeah, I guess I picked an awkward time to confess. A plane really isn’t the best place for that.” Evan chuckled sheepishly when Jonathan glared at him, “ But, I couldn’t help it. I was listening to you talk and it felt so good to hear you. You talk with your hands a lot and your face is very animated that I found it cue so I went ‘fuck it.’ But now that I’m saying this out loud it does, in fact, sound super fucking gay and I want to go drown myself in the toilet. Excuse me.”

Evan made the move to unbuckle his seatbelt but Jonathan only tightened his hold on their hands, his fingernails digging harshly in Evan’s skin. “Fuck you, don’t run away. You have to commit, you coward!” Jonathan hissed at him between his teeth, hiding half of his face with his free arm.

Evan looked back at him, his own face flushed. “...Do you want me to commit?” he asked gently, adjusting himself in his seat.

Jonathan scowled, glancing away, “...So what if I do? What’re you gonna do about it?”

They fell silent save for the sound of their own elaborate breathing and the quiet murmur of the plane. Jonathan gave a once over at their aisle, relief flooding his chest when no one gave him so much as a glance. For once, he thanked the flight culture of not giving a shit about anyone other than themselves. The passengers were either fiddling with their phone, watching movies, or taking a nap. It made him feel a little bit better after spouting such things in public because he really didn’t want any more reasons to feel mortified.

He was brought back by the way Evan squeezed their hands, using his thumb to rub gently against the back of his hand. “Alright then, I’m committing!” Evan stated firmly, eyes glued to the floor.

Jonathan barked out a laugh, “committing what, a crime?”

His skin tingles from the way Evan’s thumb felt gliding over his hand, leaving behind a trail of warmth with each swipe.

Evan finally met his eyes, snorting, “getting involved with you, I might as well be committing a crime.” His smile returned at the way Jonathan replied with an indignant, ‘hey!’ “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But, I am serious about saying I like you. You don’t have to answer or like me back,” he hurried to say, his hand tensing over Jonathan’s own, “I just- I wanted to say it to you in person. It didn’t feel right to say it online. Uhh, t-that is all. ”

Jonathan had to bite his lips to keep from giggling over how awkward Evan ended it. Instead, he cleared his thoughts. ‘Is Evan an idiot?’ he thought, his cheeks still burning, ‘how the fuck does he like me? Me?’ He couldn’t wrap his mind around it. How should he react?

He felt like a high school girl with how hard his heart was pounding in his chest.

“...”

He roughly pushed Evan’s shoulder, head hung low. Evan let out a startled, “ow,” using his free hand to rub at his shoulder with a frown. Jonathan stubbornly looked at the floor, “you seriously have the worst timing ever. Like, ever, Evan.”

Evan muttered an ‘I know,’ under his breath. But, Jonathan wasn’t done yet.

“But… yeah, I get what you mean about wanting to talk to someone in person. And you’re not the worse person to like.”

Evan quirked his lips, making Jonathan’s scowl deepen. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“No,” Jonathan immediately denied, “shut up,” he added after Evan started to grin.

“More secrets, Delirious?” Evan mused and Jonathan grumbled. Their hands were still intwine so Jonathan couldn’t escape from Evan’s glowing face. “Delirious~” he cooed and Jonathan groaned, “is there something you want to say to me~?”

“Not if you say it like that,” Jonathan groaned, pushing him away.

But, he felt the comforting warmth of Evan’s fingers wrapped around his own, and he knew, that this was another time where he couldn’t deny the truth.

“Fine… you’re right. I do… like you, too. Probably more than I think I do. I think about you all the time-” Jonathan shut his mouth with a squeak, mortified that he admitted that part out loud.

However, Evan didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, his cheeks resembled the same rosy colour Jonathan was before, smile splitting his face in two.

“Can I kiss you?” Evan asked suddenly.

Jonathan felt no remorse in smothering him with his neck pillow. “Are you serious?” he hissed, ducking low when a few people turned their heads, “aren’t we- aren’t we skipping a few steps here?!” He felt his disbelief was justified despite the fact Evan looked completely unbothered.

“Delirious, we have known each other for over seven years. We know each other’s worse and best parts of ourselves. I think we go past the first and second date jitters.”

“We haven’t done our first date yet,” Jonathan mumbled, using his knee to hold himself up as Evan got closer to his face.

They were only centimetres apart, Jonathan could feel the ghost of Evan’s breath hitting his lower lips, when he heard a stifled gasp. They both turned around, eyebrows raised as they spot Luke ducking his head low while Ohm covered his mouth with both hands, his eyes sparkling. Evan snorted loudly, deliberately lifting his free hand to give them the middle finger. Ohm caught their eye and jolted, immediately ducking down as he wasn’t just staring at them.

Jonathan shook his head with a laugh, Evan joining him soon after. “I guess that can wait when we don’t have an audience,” Evan stated sheepishly, smiling when Jonathan simply laughed.

“You really do have the worst timing, Vanoss.”

-

Landing in North Carolina airport felt foreign to Jonathan. He stepped off the aeroplane’s platform and walked down the little corridor connecting to the airport, shoulders tensed. He couldn’t believe he was home.

Three and a half hellish (and perhaps, wonderful) days he had to endure and now he was finally home. He had to fight the urge to bend down and kiss the floor from the relief rushing in his veins. Instead, he bounced on the soles of his shoes, smiling freely at the bustling crowd. Evan walked beside him, lips quirked up, perhaps in amusement from the way Jonathan moved.

He carried both their bags on his shoulders, ignoring Jonathan’s protest after he hauled the bags from under their feet before they left the plane. Jonathan’s bag weighed practically nothing with the limited items he had packed during his rush to get to Luke days before, but that didn’t stop him from complaining to Evan for taking his things. Evan, of course, pretended not to hear him as they made their way to the luggage pick-up.

As they waited for Evan’s luggage to make its way through the conveyor belt, Jonathan spotted Luke and Ohm doing the same. Luke looked up and met his eyes, an annoying grin immediately appearing on his face. He bumped Ohm’s shoulder, motioning in their direction. The same annoying grin curled on his lips and Jonathan didn’t hesitate in giving them the middle finger. He reached forward and took one of Evan’s luggage, his turn now to ignore Evan’s protests.

The other two met up with them at the check-out, luggage rolling behind them.

“So,” Luke started off with a sing-song voice and Jonathan really wanted to punch him, “did you guys, y’know~” he pushed his two pointer fingers together, making obnoxious kissing noses while Ohm snickered.

“Hah. Hah,” Jonathan retorted, bending forward to pick up one of Luke’s bags and used it to smack his chest. Luke took the hit like a champ, cackling the whole time.

Evan just rolled his eyes with a laugh, “are you going to be coming with us to Delirious’ place?” he asked Ohm.

Ohm shook his head while Jonathan continued to hit Luke with his own bag, “Nah, we’re going to Cartoonz’ house instead. But, hey! You’re free to come with if you want. We can hang out for a bit, it’ll be fun.”

Evan hummed in thought, shaking his head a second after, “No, that’s okay. I really want to see Delirious’ house.”

Jonathan perked up at that, dropping the now battered bag to the floor. He ignored Luke’s shriek of, “hey, you fuck, that was my shoe bag!” and leaned forward. “My place? I’m having you in my bedroom already?” he joked, waggling his eyebrows.

Despite that, his ears turned red at the implication.

Evan merely laughed, “shut up and help me take the rest of my baggage.”

“Why do I have to help you?” Jonathan retorted, but he still bent forward and picked up the remaining luggage. He scowled a second later after realising the bags were extremely light, the bag he was holding before now hung comfortably around Evan’s shoulder.

“A gentlemen, aren’t yah,” Jonathan grumbled.

Evan shrugged, “I’m Canadian, eh.”

The two bumped each other’s shoulders the whole way to the front desk, giggling like children. Luke and Ohm trailed behind them, their smiles fond. The front desk was thankfully free of a line so Evan strolled to the front and politely smiled at the receptionist. “Hello.”

She looked up from her computer, a friendly smile already on her face. “Hello! How may I help you?”

“I was wondering when are the next flights to Canada will be? A one-trip flight, if possible.”

“Certainly, give me a moment please,” she replied, typing away at her computer, “and what is your prefered date?”

“Next week, maybe two,” Evan said smoothly.

Jonathan’s heart fluttered at the thought of being with Evan for that long. He hoped he left his house decently cleaned. Thank god he washed those dishes.

After a few moments, the receptionist looked up, “there is indeed a flight of your preferred choice the next Tuesday on the 12th, is that alright with you?” Evan agreed and she got to work on the transaction.

Jonathan hovered over the desk, unsure on what to do. He didn’t have his hoodie to fiddle with so he idly played with the hems of his shirt. The transaction went through no problem and she handed Evan his information and credit card, “Thank you very much. Have a nice day.”

Evan smiled kindly, “thank you, you too.”

Jonathan awkwardly bowed his head in return when her eyes briefly came to him. He didn’t expect to see her eyes flicker in recognition.

“Oh!” She said in surprise, cheeks flushing when the two of them looked at her. “S-Sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud.” She lightly bent over the counter and lightly tugged on Jonathan’s wrist, “did… did everything go well for you, sir?”

Jonathan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, not understanding why someone was suddenly talking to him.

However, his memories came back to him and his eyes widen. She was the same person who helped him get the tickets to Boston last time.

He took her hand and held it delicately, smiling, “it did. Thank you so much for last time.”

She flailed her free hand, flustered, “n-no, it was my pleasure!”

Evan stepped forward curiously, raising an eyebrow when Jonathan waved him off. The receptionist gave Evan an observing glance, realisation engulfing her features. Her smile turned excited, “I’m really glad to hear that. I hope to see you two soon, maybe for a honeymoon trip?” Evan grinned while Jonathan spluttered.

She gave Jonathan a thumbs up, motioning at Evan while mouthing out a ‘good luck’ as he guided the two away from the desk.

“I like her,” Evan replied.

Jonathan rubbed his face with a sigh, “of course you do.”

Ten minutes later, all four of them were outside the airport with luggage in toll. They walked towards the parking lot, doing their best to dodge both cars and pedestrians hastily coming through the entrance. They find Luke’s car easily in the middle of the lot, a few pieces of paper sticking on the windshield wipers.

Luke snatched the papers with a grimace, “tickets.”

Jonathan snorted, “sucks for you.”

“But, I’m not the one to forget to pay the car fee,” Luke whined, immediately regretting it soon after.

The atmosphere darkened.

Jonathan folded his arms, striking blue eyes like ice. “I’ll keep that in mind the next time I have to travel across the states for your dumbass,” he replied sweetly.

Luke rubbed his neck sheepishly, “...I’ll just go pay these at the desk. I’ll be back, Ohm.”

Ohm waved him off, calling him an idiot as he walked ran away.

Jonathan pinched the bridge of his nose and grumbled, not minding when Evan began to rub his shoulders.

“Do you want a lift to your place?” Ohm asked, hauling the luggage into the bag of the truck.

Jonathan shook his head, “I don’t want to go in that car anymore. My house is not that far so we’ll just take a taxi.”

Ohm nodded, “Alright, then we’ll see you later, right? You’re not going to wrestle your way out of hanging out with me either, Delirious.”

Jonathan laughed, “okay. We’ll come over on Friday. Maybe Cartoonz will make us food.”

“I’ll make sure he does.” Ohm promise, wrapping his arms around Jonathan for a quick hug. The three of them said their goodbyes (Jonathan giving Luke a spine-crushing hug when the other male finally returned) before Jonathan and Evan made their way to the front of the airport. There, they waited their turn to flag down a taxi.

It took a couple of times since the parking lot was packed and many people were in the need for transportation. However, they managed to catch a taxi attention on their sixth try and the vehicle thankfully parked in front of them. The two took turns forcing their luggage to fit into the small little trunk of the car before ungracefully falling into the back seats.

They groaned in relief, happy to finally being able to leave the airport. Jonathan politely stated his address to the taxi driver, scowling when Evan deliberately took out his phone and wrote it down. “Just in case?” Evan replied with a shrug of his shoulders, making Jonathan sigh.

The car slowly made its way out of the parking lot, stopping multiple times due to how crowded it was, But, Jonathan didn’t mind.

He leaned his elbow against the window sill, eyes flickering on Evan’s face. Evan mirrored him, hair falling slightly on his eyes. He was looking at Jonathan with a small smile, his eyes twinkling. It made Jonathan’s heart speed up, for once not because of anxiety or fear. He built up the courage to stare back, his own lips curling into a smile. He didn’t know how, but Evan’s expression turned even fonder.

“What?” Jonathan whispered, feeling giggly. Evan merely shook his head before leaning close, pressing their nose together.

“...Can I kiss you now?” he asked softly, eyes flickering to Jonathan’s lips.

Jonathan naturally wet them, heart pounding loudly in his ears. “Here?” he asked, his voice mimicking Evan’s.

“Yeah… “

Jonathan let out a little laugh before leaning close, pressing their lips firmly together. Both their lips were shut and the two immediately laughed into it, feeling each other’s grin against their own. Evan’s fingers threaded into Jonathan’s hair and tugged him closer, their lips moving until they were properly together. Jonathan made a little noise in the back of his throat and pulled away gently, gasping.

Evan pressed their foreheads together, laughing, “how was that?”

“Funny,” Jonathan teased.

He licked his lips, his spine tingling when Evan followed the movement.

“You’re supposed to say it was amazing, spectacular, all that you ever wanted.”

Jonathan snickered, wrapping his arms around Evan’s neck, “We were laughing the whole time!”

Evan hummed, swooping down to steal another kiss. Jonathan allowed it with another laugh, their lips molding together much more smoothly. He pulled away gently, leaving only an inch between them. “Then I’m going to have to keep kissing you until you tell me it was amazing.”

Jonathan’s heart stuttered in his chest after Evan kissed him again. He couldn’t help smiling after each haste kiss, laughing softly, “are you going to keep kissing me even after I say it was amazing? You better treat me right, Evan Fong.”

Evan paused, that fond smile returning on his face.

Jonathan felt loved.

“That is a no-brainer.”

He turned his head the driver, “Hey, can you get to the address as soon as possible? We’re kind of in a hurry.”

Jonathan tilted his head curiously, his ears flushing when Evan looked back at him with a dangerous grin. ‘Impatient bastard,’ Jonathan thought with a scowl.

The driver merely nodded, his grip tightening on the wheel. Jonathan caught the man’s stare from the reel view mirror and he nearly choked.

The man’s eyes were glinting.

Jonathan couldn’t help but curl up and laugh, tears building up in his eyes.

“What?” Evan asked, his smile huge as Jonathan laughed, Jonathan wiped the tears away with a gasp, lightly pushing Evan away.

“Make sure your seatbelt is fastened tightly. I think we’re going to get to my house faster than you think.”

 

* * *

 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you very much for reading my story. There are probably many things I could add or change to make this story better but I can honestly say that for right now, I am proud of what I have written.

Thank you to my best friend, Shadow Charmer, for colouring my horrible drawing, you're the best <3

May you all have a wonderful life, and I will see you all, in the next story. Peace out, everybody! Buh-bye!

 


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